Best Hortense Poems

Why does our nose smell and our feet run?

Methinks the answer could be kinky

If Mother Nature chose the other way round

It sure would be messy...

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There once was a lass named Hortense
When she spoke she didn't make sense
An interpreter was needed
But the interpreter cheated
Swore like a trooper, made the air...

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Hortense Reads a Romance Novel

By Elton Camp

The cover picture is easy to understand 
Beautiful woman with bare-chested man

Into her lusty eyes he does peer 
Their...

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Hortense and Gertrude
   Priscilla, Imogene
Once-popular names
   no more to be seen

Isadore, Cornelius
  Cyrus and Mortimer
Back in the day such
 ...

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IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT

Not a knockout to begin with
Dubious  the juices beneath her skin
Hortense Winesap was a last resort
(after all    the...

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Tonight is for reflection.
Not the kind found in a mirror.  
Which of course I have none.  Mores the pity.  I would love...

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My given name is Hortense, and I am an English Professor,
I love my job and my life, and to do my best I endeavor.

I am...

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I see no Knight in shining armour
On his trusty steed
I can't see the local farmer or man of any
Colour or creed

Who would want a valentine...

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There once was a fat lady named Hortense
who claimed she could sing but this was nonsense.
She would make our ears ring
when she tried hard to...

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Hortense Halle was a regular hoot
She bought herself a new cottontail suit
   Hula hoop earrings
   A pair of pink wings
She never...

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Horton smelled a Who, what about Hortense
  Did she have that special female 'sixth sense'
     It seems she was lacking
...

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Hortense was an Opera singer,
Who thought she was a humdinger.
Every breath that she took,
Screamed like a strangulated chook,
The audience put Hortense through the wringer....

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