Short Bertha Poems

Bertha wore her hair in a bun
So tight it made her eyes run
She did not care
For combing her hair
Nor did her mop-haired son...

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Bertha Bea
Barbara Bathwork
will not do her 
homework
because she
wants to do nothing
but play all
day and not sleep
at night either.
So do not even 
bother her for
eternity....

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My darling Bertha, all people agree
Is the ugliest= mutt they ever did see
She squeaks and she snorts
She has whiskers and warts
But she's the most charming of ladies to me

2/27/23...

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Bertha Saylor just loved fish and chips
And they all settled down on her hips
Her buttocks would groan
When she weighed ten stone*
But the seamen could all come to grips


*ten stone = US 140 lbs...

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Big busty Bertha was at the business luncheon,
with everyone talking business and munching,
suddenly she let out a big sneeze,
everyone thought it was a striptease,
when in fact it was just a wardrobe malfunction....

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Bertha

Bertha who had a cute little nose
one day at the beach took off her clothes.
Her mother said “Bertha!
“get dressed or I’ll hurt ya.”
Bertha just five, could care less what showed. 


©Kathryn McLoughlin Collins...

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Big Burpin’ Bertha had terrible gas!
She wondered why no one would give her a pass
And when she would bend
Well, let’s not pretend
A mass of that gas would trespass, oh how crass!


 Dedicated to Jan Allison
                  The Gas Expert on PS!...

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Big Bertha wore a custom-made silk bra 
    When hubby first saw her, he was in awe
                 On their very first date,
                He was in a dazed state
She decked him with one huge boob in the jaw














05/12/2023
Contest: A Funny or Bawdy Limerick 
Sponsor: Tania Kitchin...

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Why do people associate the name Bertha with a "colored" woman?
Is it the strut,
or the way she carries herself?
Or is it just the mischief of demonic elves?
Caucasioan women are confident with their well
endowed selves,
Many would try to augment their shape,
Yet, they never get labeled with words like "ape",
or rarely get called Bertha,
So why is it that colored women are always associated
with the name "Bertha"......?...

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Bejeweled Bertha can dive into any pond
Flipping back to the surface with rare jewels on
She sometimes finds emeralds, once she found gold
Her necklace today of pearls looks like antiques, oh so old.

Bejeweled Bertha’s family is full of magical beasts.
Some can conjure up the most scrumptious delicious feasts.
One uncle can go down into a cave and come out with a bear.
He gets scratched and bitten a lot, but he does not care....

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Buttercup Comes Home

Buttercup comes home each night with different partners
She is a factory girl, thinner than a string
I guess she manufactures lovers, one after another
It’s hard being married all the time
She tells me she needs her freedom.  She needs her space.
That is her mantra.  That is her bible
Buttercup comes home these days 
And I’m not there
I found another Buttercup
For what it’s worth
Her name is Bertha
She’s bigger than a house
It’s hard going out...

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