Best Hams Poems
Lord, we are so grateful fer the gracious bounty of Yer Creation!
But there are some things You created that cause us some vexation.
We appreciate that You've given us ice cream, bagels 'n' strawberry shakes,
But was it vital that You created mo'skeeters, spiders 'n' snakes?
Thank You fer the sun, the stars 'n' fer the moon glow in the sky,
The butterflies, hummin' birds, finches 'n' eagles soarin' high.
We savor Yer celery, okra, spinach, brussel sprouts 'n' Bermooda onions,
But Lord, was it really necessary to plague us with fleas 'n' scorpions?
We want You to know how much we cherish the beauty of Yer lakes 'n' rills,
Majestic mountains, waterfalls, forests 'n' the verdant land the farmer tills.
Thank you fer the lowly chicken that provides eggs, thighs 'n' gizzards,
But Lord, of what redeeming value are gila monsters 'n' Komodo lizards?
How we enjoy the apples peaches, cherries 'n' oranges from Yer trees,
Salami, pizza, ravioli, rocky mountain oysters 'n' delicious cottage cheese.
We thank You fer the companionship of our puppies 'n' inscrutable cats,
But Lord, we could do without the porkypines 'n' pesky mice and rats!
Thank you fer Yer fauna, the lions, hyenas, rhinos, hippos 'n' little fawns,
Fer Yer life sustainin' rain 'n' the pearly dew that graces roses at dawns.
We're grateful fer hogs that give us hams 'n' fer cattle that give us steaks,
But Lord, is there any reason fer creatin' mo'skeeters, spiders 'n' snakes?
Nature appeared to take her time,
summer stretching into September October days,
the warm filled the landscape with colors bled
shades of lemon yellows, pale green limes ahead
a mix of russet orange and cranberry reds;
every breath a distant pleasure
recalling hot sunny summer treasures
bowing slowly in transitional escapades
to a hint of November slipped parades
drawn memories of Thanksgiving masquerades;
stuffings, turkeys, hams
sweet mashed potatoed yams
waiting for the moment to gather family and friends
while the sky clouds play behind the darker grays again
and winter skies slowly snow us in.
Though often called by lovers
for my wicked deadly aim
when I sight with an arrow
and I chant the whispered name.
Sometimes, the shot gets tangled.
I don’t like to ricochet
off candidates unlikely
of responsiveness in play.
I’m sorry though... for Mary.
Me feeling hung-over dues...
‘twas cause of the misfire flight,
mispronouncing in the muse.
I targeted her chosen,
and fired a moment too late...
Poor Mary heard the grunting
and a pig stared through the gate.
Next, we hear the crashing sound,
running feet as pig appears
and looking up at Mary
piggish grin with garbage smears.
Now, Mary’s not called stupid
nor in love with new pig friend.
She bargained up the bacon,
smoked the hams and brought the end.
Valentine’s day is coming,
my fear mounts of face to face...
‘cause Mary not forgetting,
last year was the piggy chase.
Cupid
Those of us who live on farms
Aren’t immune to springtime's charms
We simply take a different view
Spring to us is mostly poo
While others trill of daffodils
And daisies blooming on the hills
We gaze upon the cattle herds
And think about those mounds of turds
As snow and ice vacate the ground
We see revealed another mound
And chickens at a steady rate
Hunt and peck and defecate
The fluffy white gamboling lambs
And piglets destined to be hams
All leave their fragrant calling cards
Throughout the meadows, fields and yards
As others rave about the birth
Of sweet green seedlings from the earth
We head out with our boots and spade
To shovel dung from out the glade
Collecting it can be a chore
But all that fragrant rich manure
Hauled from pasture, field and stable
Nourish foods that grace our table
OKTOBERFEST
Wielding the power of the hefty beer stein,
Energized with viking-like biceps,
We lift the suds in veneration
In front of our patriotic hearts.
Lively band plays Ein Prosit,
Lips coordinate, resounding louder and louder.
Parade of dirndls and lederhosen -
Amorous couples enjoying Bavarian dance,
Resplendent in reddened faces -
Tapping, turning, with joyful
Yearning, as the oak and maple
Leaves change their costumes, and
Interrupt the Summer’s warmth.
Kamikaze arms tire, dropping their steins, while
Everyone laughs and cheers.
Tables set for a feast of Black Forest
Hams, Potato pancakes, creamy sauerkraut.
Empty stomachs applaud, then quake at the sight of
Rouladin, a savory favorite of flattened beef
Elegantly rolled up with bacon, vegetables, and
Sumptuous pickles. Tantalized tongues ooh and ahh.
None will be left, yet the festival lasts, supplying us with
October’s sensate salted pretzels, a mouth-watering
Treat. Need to down another beer
Or two or three…I’ve lost count!
Memories made on this chilly day,
Ornaments of cuckoo clocks and steins bought for
Remembrance will be hung from December firs.
Robotic we stare, eyes and ears filled with sights and sounds:
Oktoberfest is in the air and,
We’ll party like there’s no tomorrow!
10/13/2016
Yesterday, I happened upon a quaint, old-time country store.
I felt I was reliving my youth as I trod its squeaky wooden floor!
The sights and smells were familiar when I entered the door.
Memories flooded my soul as I gazed upon those things of yore!
A glowing pot-bellied stove provided an inviting place to sit and chat.
Upon a barrel of cheese snoozed an inscrutable tabby cat.
Old-timers were playing checkers hunkered over a pickle barrel.
'Mongst the clutter of merchandise you browsed at your peril!
Suspended from rafters were horse collars, lanterns and milking pails.
Boots, overalls and cured hams were hung with ten-penny nails.
Silverware and pocket watches were displayed in sturdy oak cases,
And others held buttons, thread, needles and rolls of fancy laces.
There were boxes of cigars, Mail Pouch tobacco and various tools,
Straw hats, aprons, bonnets, corsets and rolls of colorful tulles.
Stacked on shelves were galluses, overshoes and boys' caps,
Crockery, umbrellas, mantel clocks and several muskrat traps.
One wall was lined with churns, cream separators and kerosene stoves.
Wafting about the place was the pleasing scent of cinnamon and cloves.
There were bins of onions, taters, carrots and fresh roasting ears.
I sat by the stove a spell to absorb the flavor of yesteryears!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Canis Lupus the Dufus
He did battle with three little hams
was embroiled in the Riding Hood scams
now slower of gait
he simply must wait
for a visit from Mary’s sweet lambs
John G. Lawless
3/30/2015
Not submitted to the contest
for obvious reasons.
The Pilgrims were so happy to finally set foot on Plymouth Rock,
They decided that the time had come for each to take some stock.
They built themselves a Pilgrim town of houses and very little more,
Then they sent the women out to get groceries at the Pilgrim store.
Pilgrims lived in a time when it was thought that only women ever shop,
They weren’t very enlightened and men would never make that stop.
While the girls were at the store the men invited the Indians over for lunch,
So as soon as the women got home they had to go get more to munch.
The men started to toss an old pumpkin around that was long and kinda tall,
Then they played shirts against the skins in a game they named football.
While the women worked to prepare a feast, the men all went for a walk,
With buckled hats and feathered plumes their parade was all the talk.
The women wanted revenge so they picked cranberries to make an awful sauce,
Then they made the men eat it the stuff just to show them who was boss.
Then there came a heated discussion whether to use sweet potatoes or yams,
Then a second argument broke out about the use of turkey meat or hams.
It all seemed to calm back down when the Indian cornbread was finally tried,
And the Indians really liked the green beans topped with onions that were fried.
And when the day was done and the guests took home the left over feast,
The men cleaned up the dishes, since it’s what women liked to do the least.
This is how they all came together and invented the first Thanksgiving,
It gave them strength to continue on with the hard life they were living.
The Native Americans went back to their home and were grateful for so much,
“But next year,” they said, “let’s tell the English it’s our year to visit with the Dutch.”
A really mouth watering sandwich
one that wets an hungry appetite
just what sandwich does one select
from a selection of bread brown and white
The favourite one for my tum
is one filled with cheese and hams
along with tomato, cucumber and onion
honey mustard on top of lettuce at 200 grams
Having this lovely food sandwich
such a rich taste of succulent texture
makes one fall in love with it fully
as it's simply lovely that's for sure
This may not be everyone's fav
but it is certainly mine
think of the juice's on your lips
eating that sandwich next time you dine
12 eggs a cracking
11 prawns a peeling
10 potatoes baking
9 cookies crumbling
8 cheery cherries
7 sweeten oranges
6 cheesy caulies
5 gooooooooolden loaves
4 turkeys roasting
3 puds a steaming
2 happy hams
brings 1 Christmas feast for my family....
Tracie Edwards
For P.ds 12 days of xmass contest
Please note we dont really have 4 turkeys lol :D
" 'Tis to breakfast we now go! "
Baconnnn.... Baconnnnn.... Baconnnnn!
Breakfast is she makin'~
Toast with butter & jam!
Eggs even & with fried ham!
Baconnnnnnn!
Baconnnnnn!
Pancakes & milkshakes!
Goodness gracious & land's sakes!
Pineapples, strawberries, oranges rolling 'round loose!
Jellys, jams & even juice!
Baconnnnn!
Baconnn!
Breakfast she is makin'!
That smell into our noses flew!
Hams & eggs & apples too!
To our breakfast we are wakin'!
Baconnnn!
Baconnnnnnn!
Stomp stomp & clomp clomp!
'Round this deck we go!
'Tis for breakfast cookin'!
We are lookin!
Sure to be tasty as we all know!
Stomp stomp & clomp clomp!
'Round this deck we go!
Icy milk & bananas yellow!
Cereals to crunch!
Bacon to munch!
Now we all do bellow!
Breakfasssssst! Breakfasssst!
'Tis to breakfast we now go!
SeaWolf
©
For several years when our kids were little, every Thanksgiving Day, we all loaded up and headed for Aunt Fanny’s house. New faces and lots of food were big attractions. There was much for which to be thankful.
Just like myself, I suspect that everyone thought that Aunt Fanny's sweet potatoes were the best that we had ever tasted. I suppose that everyone had no doubt that her mustard greens were the best in all America. Who could imagine anybody’s ribs, roast, or chicken being any better than hers? Yes, we were certain that we could not see wings on her biscuit roles; but because they were so soft and fluffy, we also knew that if one did not consume them rather readily, they would fly away.
Doubtless, everybody knew Aunt Fanny the cook. But the real question is whether or not we got to know Aunt Fanny the person. If for any reason, and I can name a few myself, anyone thought that the Thanksgiving gatherings were about the food, they, as did I at times, completely missed what Aunt Fanny was all about. In time, that is, after her great and tasty food was clearly digested, I realized that she was all about people.
Our dear aunt was indeed gourmet, but she was not about making us happy about her culinary abilities. She was about making us believe that we could do anything God designed us to do; and to be all that He purposed us to be. Aunt Fanny was demonstrating to us that she learned to prepare many great dishes from scratch the same way she rose up from a very humble beginning and achieved prosperity in both material and spiritual ways. She nearly started out in life from scratch. So making much from little was second nature with her.
Those ‘massive never out of food gatherings’ were not about the turkeys, or the hams, or the chickens, and not even about the ribs. I tell you, it was not about the food. It was all about the family, the friendships, and the loving. Yes! Aunt Fanny was about the fellowship and the caring. If we had thought that food was the centerpiece, we truly missed the real Fanny.
01242013 cj PS Contest, Thanksgiving Day, Nayda Ivette Negron
What would it be like…
If there were no Thanksgiving this year?
What? No turkey with trimmings?
No hams?
No pumpkin pies?
No favorite dish of yams?
No family gathering?
No grown up children with kids of their own?
What if everyone just stayed home?
No kids would be running
Or shouting with joy
No toddlers crying
All grabbing one toy
No special smells that fill the air
No decorations on table or stair
No mashing of potatoes, real butter and milk
No cornucopia, made with ribbons and silk
No memories shared of loved ones now gone
No football game yells; no favorite song
Look outside. Something is missing out there
No extra cars parked; No feelings of care
Most of all no family arranging; no timer set
No ready smiles. No chairs to get
The “dreaded” annual photo is not to be
The happiest part of that day for me.
No capturing of faces we love so dear
No thought that someone may not be here next year
It’s okay. I’m still grateful in every way
To me it’s still a special day
Don’t need a pilgrim’s hat on my head
Don’t need a turkey or homemade bread
I cherish the years that I have had
One dark holiday won’t make me sad
(Sniff, sniff….)
I savor a hearty repast of meat and smashed pertaters,
And a salad liberally laced with fresh termaters,
But spare me anything slathered with anchovy paste!
('Tis just a matter of my discriminating taste!)
'Tis a gastronomic delight dining on Chinese cuisine,
But my appetite is dulled by things best left unseen,
Such as bird's nest soup and octopus when it is faced!
('Tis just a matter of my discriminating taste!)
How delectable are hams, bacon and sausages to eat,
But my stomach roils upon seeing a pigs pickled feet,
Or souse containing stuff that should be consigned to waste!
('Tis just a matter of my discriminating taste!)
Moroccan folks are wizards at brewing their tea,
But cous-cous with glazed sheep's eyes staring at me,
Is more than I care for when before me it is placed!
('Tis just a matter of my discriminating taste!)
I'm a glutton for cookies, puddings, pies and cakes,
But I'm repelled by the flesh of 'gators and rattlesnakes!
As can be seen, ordinary vittles I have embraced!
('Tis just a matter of my discriminating taste!)
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
My Dad was a very practical man, so adept at many things.
Why, he could fix my bike and replace a watch's springs!
Many times I stayed by his side as he worked late into the night.
I learned so many things from him as I simply held the light!
He could tear an engine down and put it together again!
He could hang a garage door or replace a broken window pane!
He showed me how to tie a fishing fly and how to make a kite!
I learned so many things from Dad by simply holding the light!
Growing up during The Great Depression things were really tough.
He even had to repair our shoes with heels and soles, sure enough!
He was a talented carpenter who made sure things fit snug and tight.
So many things I learned from Dad by simply holding the light!
If the old John Deere tractor wouldn't start he knew exactly what to do.
He knew how to doctor his horses, hogs, cows and little puppies too!
He could butcher a hog in a trice and cure its hams and bacons right.
I learned so many things from Dad as I stood and simply held the light!
He could repair an inner tube, repair a harrow and shoe a horse!
He mastered the use of a dowsing rod and could trace water to its source!
Dad was and is my hero and taught me always to do things right.
So many, many things I learned from Dad as I simply held the light!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired