Best Crappy Poems

sitting in nature 
waiting for inspiration 
pooped on by a bird


For Matt Caliri’s
I’m Looking At The Haiku In The Mirror Contest...

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Sloth hangs upside down in a tree
I look up and unfortunately
Golden pee it releases
With a week’s worth of faeces
I’ll admit I am far from happy!

A sloth only excretes once a week and can lose a third of its body weight
A little poetic licence, they actually...

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Son said he’d cook a meal
Relax mum, chill out and take the weight off your feet
It’s a deal!

I smell burning
I leap out of my comfy seat
Churning

Meal burned
Mother’s day treat
Spurned

Son said he’d cook a meal
I leap out of my comfy seat
Spurned

 FICTIONAL POEM FOR CONTEST 

6,12,3...

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A fart ain't smart
When it's 3-D art
So don't put your horse
Before your cart


'May The Gas Be With You Farts Part 2' Contest Info
Sponsor	Chantelle Anne Cooke...

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When I was ten-and-four,
I heard my best friend say,
“Don’t hand out your trust
In its entirety.
Even Satan was once
An angel.”
But I was ten-and-four,
Too naïve and headstrong to listen.

When I was ten-and-four,
I heard my best friend say again,
“Often enough, bad things fall
On those who strive to bring...

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GOT TO CHANGE THE CRAPPY WAYS

To all kinds of crappy individuals,
who think they are high and mighty.
I find them people with no principles
for they are really mean and slimy.

I was a disability specialist for years
analyzing and processing disability claims.
I heard claimants’ demands for hours
or their...

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Sitting on the privvy for what seemed like hours, it's time to go...

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Ya get up outta bed
Pick what to wear
Brush your teeth
In the mirror you stare

Get the kids moving
Whining all the way
This is just the start 
Of my crappy day

Trip over the dog
Run into the wall
Stub your big toe
Swollen and all

Run out of hot water
Shampoo in your...

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I’m thinking we’re on a downhill slide
With self-aggrandizing politicians now,
Bloviating so self-assured and snide
Paying no attention to their campaign vow.
With an eye on their big monied donors,
They think little of their constituencies
Sometimes I think they are really stoners,
And need more prayer time on their knees.

written...

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Defined as dull or lacking luster
it became the word they used to
speak of O'aho. 
who's real name was Cephalopod
but none would speak of the person
with that name.

Instead for days, they would look
at him and not speak, than one day
when his food looked and smelled
best, those...

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