Best Bob Hope Poems
As I set out
To jot down this poem
I had no earthly idea
Of what would transpose
And who all would be
Joining along
I'm as surprised as you
To these goings on
I don't recollect
Any of this being nearby
All the glimmer and glamor
Catching my eye
With my mind letting loose
In the wondering why
All of these characters
Are invading my rhymes
There are seals riding trikes
Uniformed Taiwanese
Clowns and their like
With smiley faced knees
Lepords in tights
Like we need more of these
A Kardashian or two
To put our minds at ease
Daryl Hall and John Oates
Singing loud 80's tunes
And what would be a poem
Without a cow jumping over the moon
Or a chimpanzee
Swinging through the stanzas with ease
Using the tails of snakes
Like a flying trapeze
There's even a racoon
By the name of Rocky we know
Using his Boogaloo
To sweep dust from the poem
And look it's Bob Hope
Selling soap on a rope
To keep it all clean
With a rated "G" tone
With so much going on
Inside of this poem
Guess it's best I stop here
As this has gotten rather long...
Robert Hinshaw, what you do is great,
i say because, its comedy in poetry,
we could use a few more like you,
to tickle us until we spew,
keep em coming on true blue,
till you sidestep out the gate.
THE POETS BLOODY FATE, MATE.
Yes Bob it's enjoyable,
tossing lines back n forth,
stirrin the possum one more time,
till he don't know south from north,
words do flow tween toe n toe,
never to be rich, but mates abound,
all around, jabbering onward forth!
good on ya Bob
ya aint no snob,
to know a Galah like me,
great words you talk,
I'll squeak n squalk,
till this bird is flappin free:)
Don
to bring a smile to a few dials, in the nasty world we have,
do whatever you do with style, if not call 4 a cab hehehe,
great hobby mate ...no debate ...but feedback brings it on ..
the words do flow ...sandgoanna goes ....but Johnson lingers on
on ya Bob
Don
The day broke peacefully in Kosciusko, Mississippi
The morning came with gladness over the city
Flowers smile at the morning breeze refreshing
Her birth did not attract television attention
She came in disguise with a local identity
January 29, 1954, planet earth recorded her name
But history had no intention of identifying with her
She wore handmade potatoes dresses
She was mocked amongst her peers
She tasted her tears at an early age
She struggled to defeat the battles hindering her future
She mounted on the wings of a university scholarship
Landed at Tennessee State University
Then, history began to notice something peculiar about Oprah
Speech and performing arts is the vehicle
She drove to get at her high places
She ignored all the bus stops along the highway of life
She appreciate her grandma’s concrete foundation
She acknowledge her father disciplinary impact
She boarded success flight with assurance
And history began to trace her everywhere
She is the world most philanthropic celebrity
She established Oprah Angel Network for the underprivileged
She established Oprah Winfrey leadership Academic
She is the first to receive the Bob Hope award
She is the world most influential woman
And history welcomes her in his book
She settled with the Oprah Winfrey show
Her impact is felt all over the world
She has the right words for every situation
She ask the right questions to expose the whole truth
She embraces the hottest stories in the world
She always satisfy the desires of her viewers
History announces her sun that keep shinning on every color and every generation
A vibrant, wild woman took center stage at every family wedding or party
Long, flowing locks even in old age, she always embarrassed her brother Artie
Once statuesque at nearly six feet tall, Eva was a sight to behold at buffets
Plate upon plate, she piled food so high; restaurant owners said she ate with craze
Bubbling with energy that radiated, this former beauty queen knew how to dance
As a child she led me to the floor; we’d Charleston! Wild woman sure could prance!
As a teen she’d fallen into Hudson Bay; she learned how to swim, suffered no harm
She repaid the favor by training nearly every Jersey Shore lifeguard
Her tales were many and some seemed tall, especially to a child so small
But the one about dolphins saving her from sharks could certainly enthrall
Her loudly ticking old-time video camera was heard each time I was in a play
She never missed a performance, though she may have stood in the audience’s way
And Bob Hope called her up on stage when she and her camera stole his show
In saintly splendor she revels now, still radiating that winsome glow
Dedicated to my dear Aunt Eva.
At last it has arrived,
let there be no doubt.
That everyone goes crazy
at the Christmas staff night out.
Now Santa took the sleigh.
He did not stop to think.
For that was very foolish
with all that food and drink!
Tooth fairy looked real nice
so did the pantomime dames,
but Grinch was asked to leave
for calling Santa names.
The leprechauns told anecdotes
in the spirit of Bob Hope.
The snowmen all got stoned
by passing round the dope.
Santa told rude jokes!
and some were even funny.
But everyone avoided
that randy Easter Bunny.
Jack Frost he was concerned,
told the Elves what he was thinking.
"That Santa"s getting drunk,
he is doing to much drinking."
When the meal was over,
the MC he did stand .
"Will you welcome live on stage,
The Boogie Man and his band."
The celebrations ended.
"Get on your merry way."
Santa staggered out
to try and find his sleigh.
The reindeer headed home
they knew the way to go.
They did not stop to think,
to take it kind of slow.
Santa started singing
a chorus of Wild Rover.
When flashing lights appeared
and he was soon pulled over.
"Lets see your drivers licence
and please put out that ***."
"Step out of the vehicle
and blow in to this bag."
Oh Santa was locked up.
You should have heard him wail.
"You have to let me out,
you have to give me bail."
His sentence will be soon
lets hope the courts a fan.
For what will happen next year?
If he gets a driving ban.!
Poor old Santa Clause
it is a sorry tale.
He got community service,
instead of going to jail!
By all means leave a carrot.
A glass of milk I think.
But don"t encourage Santa
by leaving out a DRINK!
© Ned Flanders
Two rats can have over a million descendants
In eighteen months, talk about prolific
Don't know about all youse guys out there
But this guy finds that quite horrific
You'd produce enough gas for an atomic bomb
If you farted for 6 years and 9 months
Know a guy that could produce enough gas
For an atomic bomb by farting just once
Tigers have striped skin as well as striped fur
Now how damn interesting is that
A Ronald MacDonald once robbed Wendy's
I would guess he got his order fast
Tipping at Iceland is considered an insult
Sounds really civilized to me
The longest flight of a chicken is 13 seconds
It crash landed and broke a knee
Ribbon worms eat themselves if they can't find food
Now that's pretty desperate to me
Guess they start at the bum and work their way up
Don't think I've ever felt THAT hungry
Bob Hope and Billy Joel were both once boxers
Now I don't mean the doggy type
Chained dogs are 3 times more likely to bite us
Guess they have a reason to gripe
Clocks made before 1660 had only an hour hand
The world didn't have seconds back then
A jiffy is the time it takes for light to travel
One centimetre in a vacuum, I'm overwhelmed
Mahatma Gandhi wrote for advice on diet and exercise
To strongman Charles Atlas, I kid you not
Whoopi Goldberg's real name is Caryn Johnson
That can't be, we all love Whoopi a lot
Who said "I’ve watched a lot of baseball on the radio"
Yup! Good old President Gerald Ford
Way back, people threw eggs at the bride and groom
A custom that today would be deplored
© Jack Ellison 2015
In our lives you were forever,
to make us cry, no never.
So many things that you did,
you made us all feel like a kid.
Every word you ever spoke,
somehow turned into a joke.
A special gift you had somehow,
I guess God must need it now.
He sent you to Angels above,
remember it's you we'll always love.
If it was loose, you would tighten the rope,
after all you were Bob Hope.
We're all so grateful for all you gave,
the crazy ways you would behave.
So may I say from many,
"Thanks for the Memory!"
BOB HOPE
Mr Robert Hope
always acted the dope
made his wealth from jokes
and his applause from folks.
WHAT’S IN A SOUND
Mr Les Paul
Where would we all,
Be without your sound
In this, the creation that you found.
Harry J Horsman 2012
Bob Hope
Had a nose like a ski slope.
He entertained with comedy
To relieve military troops' anxiety.
1/21/12
Entered in PD's Battle of the Clerihew contest.
We had wringers on our washing machines,
And four dialed numbers made telephones ring.
Transistor radios with only AM,
Vineal records to play, and you could stack them.
And, Hope entertained during our wars.
We had Jack Benny, and Rochester too,
Uncle Miltie, and Captain Kangaroo,
Milk in glass bottles brought right to our door,
With red paper caps you took off to pour.
And Hope entertained our troops.
We had prayer in school, and devotions each day.
In the pledge to our flag, “under God” we’d say.
We respected leaders, and our teachers obeyed,
Went out at night without being afraid,
And Hope entertained at our wars.
Before CD’s and Ipods, we had stereo.
Drive Inn movies were the place then to go.
We drove our Fords, and Chevrolets,
And Desoto was popular back in those days.
We had Hope entertaining our troops.
TV’s had small screens in black and white.
The entire family watched the shows at night.
Life was very uncomplicated then,
Girls became ladies and boys became men.
And Hope entertained at our wars.
From our own back yards we saw sputnik fly.
We had hula hoops, and played “I Spy”,
“Kick the Can”, and “Hide and go Seek”.
Home made ice cream , back then, was a treat.
And Hope entertained at our wars.
Back then kids rode in the front seat of cars.
Our moms canned stuff in glass mason jars.
We rode bikes without the protection of helmets.
Never heard of acid in rain, or other elements,
And Hope entertained at our wars.
We were so lucky to have lived in those days
With Bob and his funny entertaining ways.
“Thanks For the Memories”, we’ll never forget,
We will always remember without regret
Bob Hope entertained at our wars.
R J L
SEPTEMBER. 2007
For the debt I'm OWEN WILSON
I'll be ROBIN THICKE stacks of cash
Between me ANNA FARIS wheel
LORDE I can't raise that kind of stash
But now I tend my IGGY AZALEA
Look it's a SHERI SHEPHARD with sheep
Chasing off a DRAKE in the water
Down where the JOAN RIVERS run deep
As sure as LEANN RIMES with he can
And BRITNEY SPEARS a fish in the sea
When I see a RED FOXX jump a fence
I'll drop my DOLLY PARDON me
Doe's BOB HOPE my buddy's ok
Can my BUDDY HACKETT with that cough
If wilson spanked natilie I'd say
NATILIE WOOD FLIP WILSON off
Entertainment comes in every shape and form.
From plays on stage, to theatre co-ops, to movies, these are the norm.
Remembering movies like Mary Poppins to Cleopatra.
Productions crews, make films from theatre, to television soap operas.
Nowadays you rarely see any moral induced movies,
Violence, killing, perversions, all made for audiences they’re trashy.
Us older folks, who went to movies in the sixties rarely saw smut.
Not needed then to show great actors talents, now it’s all we got.
On billboards, coming attractions, you see such a strange diversion.
All it does is show how man is set on screen perversion.
A famous western writer said once, “It has no place in moral society.”
The movies of today show all kinds of social notoriety.
Longing for the good ol’ days, elders wish they’d return.
This is what we crave, a good old fashion western, where a station is burned.
Indians, cowboys, like John Wayne and Gary Cooper, in their prime.
Now perversions, subjected to the way of the land, good movies are not in this time.
A wholesome society, one with a moral compass, is the order of the day.
We should boycott this smut, and make movies the right way.
What a message to our children, rebellion and chaos is the tragedy.
Let me have Gary Grant, Bob Hope, and the golden era of comedy.
Well, here I am again, with my tales from the night before.
Just when you thought you heard it all, here I am with more.
Remember back in “one” of the tales I told to you,
Well please sit back and listen, because here comes number two.
Bob Hope and Bing Crosby didn’t make it, they’re on the road.
Buster Keaton remained quiet, but communicated in code.
The Babe and Lou Gehrig were playing there own game
While poor old Gracie Allen could not remember her name.
George Washington, yeah he was there, even holding his old axe
Until Lizzie Borden came along and took it for some whacks.
Lady Godiva was there and I didn’t hear a word she said.
Marie Antoinette was there, and not without her head.
Ah, there goes Nostradamus, who said the earth would fail.
Oh, and there’s the Birdman, who couldn’t keep himself in jail.
Poor Ben Franklin looked like he just came in from a storm.
Oh, wow, check this out! Hey, Sammie, is that Norm?
Louis fourteenth and Robespierre were rehashing their old times.
Oh, look, there goes Dr. Seuss. I always loved his rhymes.
I even had the chance to ask King Arthur of Guinevere,
But that’s when Nostradamus came back and said the end is near.
Pope John Paul the second was chatting with Lady Di.
I didn’t have the guts to talk to them. I didn’t want to try.
Mugsy and Satch came over, from the other side of town.
Wilbur and Orville were there, but couldn’t stay on the ground.
Too many of these famous people, to say that they know me
Therefore, from this poem, now, I will really have to flee.
But, if I get the time to write more of this , you see
Then please check back, again, for this poem, number three.
great bloke
with jokes
Tribute to Bob Hope
Rats can have over a million descendants
In eighteen months, talk about prolific
Don't know about all youse guys out there
But this guy finds that quite horrific
You'd produce enough gas for an atomic bomb
If you farted for 6 years and 9 months
Know a guy that could produce enough gas
For an atomic bomb by farting just once
Tipping in Iceland is considered an insult
Sounds really civilized to me
The longest flight of a chicken is 13 seconds
It crash landed and broke a knee
Ribbon worms eat themselves if they can't find food
Now that's pretty desperate to me
Guess they start at the bum and work their way up
Don't think I've ever felt THAT hungry
Bob Hope and Billy Joel were both once boxers
Now I don't mean the doggy type
Chained dogs are 3 times more likely to bite us
Guess they have a reason to gripe
Clocks made before 1660 had only an hour hand
The world didn't have seconds back then
A jiffy is the time it takes for light to travel
One centimetre in a vacuum, I'm overwhelmed
Mahatma Gandhi wrote for advice on diet and exercise
To strongman Charles Atlas, I kid you not
Whoopi Goldberg's real name is Caryn Johnson
That can't be, we all love Whoopi a lot
Who said "I’ve watched a lot of baseball on the radio"
Yup! Good old President Gerald Ford
Way back, people threw eggs at the bride and groom
A custom that today would be deplored