Invisible to the naked eye
traumatization (courtesy
chastising and reproaching -
by fellow classmates
and later in life
birth parents and inlaws
dealt hefty figurative jab)
tremendously impacted yours truly
analogous to him moving bajillion miles away
compounded by his withdrawn demeanor
diagnosed when he reached middle adulthood
as schizoid personality disorder,
thus exhibiting obvious developmental delay
bullied courtesy nasty brutes,
who scapegoated and rejoiced
with hip hip hurray,
meanwhile I experienced
terrible psychological melee
escaping to safe confines of bedroom,
where I wanted to stay
for mine remaining years of life.
Retrospective review
now approaching my doddering old age
constituted more'n one cruel (cheap) trick
played on super tramping urchin,
who traipes across virtual global stage
ensnared within whorled webbed wide
spending his hard earned itty bitty wage
spinning one strand after another.
We didn't see it coming
the black swan from left field
made our world smaller today than yesterday
while we scapegoated the man made
it was the viruses and plagues.
As I grow closer to the man I love. My past torments me.
It comes forward in waves. He is shocked what i have been through family has scapegoated me to the point i truly have backed away. Knowing I am a person of value has helped me escape. My understanding of God convincing me no one deserves this not even from those who use the faulcity of love to hurt you and not value you.
No one deserves to be unloved. For every human is created and wonderfully made. No family has a right to have power on over you. No family deserves power if abused over you. As I come to realize I am worthy of true love.
Of a man with a gentle spirit who honors me for who I am. Yet in the beginning I tried to push him away to ashamed to unloved. He patiently stayed by me and helped me through my self destructive thoughts and comforts my broken heart in every way.
expect the punches to never cease
& learn to fight---
expect the fight to get harder & to
drag on for what seems like forever
&
learn to persist---
expect the persistence to become habit
& practice patience on the path---
expect patience to seem odd to others,
to be deemed a freak, to be written off
as “someone trying to be something”
& study the way you get scrutinized,
watch how you get set underneath
every microscope---
expect such study to be criminalized,
expect to be scapegoated, expect to be
lectured, expect to be threatened
&
use it all to fight back,
use it all to persist,
use it all to strengthen your patient resolve
&
use it all in your individual study
(learning from your own mistakes &
observing those of others in order to avoid
them yourself).