I wrote a documentary
that would have won a BAFTA
But nobody would fund it
It was not what they were afta
I pitched the plot to Netflix
cuz they have a lot of money
They sent me packing, laughing
“Don’t call us, we’ll call you, Sonny”
I lastly pitched to Paramount
hoping they’d save the day
They took one look at me
shook their head and said, “No way!”
It’s such a shame that no one knows
your worth unless you’re famous
I always seek some solace from
those cookies made by Amos …
Famous (yummy) Amos (yummy)
“Makes your eyes light up (and)
Your tummy say ‘Howdy.’”
Alma is back on BBC
with tales of eccentricity
even the critics said it’s good
they’re calling Bolton, "Brollywood"
claiming it's worth the licence fee
It's warmth is positivity
facing life and absurdity
in ways no-one else, would or could
Alma is back
BAFTA award winning TV
based on the writers family
Willan, she's our Walters and Wood
champions the misunderstood
if you catch it, then you will see
Alma is back.
King Chuck [Apologies to Steve Martin]
King Chuck (King Chuck)
Now when he was a young lad,
He always knew he’d be
the sovereign of a nation people stood in line to see.
(King Chuck) How'd you get to be you?
(Funky Chuck) Did you do the Loco Motion?
Born at Buckingham
Schooled at Gordonstoun, (King Chuck). (King Chuck)
Now, if I'd known
They'd line up just to see you,
I'd trade in all my money
And become an English citizen.
Married to Queen Camilla (Funky Chuck)
He is so very vanilla!
Born in London,
Studied rocks at Trinity College (King Chuck)
Dancin' by the Thames, (Disco Chuck)
The ladies love his games, (Polo Chuck)
Rockin' to the Mersey beat (Rockin' Chuck)
He likes to eat game meat. (King Chuck). (King Chuck)
He lives his life for England.
Defender of the Faith
He's a Windsor I’m tellin' you.
Tight as a knot. (King Chuck). (King Chuck)
Now, when I die,
Don't think I'm a nut,
Don't want no fancy funeral,
Just one like they’ll give for King Chuck. (King Chuck)
He created the Carta Astra
He shoulda win a BAFTA,
Reigns o’er Great Britain as its king-o,
Reigns o’er Great Britain, lives in a palace made of stone-a,
King Chuck.