Best Only Joking Poems
Lunging forward a stab to the heart,
vitriol hurled at an unsuspecting soul.
A sarcastic word or comment, thrown in jest,
tearing flesh, leaving a gaping hole.
I was only joking, ha ha, wasn't that fun?
he says to no one.
Why are you hurt?
They're only words you know,
letters put together as one.
Intentional or not, caustic words will burn,
stinging speech cannot be unstung.
Hurtful songs, once sang, cannot be unsung.
Playing the dangerous game of sarcasm,
is like shooting words in derision.
Vitreous feelings are shattered,
only causing hurtful division.
Sarcasm is not innocent child's play,
it bites, it leaves marks, that forever may remain.
Think before you speak there are always consequences to hurtful speech!
John Derek Hamilton November 18,2015
I'm flattered by Nina but need to take her to the cleaners,
and splat her inbetweeners with fluid from wieners.
Don't mock or beat down Bath when you're Bristolian,
you were all conceived in a seat in the Odeon,
and you should defuzzle that muzzle after a dozen shots
or your muzzle will rot,
it puzzles this Bard from Bath when you say I act hard, that's daft,
I craft the first draft with regards to retards,
but I don't spar like "gangsta", more prankstar, thank ya.
Hip hop Choco-latte,
ow the Arty Farty Party is to tarty for a starty,
this is too easy I laugh at thee, not smarty,
Bath's beautiful with history it stores,
Bristol looks like it fell out of a horse,
we've got James Dyson and Jane Austin,
you've got Baldrick and webbed off spring.
Of course you went off course with the Bath beige bit, nit witt,
but if we are beige, Bristol... sage and onion,
If I'm rhyme goo you're rhyme ga ga,
rotating between that and blah blah,
Nina Parmenter my off par mentor turned mental,
I'm a stray away from putting this to an instrumental,
cus I think you're menstrual, coincidental
you say my mouth before my mind,
this is written down, no noise,
talking out your behind.
I see you wearing glasses Bristolian,
but I'm from Bath we're different classes, I'm nearly done,
if people in Bath are strange then Bristolian DNA aint got range.
And I sense your bitter remain poke, "Bath Farage",
I'm Mr. Bath At Large,
so LEAVE WON of your remoan votes in the garbage, that's GAR-BAAGE.
I know your only joking and fun poking
through rhyme freedom and I sometimes free dumb,
the outcome of a lout on one, shouting out me bum,
but you saved it in the end with a bit of innuendo,
good poke, I'm off to play Nintendo,
you're tender when you bend so I wont stick it in your endo,
I'm a good bloke.
I am trying to be patient
Determined to be fair
But she's been over an hour in the bathroom
What is she doing in there .
She said I must be ready
So I wear my suit and tie
But now we can't go out
Until her hair is fully dry .
I am feeling fruity
She is feeling sick
All those bloody headaches
Are really getting on my wick .
She succumbs to my nagging
I try so hard that I feel faint
But all she has to say is
That ceiling needs some paint .
She's got a soap on the telly
But there is football on tonight
I can't find where she's hidden the remote
Now how can that be right .
She says I'm drinking too much beer
I must abstain or i'll get fat
She's sat there munching chocolate cake
Where is the fairness in that .
Yet if it were not for women
Where would us fellows be
Its a good job I'm only joking
and I truly believe in equality.
It’s odd how people who think they are funny,
Confuse humor with offensive ridicule.
Saying hurtful, empty and shallow comments,
Pretending it’s all April fool.
Not standing behind what they say, or
Taking the blame for the hurt they cause.
Saying “Hey I was only joking, they’re not even here.”
As though that’s a moral escape clause.
These folks that lack this empathy and care,
Not understanding how hurtful their words are,
Don’t see how people simply endure their opinion,
Protecting personal and emotional scars.
They joke about folks more often than not,
When these folks aren’t even there.
Rather than put the effort into being good, they’re two faced,
About others they just don’t care.
They’re convinced they’re funny, clever and smart,
Often saying things to feel superior.
Not admirable by being grand and noble, but
By mocking, pushing others to inferior.
Sadly one day these hurtful fiends will be forced to take heed,
And peer into the mirror of their soul.
There they will see where others have love in their heart,
All they have is black hearted charcoal.
gravity
homeboy got capped in the knee
out in the streets
let the truth be told
where as years ago
with Grandmaster P
he was born in the gutter
his momma was a whore
selling her junk in the trunk
in back of the liquor store
screaming more more more
raised my his aunt named Mable
feeding her dog Rex underneath the table
as time went by so very fast
having every reason to ask
the spin off the hook was the great climax
in time he learned to relax
to bask in the vast expanse
cause he got the hook up
two turn tables with a mic
sold a lot of weed to get that sweet
getting he ass kicked in a neighborhood bar
still spinning records the best he can
"Step off" with his reply whenever he was tested
his life reflected a reason to believe in rap
a willingness to achieve
that was until a gang banger put a bullet through his head
shot him dead so they thought
now he was in a hospital bed face full of lead
there he suffered in complete silence
amidst all the pain & violence
tubes in his veins lying there dead
then came a pulse
next a heart beat
his eyes suddenly opened
folks thought he was only joking
came fully to his senses
with eyes twitching
spoke his first words, "Step Off"
then we all knew he was alive and kicking
then he gazed at the streets looking for the one that did this
instead of violence he sought forgiveness even to the thug that struck him down
Master B was right back in the studio
rapping & capping
he found love as a sure fire way to go
that was years ago so today he still preaches to the masses
always teaching on love and his free passes
"Step Off" is still his slogan but he's got a new boss now
can't turn back when your hands on the plow
Please may I be abrupt, it's the nature of this beast
Especially with ones wine, it's the fuelling of thine feast
Well, I'm a man, so let me make my start
I'm prone to erupt, no anger, but simply fart
To also roar I can, with an incredible furore
Dare to be awoken, I'm now like childish sore
I've also been known to gurn, about the slightest thing
C'mon, I'm just a man, what more can I bring
Moaning yes, I can't do this, moaning, I can't do that
I'm starting to believe, I'm a useless male diplomat
So what can I do to irritate you, and be just who I am
Ha ha, your only joking, it's simply poetic scam!
Something had just occurred to me
As I sat and talked to Cleetus Magee
He was only joking that day
I took it serious in an odd, pathetic way
He suggested I open my own place for people to eat
I began to brainstorm on the cost for food, a/c, electric and heat
It hit me like a ton of bricks
After eating some Barbecue at Rick's
So tonight I will make my play
After raiding a few dumpsters, I will have enough to open my leftovers from all
over buffet
I began by scanning the neighbors trash cans late at night
Not much luck, some Sausage Pudding and Tripe
Next I will raid Applebee's for some quality food to offer
I even found a couple of Golfballs I will give to a friend of mine who is an avid
golfer
As I was dumpster diving, I had some trouble from a couple of stray cats over
three chunks of meat
After a fight and I received a few scratches, the cats then leave in defeat
I picked up the meat to smell it, free meat my favorite price
With a lot of spices, it will be very well disguised
Then I moved on to the Noisy Oyster
All the seafood was still quite fresh, it contained plenty of moisture
I rented a space at a cold storage facility
Until I had enough for some business stability
With every dumpster raid, my food inventory grew
Maybe next would be IHOP, pondering if I should put breakfast items on the buffet
too
Tonight I open up the doors
To a feast no one has ever seen before
Just to see the customers go up for seconds or thirds gives me pleasure
The saying is true One Man's Trash is Another Man's Treasure
One customer said if he didn't have to go to work he would eat all day
Ssh! Please don't reveal my secrets about my leftovers from all over buffet
The transition of love to hate, can take years or less
Never, ever could or would one have anticipated in their dream state
imagination, let alone awake, walking and talking reality, this 360 degree
change was possible, no red flags when you met then wed
no sirens alarmed, no fear or dread
Only love and love, the subtle irritants and endearments
will never be ' bones of contention '--NEVER !!!
Love will smother and drown the discord and darkness
Prevailing though all, that's what THEY say
No matter the messes, distresses, irks and fires
Then fewer caresses, and kisses, less to admire
Those cute, little idiosyncrasies morph into major annoyances
that drive you to the brink, then you think
I use to love when he did....or said....how he dressed...
how he said means things to me but said he was only joking...
how he used to drink a little, now lots, and comments are meaner
and obscene
and then you found those insults were mainly hurled when others were around
then home less and less, preferring to live at watering hole with friends
and AL, the liquid pal !!
And so on and so on, crud and crap
Losing ability to snap back, losing desire to get IT back
Well, there you go, now you know
The change, the rearrangement of emotional ecstasy to
hate and disdain, fantasies of loving each other eternally
now internally destroyed and decimated, way beyond decayed
and rotten, any fragments of love and soul
Gone, done, hate won, --- BUT---what could have been done different
I tried, from minor, tiny changes to major ones, quite significant
I really, honestly, wish that love conquered all
But seems unrealistic and impossible, just a fantasy
Beyond the imagination, eternal love and romance
A Guilty Pair
Under the Stars and moon so bright
Two lovers lie in the field at night
What’s that noise?
It can’t be boys
Have no fear
For I am here
Of all the things we feared the most
It’s not your husband, just a Ghost
Oh Love I’m only joking
But soft I can hear a baby crying
Where can it be?
There’s only us
Oh God are the legends true
I never really knew
Darling where are you?
I cannot see you
You cannot leave without a sight
Please come back, you gave me such a fright
He is not there
I fear he was never here
Was he a ghost?
But he lay with me
What shall become of me
Where are my clothes
Am I to die
What shall I do
Someone help me
HELP OH HELP OH HELP
Wake up, Wake up, my love
What is the matter?
Just a nightmare?
Oh Husband dear,
Was it just a dream?
It was so real.
Hold me tight.
BAD RESOLUTIONS
Be good, be kind, help those along the way.
All good resolutions I’ve made on New Year’s Day.
Don’t do this, don’t do that, do know right from wrong.
Resolutions I have never kept for long.
Every year I’ve broken them before the end of June.
So, now I’m old and grey, I’ve changed my tune.
Only bad resolutions this new year,
Like lots of smoking and too much beer;
Using bad language and being unpleasant;
Telling rude jokes when ladies are present.
I’ll do what I want to, it’s all about me.
Oh, what a wonderful year it will be.
No, only joking, I don’t think I could.
So, once more this year, I’ll resolve to be good.
13th January 2020
Resolutions contest
Sponsor - Matt Carili
You’ve got to be strong
Got to know what you want
Can’t be too sensitive
Have to know I am only joking
Got to be free
And frank
Got to be number one
Got to speak your mind
Not a very good mind reader I am
Got to live
Got to be
Got to see
Got to fly
Destinations unknown
Haha
So ready?
Promise it will worth your while
But can’t expect
As the opposite it will usually be
So the uncharted it is
Indefinitely, if you are game
You will achieve
Your lifetime’s dream
lol
On a dark and stormy morning,
You left me all alone.
I thought you were only joking,
but you were doing this to hurt me.
I thought you really liked me,
but now I see that you don't.
You left me all alone,
with no one who really cared.
You were the only one who I could trust,
but now I cant.
Because you left me all alone,
with no one to trust.
But I don't care anymore now.
Because I found someone who I can trust and will always care for me,
he promised me that he will never leave my side.
He healed all my heart aches,
he healed my broken heart,
that you left just to die.
I have one thing to tell you .
If you leave me then you lost me forever.
So leave me now and I will be able to forget about most of my past,
for now I'll just have to stick with my heart aches,
and my scarred wrists being healed right now.
Give me a break.
Stand there smiling, like it’s easy
As I bash my head against the wall
And the world is caving in on me
Through the blood in my eyes it’s hard to see
How much farther can I fall?
God, let me breathe
I can’t bear this cage you’ve built for me
My stubborn heart is bleeding and blind
and you just keep talking without sound
your simple empty words crash down
and echo in my mind.
I promise you my pretty love…
I was only joking.
I didn’t mean your killing me
But I can feel the sky fall
down on my head.
And pretty baby, please forgive me
I just get vicious when I’m strangling
I don’t want to fight tonight
Let’s drop the pretense and play
With real knives instead.
Where do we go after we stop here
Do not pass go, do not collect your sanity.
Criticize and patronize
But God, don’t change your mind.
I promise you, my pretty love
I was only joking.
I didn’t mean your killing me
But I can feel the sky fall
down on my head.
And pretty baby, please forgive me
I just get vicious when I’m strangling
I don’t want to fight tonight
Let’s drop the pretense and play
With real knives instead.
But God, don’t change your mind.
I promise you my pretty love…
I was only joking.
I didn’t mean your killing me
But I can feel the sky falling
on my head.
And pretty baby, please forgive me
I just get vicious when I’m strangling
I don’t want to fight tonight
Let’s drop the pretense and play
With real knives instead.
First I’m right and then I’m wrong
A thousand times I’ve heard this song.
You say it’s fine
But I can see the nothing in your eyes.
I promise you my pretty love…
I was only joking.
I didn’t mean your killing me
But I can feel the sky falling
on my head.
And pretty baby, please forgive me
I just get vicious when I’m strangling
I don’t want to fight tonight
Let’s drop the pretense and play
With real knives instead.
First I’m wrong and then I’m right
I’d rather die than fight tonight.
And yeah, I know
It’s nothing, nothing, nothing
Once again.
It's Saturday eve
we're drinking in town
Only joking, I wish.
We're still in lockdown.
Any inkling of romance
on pause until further notice.
Making plans for the future
feels utterly hopeless.
We were all on fast forward
and the world blew a fuse.
Burying our heads in the sand,
disregarding the news.
Forced to stop
and re-evaluate life.
Beneficial for all
though the stress has been rife.
With no option to rewind
all we have is hindsight.
But we're sick of these rules
our patience is finite.
For now, we press play
and take joy in what we can.
I just really hope they lift
the bar and restaurant ban.
You have to really see it
then you'll truly believe
there before your very eyes
it's hidden up your sleeve
Of course I'm only joking
that's not where it is
just look over the horizon
no this is not a quiz
Look ahead have a good look
see that big yellow thing
it's round and so very clear
think what thoughts it does bring
Sunshine everywhere all around
you've never seen such light
wherever you turn it's there
what a spectacle what a sight
Yes there is such beauty
as the sunset does rise
your eyes are sparkling
seeing this nature's prize