Best Blighter Poems

He’s just a dog, a mongrel pup that fitted in me hand,
short haired, tan and white, with needs of high demand,
he’s whingy and he’s whiny, I s’pose he misses Mum,
but now his Mum and Dad are what me wife and I become.

And the recommending is...

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Some folks smile when I say I’m a writer
Some smirk, suggesting I should get a job
My stories and poems make our days brighter
Fantasy often, and, occasionally macabre.

Some of my poems make your heart throb
They may elicit laughter when I am lighter,
Friends enjoy going out with...

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I guess I’m more accustomed to the modern sting these days;
the one that comes by e-mail or the phone.
They might hurt the pocket with the modern scamming ways -
but Mother Nature’s stings bite to the bone.

I’m talking ‘bout a paper wasp,
or the angriest of bull-ant;
perhaps...

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There was a cold man from Connecticut
whose hygiene showed he didn't know etiquette 
if he'd left me alone
he'd still have his own bone
That cold hearted blighter from Connecticut....

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From the sands of Palm Beach
To Uluru and Barrier Reef,
In the large caverns of Jenolan
When I've climbed on down beneath,
You see I always get this feelin'
No matter what I do,
That I'm a flamin' Aussie
I feel it through and through.

When I climb The Three Sisters
They seldom...

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"The pen is mightier than the sword"
- In general, I guess that's true
But mine's a lazy blighter;
It treats sloth as a bloody virtue

It's not the liveliest of beasts
It's always at a halt
It likes staring at blank paper
As though that's the thing at fault
 
It lives...

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I think I have a grem/in, lurking in my words 
I'd left a win/ow open and thought it was the birds
But then I heard a thud and a cry for he/p
Saw the little blighter, the elf upon the shelf.

He got very hungry, some letters he...

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THE SANDS OF TIME





Silent, creepy, mysterious as its tick,


The worthiest choice, if offered a pick,


 


‘Tis often mentioned of many a tricky blighter,


But there’s this one, that we should take none the lighter,


 


No matter how low our lives are or how high,


This one, it...

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He sat there with a bee on his nose
Its his own fault this has occurred
Stuck his nose in the lavender
Now covered in pollen, looks absurd

His eyes are near crossed
As he looks at the bee
Thinking dare i move
Or will the blighter sting me

So like a statue...

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Now little Jenny's favourite cardigan is missing one of these
  It fell off just the other day and simply disappeared
  We turned the house upside down everyone was looking
  The cushions of the three piece suite were heaped into a pile
 ...

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It was on a Monday morning that the gasman said he’d call
I waited in all day – he didn’t come at all

Irate I phoned the company and they said they’d guarantee
He would arrive on Wednesday he’d be there by half past three

But Wednesday came and...

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Ask not the place.
 Electric guitars in time.
 Inherit not rights.
 Greasing heavens door.
 Furthermore my love.
 Set your hair not in a hurry.
 John the Baptists neck,
 Dawns break in a worry. 
 Such as,
 That ungodly radio.
 Hammers west coast waves.
 A blighter...

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At our pub, a drunken blighter
Claimed to be, "The World's Best Fighter"
His wife was a nurse
And she won the purse
For being the best back-biter!...

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I do not see the poem yet I tried to post last night.
Is it too soon? The why's not clear, I feel emerging fright,
and I'm here blushing in the wings! Will curtain find its part,
an audience know love verse sings, mood synthesized by heart?

Is there...

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Thumping away at his typewriter
With the speed of a kung fu fighter
He writes letters, I guess
To complain to the press
He is a most annoying blighter.


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Contest: Funny Limericks
Sponsor: Line Gauthier...

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