Best Employment Poems
Being short, I was asked to play an elf
For a mall Santa who had his own beard
The elf suit I’d not have picked for myself
Spock ears, curled shoes and red tights – I looked weird
The regular elf had caught a bad flu
While jolly Saint Nick downed too much eggnog
Rascal Rudolph, sans the eight-reindeer crew,
Grazed on manger hay like a “boarish” hog
Children wanted to sit on Santa’s lap
But his halitosis cast most away
One large boy created quite a mishap
He slid and cracked Santa’s over-packed sleigh
Today I’ll not venture into a mall
They remind me of my worst job of all
*Written November 10, 2014 for Sara’s “Jobs” contest
Gardening pursuits
A green and healthy income
Seeds into flowers
If I owned a vaccum store,
my sign would read,
"Caleb's Vaccum Store. We Suck."
If I owned a septic tank company,
my sign would read,
"Caleb's Septic Tank Company. We're number one ... with your number two."
If I owned a plumbing company,
I would buy pants for all of my plumbers,
two sizes too big
and my sign would read,
"Caleb's Plumbing Company."
........If I owned a doughnut store,
I would put warning labels on all my boxes
The warning sign would read,
"Warning. This product is known by the state of California
to cause yeast infections when used improperly."
If I owned a technical support company,
my sign would read,
"Caleb's Technical Support Company. Sorry for the inconvenience."
or maybe,
"Caleb's Technical Support Company. I can't really help you."
"Greetings To Subway"
A taste bud option determine upon a sub type like tips are a option
What type of bread do you prefer? Nearly all favor wheat or white
Six inches on the other hand a foot long
Equally distributed in halves and as an alternative, anything jampacked equitable to twelve inches
Turkey breast, Ham, beef steak, chicken breast
Meat slurry, concoction, tapioca clean processed foods much the same as crest
Tomatos, Jalapeno peppers, and lettuce
Three checks off the sub checklist
Terrified to cause errors sweating more than a sub loaded with onions
Lite mayonnaise comes into play; only the second day training and the training process is like hair waves
Oil, vinegar, mustard nearly completed the construction
A customer paces in, in three seconds don't lose consciousness to remember to say the introduction
("Greetings To Subway")
Two digit id, four digit password, sub 2, April, Katadra Dawkins, Anthony 'JaeRrah Dawkins I need you
Two five dollar foot long subs, two chocolate cookies, total is eighty four cent and Dwight
A twenty dollar bill is the payment and change is $7.16 cent
Boy what a foot long day
- Loverboi
Once I was an alien
because of family ties
Once I was a sailor man
Told recruitment lies
Now I am a veteran
with socialized security
A part time postal carrier
With attitude and purity
I subsidize my poverty
By working for myself
In sickness and in health
I am earthbound as an autumn leaf
Blazing colors oh so brief
Twisting madly in the sun
Looking back at what's begun
listing badly misting sadly
hit a reef and come to grief
Closed up again
Just lost a friend
I sit for many hours in a day
With never very much to say
I pound on a board
With my calls ignored
Just to get a measly pay
The alarm went off at 3 am
I brushed my teeth
Hugged my dog
Went to shower
Hugged my dog
We finally made it
My dog
I know you will get lonely
But They are going to get me a Job
I get to a matatu at 5 am
They charge me 1000 but it's fine
I am going to get a job today
And pay back my debt
I am going to get a Job
I can finally be happy
I finally made it
I can no longer get told
They are going to give me a job
I got to the big city with the sun
I alighted at Koinange street
It's famous for prostitutes
Without a Job
But not me
Me I am going to get a Job
The position advertised
Matched my education and ego
I know I am vain sometimes
But they are going to give me a job
Right on time 9 am I was told
Walked up the stairs
To the interview room on second floor
It was arranged like a church
A white man was speaking on Tv
Some guys in a suit clicking the remote
I am not going to get a job
I am not going to get a job
They are trying to make me sell
Sugar pills to people with diabetes
Oh no I am not getting a job
I sit for four hours
I get to a matatu
I do not know what I will tell my dog
That I left her alone
And even did not get a job
They lied to me my dog
They told me
That they will give me a job
They wanted me to sell
Shoes to amputees, my dog
So today we sleep hungry again
I did not get a job.
The Employment Interview
By Elton Camp
Frank is convinced that he is the best
To him don’t apply rules for the rest
A suit and tie there is no need to wear
Nor is it necessary to groom his hair
He thinks a casual shirt, boots & blue jeans
Won’t blow the interview to smithereens
Frank boasts wildly just as much as he can
And paints himself as a sort of superman
Of course, he expects to get benefits galore
Whatever the salary, he will ask for more
He must be allowed to work at his own pace
Since no job is worth getting into a rat race
A cubicle is not a workspace suited to him
And Friday afternoons he goes to the gym
After six weeks he will expect to get a raise
And his work is to receive nothing but praise
The impression he think that he’s creating
Is very far from what the boss is estimating
“Frank, thank you granting us an interview.
I will let you know if we have need of you.”
After college, I worked for Boeing
An engineer in Aero Space
They gave me a desk in a large room
Mostly Engineers in that place
I’d only worked there a shot time
When I had an incident
I bent over to pick up something
The seat of my pants did vent
I was wearing a sport coat and tie
The uniform of the day
So I took side steps out of the room
Afraid of what someone might say
Thinking ahead as I left the room
As I passed the last desk there
I swiped a stapler sitting on top
A secretary gave a stare
I sneaked down the hall to the men’s room
Where an open stall I found
Took off my pants and looked at a rip
From the top all the way down
I sat down and started to staple
It made a loud clicking sound
Someone was in the stall next to me
My noise was making confound
“Do you need some help in there fellow”
These were the words he spoke
“What are doing to make that noise,
Is this some sort of a joke?”
I told him the noise was a stapler
It’s something I have to fix
Although he stopped asking me questions
He still suspected a trick
I must have used a hundred staples
This had to last me all day
I had to sit on staple chain mail
But it never did gave way
When I finally got home that evening
My wife asked, “How was your day?
And why are you walking so funny
You never do walk that way”
Before I can tell you the story
I need some nursing and care
What happened to me at work today
Was just totally unfair
She was putting some salve on my butt
As I related my day
“Sounds like your job is so dangerous,
You should get hazardous pay!”
The Job For Freddy
Tying knots was the job for Freddy
It didn't pay much, but was steady
Early to work
He would not shirk
I guess you'd call that knot ready!
EMPLOYMENT WOMEN
Women's are the lightening Angel to home
She made a family Wealthy;
Employment women make a home
Financially Hefty ; make a Nation
Honored
She is a multi - tasker ;
Women's have a power to make a world
Prosperity as well as to Blast it.
She is a shield of every home
Respect Women ; Salute to Courageous
Women.
- Thanushika C J
A supervisor led me to a cubicle
among a maze of others.
I was given a computer
displaying columns of numbers.
All I had to do was move the figures
from one column to another.
I soon ran out of things to do.
I watched cat videos.
I asked for guidance.
I wanted to know
what I was doing and why?
When I said that
I will never forget the look of terror
on their faces.
Saima who is a young girl from Lahore has adopted the getup of a Joker
After disappointing by her circumstances and the behavior of People
She had faced in search of a Job
She daily sits on the mall road in her Getup
She sells toys to earn a respectful livelihood for herself and her Mother.
Note.Our society needs bill gates charity not some bulsiht DON.
Lesson.Elite dons are causing economy problems for poor families.
“You what!” I cried, with vitriolic ire.
“You didn’t even take the time to ask
“Me what I thought?” My eyes burned hot with fire
As point by point I took my boss to task.
“So now,” I said, “you’re a Director on the Board
“And I have been demoted, left to bask
“Not in my own success but yours! You scored
“A win, so, ‘Good on you!” But what of me?
“And who was it that threw me overboard?
“For seven years I’ve served the company
“And thought that I was next in line to move
“Into a corner office as V.P.
“But now, instead, you’ve asked me to approve
“My transfer to a branch in Mexico?
“A country that I can’t say that I love.
“I can’t afford to lose my job, and so
“I guess that soon I’ll be a resident
“Of someplace where I do not want to go.”
“But weren’t you told?” (My boss seemed hesitant)
“That you have been promoted to assume
The role of the Branch Office President?
I stood there stunned, as light dispelled the gloom,
And blushed at the applause that filled the room.
My roommates and I
always have something to say.
We talk incessantly, like chirping birds.
We’re all reading the same large print here, and It suggests that college is almost over.
We’re bleeding time and there are dreams in need of scheming.
It’s time to stack our chips with transactional relationships and hoard the things that matter most.
I have to admire the sheer attitude and bravado of these girls—their defiant strides,
as they face the invisible indignities and constant obstacles of job hunting.
(Where they’re required to behave while they’re observed and evaluated).
They have their resumes and they’re complaisantly ready to flex their appealing gregariousness.
All of the major playas are passing through—from established giants like (Amgen, Bayer and Genentech)
to biotech startups and research Institutes—to cull through the herd of Yale biomedical graduates.
I don’t get to play (interview) this time and it’s rough just watching the signs and plays from the sidelines.
I can’t help the feeling that I’m underperforming—even though my ‘Master of Public Health (MPH)’ program starts 10 days after we graduate. ‘Baby, I was born to run’— to steal a line from Bruce Springsteen.
Despite our separate paths—we’re like cats getting ready to jump in all directions—a bouillabaisse of intoxicating and terrifying excitement for the future is brewing, and we still have the constrictions of our current curriculum to deal with—like a snake, it still wraps around every aspect of our lives.
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Songs for this:
born to run by Bruce Springstein
Time by Tom Waits
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Webster: complaisant = willing or eager to please other people