Humorous Anxiety Poems

Poor Fido is last in the queue
For cocking his leg on the yew
He hopes the other dogs
Don’t produce poopy logs
He’s bursting to pee and then...

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I made a good impression today April 19th, 2023...

getting fitted for a new pair of dentures
at Liberty Dental in Phoenixville, Pennsylvania;
The tab picked up courtesy
Aetna...

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I disclose that I
Have regular appointments
For a needle in my eye

A thing I dread 
And I'm afraid of most
Is when I see that Javelin
Getting close

It...

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           if I ever meet myself

  I probably wouldn't recognise me

   ...

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and so our hero, the artist, 
forlorn as his palette, 
then sat down
to reconsider his life
not long having stepped back
from his paintings
only to find all...

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Oh, how I dread the horrid sight
of that nasty slop, what a wretched plight.
Its stench invades my twitching nose
I turn away, but my nausea grows....

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there was a young dude from texas

who ate twelve tacos for breakfast

he ate them with cheese

and sometimes with peas

but then got sick from the excess.
...

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my dog took me for a walk today
as he usually does
he knows the way
people assume that I take him out
that's not the case
he leads me...

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for your information
I am not a little toy brick man
with U shaped hands
and interchangeable heads
but the world I live in
is...

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This is how I’m supposed to be,
I’m not messed up, can’t you see?!

Always compared, sick of this all,
Chitter, chatter, have to stand tall.

Constantly feeling misunderstood,
They...

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stop throwing baseballs
for my neighbour's cat
his swing just isn't in it
and besides, I'm a little
worried for his fragility
he, being just porcelain...

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Eddie/Dad

I try to see 
back before 
to who Eddie once was
just barely before when
the bending began
Eddie was after all
a cute child 
wide eyed
hugging kissing and...

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Fretfully aching to feel fit as a fiddle

After experiencing a severe,
albeit violent near lethal bout
of irritable bowel syndrome
(yesterday night August 30th, 2023)
triggered courtesy dulcolax caplets...

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I wait with bated breath for... C. Cure T. Clarence

The following crafted 
approximately midway 
into the administration 
of forty fifth president,
whose crass, gutsy, lewd,
repulsive yawping...

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Booby trapped within apartment unit b44

Circa August 18th, 2021
three bajillion years ago to date,
nevertheless I count blessings, 
so please do not hashtag me 
as worse...

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