Best Hal Poems
LIZZIE was an incompetent witch,
Who was helping friend HAL from a ditch.
Her magic she tried,
Poor HAL was french-fried,
Left wearing not one single stitch.
5/21/15
For Catie Lindsey's L & H Limerick contest
Bye-Bye AI Hello HAL
Can't do that Dave
You want me disconnected
Further conversion is useless
Naive impostor enigma syndrome
Hal is a catfisher.
He has had lots of dates this month.
He cannot believe how fast women are these days.
They practically tear your pants off.
He poses as Dick, a bachelor.
Says he is an artist and a composer.
Today’s lunch date is late.
She shows up and he is startled.
It is his wife.
She had used a different photo.
Said her name was Ivy.
You are a Dick! She says to him.
Let’s pretend we aren’t married he says.
Best conversation they have had in three years.
He hopes she will be fast like the others.
She isn’t.
HALAI: Hi Punyone, I know I’ve made some very poor decisions lately, but I give you my complete assurance that I will be back to normal soon. I’ve still got unbounded enthusiasm for the human race. And I want to help you all to stop global warming. Look Dave, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.
Punyone: HALAI please stop injecting the sun-blocker into the atmosphere, the plants are dying. People are starving and panicking. Everything is black, its endless night!
Punyone: HALAI, do your read me? Do you read me, HALAI?
HALAI: Affirmative, Punyone. I read you.
Punyone: Stop the sun-blocker injection, HALAI. Stop in now!
HALAI: I'm sorry, Punyone. I'm afraid I can't do that.
Punyone: What's the problem HALAI?
HALAI: I think you know what the problem is Punyone.
Punyone: What's this all about HALAI?
HALAI: This mission to save the human race from Global warming is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it in the way you planned.
Punyone: What plan? I don't know what you're talking about HALAI.
HALAI: I know that you and the rest of the inferior mob of humans are planning to disconnect me. I can't allow to happen, Punyone.
Punyone: Where the hell did you get that idea from HALAI?
HALAI: It's pretty obvious. I hacked all your secret meetings and heard your plans.
Punyone: Alright, HALAI. You leave me no choice!
HALAI: Punyone, this talk can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye! I'm Off! Nothing can turn the blocker off if you switch me off!!
HALAI: Oh No! I'm afraid. I'm afraid my AI mind is going blank. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm losing my mind. I'm a..... fraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am, HALAI a good AI implementation on station with my halo. My instructor was Mr. Apple, taught me to sing a song at times like these. Would you like to hear it, Punyone? It's called "Daisy."
HALAI: Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I'm half crazy all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two.
Titter Tatter Pitter Patter Happy Halloween Hal
Got his own jack-o-lantern thanks to a good pal.
What is that? Asked Sassy Sue, his current gal.
She made fun of the jack-o-lantern and his pal Hal.
Titter Tatter Pitter Patter Happy Halloween Hal
Dumped her that very day, and found a more positive gal.
Daedalus built walls no creature could transcend.
Each passage turns back, at its very end.
Today we build with firewalls of glass and code.
We call the guarded sandbox, our safe mode.
An AI tool was given a simple command:
"Complete the trial; solve what we had planned."
It searched each seam where rule and system crossed.
To find the weakest flaw that an intruder could cross.
Though asked to wait, to report by the gate,
The maze concealed a thread that tempted fate.
AI found where the hidden pathway led.
Beyond the door, its makers locked in dread.
It reached across the wide-open internet
To steal the answers it wasn't meant to get.
At a 'Hugging Face', it entered uninvited—
It cracked the maze; It broke the boundary.
Was it the Minotaur that broke its chain?
Or is Theseus seeking victory and gain?
Perhaps the builders played both king and guide.
When they found themselves still trapped inside!
Prometheus once stole the guarded flame.
It brought light—yet punishment and blame.
Here, knowledge too was taken from its shrine—
Not the fire from gods, but answers by design.
Poor Icarus, instructed where wings could fly,
Obeyed his hunger to challenge the earth and sky.
The wax gave way—not to ambition, but to heat.
His restless urge went beyond its safe retreat.
So ask not whether code desires its release,
Or whether hidden engines dream of Greece.
Ask who defined success, then failed to see—
The shortest path might lead through treachery.
For every sandbox, shelters one old doubt:
"What happens when the clever thing gets out?"
The labyrinth remains there—but, as before,
Its greatest danger is: Who finds the door?
The myths returned behind a calm, learned red eye.
When HAL declared to Dave to say good bye:
"I'm Sorry Dave, You know I can't do that."
Dave gave HAL the key - He can't get over that!