I just saw the most dangerous thing I had ever seen.
Want to guess what it was I asked my cat, Moonbeam.
A giant with feet the size of a museum or a store?
Think bigger my friend, think wilder and more.
Moonbeam is no slacker, she fired off ideas left and right.
A gremlin, a goblin, a panther, a tiger slinking around in the night?
Give up? I asked her, hoping she would.
But this cat can guess for days, as only a tabby could.
No! She yelped at me, patting down my tummy.
Don’t be ridiculous! You know you’re not funny!
She guessed devils, the undead, the Stay Puff Marshmallow man.
No one can guess like this pussy can.
I finally yelled it out, for I have no attention span.
A kitty with a cannon, he’s mowing down people all over the land.
Oh, that’s my cousin, Zeke, I’ll tell him to spare you, she said.
Now I would be sure to keep her happy and aptly fed.
I have never seen a puddle jumper with such glee
You have to introduce us, or at least tell me
What is his name? Who can this creature be?
He’s some kind of squirrel, said my Aunt Tee.
I thought you had them all named I said to her.
I used to, but there are so many, my count is not pure.
It might be Jed, Zed, Zeke, Twit or ****.
He is enjoying the rain today more than the cat.
She decorated her hair like a Christmas present that day
Putting people who walked in immediately into a festive fray
Hey! Said her Uncle Zeke, who loved every holiday
Shirley’s hair deserves an enormous happy hooray!
She was thrilled with the enthusiasm of her family that day
They liked to build her up, and treat her with a bit of play
Her cousin teased her a bit, his name was Odd Clay
She was glad to see he was a teensy bit more normal today
zigzagging zombie zealously zeroed in on Zeke Zeller’s zinging zither
a zippy zenith to Zaria’s zesty zaniest day in Zanzibar.
She wrote down “Erin go Braugh or go home
It was the beginning of her St Paddy’s day poem
A couple of eejits were staring at her now
Her corn beef and cabbage was fully a wow!
She took another bite and pointedly did not speak.
She looks Irish to me, said one. His name was Zeke.
The other guy came over and asked her to go on a date.
She drank her mint shake, it was truly first rate.
I think she is ignoring us, do Irish girls do that?
She hissed and she spat like an Emerald isle cat.
They got the hint and left her alone at last.
“Ireland forever!” she yelled. They ran away fast.
Midge the Mouse could tell that her date was not into her
He was busy slurping down all the butter off their popcorn
She wondered why did he invite me, the sneaky little cur.
Because my Uncle Zeke is the owner of Movie Galaxy in Big Horn?
They got a discount on the popcorn, he only had to pay half.
Then he decided to go Dutch, which to Midge was a big surprise.
He stopped to get a famous movie mouse’s autograph.
Then asked for her phone number in front of Midge’s eyes.
Mr. Cheetah’s wife was yelling “Give him a ticket! Give him a ticket!”
He outraced two pickup trucks and an antelope down in the thicket.
The highway patrolman was on the chase immediately, ready to write.
Hurry! electronic dashboard said. In a second he will be out of sight!
He'll run seventy miles an hour, robotic voice said in a persnickety way.
You’d best give chase in the most enthusiastic, exuberant way!
Highway patrolman, had heard of cheetahs racing, but this was new.
He'd never tried to outrun one in a car, he swore the air black and blue.
Cheetah had now been joined by a friend who gave Zeke the eye.
He wondered how many others in their clan would be running on by.
He put on his siren and made as much noise as he could to stop them.
You had better stop! His wife cautioned her husband. Her face grim.
Cheetah stopped suddenly, and waited for his ticket to be written out.
That the other cheetah had made him do this, Zeke had little doubt.
She was gloating in a way that the patrolman had seen in his own life.
I’ll be snickerpackered, he said to himself. I guess she is his wife!
Crunchy the Christmas panda sat on the limb and sighed.
He only wanted one thing – a December hay ride.
He watched many skaters swirl and glide.
A bird perched for a bit on the twig’s other side.
Another disappointment Crunchy could not abide.
He had already been forced to eat fries that were not fried.
Uncle Zeke his favorite uncle had recently died.
“I just want a hay ride,” poor Crunchy panda sighed.
I have a fabulous dresser, an antique
made out of gorgeous wood of teak
It is totally Victorian, and yet somehow sleek
Found a long time ago at a home beside a creek
Its interior drawers are shabby, quite bleak.
Yet the outside has an incredibly well-built physique.
She is pretty when refurbished, totally chic.
Her clothes drawers sometimes have an ominous squeak.
She once had a small gray inhabitant who gave out a shriek.
His mousey noises were to us humans little understood Greek.
Once in a while I still hear a ghostlike tiny small eek.
You can ask my cousin about it too. His name is Zeke.
A terrifying sheeted ghost came by and we pretended to be scared.
It was probably Wilbur, and he liked to think that we cared.
Next was a headless kid carrying a bloody head.
That’s got to be Zeke, Tom, Willie, Henry or Ted.
Halloween on our street is fun every year.
We tease and torment each other, pretending some fear.
The kids get together and parade around sometimes.
One of them was a large see-through bank with some dimes.
A table, a treasure chest, a princess, a gargoyle too.
There were nineteen costumes before we were through.
Onto a pirate ship I decided to have myself glom.
Then I recognized the feet and yelled “Come on Mom!”
Parents are not supposed to get in on this action.
But here was my mother, getting her own satisfaction
The headless kid started to laugh now, and I recognized him.
Humiliated, because this was my dad, I ran off with my twin.
My friend Ezekiel's
a Southern polygamist hippie
When he hits the bottle
Zeke gets a tad tippy
Can't recall all his wives' names
Each one reminds him of 'Mary Jane'
So, here's how Zeke counts 'em
Mighty proud, loud and plain ~
One Missus Hippie
Two Missus Hippie
Hic! Four Missus Hippie
Five Missus Hippie...
~ Hey, Zeke, you missed one!...
__________________________________
Revised and Expanded from a 'Speed Joke'
heard a couple of weeks ago on WGN-AM
Radio 720, Chicago, IL
I have had my bourbon, and I have to admit
I feel feathery fine, refreshed, amazingly fit!
I am ready to tell you a story that will knock you out
Come sit closer, and I will share what I am about….
The pompous man was gob smacked this was the same guy
He almost walked past, not realizing the where or why.
I just needed a drink to get my wits back on track,
The boozer said, so grateful you had my back.
I was down in my cups, when a bad guy came by.
He hit me over the head, and made my brain sort of cry.
I was then rolled around in the alley for all of my cash.
They tore up my shutters and ran up my sash.
The listener could not believe this man’s transformation.
He was amazed at his new look, cause for a celebration.
It was his favorite cousin, Ezekiel, who had been missing for a week.
All cleaned up, he looked fantastic, nothing like last night’s freak.
I am glad you got the money, he told his kin so fine.
Let’s get you home, and tell your tale, cousin of mine.
You think the wife will buy it? Zeke asked, knowing Dorothy Lee.
Why wouldn’t she? Cousin asked him. I believed it totally.
My muse went on vacation to the Eiffel Tower and more.
My private detectives snapped her photo in a Bolivia convenience store.
She travelled by alligator, flea, train, jet, and finally mountain goat.
I tried to catch up, but she was too clever, and that’s all she wrote.
I caught glimpses of her in Ireland, England, Belgium and Spain.
She was caught caterwauling in Finland, and dancing in Monaco’s rain.
My muse is not the kind to sit idle, rocking or knitting.
She went everywhere I myself would have never deemed fitting.
I waited for a week, then six and finally half a year.
She had to be replaced, even though she had been extremely dear.
I have a new muse named Zeke who wakes me up at night in bed.
He smacks me not so gently with a rock in the side of my head.
Disarray? Me? My house? My family?
Thank you! Yes, we certainly have earned the title, the crown and the sash.
You apparently were let in by one of the carpet chewers?
The watch dog is pretty much a come-in-and-open-the-frig-dog
Furious barking ceases the second a stranger, robber, or lunatic enters the premises.
Disarray? My writing? My painting? My leatherwork?
Thank you! Did you look under the couch too while you were incessantly snooping?
You would have found varmints, toys, a hot glue gun, pot holder, and last year’s Christmas brownie.
Oh, you did not get that far?
Disarray? You have not seen anything.
Let me show you the attic, the basement, the shed, the garage, and my mind.
That is where the real disarray happens.
Insanity runs in my family,
I am proud to admit. Not everyone
can claim this but it would be futile for
us to deny it. The man with the axe?
Grandpa Zeke. He wants the refrigerator
opened too. He and the watch dog are watching
your every move now.
Choose wisely.
Title: Disarray
Written: 11-21-2019
Sponsor: Nina Parmenter
There was a brownie name of Zeke
Who lived big and large beside a creek
Rumors said he was a lecherous freak
They came quickly, more like a flow than a leak.
The truth I steadily decided to try and seek
An elf-maiden I have never been considered meek
When I crept onto his porch, the boards did creak.
Rousing from sleep that forlorn and lonely Zeke.
It was smack dab in the middle of a crazy week,
A day after a war between mice and men who go “eek”
A war of which many decided never to speak
But I decided to share the story with lonely Zeke
His eyes were vivid green, the color of Love Creek.
I fell solidly under his spell, this brownie named Zeke.
His pureness and his sweetness was nothing to seek
For I did not know about him, this brownie named Zeke.
We fell in love, and I agreed to stay forever beside this creek
With a darling man, I decided to live, my own darling Zeke,
So if someone warns you about another, says they are a freak,
Run to them quickly, and for your own truth, please do avidly seek.
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