Best Convulses Poems
Love silences fear,
Uniting hope, joy, peace,
Mingling lights, grace
Joining hearts in faith, together,
Stirring prayers, gentle psalms –
Harmonized when souls believe,
Jesus, inspiration for giving,
Meaningful beyond imagery.
Adoration lasting forever,
Resembling souls understanding…
Love like this convulses calm,
Lulling twilight,
Breathing shadows,
Feelings erasing storms,
Darkness hinders meaningful,
While wonders grow wings…
Enchant souls,
Souls enchant,
Wings grow wonders while…
Meaningful hinders darkness,
Storms erasing feelings,
Shadows breathing,
Twilight lulling,
Calm convulses this like love,
Understanding souls, resembling…
Forever, lasting adoration,
Imagery beyond meaningful,
Giving for inspiration, Jesus,
Believe souls when harmonized,
Psalms gentle, prayers stirring –
Together, faith in hearts joining,
Grace, lights mingling,
Peace, joy, hope uniting,
Fear silences love.
war between nations
rivers overflow with blood --
the earth convulses
a crimson sky glows
meteorites fall like rain --
hearts fill with terror
stars fall from the sky
darkness overcomes the earth --
screams fade to nothing
end of days has come --
all life has been extinguished
the earth is no more
written June 19, 2012 for Gail Doyle's The End of the World/Armageddon contest.
you tell me i am precious to you.
i am not your currency.
you tell me the circumstances are beyond our control.
but i control everything,
every breath,
every word that leaks from my mouth.
you made me this way,
shaped me from wax,
using knives and tears to make scars in my form.
you tell me you have loved me,
forever,
and until your dying day.
these words slither from your tongue.
you could never have loved me,
its not something thats easy to do.
you dont care what path my life takes,
you dont know what i have been forced into.
you dont want love,
you want control.
you don't want a daughter,
you want a follower.
i have accepted that i have no mother,
that i was created by life's sick fantasy.
i wanted to love you,
when there was still a chance.
so don't lie to me anymore,
don't tell me that it doesnt have to be this way.
it does.
dont thank god for me.
there is no god.
and i am just a curse,
because i hurt you.
you preach that you have room for me in your heart, that you think of me everyday.
and i think of you,
in the morning when i wake,
and in the night when i rest my head.
nothing can ever be easy,
or understandable.
in my heart, there are only cracks
and cobwebs where you might have been before.
it throbs and convulses, refusing love.
i couldnt love anyone,
not if i tried.
not if i wanted.
How easily you return,
Within this mind's hindsight,
Never knowing how the swelling,
Gaping hole of your absence,
Weighs me down heavily,
With the confusion of your presence
In my dreams...
I crave substance,
Though well be my visions and tastes,
Vibrant...real be this cruel shape before me,
With voice like readying thunder,
And eyes plotting my defeat,
Ready to touch and redeem my soul
See how long control has fled from me,
As every fiber of my being convulses
With a grief none shall ever feel
And only hear of...
You can tell me to wake up,
To face reality,
To cope with the passionate eruption of these killer dreams...
But I will not hear you,
Or any being who dares to force me out of this trance--no,
I will not hear you
When the thunder claps
And my soul writhes against your grasp
You can scream at me,
Call me a fool with no substance,
You can shake me with the quaking ire
Of your controlled authority,
Though I will stay here,
Like unbreathable air
With monomaniac devotion
My future became threadbare then,
Lost in the desire of my eager grasp
The force of hot feelings flowing against ancient, chilled iceburgs
We once were untouched,
Ummovable,
Yet free
And once I tasted your fire,
Freedom has become all but a dream...
A relay of moods dribbles on and on
when euphoric tunes kick in:
Jazz, R& B, slow funk, wild pop
igniting primal ecstasy, in the flesh...raw!
Live music leaves me breathless
as thuds of a drum, the intricate fondling
from saxophones blast these veins...
until intoxicated head convulses,
Pulse beat raised at 110, my torso
gyring in motions unknown—
the cortisol of anticipation surging
adrenaline doses gushing...just then,
Philip Bailey whams a falsetto,
higher than high in a climatic lift;
my whole body possessed without Reasons
on Fantasy’s electric stage—
Another grasp of dismembering reality lures
where smoky thirst begs for more notes;
an elevated zing which drugs my soul …
yet, nights ask for more live concerts.
4/17/2019
For Anthony Slausin: Your Amphetamine Contest
----------
Earth, Wind and Fire Live Performance
Manila, 2009
Lead Singer: Philip Bailey/ Songs: Reasons, Fantasy
Sample video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1FN6X_86NY
I murmur like a rivulet through the
hitch of your hands, where the canyons
carve their parched longing into your fingers—
where silences sublimate like cera,
pooling beneath your glissando touch.
Your tremolo breath convulses rough and low
like sibilant submersion in water—
spilling, sinking, staining everything it meets.
I watch the estuary of your gaze split my horizon—
watch you hush abysmal eyes into
celestially arched surrender.
There is no stillness between starlight,
only the pull of mighty magnitudes,
fuses lit beneath the ribs,
pulses and throbs teaching the air
how to cleave—how to…
sforzando!
Love, here, is neither reserved nor reticent—
it is lightning bottled in glass—
hellfire burning beneath the tide—
language that deconstructs
even as it is uttered.
I step forward—some faltering cadence,
some submitting ascension—placing my hands into your fire,
not to be consumed, but to remember
how stars revel and rain.
My God!My God!
Why have you forsaken us?
Even now the whisper of wheels
On the track
Convulses me with tears.
What more could I have done?
Where did I fail?
You, the least selfish of men,
Dedicated to your students and staff,
Devoted to your family,
Committed the most selfish of acts.
By locking us out,
You locked us
Into a cycle of torment and pain
And we never saw it coming.
Worries you brought home
But you chose not to share them
Shrugging off my pleas
You did not want to worry me,
So you said
You dulled your tortured mind by
Taking solitary refuge in the bottle
And you began slipping away from me.
I tried to batter the door down
With angry words and tears
As my frustration mounted
Did the children notice our bitter rows?
Was it then the seeds were sown?
You fled to your mother's house
For the balm of her love
More forgiving than a wife's
And there I hoped you would find
The peace your troubled heart craved.
With your mother you returned
And she soothingly said,
"It will take time."
I saw a faint tear in her eyes
Though her faith was strong.
That night you said the sofa would be your bed
"Give me time"were the last words I heard
Strangely I slept soundly
But when I awoke
I crept downstairs
To find you
And the car gone.
Frantically I phoned
And your mobile rang
From the depths of the sofa.
Then I saw your letter
On the cleared coffee table
Stark and white.
You begged our forgiveness.
You said this would spare us pain
And you bade me
Look after the children.
Stunned and silent
Your mum and I sat
In dread
Time froze
When the constables came
With their carefully composed compassion
We knew it was just beginning
You had ripped away the veil of the temple
And the tomb was empty.
You had shorn your lambs
Of their innocence
And inserted a sliver of ice
In their hearts
Now I am faced
With the curse of Greek tragedy
Since I must spend my time
Trying to melt that ice
Before it hardens
Irrevocably
I nestle a tab under my tongue
At just twenty eight, I’m still quite young
Before too long
I feel it coming on strong
Dreamily, lazily
I see my past with new clarity
Every question now answered amply
I see nearly three decades filled with so much regret
An eternity before I’m permitted to forget
I lead an unremarkable life
Few advantages, laden with strife
Only now can I see the failure of MY choices
Surrounded by better options, my compassion convulses
I can do so much more
So many different ways to create joy galore
Menial tasks needn’t be a chore
It’s always been my choice
Is it OK if I choose to rejoice?
I can find ways to enhance my self respect
With others in need I choose to connect
What I have I can celebrate
What I want needn’t devastate
It’s always been my choice
Is it OK if I choose to rejoice?
I can
Live without disdain
Lost friends I’ll regain
Feel pride when sought-out comforting others in pain
Embody excitement, accepting the occasional mundane
I can
Teach
Convey hope with new found reach
Channel empathy through innovative speech
It’s always been my choice
Is it OK if I choose to rejoice?
I have more control than I know
Now is my chance to let it show
There can be more laughter
With humor, I can be an injector
Mastering quiet, when others speak I’m an active listener
I can read more, learn more, invest in myself
Spend my time with greater purpose
Sprinkling fun into drudgery I’m tireless
How do I know,
This leads to a more fulfilling existence
A life of broad acceptance
In which I make a difference
I see all of this with great clarity
Only now
Because
I died,
Twelve minutes ago
Break.
My nail hanging on the splintered door frame,
The rusty friction of my poisoned blood
Seeping through the contaminated cracks
Of the tormented nightmare I am in.
Rip.
My flesh from my hands,
Clawing at the jagged walls,
Cutting into my delicate veins,
To slash my surroundings crimson.
Cackle.
Guttural and scratchy in my throat,
Smearing broken flesh across my face,
Shrieking with maddening dread
From the torture I am receiving.
Burn.
Smouldering my suffering shins,
Scolding my soft skin,
Blistering my blood,
Singeing my soul.
Red.
The sign of suffering,
The mark of murder,
The trait of torture,
The colour of the cruel.
But the pain is irrelevant
There is much worse to come
What kills me
Is the wait...
I scream out in agony
The itching infected insanity
Building in my nebulous mind
I scream and my body convulses.
Searing temperatures fluctuate within,
Animalistic howls echo amongst
And through my lunacy
I’m able to hear
Through blood soaked ears
The slow, deliberate, mechanical steps
Accompanied by the screech of rusty razor knives,
The shudder of cold breath through gritted teeth,
The booming bellow of a beast
My broken body sprawled and I twist
My upper half in grinding pain
My stinging eyes searching
My gasps growing...
I squint at the pierced demon
The seductive cenobite
In patient, deliberate calm he growls:
Welcome, To Hell.
Screaming, shrieking,
Shattering, soul scolding
Wails will
Shudder and spin throughout the labyrinth
For eternity.
Moon Spoons
We dive into each other with love from highest peaks of the mountain
quench our thirst with no parachute needed as we drink from the fountain
in free fall we enter the kingdom and queendom of passionate devotion
no hidden agenda self-righteousness gone just poetry and poets in motion
In words and all touch of the senses we scribe on intermingling tapestry
we dangle in suspense and fulfilment like chocolate milky stars in a galaxy
of kindness compassion held by emotion’s gravity solar powered and moon
when we met you promised to fetch it if you possibly could with a spoon
I replied that we would knit and harvest scoop up our journey together
catch dreams rainbows reality strong like a castle and light as a feather
two butterflies mating our soul mind body stellar constellation narration
scribing our infinite story of fairy tale attraction love smith’s pollination
Joined at hippy hips mind feeling flowering bodies and soul’s contemplation
we float further and further like purposive driftwood in tidal association
are all always and all ways reciprocate cupid’s arrows and fluttering hearts
sift through sediments previous losses chart thunder and light for a new start
Your rhyme and your rhythm convulses gently with my meter muse lute
the soft touches of skin on sugar coated layers of consciousness funnels flute
crevice and harbour safe havens hot lover’s lava fired in loving embraces
cuddle share solace transcend into tender time peaked pinnacle’s places
Words alone can never by a mile explain what it means to have you by my side
my lover soul mate best friend and pleasure’s companion day and all night
when we were in our darkest torrents devastation and it felt like a monsoon
we simply fell into love with each other full spoons ahead and into the moon
20th September 2016
We know each other
You and I
Completely
You know exactly what I like
You know exactly what to do
The moment that you touch me
Fire runs through my veins
Making me perspire, pant
My temperature rises
Breath quickened and deep
My body reacts to your expert tongue
Exploring me with pure desire
Waves of pleasure devour me
I cry out in pure ecstasy
As my body convulses I explode
I am ready for your manhood
Take me now I beg
And you do with amazing passion
So powerful we are together
Our bodies moulding into one
Matching you thrust for thrust
Coming together
We are one
I watch you silently.
Indulging in the heart felt emotions that quake within my heart.
A blanket of peace covers me.
Your eyes are as detailed as a book; Revealing the climax of the day.
The expression on your face is enticing.
The touch of your finger tips relay a quiet message,
that pulses through out my body.
A passionate, yet delicate kiss engulfs our surroundings;
Erasing all but the two of us.
For just a moment our souls have entwined.
No longer two but one.
Our hearts race.
Chills run up and down my spine,
Leaving tracks of goose bumps on my arms.
The hormone levels are hot enough to top off a thermometer.
The music, the dancing, the orgasmic combination convulses through out my veins.
Leaving me temporarily paralyzed!
Which leaves us ending another chapter with an exclamation.
Deep breath
Then a shallow one
What's that now?
Another shallow one?
And another
OK, there is a deep one now
And now a shallow
And there is no rhythm to it
There is no fixed interval
The breathing is like a ship in rough seas
Tossed and pushed around
Randomly by inconsistent waves
I know little else than this way to breathe
Like spears tossed randomly at me
One by one they pierce my flesh
Fear
Anxiousness
Doubt
Over and over again
But over what?
Over nothing
No one is throwing them
They just keep hurtling toward me
So my body convulses as the steel cuts through me
Again and again
I think little of it
Having lived with them so long
From waking in the morning to going to sleep at night
And sometimes even when I dream
But wait ......
What's happening .....
This is ....
What is this ....
Help me I'm scared ....
I don't know this ....
Something is wrong ....
No ....
I'm in error ...
Something is right ....
Suddenly an angel has laced her two arms around me
Pulling me toward her
Into her soft silky bosom
I feel the warmth of her skin
I hear her strong heart beating
And then I see it .....
Magic
Thunder
Every single spear breaks against her like paper
The titanium and steel heads
Deathly sharp and precise
Shatter against her, instantaneously into dust
The heavy wooden shafts are split into a million pieces
So small that they may have well just disappeared
Again and again and again
Yet there are no marks on her
Not one
The shield remains unscathed
What is this creature made of
That she effortlessly shatters steel
And crushes the earth
She pulls and holds me tighter
Kissing me on my forehead
And as she does so
Nothing hits her again
Life surrenders and tosses nothing at her again
At me again
I lace my arms around her
My beautiful indestructible shield
My angel
And as I do so, my heart beats
With renewed strength
With exacting amplitude
In a perfect rhythm
No longer do the spears pierce me
No longer do they cut my flesh
For they fear her terribly
They do not dare come near her
For they will meet only with destruction
My infinitely powerful shield
My angel
Coldness
I
these winter nights undertake my body
usurps my reserved warmth with a strangle hold
scraping my nape with night fissures
of black bleeding
my body shrieks to the jerking marrow
and denudes the caverns through my nose
as my breath is a frozen gust along
the obsidian sky
fingertips paralyzed -curled to the clutch
of my palms that can't defrost
the serrated shards of the night solidify
as my body convulses and crystalize
the coldness' thickens
as the pace of the air pervades
until all of me
- sent like ashes
from glaciers burned
- begin to evaporate ..
..........
II
as i ascend
- there is a silence
a linear silence
that tauts the horizon
and there is abscence
-the abscence of the light
...........comfort about the infinite dark
with the pulsating breathing
of the shimmering stars
and the clarity of the large sky
i oscillate around your satellite
forever like a mortal coil
Abandoned! Assaulting winds thrash flailing limbs,
denuding boughs of golden dress;
gone the gaiety of glowing beginnings
when springtime sun seduced soft soil,
fondling slight buds of green, foreplay in fecund fields.
Forlorn, like a vacant house,
dark windows blankly stare despair,
the fissured dream convulses;
Whistling winds, keening,
“Gone away, gone away . . .”
Where do dreams go when they die,
After the romantic sighs, after the broken-hearted cry?
Does a haven await perished aspiration?
Or is abandoned hope sour fodder
for rodents and insects pilfering?
Gather the wasted twigs, the windswept straw,
feathered soft with anguish breast plucked raw;
interweave new hope to resurrect cadaverous old.
Truth states roses bloom in desert sand;
believe.
Copyright 11-19-2019