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Best Poems Written by Payge Terner

Below are the all-time best Payge Terner poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

Details | Payge Terner Poem

One for the yearbooks

Lighter of mind today
I enjoyed everyone today
The struggle was abstract
I could look upon it from above, see its shape
My wavelength was clear and even
Not calm
Smooth, intense, bright
That same song repeating over 36 hours
Carrying me forward, helping me focus
Now I release it
I step back
Close my eyes dancing, I lose balance
I fall
I may forget myself, I try
It feels like freedom….until I hit the floor
Today I keep my gaze open wide
I look behind their eyes
Some of my favorite people 
Lighter of mind today
A day of confidence, existential comfort
Birthing hope
I got knocked off my feet by a hug!
Demanded of me - why had I not immediately given this hug?
That is what makes the heart’s brain happy
Clean, genuine laughter
It shoots straight up, through the clouds!
The entire body opens a channel for the soul to breathe
It is effervescence of consciousness 
It makes even recent misery seem small and distant
Easily conceivable, measurable, solvable
This is why I try
This is why I never completely believe the devil
It is just as bold a day as the days I think I will die any moment 
A day like today, I remember the sky
Because I was looking up
I could not tell you about what lay beneath me
Because my head was not hanging low
These are photographs to put on the wall
They shine
Radiate warmth, evenness
If I can get control of my squirming brain
Even for a moment 
On days it refuses to behave
I can point it towards these pictures 
Even a glimpse is enough 
Just to know these days are real too
I manage to walk away from the grave
To instead place my confusion in a bed
To see if just maybe, I may wake up to a day like today

Details | Payge Terner Poem

The Love Song of L Marie Modenbach

We disagree
I want to breathe people
Feel a timeless, immortal pulse
My solitude is anonymous observation
Strolling in unnoticed contemplation through worlds stacked upon worlds
The Flâneuse
My sustenance is colorful variety
Diving into the expressionism of bizarre fringes
Taste testing any corner of life piquing my curiosity
For a day, an evening, an hour ANY truth is livable
I accept witnessing the existence of hardship
I understand reality contains disgusting inequalities, ruthless injustice
I understand light does not exist without darkness
And that the status of this dichotomy can be transmuted into something healthier
With engagement, with patience
It does not mean killing my soul to encounter it
I believe the most complicit act is choosing ignorance
The most perpetuating decision is to refuse to see
Building a sheltered Nowhereland
Pretending a homemade cookie society devoid of suffering
Shoving those struggling off the mental map
Running away improves nothing for anyone
That is where responsibility, guilt truly lies
If I walk by five impoverished on a dirty street, mumbling a craving
My money, my cigarettes sparking desperate desire
And give nothing
Speed my walk and avoid eye contact
Then vote with their faces bright in my mind’s eye
Brainstorm sociopolitical improvements with friends over drinks
Actively acknowledging their lives 
Protest when I agree
Donate where change is visible
Participate in what actually changes the world around me
My impact is more beneficial than fleeing
Joining a tiny outpost with every unjust socioeconomic construct intact
Where the trickle down to misery is just hidden
“The Ones Who Walked Away From Omelas”
I WALK
I walk the line
My depression is the death of culture
The death of art
When a society stops speaking, listening, thinking
Opts instead to wipe away evidence of others’ pain and live blind
That group kills the impoverished, downtrodden, maligned most completely
THAT world kills MY soul
I do not relate
I examine faces around me and inwardly cry
They are passively gliding through their time on earth below the surface
Their thought experiences do not encompass the full range of life
The cultural conversation is almost silent
The few participating regurgitate the comments of yesteryear
Until another outdated statement dares surface
It is apparent in almost everything
Endless lots of beige, stucco covered chain stores
Repetitive restaurants serving dead food
A sameness harsh enough to drive a searching soul insane
Your solitude is existing in a void of humans
Seeing as little evidence of humanity as possible
You idealize a cabin in the middle of a vast wilderness
Your global soul is in hiding
You withstand the mind-numbing dullness around you not because you too are lifeless
Or because you have been sheltered and do not know better
Or because you are willingly complicit
It is because you are protecting yourself
Your empathy and sense of justice are monumental
You are afraid to engage them long enough to train them
You fear being overwhelmed if you stop to master your emotions
You fear losing your integrity if you modify how you interact with these inflamed values
I am your wife
I am in love with you
I know my girl
You are strong enough
More than
You will not lose your beautiful self
You will wake up
Channel your admirable spiritual vivacity
Begin to see what you can do
Not despair at what you can’t do
And that will not kill you
It will allow you to truly live
In ways you do not know how to imagine right now
You hold those homeless days of youth as your most vivid
Break free of that trap!
Be brave now too
The bravery of accepting without approving
Becoming a member of greater humanity
Because you want to contribute to a better world
Transcending hurling insults and rejecting
It is a different bravery, the bravery of growing up
It breaks down the dams restraining your life force
Your soul’s energy
I love you
I will hold you if you need comfort
Stand back silently and not leave if you need to vent rage
Give suggestion or listen and carefully consider
I will not leave your side
Join me existing on the real
At the very least, always trying…
I promise you
Our days will be the most brilliant!
You will be more comfortable with yourself, your life, your impact on the world
The universe won’t seem so cursed
You will see you have been saving approval for a perfect world
Knowing deep inside how impossible that is
And release that frustration that ultimately turns you against yourself
Shuts you down
You are precious
No matter what you do, or don’t do, I will love you
Intensely and forever
My love for you has no contingencies
But I think in the end…
we both know…
we do not really disagree

Details | Payge Terner Poem

Have you not heard, in every way, from everyone who ever was happy?

There are sacrifices and compromises 
We all make them
We put up with what we’re willing to
To get what we think we want…
How soon does anyone know?
Was it REALLY worth it…
Ask yourself this:
Have you burned out?
Have you already lost more than planned?
Does the slope roll further down than where you thought you’d bottom out?
Can you still see your reward?
Has everything come back to you as you promised yourself?
How long have you been on that road…
Do you still feel the deal is fair?
Do you feel your life slipping away…
If these questions bother you
STOP
Drop
Tuck and roll
ABORT!!
This entity that is you…
It only has this one blip in time
Do not let yourself forget!
Do not let yourself get beaten down 
Treat yourself fairly
Kindly, with empathy 
Do NOT sacrifice your humanity, compromise your fulfillment 
Misery is lonely, even in miserable company 
Beating yourself is real!
Just like getting beaten 
Often more insidious 
Often more excused
Left unspoken, unacknowledged
Dreams are undervalued 
If you laugh bitterly in the face of imagining your dreams come true…
You have work to do!
The secret…
Is that the path to realizing your dreams 
Is just as fulfilling as the end of the journey
The constant confirmation of heading where you wish to be
Brings as much satisfaction as actually getting there!
Because you will discover…where one dream ends
Another begins
Time stands still for no one
Stuckness notwithstanding 
The hourglass is a strong symbol for a good reason 
It demonstrates finiteness
It demonstrates the heartbreaking human position in time
If those questions bothered you…
Find what is in your power to change
Dare to imagine where you want to go
And JUMP!
Once I returned to life and found I could not jump
I was horrified at my joy being grounded
I was disoriented
But I tried again 
Nearly every hour
Until my legs would again carry my happiness above the ground
I did not sit and forget
Now…
Now I believe I am oriented just right! 
And when my dreams crash
(As they are wont to do, against my will)
I pick them back up again 
Reassemble the pieces
And take my bearings
Assess my sacrifices, my compromises 
Before I embark again 
Unwilling to be crushed by ANYTHING 
MOST of all
Myself

Details | Payge Terner Poem

L I F E

Life? Grab it! Dig in, dig deep. Get Up, fly!
Infinity embraces You…poignantly beautiful in her modest simplicity
Feelings light a path - ride mindfully, ignite the Night!
Elevate…endeavor, strive, struggle, earnestly seek breathe Namaste

Details | Payge Terner Poem

Shaking Nightmares From A Concussive Night

Blowout, burnout, jagged shells left from the explosion
Crawl out from shelter in place; a confused, wobbly motion
Blank slate, wipeout, cauterized emotion
Tally and assess losses, repairs, mental status
Check for five senses, wiggle toes, adjust glasses
How did it happen? Doesn’t really matter - standard procedure, engage in comfort habits
Clean, organize, clean, To Dos, clean, coffee
Keep thoughts protected alone, handle my whole person delicately
Shielding electronic cloud of music, sweet repetition to bury me
I survived, I am alive
I need my bubble today, but that’s okay

Details | Payge Terner Poem

Reaching 175 Miles Every Minute In My Mind

I don’t want to argue
It’s a total shutdown and suddenly I’m shouting
Even if my shouting is just words sent across space
I’m more resilient than it appears 
I’m more watching than participating 
I think that’s what happens before you let a pattern go
I have said grossly exaggerated things 
So out of proportion that they are out of shape
I feel so terrible I unleashed this on you
Yes there is truth in it
It’s what happened between truth and screaming I sincerely apologize for
I avoid feeling miserable about our distance every day
Everything about it puts me in a bad mood
When I’m caught off guard and reminded I collapse
It’s like successfully ignoring your flesh being burned
Then seeing lights followed by silence and darkness when you check in on the pain
I do love you enough
I am committed enough
That nerve is just very sore
It makes me kick
I’m sorry I kicked you
I understand why you work when you do
It is only logical
I just can’t see that when I feel so alone without you 
I know it’s true
It just doesn’t feel as real as crying over how apart our lives are
And how unflippingfair it is
Because we are stuck for intractable reasons 
Knowing we are only waiting…
Is difficult to lean on 
When details of that future have yet to congeal
I do have faith we have creativity to come together closely enough
I just might fritz, need help, from time to time
Working on it!!
You know me better than me
You must understand this about me
Let us talk, let us clear some air, let us reassure and relax
Forever yours

Details | Payge Terner Poem

How To Love Women

This is the greatest excitement in Life for me
I float in clouds on this high
I know what women want
Simply: they want to be consumed and worshipped at the same time
They want to close their eyes and trust
To feel safe in the hands carrying them away
To release expectation, thought, and just feel
To relax into the person guiding them to places unimaginable
To lose forethought and hindsight and follow a plan they do not know
Let the person actively devouring them take pleasure in them as they will
Knowing they are always still first
Knowing the animal drive dead set on taking them for its own is blended with devout appreciation
Knowing every particle of their person is viewed in rapture
Women are complex
To push their minds, hearts, bodies to the highest heights they’ve ever known…
You must engage all of what composes their experience of life
You must apply love EVERYWHERE
You must take control at the right moment and simultaneously show you can always return it
You must be endlessly fascinated with their whole being
And from that burning feeling focus all of your capabilities of expression into one goal: make them feel like the goddess you KNOW them to be
Make taking your own pleasure just another means of demonstrating how limitlessly enticing they are
And I absolutely swear to anybody: there is nothing more beautiful in this world than a woman who allows herself to be lost in receiving this divine energy
Witnessing your passion sink into her…you will never see women or love or sex the same again
Find this, if you love women
Your soul will remember the flight it took for life
Save everything for those who inspire this
If you are waiting, it is worth the wait

Details | Payge Terner Poem

Writing - Kissing you from within

Arthur Miller spoke of leaving a “thumb print somewhere on the world”
Why?
Myself…
I want to place an aiding hand in any heart
Even one
They do not need to know me
I want my essence spread and healing
If I can REACH anyone
Liven their pulse
Rouse their humanity
Activate their soul
Tousle their brainwaves
Encourage more empathetic behavior 
Spark kindness
Prime courage
Unearth the practice of imagination 
Remind people that they BREATHE and EXIST together
Remind people that they can be WHOLE
Not just bits and pieces strung together with stress
Not just body parts trudging mindlessly toward a grave
Enlighten?
I would not say I could 
I can only hope to seep into tired lives and brighten them
Whistle my words grippingly enough to make dance from dull marching
Lift gazes above the road one foot ahead
Make fireworks on the horizon 
Initiate curiosity…
Most hopefully where it is most needed
Where it is NEW!
Push ANYONE past the limits of the comfortable 
Enchant?
No! 
Cause enchantment to bubble up and spring forth from within
Surprising the owner at owning it!
I am not important here
I want to be a tool
A maker of paths that could not be seen before
A clearer of blockage
A glue that binds one anonymous spirit to another 
In unforeseen and heart-wrenching ways
I want people to CARE as they have never cared before
About themselves!
About each other
I want emotionality to lose self stigma
I want it worn loud and proud
I want to spread LOVE and LIFE
Is that not a million billion trillion levels better than a “thumb print”???

Details | Payge Terner Poem

Awaking from stupor

I was never quite a candy kid
But I jumped right into the soup
I had a list of my favorite chemicals on the wall in college, a tribute, an ode
My first cigarette owned me, called on a claim already staked somehow
Drinking couldn’t call itself casual until lots of practice tackled it
Caffeine…my lover
I am convinced I was born with hitherto undiscovered “coffee receptors” that trigger a connection to the great spirit of the universe
My body absorbs it like holy water
But like water, in desperation any form will do, any means of getting it in my system
Caffeine and I have always seen eye to eye
I even forgave it for the near heart attack it gave me one ugly day in college
We shook hands and kissed before the next essay
That first night in the back of an old VW bus, a block ride, somebody’s brother
I scuttled home in the dark and brought a chair outside by the window
Buckle seatbelts and fly!
Weed flooded every emotion I ever loved and muffled the rest
I could buy an island with the money I’ve turned to smoke
It’s a delicate dance to avoid crossing the line, and I keep redrawing the line
Doctors have jumped in and tried to correct this mess
I basically created a machine with chemical knobs and learned operation by trial and error
The pile of collateral damage was becoming awe-inspiring
They asked, why did you build this machine?
It took years to find the real answer
In the meantime they built their own knobs and started thoughtfully twiddling
It was hard to float a boat in that soup
I’m still stuck in it, but the weather is so much better
I think if I decided to strip my brain of every substance but food and water…
I would be as fragile as a baby whose eyes have not yet opened
It’s upsetting
But things have started changing!
It’s exhilarating,
Rough, rugged
Astonishing, like taking OFF glasses and seeing more clearly
For the first time I have been given a completely different tool
I have a power I stopped believing in
I can change how I woke up and met the world 38 years ago
PERMANENT change
My life’s pursuit of balance has centered around compensation
A constant feed of expiring interference and adjustment
Now I can repair
There’s no trail of blood, no terrible side effects to manage
I am trying to hold that sword in one hand and use the other to plug my ear to the siren calls alongside me
My old companions, standing by, saying everything they can to get me to come out to play
Yeah I go
Still I go, but I come home
What can I say?
My entire life fits in this frame of reference
It’s very difficult to let go
But I am lucky
I find the clarity addicting too
It is a many splendored thing to stand in a fresh breeze with all five senses completely unfiltered
To add depth defying layers to every thought
To nearly dance from the impact of emotions zooming wild and free
I need to close down every last hiding place, convince every last scrunched up feeling tucked away in there that I will not fall over
I know first steps are always unsteady
But I want to walk
Walk? I want to run!

Details | Payge Terner Poem

She is my sunshine, my blanket of stars

The solace of home has dissipated like the charmed fog of Brigadoon
Tensing up to swim with sharks, from my deep sadness…
Please may I curl up and hibernate until I see my family again?
My heart is not angry, it is still and quiet
I spurn my friend music like a heckling stranger
I hear without aid every voice that ever soared with longing in pangs of song

Tonight, I am alone

Clinging still to my respite, snuffed by a perky puffing train
Cradling in my chest the warm golden glow of the magic stone my wife placed lovingly
It will protect me from dying inside
It marks me as hers
In this I smile like the moment the pearly gates decided to open lasts forever

Tonight, I am alone

The precipice of tomorrow is already asking me to work up excitement
This crusty crunch of caffeine, cigarettes, loud jokes and extended innuendos
It wants me to shake awake
Plug into “the program” to forget, to do duty
To build freedom?
I always balked at “the program”…
The distraction I built is melting around me
Familiar adornments of pragmatism and glamour drip away
The bones of my life away from home seem sickly fragile, revealed

Tonight, I am alone

I seem to have crashed up on a blank new shore
The winds have died
I can only explore what Prospero has done for me
I do not understand the choices trailing behind, nipping at my ankles
Just always remember my love, saying “breathe deep, seek peace”
But in a void, how do you breathe?
You gasp, at first, until you find traces of air
My broken, stuttering words

Tonight, I am alone

I sketch a fuzzy charcoal outline of some future still formulating
I place the image of her aura around the sun
I take heart watching the grey powder shimmer and climb off the page
I am just now a minimal version of who I will be
Quite lost
Blind, deaf and bound with masked memories, spotty self awareness
In the In Between
My wife washes my funk away unswervingly like I’m a blessed leper
I feel her now
My love summoned hers
Even from afar

I see now…I am never alone