Best Leered Poems

A funny frog called Mr Snog,
once lived beside a slimy bog,
he was a most peculiar fellow,
his hat was red, his boots were yellow,
his waistcoat was an olive green,
the strangest sight you’ve ever seen,
no matter where you’ve lived or been.      

This...

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Big Brenda knew things were not right
When she saw the rolls of cellulite
She could not disguise
The wrinkly thighs
And her hanging butt groaning with fright .


Skinny Jack just stood there and leered
It was worse than his lean frame had feared
When he sat on her lap
And had...

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She slipped into the single’s club, 
where an assortment 
of horny guys and lonely hearts had assembled. 
Some were there hoping to find that "special" someone 
and some had come to chase away the blues,
 tinkling ice in cocktail glasses soon to be refilled. ...

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He Sat On His Favorite Bench,
In Their Favorite Park,
Cracked And Crumbled,
His Eyebrows Knitted Together,
He Leered, 

Sadness Clouded His Features,
He Drew His Lower Lip Between His Teeth,
From Memories,
His Thoughts Clouded,
Fighting Back Broken Tears,

An Old Woman Appeared,
She Gave Him A Dirty Look,
Her Nose Stuck In The Air,
She...

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How quickly our world changes
filling the minds with an allure!
The clothes hanging in the closet
are no longer stylish and hot;
the new trends are for the elite  
who are exploited by the designers 
creating the latest fashions   
not appealing to the masses 
who...

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I stood hidden in the shadows, watching
as Salome, clad in flowing veils, gyrated
to the music, exuding sensual richness.
Herod leered drunkenly at her vibrant body.
Overcome by uncontrolled lusty desire
he promised her anything that she wished for
and, prompted by her evil mother, she asked
for the head of...

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Within the streets the bodies burned;
No human hand available to put ashes in urns.
What lead to this state was fear, hate and violence.
Rendering everything, normal and known, to utter silence.
Why did this happen? And how could this be?
All that flourished is now decimated, pertaining to...

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Somewhere soft and padded....

Today her hands are free to explore.
Her throat burns with acid from a heave of fresh gore.
She grunts and reaches for a blood-dripping meat.
With the bones of our children she picks her teeth.

No longer do the pupils come,
Roused and fattened with Stahlberg's...

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A statesman oak, in fall he spoke
to brethren of the wood.
Windblown vowels and fluttering jowls
deciduous he stood.
Calm and serene he argued green
for change, said change is good.
The Sugar Pine stepped out of line
and said he never would.
The Sumac said, "I'll show you red!"
and red indeed...

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I had a bath in the dark the other night.
Left the radio off.
Mum came home early that day,
I could hear her boots clattering on the tiled floor.
I sank further under the water, and exhaled shame.
It clouded the tiles, and found
The heart which I had drawn...

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Out the window flows my gaze
Blissfully journeying the horizon,
-- Like the fair sea bestowed per Poseidon --
Lost among secular golden haze.
  The sky leered angrily gray
And bitterly cried frigid tears
From the fjords with ducts’ flowing fears
Trapping man like a ghastly cliché.
  Chills gripped...

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There was a garden gnome named Griselda
who lived by my back garden gate
she was nasty and mean, at times quite obscene
to Gregor, her poor garden mate.

She screeched and she stomped as she threw things
like my spade and my best flower-pots
she awaited on my roof- no...

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Well, 'e sidled up the sofa, and he snuggled up right close…
I said, “Now, watch it, Charlie, you’ll get ***-ash on me toast!”

'E said, “D’you think…?” I said, “Not much…” 'e said, “No, well, I mean…”
I said, “You what…?” 'E said, “You know…” I said,...

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Climb inside and buckle in
Anxiously twisting the key
As a mechanical symphony roars to life
Setting nine hundred horses free

The machine becomes an extension 
Of my own flesh and bone
My heart beats in choppy rhythm
While eight cylinders scream in tone

Launch sequence initiated
The green bulb’s affirmative glare
Release one...

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"Sign-here with blood," The Devil said.
              "But I have none."
His teeth displayed.
"Oh that's alright," the fiend replied,

"The deal was done as soon as your
Two feet walked through my office door."

I turned around...

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