Best Leered Poems

A funny frog called Mr Snog,
once lived beside a slimy bog,
he was a most peculiar fellow,
his hat was red, his boots were yellow,
his waistcoat was...

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Big Brenda knew things were not right
When she saw the rolls of cellulite
She could not disguise
The wrinkly thighs
And her hanging butt groaning with fright .


Skinny...

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He Sat On His Favorite Bench,
In Their Favorite Park,
Cracked And Crumbled,
His Eyebrows Knitted Together,
He Leered, 

Sadness Clouded His Features,
He Drew His Lower Lip Between His...

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How quickly our world changes
filling the minds with an allure!
The clothes hanging in the closet
are no longer stylish and hot;
the new trends are for the...

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I stood hidden in the shadows, watching
as Salome, clad in flowing veils, gyrated
to the music, exuding sensual richness.
Herod leered drunkenly at her vibrant body.
Overcome by...

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She slipped into the single’s club, 
where an assortment 
of horny guys and lonely hearts had assembled. 
Some were there hoping to find that "special"...

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Within the streets the bodies burned;
No human hand available to put ashes in urns.
What lead to this state was fear, hate and violence.
Rendering everything, normal...

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Somewhere soft and padded....

Today her hands are free to explore.
Her throat burns with acid from a heave of fresh gore.
She grunts and reaches for a...

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I had a bath in the dark the other night.
Left the radio off.
Mum came home early that day,
I could hear her boots clattering on the...

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Out the window flows my gaze
Blissfully journeying the horizon,
-- Like the fair sea bestowed per Poseidon --
Lost among secular golden haze.
  The sky leered...

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A statesman oak, in fall he spoke
to brethren of the wood.
Windblown vowels and fluttering jowls
deciduous he stood.
Calm and serene he argued green
for change, said change...

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Well, 'e sidled up the sofa, and he snuggled up right close…
I said, “Now, watch it, Charlie, you’ll get ***-ash on me toast!”

'E said, “D’you...

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There was a garden gnome named Griselda
who lived by my back garden gate
she was nasty and mean, at times quite obscene
to Gregor, her poor garden...

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She lay in bed and heard a sudden sound,
And then a wicked face appeared;
The vampire peered into her darkened room;
Her heart was thumping as he...

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Climb inside and buckle in
Anxiously twisting the key
As a mechanical symphony roars to life
Setting nine hundred horses free

The machine becomes an extension 
Of my own...

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