Best Funnyslam Poems
sorry that its taken a while
making you wait is not my style
even though im the top of the pile
everyone praises your slams it makes me sick
PD you can suck on my wit
they fear you for no reason
cut the head off the queen, thats treason
lets play barbies. i'll be ken
you should leave this poetry lark to the men
i'm hot i'm a wheel
i'll rob and i'll steal
anything you say bounces off my skin
the only outcome is a danny win
i just don't think you stand a chance in hell
you just cant slam that well
you try and rhyme on this line
but the next you dont at all
that may suit an amateur just fine
but thats were fake slammers fall
down down to the ground
i'll slap your ass around and round
your old and frail
i slam so hard i make you fail
better collect your pension
whilst i alleviate the tension
oh im sorry you probably dont comprehend
with incredible grammar this slam i'll end
you might as well give up trying to comeback
my hot wheels own the track
even though i wont get as many views
i know i win, so F you
if you can beat this slam i'll be surprised
so cross your t's and dot your i's
you get silver i win gold
i've got my youth and you're mighty old.
Wham bam
thank you ma’am.
This is a slam
and slam I am.
First and formost
I DON’T like your name.
I live in Pee Dee.
How can I slam someone
who has the name of my home.
Nope, I’ll just have to call you
Dis-strower, because you’re
no destroyer, just a dis thrower.
Actually I think you are a wuss
who just pretends
to go off the deepest of the deep ends,
so deep I get the bends
just from reading your fuss.
If you want to strow some of that stuff
my way I’m here any day.
I’ve got you covered.
Just roll those snake eyes
and I’ll throw them back at you,
Full of hypnosis and lobototosis.
Girlfriend, you’ll think you’re brain dead.
That hurtful dirt you normally spread
will clump up right behind your eyes.
You wont be able to see
any of those trashy words.
You’ll think you have verbal lock jaw.
You’ll be outgunned in the raw,
in a snowstorm of inuendo,
pseudo cyber ju jit su,
combined with verbal ka-ra-tayyyyy.
Come on girl, Charles is here todayyyyy
ready to dance on your playyyy.
savvayyy???
© Jul 16 2010 Charles Henderson for PD’s “slam” contest
(I just took this as a fun little assignment.
I did not even make the deadline for the
contest. I was not targeting any person
at all in this little story. I do not object to
slam poetry and I think it would be
humorous to see someone get arrested
for not even being able to slam correctly!
I love all my friends, slamming and
non-slamming alike. ) Andrea
Some poetry cops learned the crime
Of a slammer who just couldn’t rhyme.
In a jail cell he pays -
Being forced endless days
To hear sonnets while he’s serving time!
So…
what just happened?
Did I miss something?
I mean…wait,
let me start again.
I’m gone for a semester,
and I come back to see all these
“slams”
going on amongst the community.
And I’m thinking to myself,
“When did this start?
Did some misguided sense of constructive criticism
get turned into an all-out war?”
And then I think,
“This could be interesting.”
So, slam on, I say; slam on.
Give us some meat to feed on,
as long as it's clean meat.
As a great philosopher of the 1990’s once said:
“Here we are, now; entertain us.”