Help Me - Debbie Guzzi's Blog

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Deborah Guzzi writes full time. Her third book, The Hurricane is available through Prolific Press. https://prolificpress.com/bookstore/prolific-books-c-12/the-hurricane-by-deborah-guzzi-p-151.html Her poetry appears in Allegro, Artificium, Shooter, & The Foxglove Journal in the UK, Subterranean Blue, Existere, The Ekphrastic Review, Scarlet Leaf Review & Subterranean Blue Poetry, Canada - Tincture, Australia - mgv2>publishing, France Cha: Asian Review, China - Vine Leaves Literary Journal, Australia - The Scarlet Leaf Review - Greece, Ribbons, pioneertown, Sounding Review, Bacopa Literary Review, The Aurorean, Liquid Imagination, The Tishman Review, Page & Spine & others in the USA.

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Help Me

Blog Posted:5/17/2014 12:40:00 PM

Please read the following verse and

A. tell me what they are

B. tell me why you think they are [x]

C. tell me if you felt they were good [1 - 7]

D. tell me what to say to the person who wrote these to help them

After Birth Death #1

Blushing trees shiver
raging against their demise
as after births Falls.

colored leaves
move with the breeze:
grandmother's scarf

Aloft #2

Wailing Winter's wind
raged air lofting sparrow flocks
like angry arrows.

the arrow
misses the target:
lofted sparrow

strong winter wind
lofts the flock of sparrows:
full birdfeeder

Beginnings Without End #3,4,5

Brazen summer leaves
falling on autumnal snow
sliding to Winter.

dry brown leaves
fall upon an early snow:
frozen collards

Rising to Spring sun
blooming to ripest glow
looming to amber

Albino wet wind
welcomes crocus in
blazing sun begins.

sleet hits
the south side of the shed:
green spears the ground

Post Comments

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Charles
Henderson

Date: 5/19/2014 10:47:00 PM

Not only are titles a focal point, and we only want the meat of the poem to be the object of concentration, but they also are a way of extending the number of syllables allowed in a haiku. It is sort of like a cheat sheet. It is fine to title a haiku string (group of similar haiku). Capitalization is not used basically because there are no sentences in haiku, only long and short phrases. The same reasoning applies to why no periods afterward at the ends of the phrases. The cut marker is there to cause one to pause, reflect the previous thought, and move on to the displacement, or expansion of that thought, by the next phrase.

Charles Henderson
Date: 5/19/2014 10:54:00 PM

The only reason haiku are titled on the soup is because the nature of saving our poems demands a title. So, what I do is copy the first line as the title. That way I gain no use of added syllables.

Debbie
Guzzi

Date: 5/19/2014 7:38:00 PM

what shall we tell this poet about why a title is not used & why capitalization is not used? Suz has told them why no adjectives & adverbs & personification or metaphor

Debbie
Guzzi

Date: 5/19/2014 7:04:00 AM

Craig I agree with you regarding the sparrow verse. Yet we can keep it & make a haiku of it. You want the implied metaphor of the likeness between the flight of arrows and the flock of birds SO I would ask you to start your haiku [have the 2 joined lines be about the flight of arrows try again please] let's see if we can get it to do what you want get the reader to SEE the similarity without telling them.

Charles
Henderson

Date: 5/18/2014 12:27:00 PM

The first one breaks after line one. I don't agree with the two capitalizations. (meaningless!!) Would be much more powerful to break after line 2, and leave out the word "as". The second one breaks after line 2 and does contain two parts. The third breaks after line 2 and does have two parts. Is also good haiku. The capitals and periods are clouding the issue and not letting the mind flow to haiku style. If left out, the poems could be understood better. Graceguts does a good job of featuring fine haiku and these seem to be no exception. but I would have had exception because of the capitals and periods.

Charles Henderson
Date: 5/19/2014 1:25:00 AM

Titles are used as a focal point and haiku concentrates on words and phrases which demand all the readers attention. That, I am told is why poetic devices sometimes distract from the main focal of a haiku. A title preconceives expectation which may or may not be present. The haiku should stand on it's own merit by only its presentation.

Debbie Guzzi
Date: 5/18/2014 3:04:00 PM

what about the titles Chas

Debbie Guzzi
Date: 5/18/2014 2:59:00 PM

the poet said the topic was the trees birth and death Chas - the proposed rewrite is above

Debbie
Guzzi

Date: 5/18/2014 6:52:00 AM

Interesting Suz I have just written a triptych [ a verse in 3 columns] but I would not thing of a haiku that way I must go read it!

Brian
Strand

Date: 5/18/2014 3:19:00 AM

#1 stands out Debbie,full of enigma a good imagist verse.I would delete the word 'as' & 's' in 'births' and make 'Falls' lower case in the the last line.Neverless it is a great imagist example, which is why it pleases me most I guess.Rgds Brian

Debbie Guzzi
Date: 5/18/2014 3:03:00 PM

Blushing trees shiver, raging against their demise after birth falls. hmmm pretty vivid!

David
Williams

Date: 5/18/2014 2:40:00 AM

I concur with some of the comments but disagree with the content, they are trying to be haiku but lacking thought on capitals and image i.e. 5, in UK crocus are spring flowers so no blazing sun, 4, spring sun does not bring ripest glow and it has rhyme, 3, makes no sense 2, I like, 1, good image of winter but none of them have a 'stand alone' in them...

Debbie Guzzi
Date: 5/18/2014 6:41:00 AM

yes the author thought it looked pretty to capitalize and yes I agree David they would be 'ok so what?' haiku no surprises here

Andrea
Dietrich

Date: 5/17/2014 11:26:00 PM

the first two are great ideas. The people who wrote them need to just make them into short free verse poems and not try to do limiting haiku with them.

Debbie Guzzi
Date: 5/18/2014 6:39:00 AM

[nod] I too believe them to be more free verse than haiku

Andrea
Dietrich

Date: 5/17/2014 11:25:00 PM

Thinking about Poem 5 , it just needs to lose the word "in" and replace with "as" But to make it more like a haiku, I'd say: wet wind/ welcomes crocus/ sun begins to blaze. Haiku is not supposed to make assumptions , like saying wind welcomes anything, but I see some modern haiku poets writing this way and I rather like it.

Debbie Guzzi
Date: 5/18/2014 6:38:00 AM

ahhhh that's good input

Andrea
Dietrich

Date: 5/17/2014 11:21:00 PM

To be frank, I find only one that is like a haiku for me , but it's the unconventional type haiku, which I don't mind, because I enjoy that kind. It uses a descriptive word "brazen" (which is ok in my book) and personification, sliding to Winter. I really like what the poet is "saying" with that poem. Maybe it is not "true" haiku, but whatever it is, I love it. Last two are not bad, but they are not haiku for me. they are nice descriptions of nature. I would call them short poems. I don't know why any of them are using capital letters if they are trying to be haiku. But if they are short poems, then it's ok to do that way.

Debbie Guzzi
Date: 5/18/2014 6:37:00 AM

yes Andie the poets thought they were writing haiku :)

Debbie
Guzzi

Date: 5/17/2014 10:06:00 PM

Hey Jimbo but you didn't answer the questions?

Debbie
Guzzi

Date: 5/17/2014 4:07:00 PM

Thanks Craig what if #1 had been laid out in 1 line [Blushing trees shiver raging against their demise as after births Falls.] hmmm or [Blushing trees shiver raging against their death as after birth falls.] then what would you think it was? Are poet devices being used? if so to show us what?

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4/24/2017	Swingin On a Star	Free verse	allusion,art,beauty,
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12/5/2015	Madelaine's Chalice	Verse	devotion,love,
11/29/2015	Blessed Be	Verse	nature,
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11/17/2015	Golden Disks and Whale Clicks	Free verse	space,
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8/8/2015	Howl Beyond Reason	Blitz	analogy,crazy,word play,
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Fav Poems

PoemTitle	Form	Categories
God	Free verse	life,mystery,
Hard Times	Cowboy Poetry	cowboy-western,family,fun
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Petal	Verse	love,
Defender of the Wastes	Free verse	art,life,parody,world,
Birth	Imagism	childhood,life
This Is Why I Woo Words	Verse	art,inspirational,philoso
Forbear	Free verse	sad,
Belongings	Rhyme	loss,love,me,mother,
Gold Fever	Free verse	faithfaith,political,pers
Splattered	I do not know?	life
Echo	Quatrain	lost lovewords,love,
Bells (After Poe)	Lyric	passion
Respectfully, Emily Dickinson	Lyric	introspection,
Give the End Back To the Beginning	Free verse	dedication,faithme,
The Bruised and Rotting Pear	Couplet	faith,hope
Fly	Free verse	animals
Abc's For a Young Captain	ABC	life
Not Entirely About Living In New York	Free verse	lifeworld,light,light,
Woodcutter	I do not know?	warold,old,
Dreams	Free verse	faith,forgiveness
A Feed of Chips	Narrative	funny
Weep O Willows	Verse	death
Harlem Blues	Free verse	black-african amerchildre
Summers Everlasting	Free verse	nostalgia
Easter Ivy	Narrative	friendshipeaster,cousin,
End of Days	Rhyme	inspirational,lifeme,war,
Past-Life Nightmare	Narrative	autumn,mystery,
I Dream of You (To Jew)	Free verse	imagination,lovenight,swe
Jellyfish Back Strophe	Imagism	allegory,nature,on writin
Disposable Wisdom	Rhyme	age,cat,endurance,life,wi
Loneliness	Rhyme	introspection,life
Remission (In Memory of William Watt).	Elegy	brother,death,nostalgiawo
The Day That Died Forever	Free verse	adventure,angst,art,confu
Heritage	Quatrain	adventure,cowboy-western,
Summer Matinee	Narrative	brother,me,
The Moon and I	I do not know?	hope,life,love,nature,pea
Seeking, Searching	Free verse	imaginationlove,universe,
Before Spring Came	Narrative	adventure,animals,childho
Pledge	Sonnet	devotion
Wild Cherries	Free verse	devotion,nature,nostalgia
Words From the Oracle	Lay	allegory,philosophy
Science	Free verse
Mona Lisa Resembles	Choka	art
And With Merriest Spirit	Quintain (English)	faith,father,holiday,insp
Cotton-Pickin' Paradise	Verse	childhood,life,nostalgia,
Where the Sycamore Grew	Narrative	autumn,family,house,life,
Larks	Free verse	death,devotion,imaginatio
Big Bang	Limerick	funny,science,
Winter (Do Not Forget Among the Loss of Flowers) Me	Free verse
Let	I do not know?	loveme,me,
He Was Smoking Hot	I do not know?	funny
Alabaster Night	Free verse	nature,planet,sea,
Haunted Orb	Haiku	fantasy,nature
This Night	Sonnet
Tombstones & Teacups	Rhyme	allegory,childhood,death,
Today Not Tomorrow	Free verse	dedication,depression,gir
Years of the Rose	Free verse	lost love,loveday,
The Joy That Sweetly Stays	Free verse
Cinder Girl	Rhyme
Biography (Thesis Statement)	Verse	history,life,philosophyli
Figure Fusion	Verse	art,sports
Dancing Bird - With Video Link	Free verse	animals,introspection,nat
Poem For a Sensuous Poet	Free verse	fantasy,on writing and wo
The Road Walked Down Through the Years	Rhyme	life,on writing and words
The Iceman Cometh!	Rhyme	nostalgia
He Says/ She Says	Narrative	life
I'Ve Seen So Many	Sonnet	introspectionnight,night,
Searching For Michelangelo	Free verse	art,hope,life,people,imag
Indifference	Free verse
Realisation of Self (War Child)	Free verse	me,me,
Reporting Live On the Soup (Colorado)	Rhyme	funnyme,me,,western,
Late At Night	Lyric	imaginationme,fear,me,
Reverencing Nature	Ballad	faith,naturenature,heart,
Dreams	Couplet	imagination
I Exist	Pantoum	introspectionlife,me,
Madrid: Circa 1974	Blank verse	nostalgia,travel,
Magnolia Song	Free verse	love,romance,
Yellow Bus Roars Through	Haiku	allegory,nature,places
Ethel's Remedies	Rhyme	funny,people
A Dream In the Mist	Narrative	fantasy,imagination,natur
Volga 1 - 3	Prose Poetry	fantasy
Mama's Cleaning	Quatrain	introspection,life,mother
Waking Heart's Veins	Free verse	angst,hope,
Revelation	Free verse	imagination,lifesong,long
Sports Limerick	Limerick	funny
The Snowflake	Italian Sonnet	romance,
Jack	Lyric	introspectionlife,
The Ghost That Travels Far	Personification	nature,
Kite Flying - Test	Free verse	allegory,art,imagination,
Dining With Crow	Rhyme	animals
Beauty, Yes	Sijo	hope,imagination,philosop
Smart and Final Prose	Prose Poetry	peoplepeople,red,city,peo
Tiger In the Sea	Rispetto	adventure,animals,seame,t
That Place	Rhyme	philosophy,light,life,lig
Spirit In the Flute	Ode	native american,autumn,
Violin	Personification	death,love,rose,
A Song of Michael's Rose	Narrative	me,
Aurora	Personification	places,winter,
Echoes of the Heart	Prose Poetry	poetry,

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Poet	Country
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Robert L. Hinshaw	United States	Read
Nette Onclaud	Philippines	Read
Sidney Beck	Russian Federation	Read
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T Wignesan	France	Read
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Sharon Winter	United States	Read
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James Marshall Goff	United States	Read
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Kathryn Collins	United States	Read
Michael Jordan	United States	Read
Constance La France	Canada	Read