Best Bun In The Oven Poems

WIFE AND MOTHER

 
Dearly Departed Sweetheart, and husband.
Some serious time I put in when I said " I do "-I kept true to the vows, but not to myself.
you have long been sick of me, and I hated I had to give up my "status"...

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I once dated a chef …
I was worried about getting a bun in the oven
But when I saw him mincing across the kitchen
I knew I wouldn’t be getting my fingers burned!

I once dated a fireman…
Oh he was HOT HOT HOT
But when he got out his...

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Food Fun. 
The Cook she fancied Chef.
She truly loved his meatballs
and as for his spotted dick. Sublime.

Chef he fancied Cook.
He really loved her chicken breasts
and wished one day to cover them
in a thick cream sauce.

Cook loved his chocolate eclair
and loved the taste of the cream
in...

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Dearly Departed Sweetheart,and husband.
Serious time I put in, when I said " I do "-I kept true to the vows, but not to myself.
you have long been sick of me, and I hated I had to give up my "status" to be stuck with you....

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Two weeks passed before 
Dolly called Her twin. "Hey 
Girl I'm  coming to see you in a 
Little while."  "Ok, sis at about
What time?" Molly inquired.
"About an hour and a half 
Actually it's going on 2 so I'll 
Be there by 3." Dolly...

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Once thy future spouse (Abby Zison) found herself in the family way
  (with what would turn out to be the first of our two daughters – i do say
  determined and sealed the decision per our rolling in the figurative hay
  to...

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Jack and Jill went up the hill

This was never in dispute

It was how Jack fell down

With severe lacerations to his crown

That the jury had to conclude

Jill had a bun in the oven

The news was all over town

The bakers' wife was aghast

Her husband and his shady...

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Emotional fatigue courtesy exhaustive vituperative harangue...

Lobbed and unleashed upon the heads
of (yours truly and the missus)
so called selfish "monsters."

The evening of Wednesday April 19th
witnessed us (birth parents of our first born)
weathering blistering telephonic brickbats.

She (unnamed eldest daughter)
spewed venomous bilious froth
across aforementioned medium
encompassing quite a few...

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There's a battle for your mind but you say it's just fine
 pulling a 9 to your head it's the walking dead
 Not since the day of creation did we stand with ovation
 A seed was drop from a farmers bag that was bad
 Satan...

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Call It Anything But What It Is

By Elton Camp

In talking or writing, it’s become illicit
To use a plain term if it is too explicit
“Adult entertainment” is better than ****
A “bun in the oven” if baby’s to be born

Please use “ample proportions” not fat
Or “full bodied”...

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Trainspotting 
isn’t fun 
not when she’s dead tired 
arms of jelly 
ears full of tears 
	baby wants 
	baby wants 
pick the kids up 
from school
strawberry jam 
sandwiches uneaten 
traffic jam 
	ma I’m hungry 
	baby wants 
	baby wants 
make the dinner 
bake the cake
bun in the...

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When King David's men went out to fight,
 he stayed back home to spend the night.
He stepped out on the rooftop in the evening air,
 when a bathing beauty caught his stare.

So King David inquired who the woman might be.
 He was told, Bathsheba the...

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I’s got six kids
Six mongrel dogs 
Living in one bed broken down shack
From six whisky drinkin’ hogs
And a v8, v8 Cadillac parked out back

Yes I have six children 
Nine months apart
Gots to buy six dozen nappies
From the second had counter at Wallmart

Once for experience
And I...

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But then, hi there,
How is the bun in the oven
Burning?
How are you baking it?
And what is James Blunt saying now?
Does he think I don’t know?
You are all that is on my mind,
Right now, I will not let anyone touch
Your place, and space again;
Such fresh breath,
A...

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Harriet Harris circa November 13th, 1935 - ~ May 4th, 2005
(untimely death sentence ordained ~ early February 1935)

Test teasing prophylactics embarrassing
purchase never made at local drugstore
unsurprisingly, obviously, invariably...
birth control taboo subject, best to ignore
subsequently intercourse awkwardly coordinated,
consummated, completed extempore
hence bun in the oven bon jure

yielded...

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