Best Chequer Poems
Deer poet tree righters fore the cite
Pleas will ewe bee sweet
and worn me if ewe have scene any miss stakes eye have maid
butt eye no my speeling and ewes off English is prefect!
Eye am knot shore if eye have ever tolled ewe
that when eye right poet tree at knight ore in the mourning
eye don’t knead too ewes a smell chequer ore a theo sorearse
Off coarse, eye don’t no weather aisle get a first plaice inn the con test
butt eye want John too chews me sew eye can crews two victory!
HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU THAT...... Poetry Contest
Sponsored by John Lawless
11/11/20
My computer has a ‘smell chequer’
Alas it doesn't seem to work
For when I make an error
I just look a complete jerk
I know that I can smell
I can do that pretty well
But when I make an error
It often is a terror
I’m wary typing duck, I know that F is next to D
Because if I do a swear it could be a tragedy
If I’m typing the word shots I need to take great care
Because I is next to O and of this I am aware
So make sure you use your ‘smell chequer’
I am sure you will agree
Your poems will be ‘prefect’
You will get it ‘write’ like me
Jan Allison
25th October 2014
When eye was eating my serial this mourning
Aye red the hole rules four the contest
Eye sore it inn black and white
It was plane for all two sea
The sponsor said wee CAN make miss steaks
Butt too me this practise isn’t write,
Nun are aloud, they are usually band
Yule have guest its throne me off coarse
Ewe awl no wee kneed too right perfect poetry
How can wee expect two win
Hour poem mite bee bard
Weave always bean tolled Anne error can't bee maid
Sew is the fax I didn’t ewes my spell chequer a gambol…
May bee I knead a lessen how too rite inn the write tents two
Tell me strait, do my versus make any scents too ewe?
Who nose, my poem mite sale to a plaice at the top of the podium
Contest Don’t fight it ….write it!!!! – Sponsor John Lawless
08~13~15
OK another adventure in the mad poet’s life,
This occurred just before I met Jane, my imaginary wife.
Jane’s brother, Glen had set me up with a blind date
He said the girl was a stunner, I could not wait
So dressed in me stripe trouser with me chequer tank top vest
I oiled me baldhead and let the old spice do the rest
Off I went down town to meet Deglet Noor (that was her name)
Glen said, “If you see her lips you’ll want to kiss them more and more.”
Then I saw her, and dam what a blind date
She was lumpy like custard with an all eye seeing Rottweiler that made me fearfully
hesitate.
She looked like a bulldog chewing on a bee
And the Rotter was eyeing me leg as if it wanted to hump me
I thought to myself, give the girl a meal
Then we call it a day and that was the deal
She chose this uptown place where rich people dined
A French restaurant with snails and frogs legs, you know the funny kind
I had a steak, she had prawns and a lobster too
And she persuaded me by force to drink champagne form her trainer shoe
When she ate poor lobster it was a terrible gore
I wish she could have taken a tip from Sir Robert Hinshaw
When we finished the waiter brought the bill and waited for me to pay
£1500 bloody pounds, my bowels almost gave way
I said to him “We not finished yet. Could we have Ice cream and coffee?”
And I said “Oh and don’t forget the mint toffee”
Me credit card was on strike and would not handle that amount
It was time for me to exit time to get out
So when the waiter had gone I told her I was going to the loo
Said to her I needed to off load a number two
In a terrible panic I managed to squeeze through the window, hitting the deck
I punched the air shouting “Yes!” followed by an “Oh F-ck” and “What the Heck”
I had fallen into the kitchen and not outside you see
The head chef said “We built it this way to stop people like you stealing from me”
Five weeks on and 100000 dishes later,
If I stayed any longer I’m sure I would have been promoted to head waiter
Nevertheless, If you do come across Glen give me a shout
Tell him the mad poet is looking to blow his brains out
**For my sweet Delysia Hendricks who asked me to write this poem**
**Deglet Noor is a date that you eat if you didn't know**
Attribute two my poet tree book edit tor
I no that the write punk chew asian, speeling and grammer are sew impotent when righting poet tree, don’t chew think sew two? Sow four my book eye will bee making shore aye ewes my smell chequer.
This is attribute to the wonderful lady who is going tubby the edit tor of my poet tree book. Eye don’t think shell have any issues after reeding this tribute as my werk is prefect!
Seriously, I will stress I am NOT leaving Poetry Soup, I have a lifetime PM and I intend to use it until I can no longer pick up my pencil. I am just taking some much needed time out to focus on getting my poems into a book. It has been my intention to do this since I left work in 2016 and now the time is right for me to put my plan into action.
I will be dropping back from time to time to read some of the amazing poets here and to make the odd comment
Jan
1st April 2019 (despite the date its not an April fool's joke)
Eye’m know good at punk chew asian and my speeeling is pretty pour
A period is a woman’s monthlies and I don’t no what to ewes comma,s four
Ellipsis I ewesed in Arthur’s infinite dot thirteen poetry form. I hope I ewesed them to good affect
May bee I knead a dick shun airy and some punk chew asian lessens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Buy the whey, my friend has edited this fore me and she thinks my speeling is prefect sew eye have got rid of my smell chequer and thawsorearse.
Inspired by punctuation blog
(If you need a translation of the poem soup mail me lol)
07-03-17
COPLA 73 INVOCATION: This Bad Guy World
Flit through Khayyam’s magic lantern
Or be nudged on chequer boards by
The Unseen Hand
One thing’s certain dark hands beckon
From behind barred doors – ask not why:
Sealed by No Man
Only an extra-terrestrial
Experiment requires this:
Not Evolution
Would the Maker put on trial
To ensnare us and then dismiss
Life’s equation
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2014
My smell and gramma chequer have seized were king
So my peoms awe full off miss takes
Hope hubby sore **** tout wen hee wakes
Fiction Peom
7/15/18
Charm the waves,
Entail algorithms of templates,
Subclass the seasonal stripes,
Smash this tasteless flame stitch.
A chevron turning into an imperial damask.
Intarsia the charming argyle in this rotunda.
Rub the blotch off the bull's eye,
Collage the camouflage in this calico assemblage.
Chintz in the heart, chequer in the mind,
Charming Patterns.