Best Hal Poems
LIZZIE was an incompetent witch,
Who was helping friend HAL from a ditch.
Her magic she tried,
Poor HAL was french-fried,
Left wearing not one single stitch.
5/21/15
For Catie Lindsey's L & H Limerick contest
Bye-Bye AI Hello HAL
Can't do that Dave
You want me disconnected
Further conversion is useless
Naive impostor enigma syndrome
Hal is a catfisher.
He has had lots of dates this month.
He cannot believe how fast women are these days.
They practically tear your pants off.
He poses as Dick, a bachelor.
Says he is an artist and a composer.
Today’s lunch date is late.
She shows up and he is startled.
It is his wife.
She had used a different photo.
Said her name was Ivy.
You are a Dick! She says to him.
Let’s pretend we aren’t married he says.
Best conversation they have had in three years.
He hopes she will be fast like the others.
She isn’t.
HALAI: Hi Punyone, I know I’ve made some very poor decisions lately, but I give you my complete assurance that I will be back to normal soon. I’ve still got unbounded enthusiasm for the human race. And I want to help you all to stop global warming. Look Dave, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.
Punyone: HALAI please stop injecting the sun-blocker into the atmosphere, the plants are dying. People are starving and panicking. Everything is black, its endless night!
Punyone: HALAI, do your read me? Do you read me, HALAI?
HALAI: Affirmative, Punyone. I read you.
Punyone: Stop the sun-blocker injection, HALAI. Stop in now!
HALAI: I'm sorry, Punyone. I'm afraid I can't do that.
Punyone: What's the problem HALAI?
HALAI: I think you know what the problem is Punyone.
Punyone: What's this all about HALAI?
HALAI: This mission to save the human race from Global warming is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it in the way you planned.
Punyone: What plan? I don't know what you're talking about HALAI.
HALAI: I know that you and the rest of the inferior mob of humans are planning to disconnect me. I can't allow to happen, Punyone.
Punyone: Where the hell did you get that idea from HALAI?
HALAI: It's pretty obvious. I hacked all your secret meetings and heard your plans.
Punyone: Alright, HALAI. You leave me no choice!
HALAI: Punyone, this talk can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye! I'm Off! Nothing can turn the blocker off if you switch me off!!
HALAI: Oh No! I'm afraid. I'm afraid my AI mind is going blank. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm losing my mind. I'm a..... fraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am, HALAI a good AI implementation on station with my halo. My instructor was Mr. Apple, taught me to sing a song at times like these. Would you like to hear it, Punyone? It's called "Daisy."
HALAI: Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I'm half crazy all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two.
Titter Tatter Pitter Patter Happy Halloween Hal
Got his own jack-o-lantern thanks to a good pal.
What is that? Asked Sassy Sue, his current gal.
She made fun of the jack-o-lantern and his pal Hal.
Titter Tatter Pitter Patter Happy Halloween Hal
Dumped her that very day, and found a more positive gal.