Best Hindquarters Poems

Blinking away the last vestiges of slumber,
the cub takes a few tentative steps,
her paws sinking into the soft,
loamy soil.
With each cautious movement,
she pauses,
her small nose twitching,
as she samples the myriad of scents,
that permeate the forest.
The world beyond the den,
is a wondrous tapestry of sights,
sounds, and...

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Being a sheep is a wondrous thing.
Never alone, always with a crowd.
One follows sheep rules all day long.

But this sheep alone,stands in fright.
Oh, winter's coming!
There will be cold blight and nights.

The other sheep turn their hindquarters 
on her.
After all, she had the unabashed nerve,
to listen...

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He billed himself as an expert in the field of "equine podiatry",
Better known as a farrier for farmers and the cream of society!
Keeping horses shod and their hooves polished was his vocation.
With horseflesh he'd had many an interesting confrontation!

He always had a roll-yer-own dangling from...

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Overweight law enforcement official:
Whopper
Copper

Nickname for a rather pudgy Charles Dickens Character:
Whopper
Copper

Overweight Janitor:
Whopper 
Mopper

Big fat lie:
Whopper
Whopper

Lockjaw:
Chopper
Stopper

Highway Patrolman pulling over a Hell’s Angel:
Chopper
Stopper
 
Louis XVI banned the Guillotine and thus was nicknamed the Great and Royal:
Chopper
Stopper

Church secretary to parishioners in a confession line:  ‘Lunch break! In...

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Bums are funny, I don't know why
giggling 'til I nearly cry-

Silly nicknames are so much fun
like tuchis, tail, rump or buns

Some are dainty, sweet or cutesy
like heinie, cheeks, and petootsie

Timid hinting at their meanings
“back-end”, “behind”... backward leanings

While some are spunky, full of sass
like keister, bum,...

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It was never about the suit,
the charcoal stitching,
the pocket square that folds itself,
the red tie I swore was alive.

At first, it just stood there—
hooves crossed, ears like knives
stabbing into the conference room light.
It never spoke, but no one dared speak over it. 
The org charts...

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Inapropos trois faux pas jokingly blurted out...

yesterday August 30th, 2022.

The following fictitious account
predicated upon words spilling
out me mouth before taking time
to think through how sarcastic remark
would affect primary listener.

Comments about marital matters
particularly ours (yours truly and wife)
uttered in earshot of the missus
in company of a...

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In the billow of mercurial cataclysms
Sharp as the pyrexia of igneous pebble stones
Upon my hindquarters I was cast
The circles that were established
Branded my skin with cancerous nightmares
Crafting the twisted love song ****ing my throat
Through the lavender haze I tread
Threatened by a medley of conundrums
The tongue...

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As I reach down for my lady fair
and hoist her up she twirls
in mid-air,and gently straddles
my mount with her chin on my chest
and her forehead tucked under my chin
the smell of lavender rushes instantly
with arms wrapped around midsection
I can feel her warm breath on my...

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Humus me? My vegetated chokes ingest!
(jokes all in jest)

Hard to believe, I orange in a lee
started life as barely visible speck!

Just in the course of healthy growing
season, this former minute nearly
microscopic entity developed into
quite pleasing nose cone herbivorous

specimen, though modesty restrains
me to rattle off an...

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The coincidence of Advent
and the HW Bush eulogies
reminded me of DJ Trump's challenge
to laugh about himself
at least as quickly and quietly as he laughs against others.

As compared to any recent US President,
he comes in dead last
for his appropriate humility,
willingness to sacredly listen, empathize with generosity,
and...

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Walk with me down town
I want everyone to know
That this grip is a knot
Not very easy to unite

You see these girls down yonder
Gazing with such a different eye
Sometimes dangling their hindquarters
An advert to pull you away from me

Hold me close to you -no space
Let them...

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Avid anteaters ate artichokes
Blossoming beyond barley’s beauty,
Classic chews can clearly 
Deny delivering dangerous dangling dates
Evening eggplants enormous evolved ecstatic
Ferocious fig fritters furthering Frito’s finesse.
Galloping gingerbread giants gobbling goats gelatin,
Hurrying heavily handsome hindquarters 
Imagining illustriously ignorant
Jealous juried jams
Killing king’s kiwi kingdoms.
Lazy llamas laughed lightly 
Making monster...

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Left a calling card by the door.
Left their business under the master’s covers.
The beagles snicker and cower,
knowing justice
will come with a swift kick.
Bruised hindquarters will be well worth it.
They’d do it again and again
except they love the master’s wife
who religiously pats them on the head,
rubs...

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Crunch
by Michael R. Burch

A cockroach could live nine months on the dried mucous you scrounge from your nose
then fling like seedplants to the slowly greening floor ...

You claim to be the advanced life form, but, mon frere, 
sometimes as you snatch encrusted kinks of hair...

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