Best Haggis Poems

I am a Burn’s Night baby
(named after the Ayrshire bard)
So we’re off to hunt a haggis
locating one is extremely hard

We scour the hills of Scotland
and have dull and rainy weather
There’s not a haggis to be seen …
they’re all hiding in the heather!

All of a sudden...

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Let’s hve haggis and drinks mi luve
Find de bes ina de ole land 
Lay yu head on mi chest mi luve
Whilst wi dance musik wid de band

Dance wid de band in de Highlands
Backyard jig good fer de ole soul
Tickle mi nose with yu gold locks
Tigether...

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The last time someone dropped into our pool,

it broke our concentration for crock school.

I didn’t join the food frenzy,

prefer Scots called Mackenzie.

So take this one mates, silk chutes bind my stool!


* For the “To Die for Limerick” contest. Hard to tell crock or gator from...

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no waste
odd taste

strange dish
haggis

Scotch hype
beef tripe

entrails
pig's tails

fish heads
sweetbreads

offal
awful

January 23, 2013...

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The Haggis lives a solitary life
On mountainsides and braes
Foraging, for slugs and snails
Is how he spends his days

But come the rutting season
A change in him you’ll find
He’ll go out searching, high and low
For others of his kind

His plumage changes colour
From brown to scarlet red
A pair...

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The Haggis is an elusive wee beastie
with sweet tasting meat and two hearts
to defeat. To catch one and feast upon is
a well deserved treat.

Even the most skilled
huntsmen are lucky to catch a glimpse, as it
scurries so fast with its two hearts beating
fast. 

Oh the Haggis...

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Chicken breasts with whiskey trace
Stuffed rich with oatmeal
Heart, liver and onion mix
Spiced to ones taste buds
Folded, oven bound
Pepper sauce
Nice!...

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Welcome world as you read this poem

Its about the Haggis

Scottish Highlands they roam

 

The lowland Haggis with legs the same

Evolution from the Highlands they came

 

But the truer beasts, rarely in sight

Run through the hills left and right

 

With one set of legs longer than...

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Mary Haggis, little clown
With beak like blighted crows
And scary hair all lit aflame
Is where the woodbine grows.








"Mary Haggis" is reprinted here from 
PETS GIVEN IN EVIDENCE OF OLD ENGLISH WITCHCRAFT
AND OTHER BEWITCHED BEINGS 
(Minneapolis: Sidecar Preservation Society, 2016)....

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Come hither, thine little Covid face
Puddin’, puddin’, all o'er the place
‘Er thou leapeth, looketh!
‘Er thou jumpeth, deepeth
Verily, verily, weeping weeper, 
Look before thou leapeth!

O’ thou dearly beloved Burns
Scotland’s glory
Cheater, cheater, Haggis eater!
Had a wife and couldn’t beater
Stopping by thy Haggis wood
Without a frosty heater.

Jump, jump,...

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His name was Mr Hamish MacTavish.
He was a Scot, and his taste was lavish.
Mr MacTavish wrote a posh cookery book
So all Cordon Bleu Chefs could try to cook,
A haggis!...

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Haggis

I was walking up Benarty hill
When a Haggis crossed my path,
It jumped into a puddle 
As it took it`s morning bath.

It splished and splashed in the puddle
And then it dooked it`s heed,
And here`s me standing thinking 
That Haggis were long since deed.

It jumped right oot...

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“Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie, face
Great Chieftain o’ the Puddin-race!”
“Address To A Haggis”, Robert Burns, 1786.
(Keeper o’er the Fourth Kingdom)

Robert, Robert, Fourth Kingdom
Gate Keeper.
No Telestial glory
Befits the poet deeper!

Wherefore is thy legacy
Robert Burns, regretfully
Wherefore is thy Haggis?
Thy Puddin’ flees before thee.

Thy Hippopotami give birth
Purple, purple,...

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