Best Hams Poems

(Can you guess which Sheep/lamb nursery rhymes
I’ve parodied with these three piggy rhymes?)

1. Oink oink, white pig, have you any pork?
No WAY, Mister! Drop your fork!
You think you’re takin’ bacon? In a pig’s eye!
You’ll have to drag me kicking from my pig’s sty!

2. Sullivan Slime...

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a movie people praise
I cannot fathom why
as stupid people raised
such dumbos
who say "God I am just amazed!"
there must be at least one,
who says 
"please my dear madames"
please tell us
who told you there were
talking hams?...

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Hams of August Smother


The folks are angry, really. 
They can’t explain the diaper, 
yet they would explain poor Jack.
It’s a plot, you see, to show
poor Jack’s been had.

Folks can’t see why
no matter what Jack does,
even if he scrubs
in water warm enough
to soften turnips, 

sheathes himself
in...

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If you’ve got beef with me, 
Please season it to taste. 
Every word of hate is just a breath you waste, 
The face of disbelief, 
Will you ever forgive yourself come the end of days? 
Sweet honeyed hams served on a hot plate, 
A feast...

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