Best Alimentary Poems

A double sonnet in which the great detective and his faithful sidekick, Dr. Watson, alternately deduce the cause of Sherlock’s latest malady…

Part the first
Sherlock could not deduce his source of pain
at first. “Try as I might, I cannot find
the cause – is it contusion, or...

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Asian Epicurean Quest

At the heart of China Town, Kuala Lumpur (capital of Malaysia) is Petaling Street.
  
Domain of hustlers, hucksters, cheap-jacks and diblers; purveyors of street food, rude t-shirts, and rubber sandles to put your feet on;
 - genuine imitation Rolex watches and handbags...

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i love to eat, it is my dream to eat and eat, 
and while the tastes, to heaven take, I fry 
up half a pound of hake, but that is nothing 
my lips to take, when in the fiery kitchen bake,
 a cake of such...

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14: If the soul meets death when Sattva prevails, then it goes to the pure regions of those who are seeking truth.
15: If a man meets death in a state of Rajas, he is reborn amongst those who are bound by their restless activity;and if...

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gluteus maximus left and right half moon cheek
   re: byte size buttock 
attached via usb (uniform firm behind) to this freak
   with bowel movement incontinence + gas filled gut
evoking contortionist frown stretching to lowest peak
 perched upon porcelain goddess where elimination...

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this culinary humble verboten pie eating older mwm 
   in sore want of coital aid
with no intent to rile nor up braid
certainly not prompt ye to call military enfilade
nor cause nerves to get frayed
with a spatter o hair that goot grayed
this ordinary guy...

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I thought that I should say what I mean
On the subject of ‘****’ and its synonyms—
Derrida’s caveat notwithstanding.

We alternatively dub it turd, crap, poop, etc. 
But the whole set of synonyms, 
Given its connotation, is not politically correct.
Of course I do have my points.

It is...

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Alpha Bet Cap Cha

Just twenty six letters of the english language to whit
twisted in various & sundry combinations pit
this bull dog of a canonical wordsmith with true grit
to craft bone a fide filigreed grammatical parts of speech fit
together against their verbose will
   akin...

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gluteus maximus left and right half moon cheek
   re: byte size buttock 
attached via usb (uniform firm behind) to this freak
   with bowel movement incontinence + gas filled gut
evoking contortionist frown stretching to lowest peak
 perched upon porcelain goddess where elimination...

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Ace colonoscopy doctors Kellen Karl Kovalovich
and Larry Borowsky

Though necessary to down: 
four Dulcolax laxative tablets, 
quaff half 238 gram bottle of Miralax 
over span of eight hours, 
and if necessary even one Fleets Enema, 
I grudgingly accept short lived 
lower abdominal discomfort 
analogous to reasonable...

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aye savor the faire genetic blueprint 
   extant unique to each of us 
   with this quite alimentary aire 
   including (that almighty, 
   bottom, cushiony, dimpled, 

   excretory functioning Gluteus Maximus 
  ...

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gluteus maximus left and right half moon cheek

re: byte size buttock attached via usb 
   
(uniform firm behind) to this freak

with bowel movement 
   
incontinence + gas filled gut evoking contortionist 
   
frown stretching to lowest peak

perched upon porcelain...

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Defecation accidentally clogged...

for the umpteenth time 
during spate to sit scrawny buttucks 
on porcelain throne id est 
videre licet toilet bowl...
with toxic water brew threatening
to overflow onto the floor,
and hence found yours truly (me)
immersing himself in the holistic experience
for the pure love of bucket flushing...

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Ability to defecate wildly swings (both ways)...
between incontinence and constipation

Irritable bowel syndrome i.e.
the former excretory bout I address
the above (polite way to phrase diarrhea)
and avoid moon efficient cheekiness,
yours truly doth buttress,
a literal warranted pain in ass,
diametrically up poses,
and disinvites loving caress,
nevertheless yours truly
experienced gastrointestinal distress

countless...

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100% Natural psyllium husk delivered solid ecstasy

As of late - I could not but barely move
mine whole body felt
analogous to sluggish mollusk
frequent constipation found yours truly
doubled over in gastrointestinal agony

as if elephant or red (livid with rage)
bull thrust his tusk
into lower abdominal area dawn to...

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