Best Fax Poems
(Hello, my sweet friend!)
Speaks in unknown tongues
Nevertheless it will consume
Ask for food,
A sweet drink
The hunger and thirst are real
It's pitchfork aims at my free will
Seeking and freaking through my pages
It's been ages since the impression was gone
Sloppy wording crawl under my hide
Notification triggers my finger and thumb
Bang! The evil one exists
With a second-hand letter
It believes, it should never be forgotten
Numb as Novocaine can be
I watch and interpret the riddles in every line
Living and breathing art,
I'm echoing the same nightmare
How dare, the devil seeks to be fed!
Screaming and remembering
--the demons that linger in its head
Too much to read,
I have major troubles with your disease
Lunacy of the universe
Open Obituary, you are a curse
Like a transparent note from a fatal fax machine
It's a calling, unbearable to describe
Take from me, after I am deceased
Like fire, it burns, cancer in every star
Lies to
Greets to
My eye twitch
My soul hurts
I'm not feeling well
Take care,
Leave me the HEll alone
(-*-)
I love you just the way you are
(after they buff that awful scar)
and laser the tattoos over your heart
I'm sure we're destined never to part
Remember to tuck up that cute
double chin
and put those buttocks back where
they'd been
Do ask about Lypo and
wax that moustache
and while you are at it get those teeth
that flash
A beautiful smile in no time they say
it Looks great and it seems such a small
price to pay
For love such as ours that
withstands any crisis
so while you are there just look
into the prices
of permanent lashes and
green contacts honey
and buy some new clothes
for it's well worth the money
a wig or a dye job will top
off the look
and get those new nails that
we saw in that book
I love you for you
but it's so plain to see
There's really a much better you
you can be
So call me next year
after all transformations
(I'm sure you'll exceed all of
my expectations)
Just fax me a photo
I'll show it with pride
But remember I love you
for the you that's inside!
When eye was eating my serial this mourning
Aye red the hole rules four the contest
Eye sore it inn black and white
It was plane for all two sea
The sponsor said wee CAN make miss steaks
Butt too me this practise isn’t write,
Nun are aloud, they are usually band
Yule have guest its throne me off coarse
Ewe awl no wee kneed too right perfect poetry
How can wee expect two win
Hour poem mite bee bard
Weave always bean tolled Anne error can't bee maid
Sew is the fax I didn’t ewes my spell chequer a gambol…
May bee I knead a lessen how too rite inn the write tents two
Tell me strait, do my versus make any scents too ewe?
Who nose, my poem mite sale to a plaice at the top of the podium
Contest Don’t fight it ….write it!!!! – Sponsor John Lawless
08~13~15
Fax me a message in the shadows of each cloud.
Share with me, your joy, or tears of pain!
I am very good at moving clouds around!
I will bring you sunshine, but never nor soul rain.
Fax me a message in the shadows of each cloud.
To show my compassion, and tell you, I love you, out loud!
5/13/2021
~3 ~
Original version:
Phone for the fish knives, Norman
As cook is a little unnerved;
You kiddies have crumpled the serviettes
And I must have things daintily served.
Are the requisites all in the toilet?
The frills round the cutlets can wait
Till the girl has replenished the cruets
And switched on the logs in the grate.
It's ever so close in the lounge dear,
But the vestibule's comfy for tea
And Howard is riding on horseback
So do come and take some with me.
Now here is a fork for your pastries
And do use the couch for your feet;
I know that I wanted to ask you-
Is trifle sufficient for sweet?
Milk and then just as it comes dear?
I'm afraid the preserve's full of stones;
Beg pardon, I'm soiling the doileys
With afternoon tea-cakes and scones.
~
My version:
Do phone for a pizza Norman,
since Olga is having a strop.
Then say that I want it delivered,
you’re not going down to the shop.
We’ll have to get Desmond to call in,
the sauna’s beginning to leak.
My microwave’s out of commission;
the hoover’s beginning to squeak.
I must send a text to Jemima.
We may get an email from Max
and when you’ve stopped surfing on Google,
do put some more bumph in the fax.
Now give me some thoughts for our party,
the one at the end of the week.
It’s got to be terribly ethnic,
all ouzo and feta and Greek.
I want to have proper moussaka,
souvlaki that’s straight from the grill,
oregano and fresh coriander,
all drizzled about with some dill.
Oh Norman! For God’s sake kick Olga,
she’s getting me rather un-nerved.
And tell her to open the pizza,
I do want it daintily served.
~
Taken from 'How to Get On in Society@ by John Betjeman for the Copy Cat Contest.
THE PARADOX OF PROGRESS
Communication has been around since the dawn of man,
It’s evolved from smoke signals and the beating of drums,
Hieroglyphics gave rise to alphabets and the written word,
Along came the inventions of the telephone, fax and intercom.
We had Morse code, the pony express and radio,
Which eventually gave rise to TV,
Homing pigeons used to carry messages,
And truckers would converse on their CB’s.
The world has gotten smaller and more connected since,
The phone was invented by Alexander Graham Bell,
But he never dreamed that one day,
You’d be able to access the internet and send a text on your cell.
Recently, I observed 5 people at a table, having lunch,
So it was quite obvious that they were not alone,
Yet those same 5 people were oblivious to each other,
Because all of them were using their cell phones.
With the continuous advancement of communication,
The population feels the need to always be in touch,
But when it interferes with face to face conversation,
When does texting, facebook and email become way too much?
These days, people bring their tablets and I-phones,
And other mobile devices wherever they go,
With the touch of a screen or the push of a button,
We’ve become addicted to sharing all sorts of info.
Quite often when someone is in the company of other people,
And their device prompts them for something to be viewed,
Their attention is diverted, and they ignore the people they’re with,
And most people would agree this is quite rude.
With the advent of social media technology,
Mobile devices have caught on like wildfire,
But at the same time, it seems that,
People’s social skills are lacking, and something to be desired.
Technology is certainly a marvelous thing,
And it is definitely here to stay.
But while we are in the company of others around us,
Let’s all be courteous and put our devices away.
There's a point blank
Just south of Soulsville
where common pit desires exude
extreme ego ratios rotating on human gutlike
socioshadow experientials. Slow slug immuno
pain gestures cloud coilshaped reason
with limited intellirespect ids--only
that lonely by product of talking to
the mime chip on your shoulder clasped
hands in a froth frame of zero quotient
personality tolerance. Socioscan the fluid
flawed internoschism and plug yourself
into those autothoughts so socioprevelant
as to walk away and call it a draw day. Never
the tweens shall resolve. Sharp footsteps
with no meaning will evercast jaded overtone half
with tongues that bite their own limplip droppings
wag wash in cumulative deceit doings.
Drag your dill depths with an ether
grappling hook and sociosoothe your
infection---massage your emo entrails
with an existential ease of a
junk jolt to colon ize another
fecal space of cleansed renewal--like ripping
the tape from a well wound
dancing scales up and down
to a new brainbeating--livid at living
fax a look outside your self and erase
your exit embarassment for a beholding
chance at adding a new socioscore to your
puss life tax deduction. What a rectal return on your
individual invest mint-- ass the rich get raunchier
the poor prey prime evil----sign here, please.
The reason for this post Christmas fax
Knowing Santa needs most to relax
After eating my fudge
He thought I had a grudge
To sneak him four ounces of ex lax
But was all a very sad mistake
Later to him regrets I will make
Rich food so delicious
Can be most pernicious
It was there for my relief to take.
© 25 Dec 2010 Charles Henderson
< once there was a boss we called miss priss
like to give orders with snap of wrist
file fax make coffee
phones radio golly
when not looking I blow her big hiss
Curl me up a tree
Wrap me into a bundle
Light me up like a candle
The warmth of my joy
Kills the carvings you fear
Yes, it bothers me
How you take pleasure in my pain
We are paperless in this age
The pen is made useless on a page
This knowledge falls on deafness
Enlightenment ends in blindness
Scientists, powerless
Fear big business
Imagine the textbooks in the toilets
Education flushed down the drain
The empty classrooms
The air thick with ignorance
The stench of a mental disease
Written on the chalkboard, “REcyKiLL”
FAX me to your heart’s content
The pulp, I hope he gets a paper cut
I wept until my roots were uprooted
My leafless branches dried up and twisted
My timber became rooftops
At least cultivate me an artificial forest
A sort of vegetation urbanisation
Then my offspring would grow
To see the light of day
Taller than the black clouds of smoke
I couldn’t clear
Soon will be time to pay income tax
They don’t care if you E or send fax
The result is the same
You pay up ‘til you claim
You’re clean like by a dose of exlax
For Carolyn's "taxing times" contest
Yes! You have to think out of the box
But you don't have to lose your brain box
(which is more than a gear box or a black box)
because of your brave boss,
(even when he holds an axe).
Its loss would cost you more than an ox.
Its an evidence of sear laxity
Its dividend is with influx of max pain
which wax stronger than flax
It doesn't count whether you are a fan of
fox news, drive Toyota hillux, use fax or bathe with lux soap.
You don't need to pay tax to play a sax.
gluteus maximus left and right half moon cheek
re: byte size buttock
attached via usb (uniform firm behind) to this freak
with bowel movement incontinence + gas filled gut
evoking contortionist frown stretching to lowest peak
perched upon porcelain goddess where elimination did jut
held captive hostage atop toilet seat for many a week
exertion to expel rock solid turd required utmost effort
to force jammed bowel movement free
inducing excruciating abdominal cramps that really hurt
plus sharp jabbing spasms within high knee
innards rent asunder from obstruction as BB size PELLETS did spurt
from lodged fecal matter refusing to budge from me
caused by severe constipation whereby prayer a waste
delivered only increased sphincter muscle to scream
for rectal relief this mortal man faced
a worse fate than death, he would deem
since demise would allow alimentary misery to cease
versus remaining in this impasse for what might be years
unless perchance some **** lubricant or special grease
would bust loose abominable constriction in arrears
finding me unable to pay rent or renew lease
best prospect of remaining stationary with words to wax
poetic found a glimmer of luck
when a kind wildebeest delivered this message via fax
to help attend male in dire per situation get poop unstuck
with outsize mug of exlax
to help unclog rectal muck
access to get expunged to the max
but once expulsion occurs DO DO PLEASE DUCK!
I wrote in honor of my friend and
lovely lady Mystic Rose
"Thanks for the inspiration"
STEAMED CLEANED by JTCurtis
Mike, Finn and McGee
Thought a day in the sauna would be
like heavenly bliss
To hear that steam hiss
And detoxing oneself, it's the key
Soon, there sat all three boys
Then up popped a sudden wee noise
Mike said "Dat'd me phone"
"Yea, bot I know dat ringtone"
Finn said while knocked off his poise
Then came a very loud sound
with such force, it knocked McGee down
Finn said "You old sods,
Dats just me I Pod"
Said Mike " Yea, I've heard dem around"
Then suddenly there came a loud boom
"It's your tablet McGee we assume"
"You boys now relax
It's just me old fax"
And that's when the boys cleared the room
I'm stuck in a world that is unfair. Stuck down here in Wonderland. They feed you lies, and destroy the truth. Leaving nothing but barren roots.
Wonderland, the place of life! Where you will surly live just right! All lies, all lies I say. As I live here in the grey.
Alone forever, alone at last. As I die here in this mask. The fax happy of joy, giddie girls. But it leaves you in a world so cold.
Wonderland, it's not what you think. It's just a land of the deceased. Now take my advice, and step away, or it will be the price you pay.You'll be with me, Alice and the MadHatter. But in a world where nothing matters.
You've gone insane, away you go. They take you to the land of crows. They lock you up, inside a room. Where everything you see is gloom.
That's when you come back to Wonderland, the place that has your soul again. You can't escape, because of the Red Queen, but you two are now just enemies.
I gave you a warning, you didn't listen. Now you spend the nights a hiss'in. You're now a cat. A Cheshire Cat to be exact.
But nothing more, nothing more. Because you're trapped forever now. You're now a cat forever now. I told you once, then told you twice. But of course you didn't listen, no one ever does.
Wonderland is in control. For now you're banished, gone! No one will ever see you again, because you are in Wonderland.
WONDERLAND IS IN CONTROL