Best Old Nick Poems
The truth can’t be seen through blinders.
Eyes and ears covered with hatred.
The tongue’s ready-lash sidewinders,
twisting and spinning what’s sacred.
The truth, the fact, reality
masked - the masses bobble their heads.
The illusion of blasphemy
here, when the scripture’s left unread.
No need for truth, when it’s made up.
“What is truth,” plank’s in Pilate’s eye.
Pilate knows - the charges trumped-up.
Wolfish masses prefer a lie.
How often the accusation,
front page news, folks - everyone’s riled.
The leak, having no foundation,
reneged where no one looks - exiled.
But still the crowd cheers old nick.
The stage decked out in crimson fire.
A civil war waged with a Bic.
No matter the damage - it’s dire!
The law, “Love others as yourself,”
truculent in divisive ways -
‘stead hate and pride speech off-the-shelf.
Lollygagging verses… no one prays…
Spend time in the prayer closet.
It’s worth every cent! Spare time!
Hear God - work up the composite.
Don’t listen to the world. PEACE TIME!
9/3/2022
Categories:
old nick, truth,
Form:
Quatrain
Mocking the dead,
the vampire on the hill, high
above the cityscape. Why
does his cloak wrap around?
It moves with a hissing sound,
blackened on the outside,
blue on the molten graveside.
Sharpening incisors on the crag,
but
the villagers with their worn rags
tight fisted with their goodly lights -
those lanterns, infused with salt
of garlic, compelled forward in the dead
of night. Mockers and murderers, fed
by rage, want to dispel the wine and bread.
Hell,
the strangulation of fire, lava rolling
down the hill. Mocking, laughter -
the shivering of the old church rafters.
The reborn, new creation, settled
on roof-blowing praise. Nettled,
old Nick, the vampire king unsettled.
Mocking the dead,
making his own bed, jutting at jugulars,
darkening the atmosphere, drawing
congregants, unholy. But, someone holy
has his heels on the vampire’s head.
He’s been banished…dead heads’ rolling.
The glorious light of the lamb, consoling.
Categories:
old nick, dark,
Form:
Verse
I played a nasty joke on Santa
once on Christmas Eve,
I put some exlax in his milk,
and he drank it clean.
(hehe)
Now that’s one Christmas I remember,
Dad sat on the Lu till end of December
Another time we greased the roof
My brother Clay and I,
Hoping to catch Santa
when we heard him cry.
(Nothing)
Another Christmas I couldn’t forget soon,
Dads leg was in a cast, till the middle of June.
The next year we decided to write old Santa
And apologize for our tricks,
I guess old Nick squealed on us,
Cause dad came with THE stick.
(Ouch)
I believe Santa's still mad at me and my brother Clay
Cause he never brings our kids, presents on Christmas day.
(Party pooper)
Written by Brenda Meier-Hans
11.29.2014
Contest: What’s up With Santa
G 4
Categories:
old nick, christmas, fantasy, fun, funny,
Form:
Rhyme
Nay greet for me, I yet live
ne'er was I a bairn to ye
mind me ere I once were
when drouthy neibors met
t'were to tak a dram or two
then tak the gate
na think on lang miles
nor of sulky dame
as frae her ye flee 'd
na catch'd wi' a skellum
blethering lik a blellum
ah lass na greet for me
by the auld haunt kirk
auld Nick a towzie tyke
nay catch'd this bogle
who scre'd the pipes and
gart them all a skirl
til skies a' did dirl
an in cauld hand held a candle
his ain soul now bereft
bides her lass, nay greet for me
translation
Do not cry for me, I yet live
never was I a baby to you
mind me as I once was
when thirsty neighbours met
it was to share a dram or two
then take the road home
do not think of long miles
nor of sullen wife
as from her you fled
not to be caught as a waster
rambling like a boaster
do not cry for me lass
by the old haunted church
Old Nick a shaggy dog
could not catch this ghost
who screwed the pipes
and make them squeal
until the heavens all ring
and in his hand a candle held
his ain soul now bereft
bides her, lass do not cry for me
Categories:
old nick, death, friendship, tribute,
Form:
Verse
There was once an old girl called Flo
On her death asked to go below.
See, she had this trick,
To try to convert old Nick,
But he told her where to go!
Categories:
old nick, funnyold, old,
Form:
Limerick
God in shorts, I never thought I'd see the day,
gloves and boots and grease on the eyebrows too
the bell went for round one, I threw a left, then he
smiteth me to the body with great vengence,
then yay....I had him on the ropes at last and a fierce
exchange followed, and his trainer, Jesus, shouting
in a rage, "come on dad!...don't give old Nick a win,
twill send the world into a spin,"
and then he caught me with a roundhouse to the jaw
it sent me tumbling to the floor; up on one knee
he misunderstood, saying, " rise up my son, I am your God,"
I jumped up quick, and punched him square, and Jesus
shouted, "hey that's not fair!": the last round came, the
crowd went wild, then God behaving like a child,
dancing, taunting me in tongues, I knocked him flat
into the gunge; with gnashing of teeth and a bible punch
he caught all five, a fiery bunch, and came a great commotion
and a God almighty crunch: the lord was down twas no mistake,
but came the decision, on points and gore, that it could only be
an acrimonious draw, then a band of angels siezing this chance
began to sing their choral dance; typical I thought and piped up
my demons from the crowd, a merry scene twas it indeed,
to share our world...the love and greed.
Categories:
old nick, conflict, courage, evil, fun,
Form:
Free verse
GOUT
Look out!
Old Nick Rich lurks about in punishing mood
He’s gout
His evil acids plunge, swirl around
He’ll diabolize thy favorite dish
Send it sweetly, heartily down
Then twirl his fork at your pitiful cries –
Those sudden, repeated jabs
Intense red pain, complete surprise
At long, long last gout may subside
But watch your diet
He’s still inside
Oh never think you’ve got it made
Nick never sleeps, knows all you eat
This Mephistophelean shade
Dave Austin
Categories:
old nick, pain,
Form:
Free verse
Upon our roof top did he arrived, two reindeers short and blood shot eyes. With his gray
and black beard with bits of food inside…I thought it was suppose to be white? They also
told me he had a cute button nose…his nose was big and by no means cute. He attempted
to enter thru the chimney top, only to discover that it was a false smoke top. So he being
Old Nick, I could hear him as he fumbled with some keys as he did huff in discuss. His
belt did seem a little bit too big for his gut and his and butt was as big as my dad’s big old
butt. From behind the big chair were I did hide by the tree, I could smell the aroma of
cheap alcohol coming off his breath as he bent over by the Christmas tree to deposit our
gifts. To despite the fact that he had been to plenty of houses before ours that had real
chimneys, his red suit was not covered with one drop single drop of soot! No not even one
dirt spot and the boots that he had on look like my dad's old work boots! I chuckled to
myself… and said maybe it’s made of some special stuff? As I he place the last gift in
place up under the tree, he then reach his hands to the sky and then grabbed his lower
back, I thought he was suppose to be jolly and all that stuff? The whole time he was here,
I could almost be certain that I could hear him cursimg from up under his breath… but to
my surprise he eat the cookies and milk that my mom had left, but the damndest thing
happen as he flung his back pack over his back and proceed to leave, but instead of going
back out the front door, he made a sudden turn toward the stairs and went up and into my
parents room and never left? I final said I had seen enough, I just chucked it up to
another year in the Ghetto and my first real sighting of legendary Ghetto Santa and one
which I hope would be my last!
Categories:
old nick, funny, holiday, old, old,
Form:
Narrative
What a sad day
No more Easter bunny
I don't mean to laugh
But some tales are funny
I think in the end
It's really his fault
you would never guess
Who was locked in his vault
The bunny was Jealous
Of jolly old Saint Nick
He felt like second fiddle
To a jolly white haired prick
So when the vault door opened
He pushed old Nick inside
He thought to himself
I'll take his sleigh for a ride
Before he got going
He loaded eggs in the back
Each one carefully packed
In poor Santa's red sack
On Donner on Blitzen
They flew up in the sky
An inexperienced flyer
Is now a very dead guy
His tiny bunny body
Was bounced out from the sled
Rudolph tossed him out
So now the Bunny's dead
March 9th, 2013
Clue contest
Categories:
old nick, easter, funny, old, easter,
Form:
Quatrain
whispering of winds
sibilant, susurrations
inspiring insights
braggart's boring boasts
haughty, howlingly hollow
a wisp and a whiff
tintinnabulum
continuously caressed
potent priapic
wet and wheezy whine
old nick now is not so nice
whispering wraiths wait
Categories:
old nick, allusion, cancer, humanity, imagery,
Form:
Haiku
OPENED IN ERROR.
A man had bad news about his mother
Had loads to drink one after another
But later on that night
Was seen happy and bright
Said that letter was meant for my brother.
ANGUS.
An old sailor by the name of Angus
Fell in love and married an octopus
They had a son James
Who won gold at games
Found having six arms in sport was a plus.
OLD NICK.
The horned devil had set himself one goal
To collect from those who had a dark soul
He was on to a winner
Saw mankind a great sinner
Said hells fires will need a lot more coal.
OLD WOMAN.
There was an old woman from Nantucket
Had no teeth so her food she would suck it
But one day she choked
On meat that was smoked
And sadly that's how she kicked the bucket.
NELLY.
There once was a young girl called Big Nelly
When she walked by she shook like a jelly
Was told to lose weight
Before its too late
So doctor's have now stapled her belly.
Categories:
old nick, humor,
Form:
Limerick
Vancouver's a private reference and it's not really about Canada as a whole, just one
experience regarding the aforementioned. Shh!
Schwein Fleisch vs schweinefleisch. As two distinct words it literally means "pig skin" as
one word it means "pork". I mean it as two distinct words so that it can tie in with
"pound of flesh". I was going to have "haut" but apparently "schweinhaut" is actually a
surname. Oh those unlucky few who roam the world as Mr and Mrs Pig-Skin! :(
__________
Vancouver
Chasing rainbows along horizons
Is insane. Clear misunderstanding.
You left the city and your pound of flesh.
Schwein Fleisch.
We were young, laughing and colliding
Corrupt to the claws. We were
Writing endlessly, listlessly and so
Apologetic. Pathetic fallacy
The downpour flooded the chalk into grey.
Of course we wrote about you.
Reviews were decadent and ego-manipulating.
We were akin with it. The world was always a
Spectrum of amazing.
Had to run.
Through the rainbow with
Your look of Old Nick.
No explanation.
Schwein Fleisch.
Categories:
old nick, history, life, peoplewords, world,
Form:
Free verse
RUM DUMB
Your presents will be late this year
But be patient be of good cheer
Old Santa Claus has been delayed
He’s only human I’m afraid
Your presents kids will come o.k?
They’re loaded on his big red sleigh
A victim of a lady’s wiles
He gave in to her fatal smile
But please kids don’t tell Mrs. Claus
This is the reason - it’s because
When down her chimney old Nick come
She bated him with strong hot rum
Drunk on his butt the ancient elf
You see he just was not himself
He didn’t bed the evil minx
But only needed forty winiks
So pillow-down your curly heads
When rooster crows go back to bed
Categories:
old nick, funny, holiday
Form:
Light Verse
2016 Motor City Open Champion
It has to happened, this day has to come...
When a low ranking player defied the odds as they come..
In a place called the Motor City, showcasing a world squash tournament...
All the the world's best men squash players are gathered in numbers...
Ranked a modest 22 in the world ,there was Ali Farag from Egypt ..
Aged 23, he is a another young squash player from the Land Of The Pyramids..
Last year he was a 88th in world rankings, was knocked out in the 1st round..
Having won 3 PSA tournaments prior to Motor City, now he was a different man...
Ranked 7th in this Motor City Tournament, Ali Farag had a daunting path indeed...
For in the second round, there was the world number one , Mohd El Shorbagy...
Facing a young man stout in heart and full of confidence, Shorbagy was rattled...
The young turk, an upstart by his standards, was of the same high standard..
Shorbagy took the first, a close one it was, only to trailed in the next 2 games...
Shorbagy as world number one, he gave a mighty effort and won the 4th game..
Going into the final 5th game, no quarter was given, none were asked...
Point for point, they fought, probed each other's game as they rallied till the last...
The young Ali Farag, he showed the mettle of a champion to knock out his rival..
A final 12-10 win, and he has created the biggest upset win of this tournament....
Next round was the semifinals, world no.9 Mathieu Castagnet, a Frenchman ...
Ali Farag fought and rallied hard, emerging a 3-1 winner after a long 78 minutes..
When the finals next came along, highly experienced Nick Matthew was The Man...
As world no.3 squash superstar, Nick was just as eager to be a winner,...
Youth versus experience, a young upstart going up against the 35 year old Nick....
It was an engrossing match of top quality squash that lasted all but 50 minutes...
For when the chips were down and curtains about to fell, the youthful Ali Farag..
He presevered and showed his class, bedazzling Nick Matthew 3-1 in 50 minutes..
So it has come to past, the youngest ever champion there in Motor City Open...
Ali Farag from Egypt, he took out 3 top-10 players to emerge 2016 champion!!!!
WOW !!!
Categories:
old nick, appreciation, celebration, encouraging, inspirational,
Form:
Free verse
The Halloween party needed a scare
Someone said the ouija board for a dare
But bad spirits came knocking
Their foul language was shocking
And caused many to soil their underwear...
The putrid air now turned rancid and thick
And to smash it you'd have needed a brick
Then they all started leaving
As they left they were heaving
And on the rooftop laughing was Old Nick...
Written 9th October 2020.
Categories:
old nick, humor,
Form:
Limerick