Best Blighter Poems
Some folks smile when I say I’m a writer
Some smirk, suggesting I should get a job
My stories and poems make our days brighter
Fantasy often, and, occasionally macabre.
Some of my poems make your heart throb
They may elicit laughter when I am lighter,
Friends enjoy going out with me to hobnob
Some folks smile when I say I’m a writer.
Writing opinion, I can be a fierce fighter
A sarcastic line I have been known to lob
To meet a deadline, I’ve pulled an all-nighter
Some smirk, suggesting I should get a job.
My profession does not make me a snob
For I need your stories to write a nail-biter,
Just as history gave us Hugo’s Les Misérables,
My stories and poems make our days brighter.
I edit a great deal to make my writing tighter
Much time and effort’s required, I’m no slob.
I write a mixture of genre, I can be a compiler,
Fantasy, sometimes; occasionally macabre.
So, I pay little attention to the illiterate blob
To those who delight in being a backbiter,
Who are no more important than a watch fob
Spending their time in meaningless blighter,
When I say I’m a writer.
Written June 15, 2022
#33 on Best New Poems List
Poetry Soup
June 22, 2022
#36 on Best New Poems List
Poetry Soup
June 19, 2022
Categories:
blighter, poetry, words, work, write,
Form:
Rondeau Redouble
I guess I’m more accustomed to the modern sting these days;
the one that comes by e-mail or the phone.
They might hurt the pocket with the modern scamming ways -
but Mother Nature’s stings bite to the bone.
I’m talking ‘bout a paper wasp,
or the angriest of bull-ant;
perhaps a hornet or a bee,
and that Queensland stinging plant.
I could be in the scrub casting out a fishing line,
or relaxed while I stand beside a tree
without a thought, but ignorant to a home that isn’t mine,
and its residents who start attacking me.
I’m talking ‘bout assertive spiders;
that little blighter jumping jack.
Damn mosquitoes and march flies,
and scorpions sometimes attack.
It may be every few years, but there does come a time,
when backyards need a bit of cleaning out,
so there will be disturbance that is not a pantomime,
and lackadaisical is not what it’s about.
I’m talking ‘bout stinging nettle,
or prickly pear annoying hairs.
The European Wasp and chiggers,
and white-tail spider toxin scares.
When fishing in an estuary; the beach or in a bay,
you never know what bounty it can bring.
You’ll always have a fighting fish trying to get away,
and some of them can give a nasty sting.
I’m talking ‘bout butterfly gurnard;
the torture of a sand flathead spike.
Feeling of pain after sunset,
and a victim when biting midges strike.
Some might be quite obtrusive - and some a fine-looking thing,
but they all come with a warning - I’m talking ‘bout the sting.
Categories:
blighter, nature,
Form:
Rhyme
Come closer ears
Come closer hearts
I'll whisper as the lie departs
My lips
Will pout
My eyes will scan
The room surveyed as truthless
Scam
Devours with teeth
Pointed and sharper
Than gracious softness when truth
Doth scarper
The vampire bite
Without reflection
To veer your soul in wrong
Direction
Don't tell. It's just
Twixt you and me
No harm intended just..
Promise me
This won't be shared
I want the best
To pass this reputation
Test
Is all I want
In secret though
No credit please or
Angel glow
You understand?
Knowledge is power
For all will know within
The hour
So here's the thing
Fingers on lips
For God forbid my conscience
Slips
Or slides around
On muddy moral Holy ground
With gasping tales that will
Astound
So bring that shell-like
A little tighter..
So truth can be strangled -
The little blighter
We'll choke out justice
Grab honesty's throat
Thus fictional fabrication
Promote
And by the time the dawn arrives
You'll be absolved of all the lies
At least
In part
I must now leave you here
My dear
With your blackened heart's
Redemption fear
Before you blame me
For deception..
Perhaps look closely
For your own reflection
(Mwahahaa)
Categories:
blighter, betrayal, conflict, depression,
Form:
Rhyme
There was a cold man from Connecticut
whose hygiene showed he didn't know etiquette
if he'd left me alone
he'd still have his own bone
That cold hearted blighter from Connecticut.
Categories:
blighter, funny,
Form:
Limerick
From the sands of Palm Beach
To Uluru and Barrier Reef,
In the large caverns of Jenolan
When I've climbed on down beneath,
You see I always get this feelin'
No matter what I do,
That I'm a flamin' Aussie
I feel it through and through.
When I climb The Three Sisters
They seldom have their say,
The quietest girls I've ever met
Rockin' up Katoomba way,
Or when I'm on the Nullabor
With the heat and pesky flies,
I'm seldom left feelin' flat
Even when the engine dies,
You see I always get this feelin'
No matter what I do,
That I'm a flamin' Aussie
I feel it through and through.
When I'm fishin' at Hat Head
And the blighter takes the bait,
Or when I'm on the Spirit
Goin' cross Bass Strait,
Once when in the Daintree
Findin' where that rare bird went,
Or when I'm in the Dandenongs
Tryin' to pitch my tent,
You see I always get this feelin'
No matter what I do,
That I'm a flamin' Aussie
I feel it through and through.
As I cross this vast country
I realsise I might be lackin' sleep,
I think I need new sandshoes
Swear blind I'm wearing out my feet,
Still I always get this feelin'
No matter what I do,
Green and gold gets me excited
Even though I feel true blue.
Categories:
blighter, culture, encouraging, funny,
Form:
Lyric
"The pen is mightier than the sword"
- In general, I guess that's true
But mine's a lazy blighter;
It treats sloth as a bloody virtue
It's not the liveliest of beasts
It's always at a halt
It likes staring at blank paper
As though that's the thing at fault
It lives a charmed sedentary life
Full speed is torpidly inert
It charges around at the pace of a slug
When flat out and alert
My pen possesses zero 'nift' -
I can't fault it for being too nifty
Its' sweet repose is a full-on doze
It thinks saving ink is thrifty
It's scintillatingly steady
So passively at peace
Unchanging in its' inactivity
Like a grazing wildebeest
So languid and so supine
As it munches on my thought
Remaining ever restful
Seeing hibernation as a sport
It's frustratingly calm and fixed
To the point of being plain dull
And that's when it's being lively
It's worse still, when in a lull
But now and then I drag it
Out of its' latent, dormant air
Force it to get some exercise
And treat my thoughts with care
Often it’s quite useless
It's rare for the spark to light -
But when thought and pen work as one
Well, that's the time I write
Categories:
blighter, writing,
Form:
Rhyme
THE SANDS OF TIME
Silent, creepy, mysterious as its tick,
The worthiest choice, if offered a pick,
‘Tis often mentioned of many a tricky blighter,
But there’s this one, that we should take none the lighter,
No matter how low our lives are or how high,
This one, it deceives us within a blink of an eye,
Generations of attempts, seeking to unravel,
From its study, to its hopeful travel,
Enriching us with glory and joy unbound,
But always engulfing with vigil surround,
Obviously not easy to bring to heel,
Like Sand, as slippery as an eel,
These, Chronicles of Time,
In Life, undoubtedly the Prime,
Too valuable, too worthy to waste,
Lest, we regret later, the need for haste,
Cherish, save, optimize this gift,
It’s the last thing that should be allowed to drift,
Yesterday is History,
Tomorrow is a Mystery,
But today is a Gift, that is why it is called the Present. :)
Categories:
blighter, irony, time,
Form:
ABC
I think I have a grem/in, lurking in my words
I'd left a win/ow open and thought it was the birds
But then I heard a thud and a cry for he/p
Saw the little blighter, the elf upon the shelf.
He got very hungry, some letters he did eat
Put slashes where the letters were, do / admit defeat
It was for a contest, no time to put it right
hope that when its judged ,'twi/l be the dark of night.
Oh well I'll send it off, I've got nowt to lose
Meanwhile I'll write another if / can find my muse
That elf upon the she/f has caused me some grief
Never would I have had him down as a letter thief.
(a rhyme but some of the letters have been eaten away and replaced with forward slashes by a wicked elf)
Written 3rd October
For muschi/f contes/ sponsored by N/na Parment/r.
Categories:
blighter, fairy, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
He sat there with a bee on his nose
Its his own fault this has occurred
Stuck his nose in the lavender
Now covered in pollen, looks absurd
His eyes are near crossed
As he looks at the bee
Thinking dare i move
Or will the blighter sting me
So like a statue the dog just sat
Dare i tell him the bee is a fake
Was put in the lavender as a joke
Will he hate me when from his nose i take.
Penned 9 july 2013
Andrea's Contest :Show Me Funny
Categories:
blighter, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
Now little Jenny's favourite cardigan is missing one of these
It fell off just the other day and simply disappeared
We turned the house upside down everyone was looking
The cushions of the three piece suite were heaped into a pile
While Uncle Jack was on his knees searching high and low
Mum got out the Hoover and ran it into Auntie Flo, who hopped around the sitting
room making funny noises
The dog was heading for the door but Dad he dived and caught him and
once old Zak was upside down and nothing inside rattled was allowed to leave the scene
The next stop was the fire brigade but we didn't have a cat or a garden with a tree
Now we couldn't find the shiny little blighter, so we had a cup of tea
We tried to find another one just like the one that's lost but that is such a trying task
there's never two the same
Mum finally found a button but it never matched the rest and Jenny's pretty cardigan
was never seen again
Categories:
blighter, family, mum,
Form:
Blank verse
It was on a Monday morning that the gasman said he’d call
I waited in all day – he didn’t come at all
Irate I phoned the company and they said they’d guarantee
He would arrive on Wednesday he’d be there by half past three
But Wednesday came and went and still he didn’t come
I phone up again – oh he has an abscess on his bum
Could I be at home on Friday – this time he won't be late
I guarantee he’ll be at your door prompt at half past eight
On Friday I sat and waited and the blighter didn’t arrive
I’ve sent them a bill for my time – I want it paid by half past five!
Jan Allison
8th August 2014
Categories:
blighter, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
Ask not the place.
Electric guitars in time.
Inherit not rights.
Greasing heavens door.
Furthermore my love.
Set your hair not in a hurry.
John the Baptists neck,
Dawns break in a worry.
Such as,
That ungodly radio.
Hammers west coast waves.
A blighter parataxis.
Furthermore my love.
As Jesus Christ abounds equals equal being worth.
Catharses catharsis beauty bastions new ground work.
Something for everybody.
A join in synergy.
Inherit rights.
Purging King Saul's neurosis.
Categories:
blighter, philosophy, society,
Form:
I do not see the poem yet I tried to post last night.
Is it too soon? The why's not clear, I feel emerging fright,
and I'm here blushing in the wings! Will curtain find its part,
an audience know love verse sings, mood synthesized by heart?
Is there some test I need to pass, a path I must repent,
a God to pray to? I'm so crass! I've virtue left not spent
to bridge the gaps in life's extremes? I'll bet I've gone too far;
what creds I had now flushed with dreams! My brain is so bizarre!
November 2020
PS: I believe that a 'blighter' can be either male or female. I've
certainly seen men who look buxom, and both 'Species' can be
cute, funny, shapely, political, and poetic, so my title feels like it
is more or less androgynous.
But if recent politics has taught me anything, it is that the inverse of
the old saw is probably more accurate than the original ever was,
i.e., "Time heals all wounds!"
Categories:
blighter, humor, poetry,
Form:
Burlesque
At our pub, a drunken blighter
Claimed to be, "The World's Best Fighter"
His wife was a nurse
And she won the purse
For being the best back-biter!
Categories:
blighter, humor,
Form:
Limerick
Thumping away at his typewriter
With the speed of a kung fu fighter
He writes letters, I guess
To complain to the press
He is a most annoying blighter.
-----------------------------
Contest: Funny Limericks
Sponsor: Line Gauthier
Categories:
blighter, humor,
Form:
Limerick