Sometimes I feel
as if my soul hung by a slender thread
of my mother’s raven-black hair.
I remember…
her breasts beneath a floral blouse,
secretly reading the forbidden novel, The Hunchback of Notre-Dame,
with a flashlight under the blanket,
and the worn figurine of a Japanese geisha
father used to stroke from time to time.
Even in old age, I like to curl up in bed,
as I did in the womb before birth.
And wearing my mother’s stretched-out violet sweater,
I never feel lonely.
The pain of remembering
Sunlight filtered through the high oak leaves, where summer stretched out long and bright, we scrambled up the mossy bark and reached until we touched the light. Hand over hand, my sister led, no branch too tall, no sky too wide, with scraped-up knees and breathless laughs, and all the universe inside.
Down in the yard, the cool blue pool waited to catch our cannonballs, a splash that sent the morning free beyond the wooden garden walls. We raced across the surface tension, underwater, eyes open wide, a pod of dolphins bound together by the pull of the shifting tide.
When shadows grew across the grass, the yard became a battleground, for hide-and-seek and Tag you're it, and every secret spot we found. We ran until our lungs were fire, until the porch light flickered on, collecting moments in our hands before the golden day was gone.
Now time moves fast and miles stretch out, but locked inside the heart remains the echo of those summer shouts, the quiet after summer rains. A tangled web of laughing voices, a fortress built of grass and sun— the gentle weight of growing up together, bound as more than one.
We are not that young anymore.
The boy who carried night within his chest
Once believed the road had reached its final bend,
Convinced that silence was his only friend,
And traded all his tomorrow for unrest.
He could not see the dawn through heavy skies,
Nor count the hours that waited to unfold,
Lost in a tale he thought was fully told,
Watching the shadow grow before his eyes.
Yet morning broke the perimeter of shade;
The quiet road stretched out and did not fall.
He learned the weight of years can shift and mend,
That every solitary ghost must fade.
Standing in light he never thought to call,
He sees the start where once he feared the end.
A squirrel booked a spa day, fed up with all the treetop riff-raff;
he stretched out in our garden mud, declaring it a “mineral luxury bath.”
("And Dream of Sheep", 2018, original encaustic)
Time stretched out to fill decades
Within just the blink of an eye
Time stretched out to fulfill lifetimes
Who am I now?
Who was I then?
Alone I rummage around in memories
And in dreams my loneliness
Is crowded out with so many others
Each distinct, often unknown
And I a view absorb it all
An old man living in isolation
Yet each night filled to overflowing
With others
I know my time is numbered
Yet each night I get a glimpse
Of what really is
Just a long strange continuum of lives
Lived in love, inescapably in love.
(6/13/26)
The midnight bell chimed through
the empty halls.
Dust settled softly over trophies
on the walls.
Lockers slammed shut with a
metallic, sudden boom.
As freezing air flooded inside the
history room.
Footsteps echoed sharply down
the dim West Wing.
Through no one was there to hear
the sirens sing.
A phantom chalkboard wrote a
single name in red.
The roster of the students who
were long since dead.
I hid beneath the desk, my
breathing sharp and fast.
Trapped inside a prison built of a
horrific past.
The heavy smell of smoke began
to choke the air.
As phantom fire crackled wildly
down the stairs.
Then shadows stretched out from
the dark gymnasium floor.
And skeletal hands began to rattle
every door.
The guidance counselor's door
swung slowly, widely wide.
Revealing teeth and glowing eyes
that waited deep inside.
The hallway lengthened out into a
endless maze.
As glowing red eyes locked into my
terrified gaze.
I imagine
stretched out ahead of me
an expanse of nothingness
so vast and inexplicable
that were I to measure it
I would need an eternity
which I believe
the limitlessness of
that expanse to be.
Dare I let go
of all I hold so dearly
and of all the things
of such unnecessary value
in this material world?
I know I need to dare let go and
embrace the void.
Hungering woman!
After many lean years
Hungry in heart
To point of tears -
Hungry for everything
That woman needs
Hungry for words
And hungry for deeds -
Hungry for kindness
Hungry for warmth
Hungry for love
To the point of remorse -
Hungry for whole
And for each part -
Hungry for soul
And hungry for heart!
Hungering woman!
You're never there
You say you need me
Then flee into air
Each day each week
I think and toil
Passion wells up
My blood comes to a boil
Waiting for you
Or simply your call
With my mind burning,
Nerves stretched out tall,
With cannons shooting
All through the lung,
With forks inserted
Into the tongue,
With gut contorted
With burning eyes
Hearing distorted
Throat bound by ties
With shaking ligaments -
Knees growing weak -
With all within me
Waiting to break -
With heart impaled
On the end of the knife.
Hungering woman!
You eat me alive!
The sun disappeared in the western sky
and the birds stretched out their songs not shy.
As the light of the sky dims, the earth below,
the night light gives a nocturnal glow.
The stars illuminated the world they over hanged
The cool of the night air was a song that sang.
tree branches stretched out
like old bony fingers
grabbing for snowflakes
Feel like I died many years ago
Born to the world to rise no more
Stretched out to the air amongst the sea
Sailing through the waves that's beneath my feet
Bound to the earth, nothing inside of me
Lighting energizes the frequency that you can't see
WHAT AM I????
It had to be a cross
With arms stretched out
The space of heart
Where fear and doubt
...claimed truth
It had to be a spear
That pierced HIS side
Where blood and water flowed
Out the lies
...that claimed truth
It had to be rape
That claimed the womb
The space of life
Where vision grew
...proclaimed truth
It had to be a rod
The pierced Her sacred space
Where blood and water clogged
And no growth could ever take place
...that proclaimed truth
Until TRUTH remembered
I am loved in every way
In the fullness of His glory
The fruit of our labor
Is proclaimed in every story
He held WORD
Spoken and Written
She held TRUTH
Seen and Hidden
The place of the wound
Where questions arose
Grace, threaded TRUTH
To reveal what LOVE knows
....life is held....breath is granted...we belong
Written by Trudy Schrader on 02-09-2026
From the very beginning
you were apart of my life.
Throughout my days on earth
you have been my shinning light.
The one I could always go to on days
whenever things didn’t feel right.
When my vision began to fade
you gave me sight.
Like a lighthouse
your words of wisdom guided me along
keeping me mentally strong.
Of course I had other sources of wisdom;
but yours is one of its kind.
For as your first grandchild our bond was
Unique, from the days when
I began to crawl you helped me to
Stand on my feet as the young man
I am when you stretched out your hands.
When I needed an extra mile you gave me two.
Whenever I was hungry you always had food,
and no matter what I went through
you were always in my corner to let me know
how mature I grew.
LOVE YOU GRANDMA
Watching people in the morning
Always makes me wonder,
Will their days be sunshine-kissed
Or thwacked with hail or thunder?
Sometimes faces might reveal
A look of such frustration
You know their day’s first hours
Have been filled with aggravation.
Yet others wear a glowing smile,
Their confidence so striking
That anyone observing may feel
Their own self-doubt spiking.
Of course, the day may then unfold
In ways we can’t envision,
Resulting in an unexpected
‘Fore and aft collision.
The early hours, though, provide
A glimpse of the beginning
Of the time stretched out before us,
As our world is slowly spinning.
I will never lose you
As long as I can see your face in my dreams
Hear your voice in the morning breeze
I will never lose you
As long as you come to me late at night
When the stars shine at my bedroom window
And we go for a walk under the moonlight
I will never lose you
As long as I remember those summer days
When hope stretched out before us and all seemed possible
We never heard the storm sounding its fury far away
I will never lose you
As long as memory keeps you alive
I will remember you forever as you looked in that final moment
Before they took you away from me
I will never lose you again my darling
This is my promise to you
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