Best Boyfriends Poems
It’s hard to meet someone serious at college. Everyone’s busy,
self-centeredly grinding away at their dreams. So much so that
people tell you to not even try (especially as a freshman).
I was mostly at ease with myself—as a freshman. I had an
excellent skincare routine—it was downright luxuriant,
and it kept me going, through that romantically lonely year.
But we humans hope—we buy lotto tickets to dream on—though we know the awful math. We Gen Z’s seem to have our own unique brand of loneliness, born of covid and Internet-age experience.
My romantic expectations, sophomore year, were low—ok, unmeasurable.
Looking around was depressing. There were socially awkward STEM majors, jocks, frat men (sure the world’s laid-out just for them) and ‘CSOM Bros" (business majors more interested in parlaying my Grandmère’s money than me) and the elusive, emotionally reserved, ‘regular guys.’
But the unexpected can happen. We all know how crowded campus coffee shops are—the students move in and out in tides as noisy as the real, salty ocean. And then there you were, a rumpled, 25-year-old doctoral student—from another world—asking to share my table.
The loudest thing in that room was your sense of stillness. You seemed to be a new, and distinct species, and as we talked, you seemed to somehow smooth my anxious edges. After a few meets, the thought, ‘I really like this guy,’ seemed to have its own gravity.
We somehow managed to thread the ‘too busy to care’ dynamic, and as time went by, you helped me channel my absurd, fiery, pastel-painted, first-love, early-twenty girlhood heat into something longer lasting, deep and authentic. Congratulations! It’s been two years.
Separating now, would be like removing the salt from the sea.
.
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Songs for this:
Playing House by Kudu
So Much Mine by The Story
Boyfriends
Likely to cheat
Untrustworthy at times
Hang out a lot with beer buddies
Sweet hearts
Since the men and the women are no longer dating, I guess the relationship is over. All types of break-ups have affected the lives of all would-be ex-lovers since ever. It seems that when the guys and the girls decide to break up, their hearts will have been broken into pieces. And after this bad break up, these people are really depressed, which means that they can’t eat, they can’t sleep, they lose interest in life, and stuff. And what is so sad about the men and the women being ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends is that they’re making fun of each other for no apparent reason or whatever. Why, this is starting to look like the battle of the sexes and World War 2 or 3. I’m told that all serious relationships will have ended in multiple break-ups, especially when a man and/or a woman will have found out that his/her boyfriend/girlfriend has cheated on him/her with another suitor or his/her own family members (male or female cousin, e.g.). On top of all that, it makes everybody sick just thinking about it. Not only have these people (the guys and the gals) have broken each others’ hearts, they’ve humiliated and embarrassed each other publicly and personally. And if these people knew that they we’re going to cheat on each other, then they shouldn’t have been together at all. Looks like the guys and the girls are better off without each other and alone anyway. So now I know why I’m not in a relationship with someone right now. And I have no time to think about getting into a serious relationship with one female. And if all types of break-ups continue to affect the lives of all men and women, there’s no stopping it. Something must be done this instant.
Three boyfriends have I, whom I could marry
Just hit '39' again, so I'd better not tarry
#1's hair is so long and so curly
I don't know anyone cuter
Sleeps all day, and mopes nights away
I call him 'My Active Brooder'
#2 seems polite, a man with some manners
but when he gets mad, ain't nobody ruder
He's into MK-47's, MAGA, the NRA
I call him 'My Active Shooter'
#3's vision's amazing, like Superman's
though frankly, there's nobody lewder
He stares at every skirt that comes his way
I call him 'My Active Denuder'
O, What should I do, I just can't decide
I've got to get married, before I die
Wait - My cat's my best friend, I'll marry him
I'll start a Go-Fund-Me, get 'Jaspar' neutered
*(a poem in Senryus)*
You don’t have to count,
when you lose a boyfriend, you
know. There was just one.
He was gone before
I knew it - he wasn’t, you know,
tied up or anything.
For a moment I
toy with saying, “Alexa, add
rope to my shopping list."
In High School boyfriends
come and go - it's like shopping
- where you return things.
Fall is having something of a moment - in Paris - from what I hear.
Me? I’m enjoying some large-group foundational instruction, small-group clinical tutorials, and what they call ‘dense-coursework’ because endless memorization and scientific concept acquisition isn’t dense at all.
Peter’s in Paris for goods, Woot!
And lucky him, he’s adjusting to waking up
to ‘Betty (Get Money) by Yung Gravy,’
blasting from my Sonos One speaker at 6am
right after Charles and I finish our morning 5k.
I’m trying to be present for him, to atone for endless studies.
My diary charts my intentions, anyway, like satirical epistolaries.
Now that Peter’s in Paris, he seems “S” obsessed!
I didn’t tell him, “Wait, isn’t that what A.I. is for?”
No, I go to minimal lengths to discourage him,
for we’re each other’s raw materials, are we not?
Shakespeare, a man who obviously spent a lot of his time on the Internet. Wrote about that very specific, emotional-space and little else. He disguised it, of course, with sexual allusions, drunken sword fights, mistaken identities and sick-burns - but it’s all there.
Incest, gender-bending, sneaking around, and jesters spilling blunt truths about “appetites.”
But he presented it all as real, human and normal - signaling pleasures full of breathing, tasting, feeling, and the overt-expression of sexual actions - he was a man ahead of his time - made for social media.
Of course, you can’t trust what a poet writes of love.
Not because of dissimulation, but because love is so exciting
- that the happening is all-consuming - and in the after-pauses, much is forgotten.
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Songs for this:
Betty (Get Money) by Yung Gravy [E]
Man I Need by Olivia Dean
Bad Dreams by Teddy Swims
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Yung Gravy = uhh he’z SO g.d cute and funny.
talking to Peter “If I didn’t have you, I’d stalk him to prove my love.”
Peter in the summer morning sun
his cool smile shaded by shadows run
his voice as soothing as coffee’s scent
tell me he wasn’t heaven sent
Peter of Malibu moss and Spanish rose
his lips like light-coral, in kissable repose
his legs slouched akimbo, like a tiger’s limbs
how I long to re-entangle myself in them.
Peter’s quick caress, on windy Tropez beaches
aren’t men the most delightful, of nature's invasive species?
I miss the jeweler’s precision, of his warm and playful hands
and how the sun slowly gifted him, with a model’s golden tan.
Peter sipping coffee under a brittle, New Haven sun,
his rough laugh following something silly I’d done.
There’s no cryptic, localized pathology, happening at the beach,
when the two of us are together, our worlds just seem complete.
.
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Songs for this:
What the World Needs Now by Tori Holub & James Wilkas
be mine by strongboi
Let's wax poetic - wax on..
We’re in for it
When we enter
the insubstantial country of love
That secret theater, in an invisible mansion of moods
it’s a resort that houses its share of speechless monologues and sore disappointments, all lovers know that, but there are infinite discoveries too—secret, intimate delights and sensual confidences.
Ok, wax off.
My horoscope this morning said, “any tension you’re experiencing now is just part of the process.”
Peter (my bf), flew in last night. When we’re separated too long, remembering him, remembering us, can at times, seem like a memory exercise and I find myself wondering if I’m wasting my bikini years on a handshake deal. Then we’re reunited and bam, I’m reminded why it’s a ‘dub-u, dub’ again.
He’s a delectation—in a Christmas bauble kind of way—shiny and dangerous because I want to touch him—but not be loud or showy about it. Leeza (Lisa’s 14-year-old sister) whispered to me, when I was getting some ice, “You watch him with the too-still poise of a cat about to strike.” I smiled at the complement because I love cats.
Every once in a while I’ll pinch him, to make sure he’s real. “Oww! Stop that!
“What?!” I ask, pulling back as if innocently confused.
I got him a room at the Marriott Essex House. It’s 400 feet down W59th from Lisa’s building entrance to the front door of his hotel. I measured it off, with urgent steps—then I helped him unpack. We unpacked a lot.
Later, we joined Dave and Lisa for a Christmas light tour—Manhattan’s flexing its wow-factor for us.
I didn’t get to sit on Santas lap this year, I’m a little old for that,
but I did get what I wanted most—I’m sure I’m grinning like an idiot.
It’s not quite Christmas yet, but thanks, Santa.
Merry Christmas - Happy Hanukkah - Merry Kwanzaa - Happy Festivas!
.
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Songs for this:
Heat Wave by Linda Ronstadt
Same Songs by Kelly Jones
.
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Two days until Christmas.. how ‘bout some Christmas playlists?
www.daweb.us/xmas/
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dub-u, dub = a big win
One of my year-long sophomore subjects will be physics. At first, physics seems to be a menagerie of big, boring universal ideas and immutable laws rendered practically unimportant by their scale.
Peter, ok, let’s call him my boyfriend - just as a place-holder - is working on his “Doctorate in Applied Physics,” degree. “Will you help me with my physics homework?” I asked, hopefully.
“I’m sure we can work something out,” he assures me, wiggling his eyebrows suspiciously.
Peter got to visit the Hadron Collider, in Geneva, this summer. When I FaceTimed him he was as animated as a girl at drama camp. He was all, “proton collisions, Higgs bosons, top quarks and massive particles, bla, bla, bla..”
“That’s ok, I said, “If you’d rather not talk about it, I understand.”
Seriously though, I get it. Physics teaches critical thinking and problem solving. Fluid dynamics and pressure-volume-resistance relationships apply to the circulatory system. Pressure-volume curves can apply to lung function, heat transfer is applicable to frostbite, hypothermia and fevers - nuclear physics applies to nuclear medicine (SPECT, PET scans and radiation therapy and lasers) - yatta, yatta yatta.
But why ME, oh, lord?
They say they run in packs
with the mighty unicorn.
The stories bridge the boundary
between faith and Internet p0rn.
Oh, the elusive boyfriend.
I thought I’d hidden one in the closet,
but I rummaged top to bottom
then remembered - argh! -
I lost him last August!
Hail mary full of grace
Bless my boyfrinds sexy face
Bless his lips his hands and eyes
Keep them safe right next to mine
Bless this man i hope to marry
Bless his baby i wish to carry
Bless the love that we both share
Bless our hearts and how much we both care
I hope and pray that we never depart
And end up with to broken hearts
Bless our love to stay deep and strong
To never fade away,together is were we belong
But if we both die and i'm in heaven and your not there
I'll know you went the other way
And just to show you what love can do
I'll go to hell just to be with you.
AMEN
I once dated a fella named Bella,
whom I met at a party in a cellar,
I told him I was born in Pennsylvania,
he said he came from somewhere in Transylvania…
Said he worked at the blood bank during the day,
and we started to see each other the very next day,
seeing him only at night,
he would give me a fright,
when he'd suddenly appear out of no-where…
Each and every night he'd come to my home,
where we'd sit down
and watch a Batman marathon...
then I'd serve him his usual Bloody Mary,
and he would turn and just hypnotically
keep staring at me...
Before I knew it,
I'd wake up and it'd be morn,
and he had already been gone,
feeling the usual pain in my neck,
which would be teeth marked and black and blue...
he was most definitely a hickey man through and through!
Before long I got used to our routine,
but then he suddenly turned kind of mean,
and my neck wasn't just black and blue,
but bleeding the color red…
Needless to say we eventually broke up,
and I moved to get away from that thug,
taking up residence in a far away city,
I didn't want to see him again or give him any pity!
Feeling so sick and so tired of the night time routine,
I felt used, like he just sucked the life out of me!
Then I heard rumors he was dating someone named Elvira,
who must be someone he truly admired,
because then they eventually married,
and have a night time business,
performing free embalming...
Eventually I met someone named Frank,
who was aimlessly wandering around a park,
found out he had an odd job of buying
and selling body parts,
all at a downtown pawn shop...
He was also the very tall and quiet type,
and he would very rarely ever gripe...
unless he got too close to an open flame,
then he'd literally go insane…
To make a long story short,
although our relationship was pretty thrilling,
poor Frank ended up in an institution,
where he was neither seen
or heard of again,
all on the account of
some backyard barbecue grilling.
Life is a series of demands. Hurry up, perform.
Do your homework, write a paper, oh and read 300 pages,
get in those volunteer hours, grab those lab credentials.
I get busy, caught up in projects and I forget stuff
like dinnertime, peeing before it’s an emergency,
or like calling you - last night.
On vacation I’m unplugged, I’m avoiding focus,
I’m not paying attention, my mind’s wandering.
I’d want you less if it were required by law.
I imagine your huge, brown saucer eyes
exhibiting a wounded, blaming expression and I can’t.
Maybe there’s a biological explanation, yes, that’s it,
I’m missing an enzyme, I have a glandular disorder
that prevents long distance relationships from working.
No, not work - It can’t be work - it should be exciting.
Is it a crime to want some time off from pressure?
I’m not asking for a pony.
Just a sabbatical couple of weeks away from obligations.
I felt so guilty that I went to Karen (Lisa’s mom) about it.
We talked for over an hour, she’s so smart, I love her.
She reminded me about the recent lockdowns
and how years of skyping and remote learning
might affect (dull-down) a long distance romance.
I told her what you said, about my sinatra psyche
and she said although I seem absurdly secure,
I’m probably still figuring things out - and that’s ok.
There’s really no substitute for talking to a mom.
I called you - and left a message - I hope you understand.
I turned my phone off - for now.
Once there was this girl
Who have 4 boyfriends?’
She thinks it was just for fun
But it would soon come to an end
She love the 4th boyfriend
More than all the rest
So she gives him gifts
And treat him the best
She also love the 3rd boyfriend
Showing him off to her friends
But she has fear that one day
Their relationship will end
She also love the 2nd boyfriend
He’s always considerate and kind
When ever she face a situation
He would help her every time
The 1st boyfriend gives her everything
To make her very happy
But she never did love him
Although he lover her deeply
But one day the girl got sick
She got cancer in her bones
Now she has 4 boyfriends
But when she dies she I’ll be alone
So she ask the 4th boyfriend
Of all I love you mostly
Now that I’m dying will you follow?
Me and keep me company
No way; said the 4th boyfriend
And without a word he walk away
His answer felt a sharp knife
Went in her heart that day
She turns and asks the 3rd boyfriend
You know I have love you plenty
Will you follow and stay with me
When they bury me in the cemetery
No way; said the 3rd boyfriend
I will marry some one else
Life is to short
And he leaves her crying tears
She then ask the 2nd boyfriend
If I need help you have always cared
When I die please come and stay with me
Because I will be very scared
Sorry I can’t help you this time
I have my own life to save
The best I can do for you
Is to walk you to the grave
His answer struck her by surprise
And she feels so very low
When she heard a voice said
I will follow you where ever you go
It was her 1st boyfriend
Looking sad standing by the door
Then she says she’s so sorry
For not loving him before
Then she close her eyes
And died with out any fear
Knowing the one who truly loves her
He will always be there
When some one loves you
Please don’t push them away
Because true love will
Always be needed one day
Most guys I meet
think I'm sweet
Yet they never
want to sweep me off my feet
But that's okay
because being a girlfriend
is sometimes a chore
and some guys
Are such a bore!