A Survivor's Guilt

My God!My God! Why have you forsaken us? Even now the whisper of wheels On the track Convulses me with tears. What more could I have done? Where did I fail? You, the least selfish of men, Dedicated to your students and staff, Devoted to your family, Committed the most selfish of acts. By locking us out, You locked us Into a cycle of torment and pain And we never saw it coming. Worries you brought home But you chose not to share them Shrugging off my pleas You did not want to worry me, So you said You dulled your tortured mind by Taking solitary refuge in the bottle And you began slipping away from me. I tried to batter the door down With angry words and tears As my frustration mounted Did the children notice our bitter rows? Was it then the seeds were sown? You fled to your mother's house For the balm of her love More forgiving than a wife's And there I hoped you would find The peace your troubled heart craved. With your mother you returned And she soothingly said, "It will take time." I saw a faint tear in her eyes Though her faith was strong. That night you said the sofa would be your bed "Give me time"were the last words I heard Strangely I slept soundly But when I awoke I crept downstairs To find you And the car gone. Frantically I phoned And your mobile rang From the depths of the sofa. Then I saw your letter On the cleared coffee table Stark and white. You begged our forgiveness. You said this would spare us pain And you bade me Look after the children. Stunned and silent Your mum and I sat In dread Time froze When the constables came With their carefully composed compassion We knew it was just beginning You had ripped away the veil of the temple And the tomb was empty. You had shorn your lambs Of their innocence And inserted a sliver of ice In their hearts Now I am faced With the curse of Greek tragedy Since I must spend my time Trying to melt that ice Before it hardens Irrevocably