With my girlfriend in tip top condition
To film sex scenes for late television
She got sick in bed
So I went instead
And was heckled with spiteful derision
Well their laughter had made me feel silly
As I stood there butt naked and chilly
They said, “Get a hair dryer,
Or an electric fire,
For you sure need to warm up that willy.”
The director called three naked geezers
Who he said were real audience pleasers
Then he looked at my lot
And said, “Let’s get this shot,
With my new close up lens… and some tweezers.”
Grabbed a sock and ran home in the nuddy
And I tripped in a field, wet and cruddy
But I’d slipped on the sock
So my girl got a shock
When just one bit of me wasn’t muddy
*
That’s my self respect gone for a burton…
Then the morning sun shone through my curtain
I awoke in my bed
“Only dreaming,” I said
But I took a quick peek to be certain
i may just have an ugly face.
i also maybe cheap
but i have made many "a man race"
as beauty is only skin deep.
i may not be as pretty as a picture
but i have often made a choice
and i may not be any richer
but there is love in my voice.
i may not have lovely clothes
but i can make love to you
and i may not be beautiful as a rose
but i know when love is true.
i may not have a beautiful body
but it is still kept on view
and i may not be small and often in the nuddy
but my affections are on cue
so if you rate your love on looks alone
i think I'll just leave and tarry
because you heart is colder than stone
your the type for me not to marry.