Here’s to the doormen,
The porters, the waiters,
The plumbers, the cabbies,
The exterminators…
Here’s to the teachers,
The nannies, the nurses,
Performers and artists
And writers of verses…
Here’s to the athletes,
The mailmen, reporters,
The chefs and the police force
And climate supporters…
Here’s to the builders
And tour guides and cleaners
And research assistants
And medical screeners…
Here’s to repairmen
And bakers and drivers
And farmers and shepherds
And all of the strivers
Who put in the effort,
Most times, to the letter,
To help make our lives
(And their own) so much better.
If lawyers get de-barred and clergymen de-frocked
Does it naturally follow and make sense
That electricians are de-lighted and cowboys de-ranged?
Need some answers, no sitting on the fence!
Can a motorist be de-fined, or a balloon be de-flated
This silliness surely must stop
Do dead mailmen de-liver, are old ships de-ported
Better stop before I call a burly cop
Do musicians get de-noted, dry cleaners de-pressed?
Now hold on, I'm getting quite upset
Can models be de-posed, do tree surgeons de-bark?
Haven't heard any answers as yet
Do skirts get de-pleted, has your hair been de-parted?
This must be some kind of a plot
Artists quit by de-sign, symphonies de-compose?
I think about de-strings a lot!
The mailman in the city
Walks the streets with all his mail
And in each apartment lobby,
He leaves letters, without fail.
Where the buildings tower skyward,
He walks less to do his route,
For with endless boxes waiting,
He needs hours to work it out.
In the suburbs or the country
Mailmen drive from door to door,
Dropping bills and correspondence
And occasionally more.
But no matter their surroundings,
City streets or grassy grounds,
Neither rain nor sleet prevents them
From completing all their rounds.
My dog is a professional napper.
No one naps as hard as he does.
With one eye open, he furiously snores.
Because of his large body, some give him a wide berth.
Even though his eye is open, he is asleep.
I reassure mailmen, but they stop when they see his size.
He weighs one hundred and seven pounds.
He is as friendly as an exuberant pony.
He’s like my mother, I tell them.
Come on ahead! Nothing wakes him up.
As they get closer, they begin to tiptoe.
Sometimes they will throw my package to me.
I think it amusing and amazing.
They do not know that you can sleep with an eye open.
I know though because my mother used to sleep with both eyes open.
I wish I was exaggerating, but this is a true story.
dogs on vacation filling up the beach with warm barks
dobermans, german shepherds, prissy poodles that cause sparks
husky and rottweiler are sharing a purple lounge chair in the sun
excited corgis begin a volley ball game; this is all kinds of fun!
bulldogs and blue heelers, tripping around in the moist sand.
perky dogs with fluffy tails that are wildly frenzied and fanned.
chihuahuas and yorkies and there is a beagle with a howl.
this would not be the place for a kitten or fowl.
let’s vacation on down to the Vermosa beach
and drink some cold water with slight taste of peach
here comes a striped surfboard and a jet ski too
unhappy mailmen fall from the sky, out of the blue
Time for some more sillies
“D'ya know what burns my ass?
A flame about THIS high!”
Heard it before?, I ask
Got about a million of 'em
Stay tuned, here's some I chose
“If a cow laughs really hard
Does milk come out its nose”?
“Do vegetarians eat animal crackers”?
“Is it good if a vacuum sucks”?
Did I just hear you say “what groaners”
That's why I'm paid the big bucks!
“Do bald men wash their shiny heads
With bar soap or shampoo”?
Good question never thought about it
Shinola is what they should use!
“Does a mailman deliver his own mail”?
Do we actually still have mailmen?
“Why say 'bye bye' but not 'hi hi”?
Never thought of it, dear friends
“If feathers tickle us human beans
Do feathers tickle birds”?
“Do deer only cross at those yellow signs”?
Now that is totally absurd!
Time for some more sillies
“D'ya know what burns my ass?
A flame about THIS high!”
Heard it before?, I ask
Got about a million of 'em
Stay tuned, here's some I chose
“If a cow laughs really hard
Does milk come out it's nose”?
“Do vegetarians eat animal crackers”?
“Is it good if a vacuum sucks”?
Did I just hear you say groaners
That's why I'm paid the big bucks!
“Do bald men wash their heads
With bar soap or shampoo”?
Good question, never thought about it
Shinola is what they should use!
“Does a mailman deliver his own mail”?
Do we actually still have mailmen?
“Why say 'bye bye' but not 'hi hi”?
Never thought of it, dear friends
“If feathers tickle us human beans
Do feathers tickle birds”?
“Do deer only cross at those yellow signs”?
Now that is totally absurd!
© Jack Ellison 2013
If lawyers get de-barred and clergymen de-frocked
Does it naturally follow and make sense
That electricians are de-lighted and cowboys de-ranged?
Need some answers, no sitting on the fence!
Can a motorist be de-fined, a balloon's mood de-flated
This silliness surely must stop
Do dead mailmen de-liver, are old ships de-ported
Better stop before I call a burly cop
Do musicians get de-noted, dry cleaners de-pressed?
Now hold on, I'm getting quite upset
Can models be de-posed, do tree surgeons de-bark?
Haven't heard any answers as yet
Do skirts get de-pleted, has your hair been de-parted?
This must be some kind of a plot
Artists quit by de-sign, symphonies de-compose?
I think about de's things a lot!
© Jack Ellison 2013
There won’t be mail on Saturdays;
The P.O.’s cutting back.
Surprisingly, the news was met
With very little flack.
For fewer things come in the mail;
Most pay their bills online,
Although the mailmen still deliver
Whether rain or shine.
A very distant memory
Within my mind holds sway,
Of postal workers showing up
Two times in just one day.
Perhaps I just imagined that
But it’s not all that strange,
Another fine example of
The ways that things can change.
This new rule won’t affect me, though –
I’ve had a little peek,
And luckily, my birthday’s in
The middle of the week.
I’m sure that in the years to come
They’ll cut the mail again
And so we all should celebrate –
Five days of mail – amen!
Rufus: Irish Rover Purebred and a Fortune 500 Pup ( As told by Rufus himself.)
Watch me snarl all the salesmen away,
ram the door, keep the mailmen at bay.
Each evening, I break
for a fresh T-bone steak.
The sun shines on my ass the WHOLE day.
I need a man
Not like just anyone needs a man
It’s a clench up and feel the pounce kind of need
When they walk by like bait, smelling so good
From mailmen to cashiers to Mennonites on their bikes
Dr. Whosit gave me some things to help me feel happy
One thing made me feel like a crackhead
The other like a slug
I just need love
I just need somebody
Some man body beside me
On the couch
In the car
Someone to tell my stupid things to and make the day go by
And love me
I sit on my porch in my heart printed sleeping pants hoping someone will come by
Looking for me
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