Best Pain In The Neck Poems
I'm new to this language; it baffles me so!
With so many mysteries I wish to know:
Why doesn't 'resolve' mean 'to solve it again'?
And why are 'wise guys' not the same as 'wise men'?
Why doesn't 'extraneous' mean 'once was traneous'?
Why's 'miscellaneous' not NOT cellaneous?
Enigmas that seem to me very unmappable,
Unflappable me has become simply flappable.
"You're incorrigible", my friend Mike said to me,
I said, "Corrigible I'll endeavor to be."
One museum we saw had a fossil exhibit
I asked, "Every bone was at one time a hibit?"
"I don't care for inquisitive people", said Mike.
So I asked, "What's a quisitive person look like?"
He looked at me plussed with a look of disgust,
now I hope I can change it to gust and nonplussed.
"Disgruntled employees", my boss said, distressed,
"are a pain in the neck!" I thought, "gruntled is best!"
He scolds my appearance: "Your hair is unkempt",
so I'm bringing a comb to make sure it stays kempt.
"Avoid work mishaps, and do not act unruly".
"Yes sir, boss. I'll only make ruly haps, truly"
He tells me, "Just try not to look so disheveled."
My note to self: make it my goal to look sheveled.
"Intrepid Improvements" the work poster says
"Avoid trepid provements" is my New Year's res.
"Such reckless abandon" someone said to me
so from now on, more reckful I'm hoping to be.
I've tried to appear nonchalant and undaunted,
I'm daunted that I'm more chalant than I wanted.
This poem I'll write in indelible ink -
…much better than delible ink, don't you think?
He was small and portly but their leader
didn't want anyone in the club being a cheater
with everyones full attention while seated
he reiterated his drastic thoughts and feelings,
Explaining to his buddies to steer clear
of the feminine gender some held dear
saying they were just a pain in the neck
so just to ignore them he told them was best,
The meeting was adjourned and Spanky closed the door
straightening his "Women Haters Club" sign once more
with Alfalfa feeling confident he wouldn't cave in
till Darla started flirting with him once again….
5-16-17
Sausage and custard and ice cream with mustard
Chocolate coated Kentucky Fried Bustard
Whipped cream with mushrooms or frogspawn on toast
These are the foods that an ogre likes most
Volcanic craters and baths full of gators
A pantry thats choc full of gagged and bound waiters
sleeping on bones in a pterosaurs nest
These are the places an ogre likes best
Eyeballs and elbows, the odd severed nose
Ankles and legs and a number of toes
Earlobes and kidneys and hearts to dissect
Things that an ogre just loves to collect
Teeth that are bleeding and eyes that are red
Skin like the skin of somebody that’s dead
One missing ear and a hole in the throat
And chomping raw meat from the leg of a goat
So now that you have him laid clear in your head
The image you see is of someone to dread
For sometimes the truth is a pain in the neck
And ogres in real life are nothing like Shrek
I'm very happy I found this site,
PoetrySoup.com is a lot of fun,
I spend so much time on the computer now
I have time for no other one...
It's a rush, a blast, a challenge...
I'll love it till I die...
Only one thing troubles me,
And that's the reason why..
I spend so much time hunched over,
typing in my silly poems,
Hoping that they'll soon be read
In many far off homes...
But I do appear to have a problem...
A physical one at that...
My neck is hurting so severely,
By hours looking down,
writing and reading..
In the spot I sat...
I gotta make a judgement call...
Is the fun worth more than the pain?
Compared to the fun I have, the pain begins to pall
Who would not prefer the sunshine to the rain??
Am a lass fae Govan
There a wiz born n breid
When a wiz wee a wiz playing tig on the dykes
N a split ma poor wee heid
Fae Glesga to Fife
Wiz where we went
To a flat in Methil
That ma maw goat fur rent
To skool a went like
A scaredey cat, didny know wit ti expect
2nd year it the high skool
Wiz a bit eh a pain in the neck
Home eckie wiz the class
A wanted it to be fun
Skool went well n a started wurk
Tull a wiz cooking a bun
Am a mammy eh 3 noo
Bit wit kin a say?
A replaced the telly
Nae mare tumbles in the hay
Ma weans are getting big fast
Aw gawn ti skool their self
But if a dont shake ma **** now
A might get left oan the shelf
Headache? Pop some pills!
Fever or for any of your ills -
Sore throat? Running nose?
Backache? Joint pain?
Bad bowl moment? Sleeplessness?
Low libido? Birth control? Weight loss?
Feeling blue? Under the weather?
You are cranky and pain in the neck?
Yep, your answer is pills!
U-haul a load of pills along.
High Cholesterol? Low Cholesterol?
High or low blood plessure?
Feeling dizzy? Want to feel high?
Going crazy? Pump up your muscles?
Excel in school? Excel in sports?
Date pills, LSD, Viagra, Speed,
Sugar pills, Heart pills - You name it.
And, pills to knock you out cold!
But do we have a pill to live life right?
A joy pill? A pill for happiness?
A love pill? A pill for peace?
A pill for faith?
A pill for knowledge?
A pill for wisdom?
A pill to appear likable?
A pill for compassion?
If I have a choice,
I'll pick a crystal ball pill
and take a peek into my future -
If not years ahead, just into tomorrow,
Or a pill to disappear into thin air
and escape my pain and sorrow!
~Contest: Make me laugh
Sponsor: A Poet Destroyer.
Six months from now and it's curtains for me
I'll crash through the barrier of 80
I'll officially be old and crotchety and senile
Pablum after my morning pee
Oh for the days had no trouble getting dressed
Now I forget my darn Jockeys
Don't wanna share this bod with anyone else
Everything's become kinda floppy
Once had tight abs... now who am I kidding
The tightest my abs get now
Is when I try bending down to tie up my laces
At times feel like a pregnant cow
I grunt and strain and been known to curse
Saying bad things like, “holy heck"
Can remember those real naughty old phrases
Like “go to blazes” or “pain in the neck”
Guess six months won't make a hugh difference
I'm pretty well ready for the pasture
One thing I've noticed since reaching “maturity”
Time seems to be going a lot faster
So here's some advice for all you young'uns
Enjoy life while you still can
Before you know it, the darn jig will be up
And you'll just be an also ran
© Jack Ellison 2015
Taxicab driver
Midnight rates apply;
Moonlight serenade
Tipsy bar crashers
Stepping out;
Cigarette break
Alcohol buffet
Free flow of beer;
Sorrows guzzled
Chit-chat combat
Happy hour banter;
Bartering progress
Too much stress
Nobody seems to know;
Things will be better
Complaints collide
Bar time gripes;
Bad bossy boss
Pain in the neck
Grumpy buffalo;
Home on the range
End of day
Work retreats;
Until tomorrow cheers
Profound exchange
Gin and tonic;
Alcoholic beverage
More and more
Of less and less;
Vodka and coke
Watering hole
Midnight Saturday;
Party till the last drop
Drop dead gorgeous
After six smoothies;
Tipsy compliance
Leon Enriquez
08 June 2014
Singapore
Well, aren’t you a sight for sore EYES
Off the top of my HEAD its been nearly two years
Yes ,I have been keeping busy
A FINGER in every pie that’s me
It has been a bit of a struggle
I did put my NECK on the line
Many times I cried my HEART out
Then would dust myself off and say “ok girl CHIN up”
And FACE the music
Yes we were away for a while
We had really itchy FEET
Though we were BACK before we knew it
I've kept an EAR out to see if anyone had heard from you
I did hear you started your own confectionary business
You’ve always had a sweet TOOTH
It’s on… “Now what’s the name of that street “?
It’s on the tip of my TONGUE….
It is something like KNEE
Kneetson No Kneedham thats it!
You’ll have a lot of ELBOW room there
If you ever need help
I can always lend a HAND
Oh ,you heard about that incident did you
She really put her FOOT in it this time
She has a such CHEEK
I told her to get off my BACK
To stop looking down her NOSE at me
I’ve always been upfront with her
Worn my HEART on my sleeve
Though getting the truth from her
Is like pulling TEETH
She is a royal pain in the NECK
I ARMED myself for the next encounter
My HEART was in my MOUTH
To be honest I got cold FEET
Best I keep her at ARMS length
So last time I saw her ,I said
I hope you are all EARS
I need to get something off my CHEST
I politely wished her good luck
Told her to break a LEG
And kiss my ****!!
(A Body Idiom Poem)
A dear old friend of mine of many years was retired the other day.
In many ways I'll miss my pal more than words can say!
Alas, there was no longer need for him and his upper and lower case
Since the computer is now all the rage - he is gone without a trace!
I speak of my trusty IBM Selectric upon which I used to hunt and peck.
Now, I rely solely on my computer - frankly, 'tis a pain in the neck!
'Twas some comfort knowing that if my Selectric went on the fritz,
That I didn't have to call some "expert" in Mongolia when it gave me fits!
In his elder years his parts began to show some wear and tear,
And since the dear old chap hardly qualified for medicare,
'Twas getting difficult to find a typewriter doc for his repair.
After all, he and his elderly peers are becoming rather rare!
It was with some remorse that I consigned him to the Goodwill Store,
Hoping some less technological soul would give him life once more.
Now 'tis just this puzzling 'puter and me for which I have little affection!
(My monitor screen is becoming so blurred using whiteout for correction!)
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
A dear old friend of mine of many years was retired the other day.
In many ways I'll miss my old pal more than words can say!
Alas, there was no longer any need for him and his upper and lower case.
Since a computer took its place he faded into oblivion without a trace!
I speak of my trusty IBM Selectric upon which I used to hunt and peck.
Now, I rely upon old Dell and frankly at times its a pain in the neck!
'Twas some comfort knowing that if my Selectric went on the fritz,
That I didn't have to talk to Basheesh in India when it gave me fits!
In his elder years his parts began to show some wear and tear,
And since the dear old chap hardly qualified for medicare,
'Twas getting difficult to find a typewriter doc for his repair.
After all, he and his elderly peers are becoming rather rare!
It was with some remorse that I consigned him to the Goodwill Store,
Hoping someone would give him a good home and life once more.
Now its just this puzzling 'puter and me for which I have little affection!
(Plus, my monitor screen is becoming blurred with whiteout correction!)
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved
Wecome to the Vampire Halloween party
Count Draculas and you'll see quite a few
"You are my sunshine", plays in the background
They all hate it, but that's nothing new
A waiter made the mistake of asking
Wouldn't steak be what you might desire
Two vampires fainted and two flew away
One ran and tripped and fell into the fire
A cop got one passed out on the lawn
Of drunk vampires he was the worst
The cop said, "I need to take some blood"
The vampire said, "Ok but I go first!"
When she bats her eyes at a bat-chelor
Obviously it was love at first bite
For both it was a pain in the neck
On a blood vessel they left in the night!
Woke up this morning
With news headlines spawning
I do not know if it's winter yet
Because of old age I often forget
Got to realise how weird it is
When I can brush my teeth
And scratch my nose
But try as I might
I just can't touch my toes
Wasn't too bothered when
Often times back ache set in
And even when Viagra
Didn't give me the desired vim
But this is not a funny joke
The morning when I woke
And begin to realize
That I could twist my hip
Do a jig
But try as I might ,
I just can't tough my toes.
Pinocchio was a lier
Kristine Keeler was a hooker
And Lord Lampton got exposed
But trouble comes in different parcels
But where mine is heading
God only knows
When my wallet drop on the floor
Bend down to pick it up
Like brass monkey in winter
The entire lumber vertebrae, froze
Often times mi get a pain in the neck
When it comes, I can deal with it
Sometimes mi love to dance
Do a foxtrot and even a quickstep
But that is no compensation
When mi toe nail look like talon
And size ten no longer fit mi
But try as I might to cover them
With knitted socks, mi get since when
Its a doomed attempt
Flexibility is now a distant memory
And back ache now my closest friend
Mi know young people
Will laugh at old people's talk
But it only seems like yesterday
When I too was laughing
But today , I am walking the walk.
The same thing whey a reach mi
Is the same thing a happen to mi friend
But if you think it can't reach you
You better think again
Mi used to be a little sprite
Do head spins and bouncing somersaults
Do some boxing, and throw down a fight
But time travels faster than lightening
And my black hair overdosed on whitening
So before you reach my milestone
Heed my warning, get enlighten
That one day, not so far away
Things are going to be past memories
Because try as you might
You may bend your knees ,
Scratch your nose
Try as you might
You just can't touch your toes.
She’s like a boor or a yokel
who knows no boundaries
such a pain in the neck
that makes others suffer.
Her ways is irritating,
like in many instances
where collaboration entails
either at work or in any human endeavor.
She continues to brag about
her role as someone who’s in charge
but that’s not a big deal;
not even something to tell.
It’s always in that perspective
where one has to understand
that our role as co-workers
doesn’t need so much ambition.
It’s true that human relationship
a proverbial tone in all sectors
that conflicts come to the fore
inevitable, a challenge by nature.
Confrontation or dialogue
with sincerity and openness
difficult but meaningful
especially in our culture.
It’s nonetheless a real picture
about ourselves in actions
the work of human principles
negate hiding and sugarcoating.
Well, that’s life in reality,
always the common reason
co-existence in similar institution
needs prayer and communication.
11/16/21
It's all good, even though my life ain't the best
Another day ready to face what's next
Against major threats
Got to put in work and break a sweat
Take a drink, light it up and erase the stress
Living paycheck to paycheck
Is pathetic and a real pain in the neck
I need to take a trek
Can't expect change with the same attempts
I barely would take a step
Or I went to the greatest depths
Either I was a fool and made a mess
Or I became adept
Often seems like a waste of breath
Only made of flesh
Eventually there will be a date of death
Stay hep
Have we figured out the source of our creation yet?
Most don't, but some relate I guess
An addict full of pain depressed
Never been evil or a fake and pest
How quickly they forget
It had no impact, if I want to I'll make a dent
Take 'em out with an occasional Bayonet
No need to finish it all and say the rest
If you actually knew
Would it change your view?
Get a clue
Don't need to prove
What I can truly do
You're not better than me, and I'm not better than you
Staying true to who I am as a new day drew
Seeing it through
Then bidding adieu
Often I would lose
And booze
Full of the blues
Wasn't always what I would choose
I wasn't in yours and you weren't in my shoes
Heart black and blue
Bruised
With an ooze
Of reddish hues
Use to alcohol and drugs
Not use to hugs
Use to guns and gloves
Not use to love
One thing I want, but am not familiar of
Most so quick to judge
And shove
Or hold a grudge
It's the same old crud, causing blood
To be spilled in ways that are dumb
One of many things we have yet to overcome
Searching for love everywhere through all the sludge
Got to keep on and trudge
And do better at saving my funds