I remember I fell through that wooden floorboard.
I was careless where I stepped, and the weight of my mistake made me fall right through.
I remember the embarrassment I felt... it nearly broke my self-esteem.
I can hear them use their traitorous tongues.
I remember I walked carefully over those wooden floorboards.
I see their eyes glare and hear the whispers of people who judge me for treading so cautiously.
I am wary of what they are saying. ..of what they may think.
I walk confidently around that wooden floor.
I am aware of their judgements and their hateful glares.
I don't care what they think.
I no longer have to tread so carefully.
I can run free.
I remember...
I wake in the dream of my shame,
exalted by the breadth and scope of it.
This blood on my hands, whose is it? Mine
or yours? I cannot remember…
I am more loss than I am creation.
I am rubble, standing firm. I am a fallen
castle. I deserve this guilt, but must
relinquish it.
Grief: I carry the way a girl carries a doll,
tight and snug to her chest. I undress it at night to
show it my lacerations.
Sometimes we suffer too much reality.
I yearn to know you again, I yearn to know
myself. The rain always has its lessons:
A tree grows through
a rock and chooses to be
beautiful.
I am what I am.
I am what I am.
The earth shakes, mimicking my weary bones,
And the ground is wet with tears left behind.
The cage of whiteness, locked tightly inside,
Upholds the heavy weight of every day's design.
Secrets and memories are ghosts we keep,
Bound tightly within the walls of the chest—
Forgiven, forgotten, or just cast aside,
The architecture of a heart aching for rest.
My steps falter on the unpaved ground,
Stumbling under the weight of a calcified spine.
Yet all this physical aching scarcely compares
To the quiet, structural cage of skeletal frame—
That has, until today,
Only answered to the marrow of your name.
My heart feels heavy, filled with pain,
I know I’ve stumbled, failed again.
I didn’t mean to cause you grief,
But Lord, I long for sweet relief.
Forgive me, Lord, and make me new,
Shine your light, my soul renew.
In your mercy, I will stand,
Safe forever in your hand.
Beneath the darkness, lost the sun.
I seek your grace for all I’ve done.
Your love is kind, your truth is near,
You wipe away my every tear
Take my sorrow, take my shame,
Lift me higher in your name.
Through the storm, I’ll sing to you,
Faithful God, forever true.
Sid now realized her suit was all wrong
but she'd hid in this stall for too long
So, she stuck out her gut
to distract from her butt
and snuck back to the pool in her thong
He was a charming gentleman and a much liked Prime Minister,
But suddenly insults hurled by the score, some hurtful, some sinister,
Wow, public's choice looks like mickey mouse,
Should be polished, talk well, not slouch,
Burnham watch out, politicians can read you well within global perimeters.
You talk a lot Andy, say things people want to hear,
It upsets me when I hear slogans that merely smear,
Starmer’s ego, hurt with each jeer,
And Mrs Starmer who shed a tear,
Don’t be too smug, many in 10 downing, want your cheer.
I went into the movie theater with Joe
The plot drew me in, I went with the flow
The hero had flaws, the heroine was odd
Suddenly I leapt up and shouted "Oh God"
The emotional blowtorch had let out a blast
A reminder of my sickening past.
Joe led me outside to the cool evening air
He asked, "what possessed you to disrupt in there?"
My reaction died down, the alarm turned off
I looked around, gave an embarrassed cough.
Joe said "There's a psychiatrist down the road"
I replied, "No doctor can lighten this load."
I said that edges are blunted, when reality is stark.
I live in a watercolor picture rather than sharp
Joe downplayed my past, but looked sad:
he said "your shouting makes us look mad"
So I'll go without Joe to the movies, that's where I feel:
Maybe in that false world I briefly get real.
A cage opens that routine shuts tight
I can return to darkness when they turn on the light.
Joe and I can go fishing, that's still alright.
While I hide in the shadows
I tell you “Your scars are beautiful” yet
I wear the last name SCHNADELBACH like an old ugly scar around my neck
You tell me don’t write anything using that name
So, I hide my work, the very identity of who I am.
I go to church,
yet they tell me that I am out of alignment, to make a choice,
So, I did
I walked away from man’ religious laws.
Then I am asked “why are you hiding?”
It seems like the very moment I stick my head up
I get kicked to the curb.
But God does not live in their alignment.
He is here, in the dust on the pavement,
Holding the pen they tried to break.
They see an ugly scar;
I see the skin, the face, the heart that healed.
I will stop hiding.
My name is a story, and it is time I write the ending.
Clouded twilight, betwixt, I loom,
cast solemn eyes across the gloom,
black waters rise, no stars, no moon,
reflective of my ending soon.
I glare into this lifeless void,
plagued in life, by those who toyed,
upon my heart, hope now devoid,
all future dreams, once had, destroyed.
Spring blossom sinks, in dimming light,
my future fate, feels sealed tonight.
For ponder I, back to that night,
I failed to save that woman's life.
For now, the circle, nears complete,
I tell myself, 'accept defeat'.
Let go, of stone, plunge fifty feet,
into dark waters, now retreat.
Yet still, my mind, such discourse flows,
the endless noise of thousand woes,
the squawking buzzard, murd'rous crows;
'Do all such things, count me as foe?'
Utter darkness, betwixt, I loom,
cast solemn eyes across the gloom,
black waters rise, no stars, no moon,
reflective of my ending soon.
05/23/2026 (first penned)
Are we that cold-blooded?
NOT to be crass but had to butt-in...
Because although some might pass, there is a question I have been wondering?
If a lizard loses its tail, becoming derailed instead of jailed...
Who are the ones in charge, one might see or say thus far?
An overlord of the rent money spent, pent up yet NOT eating crickets,
As they seem or tend to chirp when all lizards should be getting out of church...
Scales weigh in what the scaly reptilian skin would be akin to,
The fact that we knew all along as we grew new tails,
After the olds ones were ripped off, being scoffed at by older dinosaurs,
Of course! Our necks stick out!
I would stick mine out for you.
Not just a mating call but what we are supposed to do.
I thought you knew. It is true.
With all shame gone, pride of life's
Showy nobody
Now given that road, crassly loud
To crash and burn on
Discretion, of its silence
And its privacy
That old style mind of its housing
Now serves as bastion.
A pred o vile name of dustin wallace some scum that degraded to slime, is in snake river correctional doing two terms for the crime.' He violated to the death i beleive
A girl of only five years or six.? Sahara was
To be his victim, the thought makes me feel so sick.' Judge Garrison gave him the gift, of two life terms inside.' But it could not restore Sahara, to her father..And today
Still bitter tears he cries.' Because the state
Has changed its stance on crimes done by
Felons under eighteen years at time of deed.' And Tyler Saharas devoted dad is down upon his knees.' They have reccomended the slime that is within its prison cell to be released back to the town
Where Tyler Dwight still dwells.' I beleive there is a facebook page where you can leave your thoughts.? And even a petition
If you might care aught.' To help this broken hearted man, maybe thats the thing
To do, i trust this poems staying up or i"m
Getting legal i promise all of you.!!!!
There they are
In those closed boxes
Evidence of my journey
With steel crosses
Others would publish
And be a hero by now
But me, oh no
I'm a fat cow
...chewing cud
There's a film of shame
Holding the lid tight
Covering the thick ooze
Of my black night
Shall we celebrate
A body escape from hell
When the mind is captured
Where perception dwells
...fractured
Nope, my history is safe
Packed, and permanently sealed
I'll not have others snooping
On the path LOVE healed
It's ugly, sharp, jagged
The telling injures the reader
My trauma is mine
Not a chicken's feeder
...for growth
TRUTH is a be
Written by Trudy Schrader on 04-15-2026
NOTE: Look up ISBE
a tangled, twisted oak,
might and trunk torn open, ploughed through,
strewn upon the forest floor,
limbs - desolate
caverns - Hollowed
chest open and body gutted,
taken for Its branches,
and raped of its fruits,
rotting as the fall sets in,
shaking with the cold of fear
and stench of death,
beaten and stinking
with wounds from the ancient serpent
should be left
alone
to return to dust
-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
shame
heavy, suffocating
dragging, drowning, shrinking
burden, regret, release, redemption
lifting, healing, breathing
light, merciful
forgiveness
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