Best Bun In The Oven Poems | Poetry

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WIFE AND MOTHER

 WIFE AND MOTHER

 
Dearly Departed Sweetheart,and husband.
Serious time I put in, when I said " I do "-I kept true to the vows, but not to myself.
you have long been sick of me, and I hated I had to give up my "status" to be stuck with you. See people needed me when you hogged me up all for your self.Married me and gave me twelve children ..Before birth control. You never bettered my lot. I would wash, cook, clean-routine. Children and more children,without the pleasure of making them. Not even a kiss did I get, On/off -bun in the oven...
I wanted to know "was that all there was"...and then death parted us. 
I never thought I would have another life, After your transition, I was living my life through two of our twelve Kids 
Now that you have left, and I still have life; I will be looking for the ecstasy...and getting advice on my new life from our babies. Coming out of the dungeon, I am not looking back in regret- nor am I sorrowful.
I just wish that being your wife and being only for you,meant I'd be privy to your prowess.... or could have meant that YOU also be my pleasure.
Agony without ecstasy is misery. I kept my vows and we are now parted.
I am sorry that we could not share our marital bed n blissful harmony.
Not even a kiss, "dearly departed husband"- You don't know what you've missed. 
I am a wildcat and just for the record, "You Didn't need that mistress".


Copyright © Vicki Acquah | Year Posted 2014


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WIFE AND MOTHER

 
Dearly Departed Sweetheart,and husband.
Serious time I put in, when I said " I do "-I kept true to the vows, but not to myself.
you have long been sick of me, and I hated I had to give up my "status" to be stuck with you. See people needed me when you hogged me up all for your self.Married me and gave me twelve children ..Before birth control. You never bettered my lot. I would wash, cook, clean-routine. Children and more children,without the pleasure of making them. Not even a kiss did I get, On/off -bun in the oven...
I wanted to know "was that all there was"...and then death parted us. 
I never thought I would have another life, After your transition, I was living my life through two of our twelve Kids 
Now that you have left, and I still have life; I will be looking for the ecstasy...and getting advice on my new life from our babies. Coming out of the dungeon, I am not looking back in regret- nor am I sorrowful.
I just wish that being your wife and being only for you,meant I'd be privy to your prowess.... or could have meant that you'd also be my pleasure.
Agony without ecstasy equals misery. I kept my vows and we are now parted.
I am sorry that we could not share our marital bed n blissful harmony.
Not even a passionate kiss, "dearly departed husband"- You don't know what you've missed. 
I am a wildcat and just for the record, "You Didn't need that mistress".


Copyright © Vicki Acquah | Year Posted 2014


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MEN YOU DEFINITELY WOULDN'T WANT TO DATE - PART 2

I once dated a chef … I was worried about getting a bun in the oven But when I saw him mincing across the kitchen I knew I wouldn’t be getting my fingers burned! I once dated a fireman… Oh he was HOT HOT HOT But when he got out his tiny hose It soon put out the flames of my desire I once dated an electrician .. Hoping that he would light up my life But he was short tempered and would quickly blow a fuse Sadly in the end there was no spark between us I once dated a plumber… I was flushed with pride when we were out together Sadly he had problems with his waterworks I ditched him… he was always taking a leak I once dated a bricklayer Couldn’t resist pointing out my faults He wouldn’t listen, it was like talking to a brick wall In the end he drove me up the wall and our relationship crumbled 15th April 2016


Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016


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Food Fun.

Food Fun. 
The Cook she fancied Chef.
She truly loved his meatballs
and as for his spotted dick. Sublime.

Chef he fancied Cook.
He really loved her chicken breasts
and wished one day to cover them
in a thick cream sauce.

Cook loved his chocolate eclair
and loved the taste of the cream
in her mouth.
Chef loved her pastry to,
and when she slapped her
dough on the table.
Well, he knew she kneaded it.
It always took a good pounding.
Nothing like a bun in the oven.

The smell of the finnon haddock
gently poaching in its milk
was enough to make an old Tom
howl with delight.

At last the eggs were poached.
Chef waited till his sausage
was properly stewed before
removing it.
Finger licking good.

Those melons would be ripe soon
and the pudding had reached
boiling point and would be left to simmer.

It was nearing the end
of another busy day
in the mixing bowl of life
that was the kitchen.

Only one question remained.

Who would get custody of the custard?


Copyright © ned flanders | Year Posted 2009


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Call It Anything But What It Is

Call It Anything But What It Is

By Elton Camp

In talking or writing, it’s become illicit
To use a plain term if it is too explicit
“Adult entertainment” is better than porn
A “bun in the oven” if baby’s to be born

Please use “ample proportions” not fat
Or “full bodied” is even better than that
“Powder your nose” if a lady must pee
“Remains” is just a dead body you see

“Surreptitious entry” if a thief breaks in
Use “imbibe” for drinking a lot of gin
“Revenue enhancement” is a tax that’s new
But “armed intervention” when war’s to do

“Comfort woman” slyly names a prostitute 
“Batting for the other side” for a guy too cute
A “categorical inaccuracy” is nothing but a lie
And for a wrinkle, “character line” please try

It’s “collateral damage” when innocents die
“Disinformation” is another name for a lie
But using other words the facts to disguise
Can also be yet another way to tell cruel lies


Copyright © Elton Camp | Year Posted 2012


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Thrice because twice was nice (The blues)

I’s got six kids
Six mongrel dogs 
Living in one bed broken down shack
From six whisky drinkin’ hogs
And a v8, v8 Cadillac parked out back

Yes I have six children 
Nine months apart
Gots to buy six dozen nappies
From the second had counter at Wallmart

Once for experience
And I did it twice
Because it was nice

I saw my new woman 
Walking down the road
She was walkin funny 
The way she strolled
I thought it was through all my lovin’
But she had a bun in the oven

Once for experience
And I did it thrice
Because twice was nice

Now I have seven kids
Seven dog gone mongrels
Living in one bed broken down shack
From seven whisky drinkin’ hogs
And a v8, Cadillac with a box caravan parked out back


Copyright © Sidney Hall Mad Poet | Year Posted 2010


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Commuter Widow

Trainspotting 
isn’t fun 
not when she’s dead tired 
arms of jelly 
ears full of tears 
	baby wants 
	baby wants 
pick the kids up 
from school
strawberry jam 
sandwiches uneaten 
traffic jam 
	ma I’m hungry 
	baby wants 
	baby wants 
make the dinner 
bake the cake
bun in the oven 
bending over 
nightly shapes 
the body pays the price 
of new-born joy 
	headache 
joyless 
thankless
throb 
9 to 5
paced out 
on the kitchen floor
supermarket 
	chicken would be good
	baby wants sweets
5 o’clock 
tick tock 
train halfway 
baby straps 
double check 
	throb
in at seven 
should be six-thirty
commuter widow waits 
for the daily rebirth 
a partnership 
	what a day I’ve had love 
he shallowly sits 
TV 
dinner 
bed 
make the shapes 
if both are able 
	how did it come 
	to this 
nearly dawn 
where’s his tie 
	I used to be a woman 
intelligent 
bright 
outgoing 	
	he used to be a man 
wide-eyed 
unpredictable 
caring 
	no time to care now 
we used to be together 
in this 
	this mess
baby just wants a hug 

the question you didn’t answer 
what’s left 
?
when reality robs us of dreams 
what do you see in me 
lined 
fatter 
turning sour 
at being cheated 
and then depressed when 
I realise I cheated myself 
out of a better life 
what’s left 
over 
? 
what do you see
when you look at me 
settlement 
or 
excitement 

is it still there 
is it still detectable 
after all that has passed 

baby wants 

baby wants 

baby wants a hug 


Copyright © Steve Downes | Year Posted 2013


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Battle of the sexes 5x one line

1, Battle of the Sexes : Fought over century's yet man's banner is wisest flown  white.  
2,Equal rights: Doors open wide and seats given up a man's place is behind or just stood up.
3,Marriage: All dressed in white and ready to wed the groom b.e.s.t  turn up or it will be a funeral instead .
4,Birth: Bun in the oven,  serving 9 months inside .  please turn the heating on as its freezing outside.
5, Death: If the  grim reaper knocks answer and smile if he then asks your name tell him a lie .  


comp entry


Copyright © stephen pennell | Year Posted 2016


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Sweat The Technique


There's a battle for your mind but you say it's just fine
 pulling a 9 to your head it's the walking dead
 Not since the day of creation did we stand with ovation
 A seed was drop from a farmers bag that was bad
 Satan the god of this world is blinding good people
 Peeps stay at home when they can be at the church steeple
 Sex on the beach maybe your favorite drink 
 But I can't dismiss this earthly bliss in thought
 Once a soul is sold it can't ever be bought
 Drop some smooth lyrics out on the sunset scene
 Living in a land that is so very mean
 when I roll of you captures you better be ready
 Girl you got a bun in the oven by your kissing cousin
 Sweat the technique from your head to your feet
 Bare with me son cause you can't do me none
 Poetics to poetry we must see reality
 search the hood just like Robin Hood
 then there's the Maiden Mary Ann who has a plan
 yet the battle ensues as you sing the blues
 a lot of suckers like to forget me but they can't 
 start this cause I'm the artist
 walk with your head up when I hear whacked rhymes it's a set up
 All the brothers don't eat chicken & watermelon
 so now what are you selling
 let's get back to hip hop in what it meant to Scott Larock
 keep your head up & look to the sky
 Sweat the technique as you sit in your seat
 Right from your head right down to your feet
 Got to get in the zone busting out rhymes like Home Alone
 we came this far not to turn back now
 can't turn around when your hands on the plow
 yet in the end I choose to be a soldier in the army of God
 got to stay in school & obey the golden rule
 only one life is soon to be passed only what's done for him will last
 we got followers with no good leaders
 blood in the streets & there needs to be better education
 many take a break on a long awaited vacation
 the crowd is ready & me feet is steady
 until my last breath I must confess a rhyme that shines
 sex, drugs & rap for some is where its at
 so you slip & fall giving you a heart attack
 rap & roll is noise pollution
 take my magic wand as a sure fire solution


Copyright © Mario Vitale | Year Posted 2017


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A MIRACLE


But then, hi there,
How is the bun in the oven
Burning?
How are you baking it?
And what is James Blunt saying now?
Does he think I don’t know?
You are all that is on my mind,
Right now, I will not let anyone touch
Your place, and space again;
Such fresh breath,
A miracle must have happened last night,
I wonder what it is;
We gotta lift ourselves up from the patterns
Of pain we have designed.


Copyright © Fungayi Elias Ndhlovu | Year Posted 2017


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oy Gevalt - Moi Ongepatchket Married Life - part uno

Once thy future spouse (Abby Zison) found herself in the family way
  (with what would turn out to be the first of our two daughters – i do say
  determined and sealed the decision per our rolling in the figurative hay
  to wed said mother of thine deux female progeny 
  on an agreed (in Linkin Park) upon a green day.
 
Both of us happened to be older grown offspring at ten times thrice
  Or three plus decades to be generally precise 
  our fate sealed sans no hup hauling clay dice.
 
Said age difference approximately a year and a half between us two,
  and miserably living with parents, which o’er the years rancor grew.

I agreed to pledge my troth on the premise this writer
  (christened Matthew Harris) aka king o one scott the lighter
  found himself in the throes of becoming a potential mister mom)
  per one dominant seminal striver a darwinian foo fighter.
 
Since neither of us took any precautions and thru caution to the wind
  the inevitable (i.e. a so called bun in the oven) nonetheless
  tasting supposed verboten fruits branded us as having sinned
  took us by surprise and got us necessarily biologically pinned.

Even though a decision to tie the gordian knot (more like a noose)
  per donning the role of future father tightened and n’er got loose
  an inner conflict jostled thine inner being 
  against forming a legal wedded union – the deuce.
 
Prior to taking that legal vow to be husband and wife
  until death doth us part before the justice of the peace 
  (which building matter of fact, happens to be 
  a hopper, skipper and jumper 
  from where this seat experiences posterior strife 
  because this gluteus maximus constitutes on bony arse 
  as if being cut by a knife 
  matrimonial bliss seemed like a pipe dream 
  in subsequent years only to spiral into a maelstrom of chaotic life.
 
In truth, the prospect to marry 
  in general mills and aforementioned gal in particular 
  hardly filled yours truly with giddy excitement 
  but a decision this troubadour wished to defer and tarry
even as of this writing thoughts meander envisioning 
  the bachelor life - since daughters grown and I feel self confidant
  to manage the unforeseen challenges of life, and hence less wary.
 


Copyright © MATTHEW harris | Year Posted 2017


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Smooth Operator

Smooth Operator
it was late in the evening & on the street
had my body kit waxed on my Camry
fenders had a slasp of silver so did the rims
stero was blasting to my favorite song
Like Michael Jackson & Stevie B
rolled into my neighborhood bar many looked out at my car
I was fixing to put one on slamming back drinks until I couldn't even think
out in the back was the girl of my dreams named Sara
I smiled in her direction needing some sweet affection
much to my surprise she had a bun in the oven from her secong cousin
was it any wonder i had too much time on my hands
Still I made a play for sweet Sara
she was so very nervous i could hear it in her voice
but it was my choice to dance with her in the middle
perhaps i was playing second fiddle or loosing the ball in a dribble
that's why they call me the smooth operator today
I used my many talents that God gave me
but I was a dear gentleman to Sara and raised her baby as our own
took a chance in the dark in that i lit the spark to what i was waiting for
although the many years have passed still having every reason to grasp
how much a love can grow the strong beat of the tempo
in the way we should go
so today I still wax my Camry with every fiber in me
the times have changed but the love still grows
been knocked to the ground but my hope still shows
now every place that I go I'm known as the smooth operator
would you like another ice cream flavor
it's just sugar & spice with everything nice
once this life is through no second chance to roll twice


Copyright © Mario Vitale | Year Posted 2017