Best Nixed Poems
For those who don't read blogs or know of Jan's successful first book, I've written a limerick for her and included it in my comment on her blog. She's included her interview in a podcast. I was asked to post my limerick here as well. If anyone would like to write a limerick in honor of her first publication, please join in and send me a limerick, or even a note to congratulate her. Thank you.
Jan, our Queen of Poop has a sexy voice
Crowned as Limerick Queen, she is our choice
But oh my lordy
Some are quite bawdy
Book sales are good ~ she's getting a Rolls Royce
by Lin Lane
Jan's poems are clever and funny too
Full of bawdy lines and some about poo
Comedy at its best
Her poems will attest
Read" A giggle a day" to not feel blue
by Tania Kitchin
No rolls Royce or Winnebago camper van
A sedia gestatoria, for Jan
One with a floating loo
For outdoor number two
Carried shoulder high around the Isle of Man
by David Kavanagh
LONG LIVE THE QUEEN
Jan Allison has written her first book
It was a mammoth task she undertook
Preview it on amazon
I'll guarantee you'll want one
I've read a bit and my whole body shook.
by Tom Cunningham
Jan nixed the idea of getting a Rolls
She opted to put wheels on toilet bowls
Her farts serve as a horn
She ignores those who scorn
And she never gets stopped to pay bridge tolls
by Mark Koplin
In a bathroom where tales tend to unfold
And humerous secrets are often told
There’s a plop and a cheer
Laughter rings loud and clear
In porcelain chambers poems are sold
by Arthur Vaso
Poetry Soup’s Queen of Poop
has made herself a news scoop!
She published her book
and that’s all it took.
A second book is now in the loop.
by Linda Alice Fowler
Congratulations Limerick queen Jan
A poetess who’s from the Isle of Man
Pleased your book is a hit
A giggle a day gift
From an hilarious comedian.
by Beryl Edmonds
A Tribute to Golda
It was a clear and bright sun shining morning in May.
As I came out my front door into the breezeway,
I saw coming toward me an enormous gray dog with eyes of pure gold,
The most exquisitely beautiful canine one could ever behold,
With a calm gentle presence and peaceful demeanor;
The look in his brilliant gold eyes assured I had nothing to fear.
It was love at first sight and I hoped he would stay.
Never mind the impediments; I’d find a way.
My toddler son climbed on him like they’d grown up together,
As I seriously pondered the prospect of whether…
Absolutely not, said my husband, a cat man,
And nixed the idea before it began.
Weeks later, a litter box and cat food mysteriously appeared
On the sidewalk, out of nowhere; we thought it quite weird.
With the next morning’s sunrise, we figured it out.
The same coat of gray and gold eyes left no doubt;
The same being who before as a dog had been spurned,
In a more acceptable form and presence had now returned.
Bounding out of the bushes with a commanding meow,
A little gray, gold-eyed kitten my husband had to allow.
In her life as a cat and formerly a dog,
She was my brave and wise Golda who would go on to log
More than one rescue of our subsequent pets.
In defending attack, this courageous gray, gold-eyed feline was as fierce as it gets.
Note: Golda saved the life of my Chow-Chow puppy when she was attacked by a big dog that
came at her from across the street. Golda came out of nowhere with claws out, sending the
dog scurrying with his tail between his legs. Another time she rescued our little Siamese
youngster, Meowli, from the neighbors' dogs by jumping on their head while Meowli ran for
cover. Golda stayed with me for 12 years, longer than the husband cited in the poem, and
then when her time and her work was done, she just disappeared pretty much as she had
appeared. She was a beautiful, long haired all gray Persian with brilliant gold eyes. When not
rescuing other animals, she had the same calm, gentle and peaceful demeanor as the dog who
showed up that morning and left when he knew he was not welcome to stay.
7th place winner in ~Somewhere A Pet Is Waiting Contest~ sponsored by ~A Rambling Poet~
There’s a thing called Corona that’s going around,
and the yakety-yak of it’s bringing folks down,
for it’s not like some circus that’s coming to town!
If you turn on your telly, you’ll probably hear
lots of news shows predicting this virus is near,
and the airports stand empty from everyone’s fear.
Just a week ago one of my friends only paid
twenty dollars for a standard flight that he made.
I say THAT’S taking lemons to make lemonade!
I'd say hop on a plane for perhaps a low fee;
now however, that's nixed by new rules that I see.
Just take walks with your dog or stay in for your safety
Perhaps you'll go out. Put a mask on your face!
and a handiwipe's great so that you can erase
pesky germs that are lurking in every space.
While your neighbors are running like crazy to buy
extra paper for wiping their precious behinds,
go to Amazon. There a bidet you can find!
Everything is now closed. If it's not far away,
pay a visit to Mom (if allowed). and l say
try to think of your lockdown as some fun "stay-cay!"
Whatever you do, please stop buying Purell.
Leave that stuff for the folks who are truly unwell,
and please leave on the shelves toilet paper for sale!
Yes, a person could die, but folks die from the flu!
Just eat healthy, be cautious; that’s all you can do.
It is not the Black Plague that is coming for you!
Odds of dying from it - I believe - aren't THAT bad.
Many many events are now cancelled; it’s sad.
But have faith it will pass, like the Saggy Pants fad!
March 13, 2020
For Nina Parmenter's A Rattling Rhyme 2 Poetry Contest
Re-entering contest because in light of new information I have learned since writing this poem, I felt the need to make major changes to some of my lines.
Dr. Evil,
pacing back and forth in his laboratory,
had a vexing problem he was trying to solve
How to get the masses
to let corporate government
have complete control of their lives
Then came a thought from the dark side
Give them free access to all
Let their greedy little minds
be able to lust after all they see
Give them internet with content unfettered
Keep them chained to the screen,
to thwart their ability to not comply
Condition them to believe mind-control is better
No more free thought or free will divine
Herd them into sites
that will allow them to gorge with delight
on all of their most lewd and animalistic desires
Buy this, sell that
Indulge in banal, weird chit-chat
Every perversion of the mind is now hardwired
Let their imaginations run free
Then offer them a microchip
for a small fee and a snip
Oh they gladly will do all that you say
if you promise not to take away,
take away their virtual stimuli fix
Resistance purged, resistance nixed
Once they willingly go under the laser knife,
those poor bastards then will be marked for life
Once their freewill is willingly sacrificed,
yes, those lost souls will then be marked for life
It hurts to be excluded
Even if you're feeling mixed
'Bout the venue that's reputed
To be one some people nixed.
For at least if you're included
You know someone seems to care
And it's not like you've intruded;
You're encouraged to be there.
Often motives are occluded
So conclusions may be reached,
But you're likely not deluded
When a courtesy is breached.
Tryouts starring musical prodigies
and/or an attendant conductor
attempt to approach ambient chorus
divinely exhibited from Gaia's handiwork
heavenly invoking kapellmeister's magnificent nonchalant outlook
piquantly, quintessentially, repertoire sensately striking
unmatched vast wisdom yielding, zephyr air albeit creativity
engineered from groundswell harmony
juxtaposed, kindled, linkedin,
manifesting noteworthy opulent philharmonic recording
transcribing universal veritable webbed wide world.
Wunderkinds yield Ziggurat acme approximated asymptote
bequeathing celestial Doppelganger Earthly emulations
formulating fractal glinting highlighting
ineffable joie de vivre jostling, keen kindling,
la la land legerdemain lifting logic
lording Ludwig (Josef Johann) Wittgenstein.
?
Yelping zoological apostle Al affidavit Gore handily
heaping hubristically invocation jolting kickstart measures
nipping nixed noblesse oblige opera
quickening quotidian rapid ruination sans supreme
teetering upended venerated wise with acumen
arithmetical Benoit Mandelbrot
chasing far-fetched ideas
lightyears menacing nihilism purging ogres opportunistically
resplendently ripping revered tankard tipping unstoppably
vanquishing varietal whipsawing wonderful wrapt yawning youngsters
warfare written wrought yanking zestfully crushing environmental family
granting Herculean instant karma
malevolent, opprobrious pronouncement
quiet riot silencing severely tragic ubiquitous vicious wreckage
yikyaks apemen cleft Earth.
*************************************************
Future foragers denounce capitalistic bamboozlers aggression
zealots wrought trashing quintessential naked kingdoms issue
flotsam coagulates zonal wastelands torquing quality NON
killing habitats Earth bleached yellowed voodoo ruins.
the bittersweet silent story of my life age
fifty and nine automatically rebroadcast
in indelible (yet never washed out) beige
indistinguishably linkedin, when counting
the last three of seventy somber orbitz,
signify torturous custom made cage
whose darkening shades of gray
housed a weakened Harriet Harris,
an ashen corpse lay
no doubt a grown changeling dust play
a cruel trick, and soul of me mum didst slay,
so...tis with great difficulty aye write this poem today
cathartic to brush off self denunciation,
an albatross that dust way
heavily incriminating, ostracizing this mind of mine,
recurring every year comb May fourth a line
codifying, delineating, earmarking,
and doth likened
to elementary school Boyer
as in Henry Kline
no less painful reflection plus unavoidable,
hence this middle aged man lets feelings incline
toward self expression this anniversary
revisiting re: deign
upon memorializing general up beat
defiance at death of thine late mother,
where disease rabidly did eat
ting her til she expired,
this singular married heir
set himself a writing fete
wordlessly mouths never expressed greet
unbeknownst reeders gleaning my sentiments heat
ting recollected adieu bid prior,
whence she angrily wanted to meet
that accursed nemesis
against healthiness and repeat
cherished apothegm,
that existence offers no second act
as she relinquished slipping tenuous weak bract
leave ving ever fainter grip upon cracked
pommel of mortality, an immutable fact
thence black knight denounced, pounced, hijacked
trounced unannounced, vanquished, lacked
motive to rival nixed, extinguished sputtering pact
fast fading joie de vivre unspoken,
where death rattle racked
personal def tone accentuation tracked
subsequent self castigation,
excoriation nearly whacked
me to Timbuktu rebuking extolling bless
sing experienced from
this sole son for thirteen years, aye confess
when the inimitable Harriet Harris
Three blind mices
Clock hands, stick
Small furry fices
Their poops, thick ...
Could their feces
Cling, quite fixed
Maybe those meces
Catch necks ... nixed.
;-)
* Written and submitted on March 22, 2018, for the "A Little Laughter Five" Poetry Contest, Edward McCall, Sponsor. *
"Super Hero"
Krypto Knighted
Disrobed Le Penseur
contemplates strength
a royal monk disrobing within
Rodin begins to think
new dreams dialled in
naked vulnerability begins
hiding behind dark angel wings
pinned between the box-cadged
dimensions of a glass onion
black crows waiting along the ley lines lead,
super natural morsel fed
dark nights fly into unhooded blinding daze
towards the gauntlet
landing tethered and tamed
temperated, nixed and disarmed
Hawk of the Lure,
long winged
creance held
in the grey rock silence
evaluated
hard-penned
full-summed
(LadyLabyrinth / 2020)
“Super Hero” / Johnny Hollow
https://youtu.be/JGkC-8Qu0JM
“Land of the lost and sedated
Will someone come,
Save us from,
This storyline of mass destruction
Will they stay,
When they see,
What we have done
just to be free…”
Crypto/Krypto, meanings
https://www.thefreedictionary.com/krypto-
Glossary of Falconry Terms:
https://sora.unm.edu/sites/default/files/journals/jrr/v003n03/p00058-p00067.pdf
"Super Hero", Johnny Hollow / LYRICS
https://genius.com/Johnny-hollow-superhero-lyrics
Kryptonite
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kryptonite
"full-summed" / refer, Glossary of Falconry Terms.
Le Penseur.
The Thinker was initially named The Poet (French: Le Poète), and was part of a large commission begun in 1880 for a doorway surround called The Gates of Hell. Rodin based this on The Divine Comedy of Dante Alighieri, and most of the figures in the work represented the main characters in the poem with The Thinker at the center of the composition over the doorway and somewhat larger than most of the other figures. Some critics believe that it was originally intended to depict Dante at the gates of Hell, pondering his great poem. Other critics reject that theory, pointing out that the figure is naked while Dante is fully clothed throughout his poem, and that the sculpture's physique does not correspond to Dante's effete figure. The sculpture is nude, as Rodin wanted a heroic figure in the tradition of Michelangelo, to represent intellect as well as poetry.
Falconry:
"So What Exactly is Falconry?"
http://www.pfht.org/falconry/
This revolutionary fella followed by
Adams family patriarch,giving rise
twin heir (plain lee gifted "Renaissance
Man") Jeff force'n without hemming
and hawing, subsequently conceding
nexus (nor horse drawn Lexus) of Colonial
power to Madison, thence Monroe
buttoned up as suitable candidate after
which younger Adams elected.
Thirty four followed Jackson's club
trumpeting (some Obama nib bully)
bushwhacking their way predicated
on faulty Algorithm, charming
charismatically with hint of Clint
like glint in eyes, blinding populace,
sans ray gun (Reagan), Car Tour ring
with peanut gallery in tow, affording
(unpopularly pardoning unfashionably),
a Jerry rigged nixed son, followed
by John's son tainted by stain of Vietnam,
but with said Southeast Asian debacle,
one ken heady (sporting thick styled hair)
inherited an internecine conflict, essentially
precipitated, when Eisenhower hardened
political stance against any allies of the
Soviet Union, (sans The Viet Cong), and
pledged his firm support to Diem
and South Vietnam.
Now with preceding administration, one
harried true man unleashed advent of atomic
spectra upon Hiroshima, and Nagasaki, this
purported preemptive measure scary ruse
felt to thwart exaggerated Japanese government
threat (military intelligence) scheming to
wreak untold havoc upon American troops
within the Pacific theater of World War II.
The former horrific decision controversial,
then and to this day Hoover expert historian,
diverge, asper corroborating the necessity
to usher in the Cold War, yet majority foreign
policy wonks might grudgingly attest that
said thirty first commander in chief did maintain
a Cool Edge throughout onset when doomsday
clock began countdown to Armageddon,
an unimaginably blaring, deafening, earsplitting...
cacophony distant rumbles heard, nonetheless,
no Hard dinning ghoulish nightmare (potentially
obliterating all life on planet Earth) haunted
Wilson, nor Taft, only gunboat diplomacy
mere child's play exhorted, less catastrophic
comparison, when Teddy Roosevelt wielded
"big stick schtick" namesake corollary to the
Monroe Doctrine in 1904...ad nauseum.
My protests were ignored!
He lept and then ran,
shooting out the door
at about a quarter to four.
Now, he is running free.
I know he feels good.
Frisky and full of glee
is how he likes to be.
I looked outside
when the clock said five.
There lay three critters
and none were alive.
These were gifts to me,
given that I may feed.
He was quite proud
to serve my need.
I called out his name,
played the waiting game,
standing in airy silence
because he never came.
With hands on hips,
I checked again at six.
There lay a mouse
doing tortured flips.
I had enough of this!
His behavior must be nixed.
His hunting must be stopped
before another life is popped.
I walked the streets
shaking his treats,
calling his name
and smiled when he came.
The hunting, fierce beast
now lay small at my feet
in the middle of the street,
Purring for his treats.
My anger was released
as I rubbed a soft crease.
He rolled over with ease
to show he was pleased.
Now, a little before seven,
I began some quick stepping,
heading for our home haven
to shelter my killing felon.
Snuggling him in my arms
so no other life was harmed,
I cooed in babyish tones
while walking my tiger home.
Within Pantheon Of Classical Gods
stricken with affliction,
sans amyotrophic lateral sclerosis
(also known as ALS,
or Lou Gehrig's disease)
in the prime of his youth wrought
underestimation, vitiated termination,
targeted sequestration,
solidified rigidification,
rendered quandary,
per paralyzation obliterated,
nixed navigation,
morphed motivation,
marked limitation
kickstarted infatuation,
jinxed immobilization,
induced intellectual hyperfunction,
garnered fundamental fascination,
fanned fabled exploration,
devastation demonstrated
delectable declaration,
cosmological constant comet
clinched, chained certain capitulation,
brainstormed benefaction,
benediction attribution assured.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
his longevity (marked by bing permanently
linkedin, hitched, drafted
to a custom made wheelchair,
his brilliant unsullied scientific genius)
endured seventy six orbitz veer
ring round the nearest star,
though seemingly motionless, he freed their
ret tickle physiochemical insight
encompassing, revolutionizing,
and jaw-dropping, revelations
with mortals he did share
transcendent seeded plentifully
mental limitless groundswell
fed his fecund rare
if eyed cogitated, formulated, insulated
(infinitesimal nook and cranny) force *****
lee disproportionate overly endowed capacity
bracketed with mar ching madness peer
ring with laser, razor, and taser sharp mind
(or a minuscule approximate near
facsimile thereof) scrutinizing, positing,
and discerning astronomical phenomena mere
via concentrating gifted limned, and rapacious,
though processes affixed
with a visage mordantly like King Lear.
Gentle rains falling with ease are welcome this day.
The wind stops then turns around the old weathervane.
Lightning flashes; thunder crashes, rolling away.
Gather in these sounds while listening to the rain.
"The Rainy Day" by Longfellow, stirs the spirit.
Reading poems by candlelight, the power nixed.
One needs to take a moment - and relax a bit.
Liquid tickles the rain gauge for an inch and six.
Do not become depressed if dark, dreary, and cold.
Sun still shines above the clouds completing this chain.
Hence it is time to shake off the drops of the old!
Pleasure in the sounds when listening to the rain.
Thick steaks grilling and sizzling over hot charcoal.
Glancing reverberations' from puddles splashing.
Both sound the same at times, a wondrous measured toll.
The bright lightning and loud thunder keep on crashing.
The power back on now, more storms are on the way.
To find comfort in dark clouds, questions if I'm sane.
I can't expect the same of you, just this to say.
Soak up those noises heard, listening to the rain.
Orlando and Sandy Hook
Advantage of always take advantage of
To do is what a bunch of people love
And of course we have heard as of late
Congress finds ways for funds to misappropriate.
Several of their feelings recently were fixed
All four gun control measures now are nixed
And instead of into the past each one fade
Republicans want to come to everyone's aid.
Instead of some having to end their career
Trying to make gun control bill be their idear
And all of the credit eventually want to get
Makes them feel good lets go ahead and let.
See my friend how easy it was to do
Democrats had bright idea out of the blue
Up whole congress finally became shook
By filibuster about Orlando and Sandy Hook.
James Serious Mysterious Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
In a Van I Drew up to the Carol-singing Abby
Warren, I was to Finley realize my wish to Mary.
Denise met me with a Lacy family Jewel blob.
Heather Matts were strewn on the floors.
Art was on Emery wall for Al to adore
Anna in the running Walter fountain,
I watched various, colorful fruits Bob.
No longer did all Phil so Harry to me.
Avery thing in view seemed to relax me.
I couldn’t help but give my Billy a Pat.
To be Frank, I was glad to have nixed an Emma
Justin case my nerves caused Adam dilemma.
Shirley, Olive the details, large and small
Had this Dawn met Grace, the Helen ones and all.
I am to I do, for William to Mary at first dark –
Ann event none may make Eric, Jack up or Mark.
... CayCay Jennings
November 23, 2016 / Contest - What’s in a Name - 3rd