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FJ Thomas

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Poetry will always be a matter of perception, perspective, and personal taste. No amount of education or fame will ever change that. ~FJ Thomas...sometimes I write poetry

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When Death Comes...

Blog Posted by FJ Thomas: 11/30/2020 11:08:00 AM

While death itself is the topic of many poems, and sadly the inspiration for others, how often do we consider what it does to those we leave behind?

NOT emotionally, but in addition to that is what I am asking.

We never imagined the financial bind the death of someone outside our home could bring. The death of my estranged father left us with a continuous flow of unexpected issues; even months out.

We learned a hard lesson for the future.

Have you made sure you will not be leaving your family a nightmare should something happen to you? I don't necessarily mean financially; but have you made it to where open accounts, storages, bills that may be rolled over to family, etc. will be taken care of... just something to think about.

Wishing peace to all of you. ~FJ

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Eileen
Manassian

Date: 12/12/2020 10:31:00 PM

Dearest FJ, so sorry you went through this difficult experience. There's so much involved in the final arrangements. I went through a very tough time when my Mom passed away. In the middle east, we don't talk about death or the preparations that need to be made. As Charmaine said, some consider it bad luck. You are a strong and caring woman. I'm sure you did your best for your father, even though he probably didn't deserve all that. The good you do will follow you, my sweet dear FJ. Bless you.

FJ Thomas
Date: 12/14/2020 1:27:00 PM

Such kind words Majesty; thank you very much. Strong women tend to find each other ;°*

Chris
Green

Date: 12/11/2020 7:36:00 AM

Great thoughts my friend. Death is something most don't like to think about when it comes to them but it is inevitable as are the hardships to your family if you are not properly prepared. Great food for thought.

FJ Thomas
Date: 12/11/2020 6:00:00 PM

Hey Chris, you are very correct; most do not like to. Thanks for giving me a read :)

Jan
Allison

Date: 12/7/2020 2:15:00 PM

I'm so sorry you have had to go through this Flo, my hubby and i made wills when he had his cancer diagnosis and bank accounts into joint names, it really does help when one partner dies. My fathers will was a nightmare in fact he had 2 which complicated matters - it has torn the family in 2 my sister inherited yet has nothing to do with me or mum now or any of our relations - it was her choice and at the end of the day she is the loser i have my hubby son and still have mum:-) hugs jan xx

FJ Thomas
Date: 12/8/2020 8:24:00 AM

I can imagine how two would have been a nightmare; especially if they conflicted. I'm sorry you and your mom have to deal with distant family; but I love that you try your hardest to be positive Jan. Thank you :)

Connie
Pachecho

Date: 12/7/2020 5:52:00 AM

With grief, his death marches in~ There's a sadness begin~ For somber loss of kin~ There's an emptiness within~ The pool of life has been~ Though it's depths have no end~ For it will live on therein~ Of needles, his wrath and sin~ The mind's montages of him spin~ His two face starring in grin~ You tear then, and now within~ Knowingly of what's been~ You did your best ... at his end~ I wish you well, FJ.

FJ Thomas
Date: 12/7/2020 6:47:00 AM

I appreciate that greatly Connie. Thank you :)

Carrie
Richards

Date: 12/4/2020 3:55:00 PM

I'm very sorry to hear you have been on such a difficult journey, Flo. But thank you for reminding us how important it is to make things easier for our family if the unexpected happens. There are enough hurdles just to cope with emotions at a time such as this. I encourage everyone of us to keep a folder with names, phone numbers and addresses as to who to contact in the case of an untimely death. Anything can go in it,...such as the attorney who may have drawn up a will..,financial info, accounts and investments, and so on..but also the small things that make life easier. I have had my husband write names such as yard service people, plumbers, electricians, people we can trust to help

FJ Thomas
Date: 12/4/2020 4:20:00 PM

Very good idea Carrie! Never thought of including those. Thank you very much Carrie. We don't really have numbers like that but my husband's mother does. Need to talk to him about that!

Charmaine
Chircop

Date: 12/3/2020 11:46:00 PM

So sorry for your loss Dear Flo.Sometimes even when things are very clear,there are misunderstandings after somebody passes to the next life,it's even worse when things are left unclear.I remember when I was in my thirties,my husband thought we should go to a notary to make our Will.Mum was so agianst us,she told me you're not going to die yet,still very young.For her making our own will was like bringing a curse or an early death in the family which is silly.I don't see her doing anything such a s a will or leave a note or something like that.They won't even discuss their own funeral.Mentioning it is like a taboo for them,& yes it is sad to be left with unecessary burdens.I feel you

Charmaine Chircop
Date: 1/7/2021 4:00:00 AM

Glad to hear from you Sweet one.Sending Hugs x

FJ Thomas
Date: 12/4/2020 6:21:00 AM

Hi Charma; thank you. My father was, let's just say not a good person. I was the only child to handle his coma/passing. And they had every right to stay away. For many this would be hard to comprehend; but It was not a hard loss. I hope maybe your parents might change their mind on the subject; but I have family like that also. And it is unlikely my family will. So glad to hear from you Charma :)

Eve
Roper

Date: 11/30/2020 4:28:00 PM

Flow, I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, family left behind are sometimes left with so many things unsaid. I saw this with my father when he passed 12 years ago. Being the oldest he left me in charge of everything, he did not leave me with any burdens. Since my husband passing, I've made sure my sons are not left with any worrisome or financial problems . They all have copies of my will so when the time comes they will not be left looking for or paying for anything.

FJ Thomas
Date: 11/30/2020 4:44:00 PM

Eve your trials have made you so strong. So kind of you to do that for your sons :)

Andrea
Dietrich

Date: 11/30/2020 2:46:00 PM

a good message. I think many AMericans do not think of those things until they reach retirement years. But death can come even to the young. My husband and I have a will, but we need to put it in a trust and do a few other things. Somethinig for people to think about: having their life in order.

FJ Thomas
Date: 11/30/2020 3:16:00 PM

We realized the same thing Andy. This was not the way I would have wished to learn though. But at least we did learn :)

Constance
La France

Date: 11/30/2020 1:11:00 PM

FJ, things to think about, and not just the financial aspect but what kind of funeral does a person wish, like cremation, burial, a viewing or not, all important, I have selected a power of attorney to handle everything and have given them specific instructions, I did this after my heart attack in 2017 that close touch with death made me realize that things can be over in a flash no matter your age so it is important that those you trust know your wishes, my parents both had very specific wills but it was the little things that caused issues, trivial things that caused so much pain _Constance

FJ Thomas
Date: 11/30/2020 4:42:00 PM

Same here Constance; just finish and let them move on.

Andrea Dietrich
Date: 11/30/2020 2:47:00 PM

it's good you took care of that stuff. That is what I need to do. I want cremation, unlike my other family members!

FJ Thomas
Date: 11/30/2020 1:25:00 PM

So very wise of you Constance. I remember that scare of yours; and am very happy it was only a scare :)

John
Watt

Date: 11/30/2020 11:47:00 AM

FJ, this is such good counsel. When my father passed, he left a key to a safe deposit box, but not the name of the bank! We literally had to go bank to bank to find it. It took us over 3 years. One simple note or folder of information would have saved us much grief. Have a talk with your spouse, children, heirs, and lay out all the info you can to avoid those headaches. And put it in writing. Thanks for the tip, sorry you are learning it the hard way (as I did). ~ John

FJ Thomas
Date: 11/30/2020 11:54:00 AM

Three years, wow! Hopefully once you did find it it was able to help make up for some of the things you had to take care of out of pocket. And you are very right, simply having things in writing could change things drastically. Well that wouldn't really have helped our situation but it could definitely mean the world for someone else's. Thanks John

Tom
Cunningham

Date: 11/30/2020 11:17:00 AM

That's great advice Flo, nobody likes to talk about it but if you don't there's a minefield of legal stuff that will need sorting out when a person passes. Let's face it no one lives forever Hope you're well. Tom

FJ Thomas
Date: 11/30/2020 11:49:00 AM

It definitely isn't a favorite subject is it... and its after affects definitely more than we could have imagined. We are okay here. Thanks Tom

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