Toupee, or not toupee,
that is the question:
whether 'tis nobler on the head
to suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous alopecia
or to take wigs against a sea of baldness,
wear them as a buffer,
the whips and scorns stem,
and by opposing end them.
Ay, that's the nub.
With apologies to William Shakespeare (1564 – 1616)
Categories:
toupee, fun, hair, humorous, silly,
Form: Rhyme
Poor Sam is sans his beloved toupee
It was snatched from his scalp one windy day
'Twas last seen sailing o'er town
Sam trying to coax it down
If found call Sam - a bounty he will pay
Categories:
toupee, hair, humorous,
Form: Limerick
His toupee
flew away
hit Ella Mae
she's ok
but she's a he
for a day
Categories:
toupee, change, hair,
Form: Monorhyme
My version of a PAM AYRES classic.
Oh I wish I had looked after my hair,
It keeps falling out everywhere.
In the sink in a morning,
In the bath on a night.
I'm going to wake up one day
Without a strand left in sight.
Oh I wish I had looked after my hair.
All them potions and lotions I've tried them,
Sugar and water to keep it in place.
But oh what a sight,
If it's raining that night.
Sugar syrup running down the side of my face.
Oh I wish I had looked after my hair.
My barber told me not to worry,
It will keep receding but not in a hurry.
It will still grow down either side,
So you can wear your comb over with pride.
But I wish I looked after my hair.
There's one thing I don't understand,
My toupee is looking so grand.
I give it a wash every night,
Without any hair loss in sight.
But I still wish I looked after my hair.
14/11/2021
Categories:
toupee, fun, funny, hair, tribute,
Form: Verse
“Gosh golly darn” we don't use today
It really depends on the lexicon of the day
Ain't nothing wrong
Language is strong
A sign of the times like wearing a toupee
Categories:
toupee, fun,
Form: Limerick
The place of refuge for us old guys is the mall
Where topics of the day are discussed, big and small
Bout this and that
Harry's new hat
And whether or not Archie's toupee will fall
Categories:
toupee, silly,
Form: Limerick
It flips and flops from side to side
and if the wind is blowing it will be going.
One ear is covered and the other is not
a curl or lock tied into a topknot.
Some look like a big fluffy feather that's been in a hazard
or the tail of a horse that's been forced.
Don't be scared because your missing hair
to a women a shinny bald spot is always hot!
1/23/15 T Reams
Categories:
toupee, fashion, for him, funny,
Form: ABC
As you know we're getting ready to move
Just a couple more days to go
Cathie insists on being prepared
No underwear for a month or so
Asked my dear wife where they're hiding
Said they're packed of course
Wondering why friends no longer come over
Could even be a reason for divorce
Afraid to leave my false choppers around
She'd certainly pack them for sure
And what about my most favourite toupee
Now that's more than I could endure
“Are you ready for Freddie?” Cathie asks
She takes that old saying to heart
She'll be up and about at the crack of dawn
Long before the Movers will start
But we get along as long as I remain calm
Never rock the marital dinghy
Without doubt I'll be walking the streets
No pants to cover my thingy
(Obviously wrote this before moving...
have since found my choppers but my toupee is still AWOL!)
© Jack Ellison 2013
Categories:
toupee, humorous,
Form: Quatrain
(This is a fictional poem)
I lost a lot of hair and I wore a toupee.
But a freak gust of wind blew it off my head yesterday.
I couldn't afford a new toupee so I wore my cat on my head.
I thought it would fool people but it made them laugh instead.
When I saw that people knew that my cat wasn't a toupee, my face turned red.
That darn cat scratched, bit and even ____ on my head.
Categories:
toupee, animals, funny, loss, people,
Form: Epitaph