Best Rat On Poems
https://soundcloud.com/kentucky-gal/2012-10-24-12-47-20-774the
Now Y'all have had embarrassing moments that happen to you.
Well, I had some myself that I thought I'd share that are true.
Ahh, the humorous side to my country life for me.
From one day to the next I never know where it will take me.
Once I was out doing my yard work content and happy you see.
When all at once the farmers pony was running after me.
From time to time his peacocks and turkeys head over my way.
And a stubborn old goat will definitely ruin ones day.
I've even had to deal with a bee flying up my shorts as I ran around.
Because my lawn mower ran over his hive in the ground.
Once a mouse climbed inside my nightie while watching t.v.
And a farm rat on steroids hid in the bathroom looking up at me.
But I think the funniest thing to happen to me I'd say....
Is when I backed my butt into the electric fence one day!
I let out a holler and laughed then and now.
My what a relief no one saw but the big old brown cow...lol
** Hope y'all can see it's not always a peaceful day in the country for me!...:)
Town dog’s name -- Buster
He limps on once broken leg
But runs like a pup
Story never told
How Buster’s leg was broken
Silence rule invoked
Countless times I’ve asked
But no one wants to tell me
How this came about
No one wants to talk
About Buster’s tragedy
They hide truth from me
Someone will talk soon
Of this there is certainty
Truth exists somewhere
The tomcat is mute
Ne’er spoke a word about it
I feel he is key
Friends they used to be
And friends they are till this day
Friends don’t rat on friends.
Cat-as-trophe
A purrrfect little kitten became a purrrfect cat,
With milk all round her whiskers and cobwebs as her hat.
She rubs against your jumper, just to say hello,
And leaves behind a hairy mess on you and your best throw.
Excitedly she’ll spring up high, swiping at a fly,
Just missing your best teacup as Bonnie whizzes by;
Finally she comes to rest upon the kitchen door,
Safely out of reach of baby rug rat on the floor.
For hours she’ll sleep upon the door, her paws flopped either side,
Oblivious to all that’s past, ‘since the time she closed her eyes.
She didn’t hear the doorbell or greet your guests with glee,
She didn’t even notice when the rug rat ate his tea.
With babe asleep and food prepared you turn to make a cuppa,
Unaware that as you do, well, Bonnie’s pinched your supper.
Like a bolt of lightning she flashed across your plate,
Clearing it in one foul swoop then leaving in disgrace.
She looks so sweet, you can’t be cross even if you tried,
It’s funny just to watch her try to get her prize outside.
Unable to negotiate the cat flap in the door,
She drags her ill begotten gains beneath your chest of drawers.
It isn’t long before a dreadful smell wafts in the air,
Bonnie’s proudly spraying all your furniture with flare;
Angrily you lift the cat to take her straight outside -
But as you do you realise that Bonnie’s really Clyde.
Rat on crack cocaine
Found it in the sewage drain
Lives inner city
There was once a woman
who lived on Sheffield's London road
with greasy unwashed hair
black crooked teeth
and huge wart on the end of her nose.
Her eyes were wild and staring
she had rickets and fleas
had hairy legs and knobbly knees
She stank like a million skunks
she hadn't a bath for 12 years and a month.
Her name is Vera Cooper
She could drink any man under the table
and swore like a trooper.
She once won a beauty contest
when she fell into a ugly bugs nest
she had a tattoo of a sewer rat on one breast.
People would run away
whenever she was in town
but the flies would follow her around.
But you know what?
She had a great personality
was so kind and caring
and gave lots to charity.
We fell in love and raised a family
we're very happy together
and so in love
and go together
like a hand in a glove
She's my angel.
''Well they do say it's personality that counts don't they?.''
Peter Dome.copyright.2014.
Trump Tosa and his musky rat
Top buddies - (we’ll see about that)
Trump’s proved he’s not quitter
Counting votes from X (twitter)
Next Potus should be Democrat!
Con Trumpster has fallen from grace
He’s pleading “Launch me in to space”
Send me off to Mars
I’ll escape prison bars
And Musk Rat has a smile on his face!
Soon spaceman Trumpy’s in a rocket
‘Pal’ Elon tampers with a sprocket
What Trumpy doesn’t know
He on a one way show
The ‘return’ button’s in musk rat’s pocket!
But sadly, this poem’s a dream
Trumps got ‘Musky Rat’ on his team
The earth is in crisis
These guys roll the dices
I’m sorry for letting off steam!
[In UK English, Bath sounds like Barf not Baff, Laugh is Larf, not Laff etc. Apologies if the rhyme fails in other locales]
Don’t pull the plug out when you’re sitting in the bath
If you do the devil’s imps are gonna have a laugh
You'll be sucked down the plughole and you’ll squeeze around the bend
And you’ll be in the hot place when you get to journey’s end
Don’t pull the plug out when you’re sitting in the bath
Whether you’re a school kid or the navy’s chief of staff
Beneath the soapy water with that plughole looking wider
You see a leg, then three, then six, a massive hairy spider
So when you're sitting in the bath, please do not pull the plug
That tiny little whirlpool’s gonna make you go glue glug
If it grabs your biggest toe and yet you pull it free
That big rat on the end of it is having tootsie tea
So if you’ve pulled the plug out and got sucked out of the bath
You’ll need to grab some flotsam to construct yourself a raft
They empty all the sewers out into the seven seas
The message in that bottle reads ‘did you wash your knees?’
And then it says, I see you pulled the plug out when you shouldn’t
I tried to pop it back in but the danger meant I couldn’t
You might think going down the plug hole would be quite a lark
But in the bath (and please don’t laugh) we’ve got a great white shark.
14 April 2021
Contest: Nursery Rhyme (or kids story) 4
Sponsor: Eve Roper
In the old house there once lived a fat cat
From half a mile she could smell a wet rat
She was too lazy to run
Spent her time under the sun
Lying on worn out black and white old mat.
One day when she did not find her food bowl
She was sure it was the sly rat that stole
Her stomach started to burn
She saw the rat on the run
Chased it blind, her head got stuck in the hole.
August 11, 2018
Syllable count : 10-10-7-7-10
(Checked on howmanysyllables.com)
There lived once in the old house a fat cat
From half a mile she could smell a brat rat
She was too lazy to run
Spent her time under the sun
Lying on worn out black and white old mat.
One day when she did not find her food bowl
She was sure it was the sly rat that stole
Her stomach started to burn
She saw the rat on the run
Chased it blind, her head got stuck in the hole.
_______________
March 2, 2021
Contest : Two Limericks-Let's Have Some Fun
Sponsor : Tania Kitchin
internet questionnaires say that some women find moustaches to be
signs of maturity, or perhaps a sign of an aggressive male who will
take charge,
even further, some go on to say that moustaches are a sign of
individuality,
because it takes a unique individual to walk around with a rat on his
face.
others state that moustaches are creepy,
and that those like the one john waters wears
signify child molesters or at best,
men that would be looking for old panties in your
basement.
despite it all,
from bronson, gandhi, selleck, nietzsche, dali & einstein,
to mercury, king, cohen, lee, and the likes of will ferrell as
the infamous “ron burgundy,”
it
seems
the
stache
is
here
to
stay.
orwell’s moustache: PART I
the father of big brother
whose face can be found on the cover of
animal farm or nineteen eighty-four,
his two most popular literary achievements---
he stares back at us with a moustache---
a pencil moustache that seems to be grown
thicker than a No. 2,
so, maybe we could call it a magic marker moustache
or perhaps a Sharpie moustache---
regardless, a man has to wonder what inspires other men,
most importantly,
geniuses of an age,
to sport these little rats upon their lip.
orwell must have always looked to his relatives
on the occasion of any gathering
to be constantly holding his upper lip inside his mouth
as if anxious to say something or
conversely,
wanting to keep quiet (so much so that he needed to
button it).
and though he has not been remembered for his choice in
facial hair aesthetics,
one cannot deny that the impulse to grow a little rat on the
face hasn’t ceased as the years have passed---
still amidst the men on the streets,
the chevrons move to & fro as the wind blows, the
fu manchus decorate fight clubs across the nation, the
lampshades & walruses & painter’s brushes all can be
excused for keeping some men warm during cold months,
but not many don the toothbrush anymore,
since a certain german homicidal maniac drove it out of
style
round the middle of the last century.
all these men don’t find the maintenance of a moustache to be
a problem---for if they were just lazy, letting the beard go like
the rest of us,
then they’d be able to say that they just didn’t get around to it---
but the fact remains, there are men
who make the effort to shave round that thin thin line that
traces the jaw, extending from the sideburns to the
chin (like the fat guy from smash mouth)---
and whether they are trying to attract a woman or a man,
they are making a statement to us all---
that there is something to be said for leaving a little rat
on one’s face.
In an old house there once lived a black cat
From half a mile she could smell a fat rat
She was too lazy to run
Liked to spend time in the sun
Lounging on worn out red and white frayed mat.
One day when she did not find her food bowl
She had no doubt it was the rat that stole
Her stomach began to burn
She saw the rat on the run
Chasing it her head got stuck in its hole.
_____________
November 26, 2022
Syllable count : 10 10 7 7 10 (HMS)
Contest : Children's Limericks
Sponsored by : Eve Roper
Why!
How dare you apologize?
Such foolish allegations once made
Regret, followed by your lonely shadow
I loved you so much
And you forbade me!
All I need is a hug
But you escape me
Though so cold six feet beneath
I failed to warm you
You told me I was your heart
Though your heart has failed, too
Why must thou perceive me as such
A monster?
A fool?
Though you know your own,
You know nothing of my wounds
Not a sliver of love or respect
Lost, when I found you
Forever escaping my soul
Like a rat on a wheel
Endlessly stuck in place
A place filled with regret
A random thought invasion
Drove me to my knees
I questioned if my very sanity
Was about to up and leave
It gnawed at me incessantly
Like a rat on moldy cheese
It felt like a vice grip on my soul
And wouldn't let me be
I could feel it coursing through my brain
Like earthworms trying to find a home
I screamed desperately for some help
But it's just me here all alone.
Four shots of whiskey later
I drown out the constant roar
My random thought has retreated
But will return tomorrow for more
I am sure by now a smart fella such as yourself
Has figured it out by now
So tell me how does it feel?
To be just another rat spinning the wheel
Round and round in for a penny in for a pound
We want away our daily grind
Only to find the wheels only stops turning
When prescribed incapable of earning