awkward always alone Allie
bragged boastfully to baby Bertie Bill
clearly clarifying club-footed cloven Callie
deliberately deciphering dairy dung in Dickie Dill
easing eager Edgar’s electrifying entry
forever forsaking flim-flam’s frequent flam
greasing gray grannie’s gentle gentry
hardily helping herself to Harry’s hottish ham
Categories:
bertie, word play,
Form: ABC
bumblebee bertie
belongs beyond begonias
buzzing beautifully
Categories:
bertie, animal,
Form: Alliteration
Pat the potato just sat in the ground
Wondering if he would ever be found
He couldn’t see anything there in the earth
So spent his days praying for all he was worth
Then the ground heaved as a metal spade dug
And Pat knew that soon he’d be snug as a bug
A new human home is what life is about
Potatoes must love it… They never come out
And when Pat was taken he couldn’t pretend
to be sad now that life in wet mud reached an end
His friends, left behind, heard the man shut his door
They knew Pat would be safe and sound evermore
Bertie the beanstalk was overly zealous
(although some potatoes thought he was just jealous)
He climbed to the window to take a quick look…
“I cannot see Pat, but they’ve taught him to cook.”
Potato Pete called out, “So, how do you know?”
Bertie called back, “Our friend Pat’s a no-show,
I can’t hear a thing but I read the man’s lips…
He said that potato made really nice chips.”
Categories:
bertie, food, humorous,
Form: Rhyme
Bertie the Turkey made a getaway
And got down on his knees for thanks to say
Bertie knew that his fate
Was to be on a plate
Being gobbled up on Thanksgiving Day.
Bertie couldn’t get up on his legs again
He was old and his knees were causing pain
His language became fowl
He threw in the towel
For the Turkey trot had all been in vain.
Categories:
bertie, humorous, thanksgiving,
Form: Limerick
Her apartment house was shaped like a tall woman’s boot.
I could see why she chose to live there, it did in fact suit.
Her disposition, her opinions, her ideals and her attitude.
Being inside with her, reading, put me into a powerful mood.
Women power forever! My assertive, opinionate Aunt Bertie said.
She had the attitude of Rosie the Riveter firmly stashed in her head.
I inherited her apartment, although my name is not Francine, but Fred.
The only man to live here. With the women’s antics, my face is usually red.
Categories:
bertie, women,
Form: Rhyme
You said goodbye to me today,
You cried for me and held me tight.
I tried to tell you it’s ok,
I tried to stay but couldn’t fight.
You gave me love, looked after me,
You we’re always there my family.
But now I’m gone I am at peace,
My pain and suffering now has ceased.
So don’t be sad and do not cry,
For now I’m running above the sky.
In fields of green with daffodils,
Down the dales and over the hills.
Categories:
bertie, bereavement, loss,
Form: Rhyme
Mad Meg of the Moors they call her
And she’s always dressed in white
And she’s looking for a bus stop
As she wanders through the night.
You can hear her hideous mutter
Oh my lord, oh dear, good heaven
Where have they moved the stop
For the number twenty seven.
They say she was left behind
From a charabanc in 1922
Stopping for the conveniences
Then swiftly passing through.
It was a works Christmas outing
With such a disastrous end
Poor Meg sadly parted
From both family and friends
She doesn’t wander often,
Has been seen by very few,
But it signifies misfortune
For the unlucky ones who do.
The late Bertie Higgins
Said he crossed her path,
And thirty seven years later
Died violently in his bath.
Mad Meg of the Moors they call her
And she’s always dressed in white
And she’s looking for a bus stop
As she wanders through the night.
Categories:
bertie, humor, mystery,
Form: Rhyme
Breezy and gallus with nerves of steel
In him the team's heartbeat you could feel
He was the brains of that Celtic outfit
For that he deserves this little tribute
Exploiting an opening with defence splitting pass
Which allowed his teammates to step on the gas
Not being a man to turn the other cheek
Retribution he chose often to wreak
A little man but a giant on the field of play
Bertie Auld's name on Celtic fans' lips will always stay
Here was the Lion with the necessary bite
Always and ever ready, and up for the fight
Categories:
bertie, eulogy, soccer,
Form: Rhyme
A dental assistant named Bertie
Found patients could sometimes get shirty
One annoying old bloke
Would repeat the same joke
His appointment time was 'tooth hurty'
This old joke drove Bertie insane
Still he laughed at it once again
But the dental staff
Had the biggest laugh -
This gentleman’s surname was Payne!
06~08~17
Categories:
bertie, humorous, irony,
Form: Limerick
whaffor bertie ...YOU MUST???
Moraly bankrupt bloody berk,
rancid rabid jabbering jerk,
grabbing dollars for of his perk,
from fat jabba of the west coast hut,
dirty stinking greedy but,
propiety is observed,
on her ugly big asses butt,
Tory governments must serve,
bribe dollars, spent her taxes cuts?
Cheap labor is her perv...
Australia suffers,
sometimes must???
voters get what they deserve,
iron ore magnates, in the rust...
why bother to amass billions,
& then yer dead an rotten penniless,
whaffor bertie ...YOU MUST???
Don Johnson
Categories:
bertie, adventure,
Form: Ballad
Forgive me, just some silly nonsense...
You can have your Chatty Cathy
Or Annie with the big Fanny
But you can't have Tom Terrific
You don't get it? That's uncanny!
They gotta rhyme like Sarah Tiara
Or Tammy who loves Salami
There's the famous Roger Dodger
And little old Hammie Sammy
There's more, there's Skinny Minnie
Or sweet li'l ole Flirty Gerty
There's Amy who smells quite Gamey
And how about Gurgling Bertie
Have you heard of Picky Vicky
Or tasty sweet Hannah Banana
There's Mona Lisa Teresa
And cute little Andy Panda
Jerry at times can be Scary
How about little Betsy Wetsy
Buck who drives a great big Truck
And Bessie who's extremely Messy
So I've come to the end of my verses
Oops! Forgot about Bob the Snob
Bruce is saying my Goose is cooked
And I'm trying hard not to sob!
© Jack Ellison 2013
Categories:
bertie, humorous, , cute,
Form: Quatrain