Best Haint Poems

Nay, despite failing to make the grade,
     this bluesy well red, duff mute 
     average white band hit,
     hard knock school alumnus
jack of all trades master of none bumped along

   ...

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Already the month
     of August 2018,
     May never become 
     a je June'm
     (Forget-me-not)
     time of year,
especially for nouveau
     homeless and,
...

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Mine psyche riddled with dybbuk - haint no joke

Thru emerging adulthood awareness awoke
within noggin of average baby boomer bloke
catastrophization toward risk taking I evoke
positive growth experiences throughout vast
number of orbitz around sun never kickstarted
nor linkedin with potential livingsocial folk.

Courtesy solitude yours truly
proffers poetic obscurantist blatherskite
discombobulated clishmaclaver...

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Everyone nose, I haint no otolaryngologist

Nonetheless this bard **** feels gratitude
courtesy Laurence V. Cramer, D.O.
without cerumen eye zing
May 17th, 2022 'ere
and thank dog guardian angels,
who find me continually blessed
regarding audiological sense to hear,
whereby faculty sound waves
enter outer ear and travel through
a narrow passageway
called the ear...

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Ofttimes yours truly assiduously tries to adlib,
but blubbers like a landlubber
at sea treading water donned with bib
(that doubles as yellow
spongy bobbing life jacket)

furiously doing doggy paddle
riding the next tidal wave
hoop fully washing me ashore to crib
if need be to dig an underwater channel
painstakingly slow drabs...

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I haint donning royal carpet treatment

No stuntman/woman showed up, 
albeit intervened in timely fashion
to thwart mishaps experienced 
courtesy me I bemoan,
and poet lore re: yet of Perkiomen Valley
Pennsylvania, United States of America
never suffered major illness nor broken bone
(specifically life and death health crisis, 
nor compound...

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Boot juiced abiding
     by ruff dogma, with joie
de vivre, which oft times witnesses
     me being a decoy
occasionally feigning
     tubby an Anchorite, ahoy!

Life in the K9 corps
     aint so ease...

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Who Beside This Atheist Doth "say" Thar Haint No Angels?

Two fatal head on
     deadly automobile accidents
     in quick succession at 
     Zieglerville, Pennsylvania 
     poetic traffic circle
  ...

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Seek fortune teller asap (haint no fable)

Best nondescript literate jinxed
humble dug good feller ya e'er seen
amenable, a non biased opinion -
of course I mean mine mein
yours truly gets no lucky strike breaks
particularly never ending

surprising automotive repairs,
thus in sore need of green
i.e. legal tender concerning Hyundai...

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In summer re: I haint getting undressed!

Hence donning entire wardrobe,
Saint Nick outfit including,
while trumpeting think spring
argh only about four plus months away
lest some big bird willingly
takes me under their wing
undiscovered since I won't be peaking,
nor quacking duck like

prompts yours truly xing
to tropical rainforest
playing Tarzan and...

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Commander In Chief On His High Horse Haint Budge'n

American democracy go'n
     to hell at light speed
breaking into a bajillion pieces
     tuffet in a handbasket
     sans, lame leader
     ship (of...

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Present wedded bliss haint no touchstone...

Circa ~ late spring/ early summer 1978
twas at behest of Harriet Harris,
thus due credit mother dearest
(she long since passed away)
who tried, to bribe, coax, exhort...
(protracted effort not all in vain),
cuz her second of three progeny,

and sole son i.e. (me) to
commingle,...

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Aw shucks, I did sustain
moderately serious injury
series of unfortunate events
ludicrous and quite insane,
yours truly did previously explain
while crouching (think

Tony as papier mâché Tiger),
aye fell backward, where sharp
desktop corner didst train
ground zero right side rib cage domain
punched thru L.L. Bean Autumn jacket
zapped, tattooed, lacerated... bloodstain

proof positive...

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Nonetheless feel gratitude without
cerumen eye zing
January 22, 2020 'ere
and thank guardian angels
who find me continually blessed
regarding audiological sense to hear,
whereby faculty ears avail hear

structures of silence on wing
and prayer grateful ring
around the collar soundwaves,
which analogously ping

pong with supreme functionality
and pleasantly and gloriously bring
audible world wide...

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Nope! I haint gonna crack'n on the heat... just yet
until the cowed chickens come home to roost!

Sunlight streaming thru window
body electric of mine doth whet
begets hardiness to acclimate
against PECO shut off threat
ideal opportunity to spouse
analogous to her being my emotional pet
snuggling while standing in kitchenette
but...

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