Best Screw Poems
My heart
cr
ump
led
like the screwed up scraps of paper
now languishing in the trash bin
okay, so I write humourous poems ...
I rarely write 'free verse'
or 'perfect' iambic pentameter
yet you lambasted me
Your cruel words tore me apart
my writing style will NEVER be good enough to please YOU
So screw you...
YOU'VE WON
I QUIT
My pen will bleed no more
scaly scabs now prevent the ink from running ...
submitted to favorite free verse not for any contest
Sponsored by laura Loo
04~20~17
The Peace & Love Generation
Got whacked for their motivation
Now they know the score
There's money in war
That's why we're the richest nation!
The Queen of the Screw Up's! That would be me!
I wear that crown With the greatest of ease!
So, bow down people, show some respect.
To the most majestic screw up, you will never forget.
I screw up everything, that is ample.
Take my bank account, for example
In the negative it always stays.
I screw that up everyday.
Bills pile up they never get paid
Ignoring them wishing they would go away
Electricity, water, credit card statements pile up in a high-rise
My credit score is lower than my shoe size
Relationships are destroyed and broken,
leaving with no apologies spoken.
It’s not easy being queen, I had to earn that crown,
and I don’t plan on stepping down.
So, All hail her royal Highness and kneel before me,
who screws things up to the third degree .
Date:03/03/2019
Contest Name: Make me actually LOL 2 Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Nina Parmenter
Screw the status quo.
Screw the sheep.
Screw the people that are telling you what to be.
This is your life and you only get one,
embrace it before it is done.
Screw the clock, he is no friend of mine,
I spit on his face for robbing me blind.
A big "screw you" to all the liars and cheaters out there.
Karma is coming for you, so better beware.
There was a time I swear it’s true
When all the roads that led to you
Were leafy lanes and sunlit avenues
And every bird in every tree
Announced this joy triumphantly
The world had a perfect symmetry
It ends just like it begins
I feel the ground under me spin
Until I’m on the outside looking in
As the penny drops into a slot
It turns a key that fits a lock
And opens up a door right under me
And suddenly
I’m falling
And as all colours lose their hue
As all lines fall out of true
The only sound I can hear
Is the slow, slow turn of the screw
Is the slow, slow turn of the screw
first time I took an an airplane it was dire
two propellers flying the sky of stench
oozing the land of a deathly earthquake
bodies telling the story of unknowns
as ten years old couldn't understand all
the drama and operettas I laugh
the flies and worms the need of survival
was happy to meet Paris
a city I was told and not a son of Priam
but a prayer we made it safe to casablanca
and next to Orly a nightmare of wish
as the tilt of a flipper will hardly nourish
at the corner cafe and mohammed the corner store
owner will hump me with the promise of candies
behind the counter as I
all could I see was sweets
and pants never falling down
but the shame lingering
and a loaf of bread was a total success
and my mother sent me back
as pennies hard to find
told her my story sharing a bed
hush your brothers need you
to put a meal on their plate
and that is why I ever long for a *****
as how could you do **** to me
your little one
Monstrous
gruesome
hideous
odious
nefarious
ugly
yet
imperious
brainy
grainy
strainy
cranny
and
snooty
about
petty booty
passionate
in dark
quite stark
shameless
deceptive
grave
terrible
she is screw brained and gets in brain.
MPD-Multiple Personality Disorder
sorry that its taken a while
making you wait is not my style
even though im the top of the pile
everyone praises your slams it makes me sick
PD you can suck on my wit
they fear you for no reason
cut the head off the queen, thats treason
lets play barbies. i'll be ken
you should leave this poetry lark to the men
i'm hot i'm a wheel
i'll rob and i'll steal
anything you say bounces off my skin
the only outcome is a danny win
i just don't think you stand a chance in hell
you just cant slam that well
you try and rhyme on this line
but the next you dont at all
that may suit an amateur just fine
but thats were fake slammers fall
down down to the ground
i'll slap your ass around and round
your old and frail
i slam so hard i make you fail
better collect your pension
whilst i alleviate the tension
oh im sorry you probably dont comprehend
with incredible grammar this slam i'll end
you might as well give up trying to comeback
my hot wheels own the track
even though i wont get as many views
i know i win, so F you
if you can beat this slam i'll be surprised
so cross your t's and dot your i's
you get silver i win gold
i've got my youth and you're mighty old.
Screw you,
And all of your friends too.
All that I’ve done for you,
And what we did do.
You always get me into trouble,
I want to fly away inside a giant bubble.
I thought we were mates and you dogged me,
You should go far and drown in the sea.
Don’t talk to me!
I hate your laugh,
And I hate your imaginary pet giraffe.
I hate your smile,
I won’t pick up, even when you redial.
You were my friend,
Our oath was ‘Til the end’.
Now we are nothing and you gloat,
I hope you fail in life and can’t buy that pretty boat.
Don’t talk to me!
You piss me off,
You make me scoff.
You pick on me so your friends think you’re so big,
You look like you wear a wig.
Don’t talk to me!
Let me be,
I need and want to be free.
No more,
I won’t play your game; I have nothing to settle nor a score.
Don’t talk to me!
I sometimes have job opportunities with very great benefits and incomes,
and I'm often approached more times than none by various unemployed victims,
who ask me if I can do anything for them
to get them accepted into my livelihood and membership of my very great union.
Before obligating myself to any of them,
I'll look straight into the eyes of each and every one of them,
"Heed my words strongly," I then say to all of them.
"I don't take kindly to being interrupted or for myself to be repeating.
Are you willing to risk screwing up my good reputation
by screwing up regularly if I recommend you to be accepted into my very great union?
If you're a screw up and will screw up, please save me the aggravation,
because you will have then screwed up permanently my good reputation.
My superiors will never trust another one of my recommendations
that could have helped a deserving family in need had I recommended them.
So again, if you're a screw up and will screw up, please save me the aggravation,
because when you screw up with me,
I'll have to kill you sadly,
and on that issue I am never joking."
Needless to say I get few applicants asking for my recommendation,
but the ones I do recommend become the very best at performing their profession.
I sit here and thoughts fly by,
Wondering when the hell i may die.
I have a bullet, just one, maybe just once.
He will allow me to become a dead dunce.
This stupidity over comes me,
A rapid red sea.
Flowing away,
I set fire to it, coursing through my veins.
Burning from the inside when your not by my side.
I read to hours passing,
God you look so young, so strapping.
This isn't over lord, you understand me?
This love you have robbed me off,
this life withstanding.
Anger blurs to passion,
Passion blurs to rage.
Make my blood burn,
feeling trapped as if within a cage.
I kiss you,
you kiss me.
Nibbling with my sharp teeth.
moaning, hating loving still.
This love unbearable, because it will never be real.
My real love is away,
to this very day.
I want to be with him,
I just cant find a rhyme,
for a memory within that time.
So forgive me lord if i say.
SCREW THE WORLD!
let me die!
I'm fed up with the trolling
I know what I will do
Now that I am outraged
I'll insert the screw...
Hey! Maybe wait a minute
I'm acting way too rash
Revenge is not productive
Why respond to utter trash...
Yet! Trolls deserve an answer
though I'm no cop in blue
Perhaps there is no choice
But to insert that screw...
Drat! I confess I'm chicken
My feathers surely show
No one ever taught me
To say that one word ~ 'No!'
I see a lone screw laying on a shelf
Unassuming, innocent, all by itself,
To an unknown it must be missing
Something loose, so I am guessing,
It appears content, not in the way
I am very tempted to throw it away,
But as soon as I do, I am convinced,
Its reason for being will be evinced.
written September 7, 2021
One night as we pulled into the complex
Over the bumpy Colonial Arms exit,
Taj was sitting out on the brick stoop
With a single light blinking over his serious face
His mouth encased in a smoky cloud
And a single flame at the end of his cigarette
Tapping into an empty
Heineken bottle
I opened the door, and my slender leg
Lengthened on slick black heel
As I made my way to him
Knowing that the night should be over
Knowing that I had no plans to end it
A couple of blinks and words later,
I’m pressed to the bathroom wall
And I’m losing it all
Clothes, my red lipstick, my sanity
“Screw it” already sealed my destiny
And though some would say
“You’re there for the ride”
I’d so no, I’m just trying to survive
I’m scrambling for a light in dark places
The night’s not over, but I’d prefer to be
An alcoholic fool to find it
And before long, Taj knows what I’ve done
And he calls and mocks my pride
curses my god, insults my father
And I try to hold it together
My red chest in fistfuls of my shaking hands
My vulnerable bitten lips
Unable to sob through the shock
Of my stupid heart, and the way
I acted on all my misgivings
This isn’t living
But it’s a fact I’ll forget when I go
And screw it up again
With a friend, with a stranger, with a man
with his fingers crossed behind his back
I have to laugh
When this morning, a year from then
I find myself collapsed and chapped
Sobbing into an already tear stained floor
A fool has nothing to lose but his life
And tonight, there’s not much between me
And the knife
That would take me there
And as blood drips to the end of my golden hair
Maybe I will find home
And maybe my dream will let me murder the man
Who stole it from me
Screw it.
(Tucker’s Wet Dream!)
It seems ‘twenty-four/seven’ Republicans choose
to subject us, our nation to “Screw O’Clock News”
as if Truth’s all that exits their Trinity holes!
What they say is pure gold! You have doubts? Check the polls
that Fox scripts and then pays for (though fools do resist
who are closer to monkeys - most dark-skinned!) Sun-kissed
to pick cotton, from day’s dawn till dusk (if poor’s genes
chafe a bit, most are blessed by such labor). It means
they’ve served ‘Light’ (in a way!) For a ‘Darkie’ it’s play!
Yes, Tuck Carlson “hates” Trump (In his soul! Gosh! Who knew?)
though he puckers right up when Trump’s rump is in view
AND Tuck’s paycheck gets bump! Sure, Tuck smiles (swells with pride),
his tongue forked like a snake’s! Proof he’s on the “Right’s Side!”
The Conservative’s Mantra’s that taxes deserve
to be paid by the poor for they’ve less to conserve!)
Watch how wealth dribbles down! There’s more cotton to pick,
when the rich hoard their gold (the truth’s poor don’t get sick!)
Poor man’s liquid desert – faux gold trickle, not spurt!
Long Tooth
March 14th in 2023