Best Abner Poems
Lil Abner
There was never a feature in all the world,
Like "Lil Abner" for chasing the blues,
It takes this romantic comic strip,
To really make the news!
I'm always quite excited when our
"Press" lands against the door,
To see if "Lil Abner",
Is alive and well once more!
Every venture he undertakes,
I trot along too!
For in my imagination,
We find lots of things to do!
Now you may not agree with me
On a comic strip so small,
But "Lil Abner" still remains,
My "favorite" of them all. . .
For forty-three years Lil Abner ignored the voluptuous Daisy Mae
In Al Capp’s comic strip about the good folks of Dogpatch USA
I remember as a child thinking all women should look like she.
And wondering why he had no interest; was he not a real he?
The hillbillies in the comic strip delighted the world over.
They had hunting dogs and rifles, and moonshine made of clover.
Granny was short but tough, no one dared cross that old crone.
I loved the entire concept including Jubilation T. Cornpone.
Oh… how I miss that time! With it’s Saturday morning cartoons.
Not to mention, daily comics stolen from Papa’s newspaper, too!
Saturday was way better! With Snoopie, Little Abner, and friends.
Now I can’t find a newspaper! Or any more of those ‘News Stands’!
It would have been wonderful, to bring Dragon to ‘Show and Tell’!
To go outside to play with my friends, instead of texting from cells!
Play ‘Hide and Seek’ together, instead of computer games, I think!
Always walking with friends, not separately, driven everywhere…
But life goes on, they do say. Sigh! As we’ve lost those golden rules.
Drugs were rumored somewhere else, now at our children’s school.
We used to play at a neighbors house, now, they’re all out at the Mall.
Why can’t we just have fun, and with safe neighborhoods, all around?
Where are all the children, and beloved stay at home, kind of Moms?
Instead the children are in daycares, forgetting they even have a Mom.
They’re gaining a group mentality, and bullying is far, out of control.
Where is all the supervision? Will the children ever, be the same again?
I miss my Mom’s good cooking, with only occasional fast food stuff.
Where are GP rated TV shows: they’re all now, filled with violent crime.
We used to love the babysitter, now it’s TV’s with hundreds of channels.
But best of all, we talked and talked, not texted, all day into a cell phone!
If I could give one thing to my child, one day in the past, would be my gift.
But he might not even understand, what I’m trying to give to him… at all.
I expect he’d be bored, and find the first opportunity to try to get away.
He’d, laugh at ever going back there, again! … I could cry! … Heavy, Sigh!
When the Boss Says, “See me”
By Elton Camp
Abner eyed the sticky note on his report with unease
In twenty years with the firm, hadn’t seen one of these
Grapevine was saying the boss had a nephew to hire
But before he could do that, someone he must fire
Could Abner expect, for his work, a sense of loyalty?
He knew that it wouldn’t be long before he would see
Trembling with fear, he sat in his little cubicle for a while
Trying to collect his thoughts for when put under trial
After a bit, he decided that he couldn’t put it off anymore
As if walking the last mile, he stood outside the boss’ door
Abner rapped on the door and the boss called him in
Boss didn’t shake his hand & there was no trace of a grin
“Fellow, I’ve been checking your work last month or two.
And I feel that I am required to tell you what is so true.”
Abner took a deep breath for what he knew would come
He was about to be put on the road by that pompous bum
At his age, it might be impossible for him a job to locate
And to have to tell his family was what he did most hate
“Abner, even more than in the past, your work is outstanding.
So it is a promotion, private office, and raise I am handing.”
...The devil didn’t hide, he strutted right out,
a smile painted on his red face.
“Why my dear sheriff, how in the world
Did you ever find my new place?”
Abner stared on, seething with hate.
“An old friend told me to find you here,”
He explained, glancing up to the sky.
“You know why I’m here, you son-of-a-*****.
You made those poor people die.
And now has come your time!”
The devil he laughed, and shook his head.
“You think that Colt will take me down?
I’m a damned archangel, and well beyond
The people of this backwater town.
Now behave, and toss that on the ground.”
Abner lifted his arm, taking careful aim
at the devil’s broad, muscled, red chest.
The devil just sighed, and started forwards
“You should not put me to the test,”
The devil did smugly confess.
Abner squeezed back on the trigger,
And a shot rang out in the night.
The devil lurched backwards, screaming loud,
his hellish face a mask of fright.
He looked down, shocked at the sight.
A hole their awaited, the flesh dissolving
around where the bullet had hit.
He gasped and looked up at Abner,
saying,”No! No, I don’t believe it!”
Abner just smiled, then on him spit.
“Pride, its goes before a fall,
that you of all folks should know!
I talked to your Pa, and He answered true,
and showed me the best way to go
about laying your carcass low.”
“See into each bullet I carved a cross,
and in holy water I dipped the tips
Then old Priest Frazier blessed each one
Blessed my gun, and then gave lip
to the Big Guy to watch over my trip.”
The devil shrank back, eyes afire,
struggling to say on his feet.
Abner he fired five more times,
what the devil sowed he then reaped,
and fell to the ground in defeat.
His body dissolved into the snow,
His soul went screaming back to Hell.
Abner breathed a sigh, holstered the gun,
and stood their quiet for a spell.
They he walked out, heading down the hill.
Now some folks say the crash of ninety-three
was what drove folks from Aspen’s mines,
And ushered in the beginning
of the town’s long and sleepy times.
But the real story you will find
Is that the dark one roamed and destroyed
until an old cowboy took him apart,
And for decades to come he raged in Hell
about Abner Gidden, that damned upstart
who dared shoot the devil in the heart!
David gat himself up and wives,
And did in transportation thrive.
That the philistines had governed,
Isreal,Hebron,and all urban.
Then he entreated God for his land,
And the Lord was entreated of him.
Thousands of souls paid homage to his hand,
As his spear wrought a bloody movie.
Then Abner flee beyond ridges,
And his foe he did cast aside like bridges.
Till a witty casual aged in wisdom,
Put aside Abner's thriving whoredom.
For Asahel had fallen before Abner,
Through Bithron's plain,Abner did traverse.
c.2017
In eighteen hundred ninety-three,
back in those silver-mining days,
a figure walked into Aspen town,
and it was the devil they say,
come looking for new souls to take.
He didn’t look like you would think,
the first time he appeared.
He was dressed like any old cow-poke,
and spend hours in saloons drinking beer,
a rough figure, but not much to fear.
They say he spoke with some miners,
and stirred up their jealousy.
Got them so mad they burned the house
of their foreman Bud McKenzie.
That night all heard poor Bud scream.
Most folk would’ve written if off
as drunken fools losing their heads.
But in the firelight dozens saw
the devil’s face shift, and grow red,
his sick laugh filling folk with dread.
He vanished that night, and for two days
things seemed to return to form.
But then he appeared as a three-year old
in young Maggie Delgado’s arms,
and she did not seem too alarmed.
She didn’t know her baby lay dead
her body left in the woods for the crows.
The devil took her form and that morning
went everywhere Maggie would go,
‘till ‘she’ jumped down and ran in the road.
Maggie cried out and ran for ‘her,’
when a horse came riding, lickety-split
It slammed into Maggie, trampled her down,
heavy hooves ending her in a lick.
The rider looked down, and was sick.
And then in the street many did see,
Maggie’s daughter grown rather tall.
Transforming into the unknown cowboy
who had lead the foreman to his fall.
He laughed again, having a ball.
Folks started to panic, leaving town,
a few stayed and found the sherriff.
Abner Gidden was his full name
a middle-aged man of quick wits,
would not sit still and put up with this.
He went to a priest of Catholic faith,
who instructed him to God to pray.
He spent a whole day seeking advise,
while many in town fled away,
to be free of the devil’s sick games.
When Abner emerged, he headed up
the slopes of Ajax with his gun.
Spent the day searching abandoned shafts
looking for perdition’s dark son.
Then at nightfall, he found the right one...
CONCLUDES IN PART II.
That stuff we slurp up like there's no tomorrow
Is called “Kickapoo Joy Juice” a name I borrowed
From Al Capp's Li'l Abner
A strip from another era
For 43 years till Al Capp passed away to our sorrow
Dogpatch
Daisy Mae
Little Abner
T. Cornpone USA
Al Capp
...Though in closing, it must be said
they did not remain there for long.
A damned Yankee wed to a Reb?
The locals all declared it wrong.
Like many others they went west,
and made Colorado there home,
the family lives there to his day,
‘Abner’ a family name well-known.
…and ‘April’ too.
Today is an American folk event
Unraveled by traditions and etiquette
Vixens ask men on a date
Women hoping to find a mate
Sadie Hawkins Day we celebrate
~ TPI ~
Abner got divorced before he married
His new wife Mae found that kind of scary
But she knelt at the altar
Though her courage did falter
"Bet 'my BIG man' is really a faerie"
'TPI?' ~ Why, that's
'Totally Politically Incorrect!'
Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk
It was a sore battle,
Though without Mr pistol.
'Twas between Saul and David,
Though saul's dead,but,breath yet,David.
It was so intensed,that even lion,
Gossip the ocean of blood that flow from their loin.
Abner was by war bethroted to saul's hood,
Against David they thread amongst the wood.
Then something was amissed between Saul and Abner,
As a promiscous title was presented to Abner.
Then to David,Abner wrote a league,
But when the league is league'd,Joab did him kill.
Eye for eye; David witheld Joab's breath,
Revenge is God; Joab's now in the heart of the earth.
Abner;
So beautiful like a sitting doll
How sweet your smile
That can go thousand miles
You are a joy that one can admire
Don’t let that growing desire
Flush like a dying lion
Be that beautiful apron
That one can be proud to put on
One day you won’t be this small
You will grow up to be a fine man
Grow up with confidence
Back your bags for school now
Make good friends
Read,Write,and learn a lot
Always remember to put
Your thinking cap and suit on
Read your marks and words
Be there for yourself
Live like a great king
And thank me later!
poem by Taimee Catakaw
Note:This is a lovely poem I wrote for my cousin Abner for his birthday which is April. Happy birthday cousin.
Stuff we slurp up like there's no tomorrow
Is called “Kickapoo Joy Juice” a name I borrowed
From Al Capp's Li'l Abner
A strip from another era
For 43 years till Al Capp passed away to our sorrow