I've never twitted on Tweeter
nor am I an Instagrammarian
I've searched on Goggle
but cannot find MyFace on the interweb
I ask "how do I find the North Star?"
and get 4,460,000,000 hits, mostly ads
for an ice cream bar called "The Big Dipper"
so I go make some toast and eat lunch
at least I can work a toaster
Kids think I was born in the Jurassic era
believing my first job was swabbing the deck
on a Byzantine sailing ship
for I speak of phones connected to the wall
and TV sets with 4 channels and cars that got 8 mpg
I don't know url's from www's, or http's from html's
my mobile phone always auttocronects my speeling
and cyber censors block my search for 'penal colonies'
I cannot find the mute button on Zoom
so my belch might make it into the meeting minutes
my internet takes regular coffee breaks
and the only tweeting is the birds outside my window
so I sit at my screen watching dots chase themselves in a circle
trying not to get toast crumbs
on my high tech keyboard
Written 16 Mar 2022
Categories:
speeling, technology,
Form: Free verse
Deer poet tree righters fore the cite
Pleas will ewe bee sweet
and worn me if ewe have scene any miss stakes eye have maid
butt eye no my speeling and ewes off English is prefect!
Eye am knot shore if eye have ever tolled ewe
that when eye right poet tree at knight ore in the mourning
eye don’t knead too ewes a smell chequer ore a theo sorearse
Off coarse, eye don’t no weather aisle get a first plaice inn the con test
butt eye want John too chews me sew eye can crews two victory!
HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU THAT...... Poetry Contest
Sponsored by John Lawless
11/11/20
Categories:
speeling, humorous, poetry, word play,
Form: Free verse
Attribute two my poet tree book edit tor
I no that the write punk chew asian, speeling and grammer are sew impotent when righting poet tree, don’t chew think sew two? Sow four my book eye will bee making shore aye ewes my smell chequer.
This is attribute to the wonderful lady who is going tubby the edit tor of my poet tree book. Eye don’t think shell have any issues after reeding this tribute as my werk is prefect!
Seriously, I will stress I am NOT leaving Poetry Soup, I have a lifetime PM and I intend to use it until I can no longer pick up my pencil. I am just taking some much needed time out to focus on getting my poems into a book. It has been my intention to do this since I left work in 2016 and now the time is right for me to put my plan into action.
I will be dropping back from time to time to read some of the amazing poets here and to make the odd comment
Jan
1st April 2019 (despite the date its not an April fool's joke)
Categories:
speeling, for her, humorous, poetry,
Form: Verse
I’m frequently whisking my turds
Oh sorry, it’s twisting my words
My finger has got a break
I may make a miss steak
My speeling is that of dim nerds
5/22/18
Categories:
speeling, humorous, poetry, silly, word
Form: Limerick
Eye’m know good at punk chew asian and my speeeling is pretty pour
A period is a woman’s monthlies and I don’t no what to ewes comma,s four
Ellipsis I ewesed in Arthur’s infinite dot thirteen poetry form. I hope I ewesed them to good affect
May bee I knead a dick shun airy and some punk chew asian lessens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Buy the whey, my friend has edited this fore me and she thinks my speeling is prefect sew eye have got rid of my smell chequer and thawsorearse.
Inspired by punctuation blog
(If you need a translation of the poem soup mail me lol)
07-03-17
Categories:
speeling, humorous, poetry, word play,
Form: Free verse
I wrote a letter just last week
I went and bought a stamp.
Tongue cut on the envelope
and awful writer's cramp.
My handwriting was, let's say, 'quaint'
no flourishes, no fuss
but looked like it was written
on my lap on a moving bus.
Speeling mistakes all whited out
like a carpet of fresh snow
and ink smudges similar to
a pair of fighting crows.
Aunty praised my poor effort
and was grateful that I sent it,
and where I'd scribbled 'lots of love'
she knew I really meant it x
Categories:
speeling, humor, relationship,
Form: Light Verse