Best Excretory Poems

Less than twenty-four hours after dashing off a poem 
   explaining why i wanted to die
found me experiencing physical duress vis a vis, 
   a bowel movement wherein waste unable to expel 
   from the anus of this guy
which...

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The kidneys are so beautifully organized; 
We are bless to have two inside.
There are two kidneys, each about the size of a fist.
From God it is a beautiful gift.
They are such a positively divine precision.
Such a vital part that keeps the body moving and living.
Their...

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Ace colonoscopy doctors Kellen Karl Kovalovich
and Larry Borowsky

Though necessary to down: 
four Dulcolax laxative tablets, 
quaff half 238 gram bottle of Miralax 
over span of eight hours, 
and if necessary even one Fleets Enema, 
I grudgingly accept short lived 
lower abdominal discomfort 
analogous to reasonable...

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aye savor the faire genetic blueprint 
   extant unique to each of us 
   with this quite alimentary aire 
   including (that almighty, 
   bottom, cushiony, dimpled, 

   excretory functioning Gluteus Maximus 
  ...

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I seethe with livid rage within the bowels of my being
when sitting upon the porcelain goddess ample defecation doth cling
immediately triggering an internal self hatred 
   charge of body electric to signal an inaudible ding
though a figurative lid 
   kept atop...

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While out and about
an unexpected over bare ring bout
to defecate arose,
     where sphincter asserted clout
and would excrete
     despite without doubt...

if closing distance
     (to reach rental abode)
beaten out by loosening sphincter muscle
  ...

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less than twenty four hours after dashing off a poem 
   explaining why i wanted to die
found me experiencing physical duress vis a vis, 
   a bowel movement wherein waste unable to expel 

   from the anus of this...

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Ability to defecate wildly swings (both ways)...
between incontinence and constipation

Irritable bowel syndrome i.e.
the former excretory bout I address
the above (polite way to phrase diarrhea)
and avoid moon efficient cheekiness,
yours truly doth buttress,
a literal warranted pain in ass,
diametrically up poses,
and disinvites loving caress,
nevertheless yours truly
experienced gastrointestinal distress

countless...

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Futile effort to plunger the clogged kitchen sink...
courtesy malfunctioning garbage disposal

which won't be removed
by onsite maintenance man
UNTIL/UNLESS 
fruit fly excreta wiped off
(impossible to access)
areas along bathroom and kitchen walls
so communicated "the warden."

Thus we (yours truly and his missus)
subjected to inhale 
putrid, offal, and noxious
smelling stagnant...

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Prolonged offal bout courtesy constipation... turgid song redux,
a worse hellish fate than perdition really sucks

As of early morning
today - September 8th, 2022,
I could not but barely move
mine whole body felt
analogous to sluggish mollusk
frequent constipation found me
doubled over in gastrointestinal agony
as if elephant stomping on tummy
or...

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(alternately titled:
Pee pee song and dance routine)

Invariably analogous setting
kickstarts schlemiel to agitate
excretory mechanism linkedin,
viz body electric doth actuate
merely upon turning faucet triggers
unstoppable onset to micturate

drinking coffee or caffeinated tea
also functions as diuretic
mimics similar rush'n spate
oh boy... if I hesitate
to whip out trouser snake late...
he himself...

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Twice told toilet tale – a cheeky execrable gross fable

which poetic product best be affixed 
with hashtag STINKY label.

As a young whippersnapper
and one precocious lad to boot,
I discovered common combustible materials
found in the bathroom.

At opportune times,
I blithely tinkered with dangerous chemicals
that could (but never did)
explode...

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Purgative debacle debilitated me December 18th, 2020

Hoop fully adequately explains
source of odoriferous dry rot,
ye possibly smell, I jot
within this reasonable rhyme
without putting Johnny on the spot
my absence NOT attending fellowship,
today December 20th, 2020
albeit remotely, cuz off to bathroom
I frequently needed to trot.

Athwart porcelain goddess
at aforementioned...

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Prolonged offal bout courtesy constipation... redux
a worse hellish fate than perdition

At least forty eight hour time span
lapsed whereby big boy wanted to cry
explaining how yours truly 
felt he would die
an undertaking malaise
found me experiencing physical duress vis a vis,
a bowel movement,
wherein waste unable to expel
from...

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flushing toxins out
excretory system works
thank God*, I'm relieved

*1 Thessalonians 5:18 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

October 2, 2023 
1st place, "A HI-POO SENRYU" Poetry Writing Contest
Sponsored by John lawless; judged on 10/30/2023...

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