Best Leered Poems
Big Brenda knew things were not right
When she saw the rolls of cellulite
She could not disguise
The wrinkly thighs
And her hanging butt groaning with fright .
Skinny Jack just stood there and leered
It was worse than his lean frame had feared
When he sat on her lap
And had a real bad mishap
Skinny vanished .... He just disappeared .
But Weight-watchers opened her eyes
Slimmed her "Michelin" way down to size
And Skinny was found
In a wrinkle that bound
Her bum to the back of her thighs .
Inspired for Carolyn's contest .
She slipped into the single’s club,
where an assortment
of horny guys and lonely hearts had assembled.
Some were there hoping to find that "special" someone
and some had come to chase away the blues,
tinkling ice in cocktail glasses soon to be refilled.
Others, who might be labeled commitment phobic,
had simply come to case the place for an easy lay.
Swinging svelte, mini-skirted hips lasciviously,
she strutted over to the counter
on legs that looked their longest and most shapely
from being hoisted on high red heels.
Every pair of eyes was trained on her.
Some in the club gawked
with eyes that hid beneath mascara-painted lashes, flitting envy.
Others leered with pupils dilating lust
from ogling the two soft protrusions in her tight white turtleneck.
Then with pink champagne in hand,
the goddess turned and surveyed her audience,
most of whom by now had looked away.
One remained, mesmerized, with eyes riveted on her.
He quivered when she caught his gaze
and strolled over to where he sat.
As she approached, he marveled at her face -
the chiseled cheekbones strong and high,
the dark eyes, luminescent and immense,
and curiously, an upturned nose so delicate
it seemed almost too perfect,
like one acquired from a sculptor’s hands.
He gulped when she asked him for a dance,
and as he asked this intriguing lady’s name,
he wondered at the timbre of her voice,
so provocative and low as she tossed dark brown locks
and said seductively,
“My name is Lola. L-O-L-A , Lola.”
Inspired by an old song from the 70's and
used now for Skat's the Premiere Contest number 10 Poetry Contest
He Sat On His Favorite Bench,
In Their Favorite Park,
Cracked And Crumbled,
His Eyebrows Knitted Together,
He Leered,
Sadness Clouded His Features,
He Drew His Lower Lip Between His Teeth,
From Memories,
His Thoughts Clouded,
Fighting Back Broken Tears,
An Old Woman Appeared,
She Gave Him A Dirty Look,
Her Nose Stuck In The Air,
She Sat Down On His Claimed Bench,
He Scrutinized As She Peered.
Suddenly,
Recognition Dawned On Their Faces,
Her Mouth Curved Into A Smile,
His Eyes Glistened,
Beneath His Almost Tears,
They Were So Much Older Now,
Unrecognizable At First,
But A Love Lost,
Had Prevailed,
And Was Found,
After So Many Years.
~Vickie Thayer~
How quickly our world changes
filling the minds with an allure!
The clothes hanging in the closet
are no longer stylish and hot;
the new trends are for the elite
who are exploited by the designers
creating the latest fashions
not appealing to the masses
who have eyes set on modest prices,
not on meticulous attire made to compete.
What's so strange and confusing
is that men once had a dress code,
and looking sharp they assumed their role
by charming women as they leered.
Today's eccentricities are irritating:
would a real man wear something weird
that looks feminine for the sake of fashion?
Is he comfortable with this transformation?
I stood hidden in the shadows, watching
as Salome, clad in flowing veils, gyrated
to the music, exuding sensual richness.
Herod leered drunkenly at her vibrant body.
Overcome by uncontrolled lusty desire
he promised her anything that she wished for
and, prompted by her evil mother, she asked
for the head of John the Baptist on a plate.
Reluctantly, all eyes on him, including guests,
he was compelled to grant her strange request.
I stood hidden in the shadows, watching.
The condemned man was dragged outside
and roughly bundled to the floor, unresisting,
held by the executioner’s steely grasp
whose dagger swiftly slit his life away.
An old woman clasped her head between her hands,
shocked and fearful at the sight of oozing blood,
in horror listening to the janitor’s final bidding.
The keen young maiden held a gold container
ready to receive the freshly severed head
of an innocent man. The old woman cried, in vain.
I stand hidden in the shadows, watching the years
roll by, a silent witness within a gilded frame.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Within a Gilded Frame: A masterpiece by Caravaggio
“The Beheading of St John the Baptist” prominently
displayed in St. John’s Co-Cathedral, Valletta, Malta.
© paul callus ~ 13th May 2016
Within the streets the bodies burned;
No human hand available to put ashes in urns.
What lead to this state was fear, hate and violence.
Rendering everything, normal and known, to utter silence.
Why did this happen? And how could this be?
All that flourished is now decimated, pertaining to society.
Those who ruled shunted their power and that all prevailed.
Bequeathing metal and chemicals to air, the sky and earth were assailed.
The eruptions, aground, incinerated and seared;
Within these milliseconds, Lucifer leered.
Betwixt his lips issued a whisper,
His tongue lolling about in a serpentine slither.
“Mere men need no malevolent coercement,
For evil lurks within their conscious contentment.
The destruction was bestowed upon them and their land,
Not by mine, but by their own hand.”
Somewhere soft and padded....
Today her hands are free to explore.
Her throat burns with acid from a heave of fresh gore.
She grunts and reaches for a blood-dripping meat.
With the bones of our children she picks her teeth.
No longer do the pupils come,
Roused and fattened with Stahlberg's rum.
No longer may her con be made,
Bewitching the flesh to beg for the blade.
A thought interrupts this blasphemous script,
Lamenting John Anderson, and his one missing bit:
"Mrs. Stahlberg is truly evil.
She belongs down in the depths of hell,
To burn forever with the Devil,
In the everlasting flames she should dwell.
She deserves great and eternal pain,
Cruel and unusual punishment.
But she would soon overpower Cain,
And put an end to all her torment.
Then she'd start to torture other souls,
And make their pain very, very great.
Then she would come and terrorize the schools,
And to the students release her hate.
Mrs. Stahlberg should be killed slowly,
'cause her soul sure-as-hell ain't holy."
Twenty years later....
It was ten minutes to closing when I noticed
A scummy liquid spilling from a table to the floor
Where a large-mouthed woman sat gorging, oblivious, on ...
What was it she was stuffing into that grotesque, huge maw?
I was shaken and frightened -- what a pitiful sight.
Just an old crazy eating
A fast meal
On a snowy, cold night.
I regained my footing -- my resolve grew tight.
I was alone with the eater, her drippings
A dizzying stench of urine and vice.
Damn this degenerate who delayed my home flight.
I said, "Miss, we're closing. Go home. Take a rest."
How stupid, I thought, as I slipped on her mess.
She neither spoke nor stopped eating that horrible chow
But leered at me, dripping, special sauce and dead cow.
A statesman oak, in fall he spoke
to brethren of the wood.
Windblown vowels and fluttering jowls
deciduous he stood.
Calm and serene he argued green
for change, said change is good.
The Sugar Pine stepped out of line
and said he never would.
The Sumac said, "I'll show you red!"
and red indeed he showed,
The Maple leered and, snobbish, sneered
"And I will show you gold!"
Mulberry trees, devoid of leaves,
held transient feathered fruit.
But winter breeze chased birds and leaves;
it stripped them crown to root.
"Oak," said Pine, "you should resign,
you've left your fellows bare!
I can assure no conifer
would oh, so badly err."
"Pine," said Oak, "I won't be broke
My way is more than fair.
Needles catch snow, and green will grow
when spring is in the air."
I had a bath in the dark the other night.
Left the radio off.
Mum came home early that day,
I could hear her boots clattering on the tiled floor.
I sank further under the water, and exhaled shame.
It clouded the tiles, and found
The heart which I had drawn only last week, Now dripping and deformed,
Framing my girlfriends name.
I shuddered at the memory,
And sank still lower into the bath.
The heart leered at me. I scrubbed it out, And scratched in the one word I had left
inside, It had swallowed all the other words, and now sat there bloated.
Transferred to the glass it looked obscene.
My mum never let me say it, it was naughty to say The G word.
Time to leave,
A BandB tonight and then,
Who knows?
As I passed my mother, a vicious hiss,
“There goes the martyr.”
I turned, but said nothing, how could I?
I was drained after
Purging apology after apology.
She took a deep breath,
And in the tiny moment before she spoke, A strange alien voice spilled from my
mouth.
“I love her mum”
For the first time,
She stopped, and looked at me.
I couldn’t help feeling smug, vindictive, She finally understood what silence was
like, It was her turn.
And, as I repeated the words, in my harsh new voice, She shattered, and wept.
Because we both knew,
Love,
Is more than her and Dad ever had.
Form:
Out the window flows my gaze
Blissfully journeying the horizon,
-- Like the fair sea bestowed per Poseidon --
Lost among secular golden haze.
The sky leered angrily gray
And bitterly cried frigid tears
From the fjords with ducts’ flowing fears
Trapping man like a ghastly cliché.
Chills gripped many a tree
And strangled life from all limbs
Drowning in white like a child without fins
Now life must resurrect debris.
Aye, Apollo ogles over the hidden,
The perfume of life gleams
And so everything seems
To breathe breath brio-ridden.
All in the course of 365 days
Can so much wither or flourish in a bouquet.
Well, 'e sidled up the sofa, and he snuggled up right close…
I said, “Now, watch it, Charlie, you’ll get ***-ash on me toast!”
'E said, “D’you think…?” I said, “Not much…” 'e said, “No, well, I mean…”
I said, “You what…?” 'E said, “You know…” I said, “Now, keep it clean!”
Well, he snuck his arm around me, an' I thought, “WOW! This is IT!”…
Then he suddenly pinched me cherry, an' he gave it a dribbly lick!
I yelled, “Gerroff…!” 'E said, “Come on, I 'aven’t 'ad it yet…”
I said, “You do, I’ll chuck yer out!” 'E leered, “D’yer wanna bet?”
WELL…
I snatched it out of his fingers, an' I put it back in place.
'E sighed, “Ahh, don’t it look lovely…” OOH! I could’ve slapped 'is face!
'E said, “that the time? I’ll 'ave ter go…” I said, “What’s up with you?”
He said, “Yer know…” I said, “I don’t!” … Then 'e went, - and IT went, too!
WELL!!!!
I thought he wanted my body, and a night of illicit fun…
But all he was really after was… The cherry off my BUN!!!!
This is in the style of the old-time comedian's monologue.
I particularly thought of Les Dawson, but we all remember a favourite.
In Northern English dialect, all small cakes are called buns ...
Climb inside and buckle in
Anxiously twisting the key
As a mechanical symphony roars to life
Setting nine hundred horses free
The machine becomes an extension
Of my own flesh and bone
My heart beats in choppy rhythm
While eight cylinders scream in tone
Launch sequence initiated
The green bulb’s affirmative glare
Release one button as I depress another
The front tires suspend in mid air
The mechanical cavalry stampedes
While the pipes cry out their siren song
Defiantly embedding rubber into asphalt
Parallel stripes running dark and long
Every gear change seemingly effortless
Acceleration that flattens your chest
Control of the beast seems impossible
While every sense is put to the test
Heads swivel and jaws drop open
The earth quakes as I roll past
Vanishing into the darkness
Redefining the meaning of “fast”
For I have stared fear in the face
While others stood back and leered
I stomped my right foot in defiance
And clicked down to a lower gear
This - the Divine Unity
Of Man and his Machine
In water we may be baptised
But in horsepower we are redeemed
"Sign-here with blood," The Devil said.
"But I have none."
His teeth displayed.
"Oh that's alright," the fiend replied,
"The deal was done as soon as your
Two feet walked through my office door."
I turned around and surely saw
A hole I hadn't seen before.
"I have you now, my little one.
I'll have myself a lot of fun."
I paled and wondered what I'd done.
I tried to move but couldn't run.
Oh I was doomed, destroyed at best.
I knew this madman did not jest.
"But i was smart, I hid my heart!"
"Your heart," said he, "has played no part.
My plan had much a simpler start.
I put my hand out palm-side up
Then lied, my dear. A dirty bluff.
I told you you could wiggle out,
Once you decide you've had enough.
But your enough and my enough..."
He laughed, "Why dear, they're quite unlike.
I sold you fame and massive fortune,
Riches that you wasted so-soon.
All I asked of you was that,
You lie, you cuss, be vain with lust.
And you, oh you, you quickly trust.
Don't try to scream, you're in too deep.
No rope, no boat, your faith's asleep.
It gives me no such greater pleasure
To show you pain that has no measure."
"Please!" I cried. My knees went weak.
"You plead?" he sneers, "What's this you speak?
The time for that has passed, alas.
You're Alice, I'm the looking glass.
"Liar!'
"Yes"
"Cheater!"
"Sure.
I'm a cancer without cure.
Submit your soul, I've reached my goal."
Then to-my fear my two eyes tear`d.
My soul departed,
Him, he leered.
"You're mine, all mine, my greedy dear.
Prepare to meet the heart of fear."
the end
Form:
I lock myself in my mind
And the troubles begin to unwind.
The numbness swoops over me and in the darkness I go
To find the answers to that of which I already know
The irony of falling is the knowing and unknowing of thy soul
Parts of you missing those others stole
I just want to close my eyes as I feel
Trying to figure out if this **** is really real
This pressure inside my chest that throbs so deep
The tears that swell my eyes and start to weep
Feeling both the inner and outer of my being at the same time
Hydroplaning life with no sign
The spiral down is the scariest because it seems without end
You start to feel your foundation crack and bend
Swaying in exhaustion from just trying to understand
Reaching out to myself with my own hand
An ocean with the darkest depths
Is where my mind is pulled in by tide and swept
Breathing is a struggle because the pain is sharp
I get turned inside out through my heart
All I want to do is rest the hurt away
Forget about that bad day
Feel normal again
Forget it happened.
But the inside cries keep me awake
And like shattered glass I begin to break
I fill with rage and anger for what I have endured
And loath the deception in which I was leered
Shaken by the rush of thinking too much
Searching for answers and finding no such
Desperate for freedom from this flesh of hell
It has burned me alive each time I fell.
Peace I seek, glory in light
So I keep on through this dark and lonely night
With my body emotions grow
And when I am ready, I breathe and
Let them go.
Then I feel fine
And safe once again in my own mind.
She lay in bed and heard a sudden sound,
And then a wicked face appeared;
The vampire peered into her darkened room;
Her heart was thumping as he leered.
Too scared to move, she cried and prayed for help,
And heard his scratching fingernails;
The fiendish creature meant to climb inside,
And wasn’t worried by her wails.
The window opened and she grabbed her cross,
But dropped it as she trembled so;
The grinning vampire leapt on to the bed;
The virgin had no place to go.
He took a bite and sighed, ‘She’s blood group O;
The A group is much tastier you know.’
For Russell’s Everything Halloween contest, 30th August