Short Bladders Poems

There was a bishop whose sermons were boring  
Seven hours long made members begin snoring.  
The bishop took offense
But he had no defense.
Busted bladders had warped all the flooring....

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In restive response to the nature’s call,
in the disciplined dog-line they all fall.
         Not far is the place to pee,
         tree never seems to be free.
Leakage curbed canine bladders learn to stall. 
...

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The planes were lined up in a queue,
A reminder of something I knew.
     They awaited permission
      Like at intermission 
In theaters outside of the loo.

One by one each one skyward immersed
As the rest inched up closer to first
     But like women in line
     Still not given the sign
There were tempers (and bladders!) to burst....

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Younger people slake their thirst - 
No reason to endure it - 
With water or another drink
As quick as they procure it.

But older folk will agonize
Although they may secure it,
'Cause if they drink enough to quench,
Their bladders just can't store it.

Though young and old alike may share
A quenching-thirst ability,
It's only older ones who care
'Bout where's the next facility....

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The Tyburn wagon halts at every inn.
Tight stinking alleys
cobblestones and gin.
The condemned drink their fill,
none fear falling ill.
Harlots cackle and screech
the condemned grow horny.
The Hanging Tree accommodates
three at a time.
Six limbs a’ waving,
bladders and bowels voiding
- drink now to the dangling.
A canting debauchery
spends its copper penny.
Hungover Londoners swear
‘off the wagon,’
but look here comes another:
Pass the flagon!...

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If you want to help defeat
Summer's brutal blasts of heat,
Do what experts say you oughter,
Guzzle lots and lots of water.

I imbibe so much each day,
Likely more that what I weigh,
That, while it's preventing thirst,
Part of me's about to burst.

Bladders only hold so much
And when certain muscles clutch,
There must be a quick release
If you want to have some peace.

My advice when heat's unrolled:
Drink as much as you can hold;
But be sure you always know
The nearest place where you can go!...

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