this has no head or tail
medicine box containing diseases
crazy as the river
that runs in reverse
planet that lost gravity
the heart of things
pulsing outside
my coffee in ice cubes
the smile of the fish in space
your love for me
what was so entrancing
today a teetotaler drunk
Categories:
teetotaler, surreal,
Form: Free verse
A car dealer needed a driver,
So Ray decided to take over,
When Ray took the wheel,
Car parts began to reel,
Ray asked, “was it not a teetotaler?”
Categories:
teetotaler, humorous,
Form: Limerick
Holly here and holly there! Christmas is floating in the air!
Ho ho ho and hee hee hee! We are merry, us darling three!
Don’t you think that song is a bit arrogant? Mama asked.
They laughed and giggled and gave her a drink of their flask.
Holly here and holly there! Mama wants to calm us you see!
We are happy though with a ho ho ho and a hee hee hee.
And now mama is asleep, for a teetotaler she will always be.
The trio of elves were on a mission to bring the world glee.
Categories:
teetotaler, christmas,
Form: Rhyme
Just a tiny bit more seasoned eggnog, my Beanie my beagle begged.
A teetotaler I had originally thought, but now not aptly pegged.
I gave Beanie a teeny slurp or two, but it was not enough.
He gave me a persistent bark, it sounded hoarse and rough.
I was startled at his insistence of another sip or two.
So I kind of outdid myself pouring a bunch in his dog bowl of blue
Now his tongue is out, and he is in no shape for a party.
But he is snoring, sleeping soundly, all hale, happy and hearty.
Categories:
teetotaler, dog, drink,
Form: Rhyme
Mistake:
Watch me do
impressions of you.
Alcoholic:
Keen to sop
up every drop.
Alternative Realty:
Truth don't matter,
bacon don't splatter.
Discerning:
Only expensive wine,
when we dine.
Teetotaler:
Enjoy your beer,
just not here.
Politician:
I don't lie,
you're my guy.
Nasty Waitress:
Be right there,
like I care.
Divorced Couple:
That's our song,
what went wrong.
(Couplet)
Nov. 3, 2018
Six-Word Couplet Series Encore
Sponsored by: Mark Toney
Categories:
teetotaler, 10th grade, feelings, funny,
Form: Couplet
There once was a woman named Sandy
Who liked jelly candies and apricot brandy
While her teetotaler husband was away
She drank a bottle of brandy that day
When he was home enjoyed only the candy
Categories:
teetotaler, food, funny, humorous,
Form: Limerick
From birth to a toddler
As a toddler to teenager
From teenage to adolescent
And as I grew up
I knew I'm weird
I knew am unique
I knew am an enigma
I knew am different
I also knew am an Odd fellow
Yeah I see things
not seen with optical eyes
Hear things beyond this realm
I am prophetic for
I say the unspeakable,
things not normal for the average
They say so many things
about me as am growing up:
You are so annoyingly quite
You are so sensitive
You are always by yourself.
You are a loner
Your eating habits are so different,
You eat herbs.
You are a teetotaler,
And a recluse,
an introvert,
With the ability to heal the sick.
An object of mingled awe and revulsion,
Simultaneously revered and abhorred,
Mysterious and elusive,
highly talented and unassuming,
with enormous strength but reserved.
I am an alien,
living amongst strangers.
There's an Alien within.
©2018,Emeka Mokeme. All Rights Reserved.
Categories:
teetotaler, deep, i am, inspirational,
Form: ABC
Mary Yelvington
1876-1910
George Towne, now there was a man;
Handsome as the devil;
Strong as a bougainvillea vine.
And married to the redoubtable Fannie Towne,
Town shill, and occasional teetotaler of the dry brew!
Ol’ Fannie was oblivious to the treasure she owned;
That incredible athlete!
That insufferable charmer!
At least after 3 o’clock, on most afternoons,
She never knew,
Or cared one iota really, where her man was!
Other than the little dramas concerning the Townes,
Life in Whittier, at the turn of the 20th Century,
Was boring, I must say.
Boring as a book with no danger!
Dangerous days never arrived for me,
Nor did I ever make the acquaintance of a dangerous man.
My life’s journey indeed found intended joy,
Ecstatic joy in singing the hymns at church;
And it found surprised sadness as well,
In not surviving pneumonia at age 34.
And now, here I am, buried deep in the dark dirt,
Of shady Mt. Olive Cemetery.
But if only I had tried.
Tried to whistle, and nestle up to the big lug;
The day I saw him at Central Park,
Sitting on a bench with his prim coat and hat,
The incredibly dangerous George Towne!
Categories:
teetotaler, crush,
Form: Epitaph
I asked my grandfather
why human beings drink
and get lost in drunkenness
I tell you my dear
those who get drank
were created by a drunken deity
those who do not, came on earth
by a teetotaler creator-goddess
oppressed in a male-dominated
world of oppressing spirits
Categories:
teetotaler, religion, satire,
Form: Free verse
My shew is no longer breathing
This I really do lament
My shrew is no longer kicking
I find myself in torment;
I wonder where its soul went;
Could it be Alaska or Benelux?
This death definitely sucks
For it was a creature, a tender creature
Whose system ceased functioning altogether;
Today, I can only see a bleak future;
For it no longer moves
For it no longer laugs
Such lack of noise and motion means
Tears in my eyes and apathy;
Life without you is colourless;
Such a tiny peaceful mammal
Who has never pestered anyone
I will really miss this animal
Since now I am truly alone
For my best friend is gone;
Its little heart stopped working
And mine since then is aching;
I could hold you in my hand
So much fun remains in my mind;
If only time we could rewind!
There's no therapy to get over this
No alcohol since I'm a teetotaler
No video games. I loathe them
I can't focus on chess now
I can't read poetry like this
My shrew is always in my mind
But nowhere in my life
Just a cold still body
It's dead. Dead.
Like my joy.
Gone.
But worry not, my little mammal
This won't last long...
I will see you soon, my lovely friend
Categories:
teetotaler, animal, bereavement, death, emotions,
Form: Free verse
THINGS NOT TO MENTION
Condoms in the Vatican
Soul music to the klansman
Pork chops to the rabbi
Bomb joke on an aircraft in the sky
Children and any green vegetable
Supersize to the catwalk model
Thirteen to the superstitious
England to the Irish
Neighbour’s dog to the snoozing cat
Fat to Jack Spratt
Beer to a teetotaler
Tea to a beertotaler
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Written for Debbie Guzzi ‘s Contest “Unmentionables”
Categories:
teetotaler, funny,
Form: Couplet
IN THE FLOWER OF HIS YOUTH
You are what you eat?
Bill, a young guy, friend of mine -
Teetotaler and keen gardener neat -
Drank nothing but dandelion wine.
Like Dr Moreau’s Island modus operandi ,
His grey hair became heir (or scion )
To the fluffball of a dandy :
And Bill started to turn into a dandelion. . . .
. . . . . at spreading time of seed !
Still, Bill said, it’s not too bad -
Better than being herbally tea’d
Or becoming part of a salad.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Written for John Freeman's Contest "Boisterous Comedy"
Categories:
teetotaler, funny,
Form: Quatrain
I once knew a sedate gent with class,
who would not drink red wine at church mass.
Would take a wee sip,
to wet his wee lip,
since red wine made him expel built gas.
Was time for his daughter to marry,
gentleman who liked to drink sherry.
Being a good dad,
I toasted the lad,
then prayed for fearless canary.
Copyright © 2011 By Caryl S. Muzzey
Categories:
teetotaler, red, wine,
Form: Limerick