Best Arsed Poems

"come on, get your coat off, its bloody ten too"
not even eleven and there forming a que
"just a barmaid" thats what they say
service with a smile, expected all day
we are more than just pint pourers , were councillors too
we listen to it all, oh what...

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Whilst arching in a turtle-neck
A breeze blew softly by,
Too young to have a nosebleed,
Instead I made it cry.

‘What have you seen, where do you go?’
I wondered up aloud.
‘I’m off to see the Nondle,’
It answered like a cloud.

‘What kind of ventivness is that?’
I arsed as it...

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VOYAGE
we got to the shore
with a common goal to score
who sees us through the vast?
the lot was cast
it fell on  goat 
to paddle the boat afloat

never was such a story told
but who could be bold
to question the rat-arsed gods
whose empty heads are wisdom 
pods

yea...

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"Immolation"



I move into you 
like a roaring Queensland Summer
You’re overtaken by heat, yet think I’m unobtainable

I’m too far away

A grown-arsed man 
owns the footsteps he walks in 
travels his world

scared of a woman 
gone 
grown-arsed girl

“Man Oh Man 
she’s so not safe, 
she’s so non-linear”

I...

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The shop floor view of the newly promoted

Oh to be the factory foreman and to wear a posh white coat
Just the thought of all that power brings a lump right to your throat
No more dirty hands or hob nail boots or boiler suits for you
No...

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Passionless lies turns to unmoved bigots thoughts 
with emotionless half arsed hearts consumed by hate 
splitting hairs we all know fact from fiction 

Try to claim killing the unborn is care giving 
then this retro bias claims a man has no right to speak
equality speaks...

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How busy, busy is the life
Fat-arsed but Oh so humble Bumble Bee
He has no worries. What a simple life
Unhappy. How can he be?

He trundles round my garden where my roses grow
He is so gentle and slow
He always checks each blossom missing none
He drinks the nectar....

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I Have a Serious Case Of... (how the title SUPPOSED to look!!!)

Boredom.
Ennui.
Tedium.
Apathy.
Disinterest.
Indifference.
Lethargy.
Monotony.
Dullness.
Lassitude.
Listlessness.
Repetitiveness (repetitiveness).
Incuriosity.
Jadedness.
Disregard.
Immobility.
Unfocussed.
Distraction.
Disinclination.
Aversion.
Avoidance.
Discontentment…

… or just plain “cannot be arsed”!...

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1. A dangerous vision coveting another,
blurred by envy to need a mental monocle.
she burns in such deadly blast
not to realize the soul already promulgate itself
to the better one.
Nothing can serve as a wake up call
to warn against the penalty point.
What was once a silent partner...

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Sugar Maple was a beautiful tree
Just as pretty as a tree can be
With a solid and straight trunk so strong
And reaching ever up with graceful arms
Sugar Maple was enjoying some little fame
From folks near and far, from everywhere they came
To admire Sugars autumn gown of...

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Through all my changes I was a dreamer
  and lived a trepidation and a ruse,
but when she lay bare and I between her
  I lived the dream in my puberty blues.
In a rush of young blood in curves and curls
  between the...

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Have no pity for the overweight,
the out of breath at the garden gate,
the struggling in and out of cars,
cnsumer of syrup and chocolate bars.

Walking sticks and mobility scooters,
the difficult bras encasing hooters.
Red faced men and lard arsed women,
their promise of tomorrow slimming.

Condemn me now, I'm...

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For years I roamed this land,
without any real care for the world,
not one place to often,
before I'd move on again.

I'd picked work up here and there,
only to feed my habits,
alcohol, gambling and drugs,
was really the only things I care about.

I'd built my life on selfish...

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They warm, 

midwinter’s summer days.

And, 

by thinning  blood in thickening veins,

for lustful and immodest reasons,

cause men to think, 

against god’s odds,

they’ve managed to reverse the seasons.


We dumb-arsed, head-f***ed, simple sods....

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nine torn kimonos
man sits staring out window---
bare arsed slacker

*a stitch in time saves 9...

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