The Love Song of L Marie Modenbach

We disagree I want to breathe people Feel a timeless, immortal pulse My solitude is anonymous observation Strolling in unnoticed contemplation through worlds stacked upon worlds The Flâneuse My sustenance is colorful variety Diving into the expressionism of bizarre fringes Taste testing any corner of life piquing my curiosity For a day, an evening, an hour ANY truth is livable I accept witnessing the existence of hardship I understand reality contains disgusting inequalities, ruthless injustice I understand light does not exist without darkness And that the status of this dichotomy can be transmuted into something healthier With engagement, with patience It does not mean killing my soul to encounter it I believe the most complicit act is choosing ignorance The most perpetuating decision is to refuse to see Building a sheltered Nowhereland Pretending a homemade cookie society devoid of suffering Shoving those struggling off the mental map Running away improves nothing for anyone That is where responsibility, guilt truly lies If I walk by five impoverished on a dirty street, mumbling a craving My money, my cigarettes sparking desperate desire And give nothing Speed my walk and avoid eye contact Then vote with their faces bright in my mind’s eye Brainstorm sociopolitical improvements with friends over drinks Actively acknowledging their lives Protest when I agree Donate where change is visible Participate in what actually changes the world around me My impact is more beneficial than fleeing Joining a tiny outpost with every unjust socioeconomic construct intact Where the trickle down to misery is just hidden “The Ones Who Walked Away From Omelas” I WALK I walk the line My depression is the death of culture The death of art When a society stops speaking, listening, thinking Opts instead to wipe away evidence of others’ pain and live blind That group kills the impoverished, downtrodden, maligned most completely THAT world kills MY soul I do not relate I examine faces around me and inwardly cry They are passively gliding through their time on earth below the surface Their thought experiences do not encompass the full range of life The cultural conversation is almost silent The few participating regurgitate the comments of yesteryear Until another outdated statement dares surface It is apparent in almost everything Endless lots of beige, stucco covered chain stores Repetitive restaurants serving dead food A sameness harsh enough to drive a searching soul insane Your solitude is existing in a void of humans Seeing as little evidence of humanity as possible You idealize a cabin in the middle of a vast wilderness Your global soul is in hiding You withstand the mind-numbing dullness around you not because you too are lifeless Or because you have been sheltered and do not know better Or because you are willingly complicit It is because you are protecting yourself Your empathy and sense of justice are monumental You are afraid to engage them long enough to train them You fear being overwhelmed if you stop to master your emotions You fear losing your integrity if you modify how you interact with these inflamed values I am your wife I am in love with you I know my girl You are strong enough More than You will not lose your beautiful self You will wake up Channel your admirable spiritual vivacity Begin to see what you can do Not despair at what you can’t do And that will not kill you It will allow you to truly live In ways you do not know how to imagine right now You hold those homeless days of youth as your most vivid Break free of that trap! Be brave now too The bravery of accepting without approving Becoming a member of greater humanity Because you want to contribute to a better world Transcending hurling insults and rejecting It is a different bravery, the bravery of growing up It breaks down the dams restraining your life force Your soul’s energy I love you I will hold you if you need comfort Stand back silently and not leave if you need to vent rage Give suggestion or listen and carefully consider I will not leave your side Join me existing on the real At the very least, always trying… I promise you Our days will be the most brilliant! You will be more comfortable with yourself, your life, your impact on the world The universe won’t seem so cursed You will see you have been saving approval for a perfect world Knowing deep inside how impossible that is And release that frustration that ultimately turns you against yourself Shuts you down You are precious No matter what you do, or don’t do, I will love you Intensely and forever My love for you has no contingencies But I think in the end… we both know… we do not really disagree