Knock all you want till you break down my door
Knock all you want till it aint there no more
Knock all you can till the wind burns your back
Knock all you can till the wood starts to crack
Knock all you will till you forget to see
Knock all you will till you give up on me
Knock all you please till your eyes start to cry
Knock all you please till the plants start to die
Knock all you can till the birds stop there song
Knock all you will till the silence is gone
Knock all you please till the world ends its war
Knock all you want no ones home anymore.
I am grateful for knowing the difference between
losing hope…or choosing hope….
When we lose hope…nothing is possible….
When we choose hope…anything is.
He forgot
how his jaw
used to stretch
in loud laughter.
No mirrors
to watch his days—
just windows,
and distant eyes.
His beard trimmed
by finger’s feel,
a chunk missed
Here and there.
He looked well
in belts and socks,
even handsome
under the sun.
No one asked
if he still knew
the shaded glint
in his own eyes—
the torn shape
of manly lips
once easily thinned
in witty smile.
He dressed
in shiny clothes,
well ironed out
but creased inside.
Sometimes,
he caught a flicker
in silvery spoons
he barely looked.
And so he lived
like seamless shape,
without his twin
staring in mirrors.
I used to hear words of pain
I’m used to hearing words of defeat
In this traumatic drama of my life
I realise they no longer need a body
The spill from lips wide open
Stained on my mind
From previous beatings
They easily flow out of my own thoughts now
Barricading me in less self-worth
Spitting toxins, I now imagine in my own mind
They have plastered themselves on my skin
Fighting to sink into my soul
Selling words of anger
Doubt
Fear
Hate, Pain
Frustration
That I keep buying
Even with my last cent
As I become indebted to them
They have made me believe
I owe them now
A slice of my life
A piece of my soul
That without their unjustified torment over me
They haven’t wrung their last piece
Even now as I fight
And stretch like an amoeba
Trying to find my right form
To break free of them
To extend myself out of their reach
They tell me
‘We’…haven’t debited yet
Our fill is yet unmet
To win, a thrill that takes to flight,
Inspired by the conquered fight.
But even victors know this truth,
There's never triumph without ruth.
For those who give up on the quest,
Deny the chance to stand the test.
Lose, a sting that bites the soul,
Discouraged by the missed goal.
But let not sorrow cloud the sight,
For in the fall, there's hidden light.
Resilience blooms with tougher skin,
Opportunity to rise within.
Each battle lost, a lesson learned,
From stumbles, we are stronger turned.
Today I was asked to think of something nice to do for myself everyday
But I couldn't,
I froze I couldn't think of a single nice thing I'd want to do
I literally had nothing to say,
My suggestions covered good deeds for others but they didn't consider me,
Then it dawned on me
That I don't consider myself as worthy
Apparently
I don't value my upkeep in any format whatsoever,
So I dont actually care about me,
Which is heartbreaking in reality,
Somewhere along the line I lost that happy go lucky me,
Who is this person who now stands before me,
I do not recognise her anymore,
Nor does anyone else for that matter
This new persona isn't at all familiar,
I only wish I could go back to happier times,
But I feel trapped
Staring at somebody I used to no
A stranger who's lost and alone where's the girl I used to no!
Fail not, Time and season
Secretly, my ward faded
With unflinching fire attack
Want to speak
Don't want to confess
As Diamond and Gold tripe
Cloud the sky of my heart
I'm lost and scared to be found
Ouch, my heart got pirated
I began to trod in incur clat
The evening of me become blurry
I'm the Lion with the snail mind
My confidence weathered
Time and season waited in my closet
But I kept them wasted
I took the tick of time for illusion
As I journey with failure as companion
To get burnt on the way
Nothing more to fear
My heart has embraced it sore
The world seems lonely
Only for me to stand boldly
To see the new dawn, flowing
Through a new lucid
©? Laurethe
I may not be old,
but weary I am,
my body beat down,
ever since I was young.
But still I continued,
grabbed for my dream,
to heal others' torment,
to soothe peoples' wounds.
Yet life took a turn,
disease stole my brain,
no meds could reverse it,
I feel I'm to blame.
If I had fought harder,
and got someone to listen,
then maybe it wouldn't be,
such a salvage mission.
So as I'm at work,
helping the sick,
I fear all too soon,
I'll be labelled too thick.
Reserves of brain function,
all damaged and torn,
I can only pray one day,
that I'll be reborn.
I have so much to offer,
boundless love to release,
such mercy to pour down,
to help others find peace.
My years are pre-dained,
by my King above,
so whatever my destiny,
may I continue with love.
04.07.2022
( Written whilst lamenting over severe lupus and extensive brain damage - knowing that my strength can only come from my Father above)
Winning or loosing certain in contests
Testing only who is winning is unjust
Loosing protests
It was a long time ago
as this story lends
In my late 20's when i dated Nicky
if you could call it that
And I drove a claped out VW Beatle
can't even remember if i had a job
But i looked great in a white tailored shirt i was buff and in my prime at this time
But she had a child and though the passion was wild and we were a good looking couple
She needed and wanted more than that
and honestly in my heart of heart's i think i always new and understanded that
But it still took a long time getting over
when she left me and moved on
But for me what was heartbreaking was for and the baby the best
Because a mother has to do what's best and sometimes that supersedes love
Maybe that's why i still miss her and love her
But i am sure she is better off without me
He can normally smell a rat or two especially as
They rattle their cage when leaving the ship
Tastes defeat when they have won another day
Cuddles their clever escape of untouchable glory
The scent at the food bank tickles his hungry senses
Christmas choirs herald another day on the street
Before he digs in the trash for flavours of injustice
Compressed in a doorway he nudges his squeeze
Poverty exudes a strange fragrance of survival
Soundbites of austerity jingle in a jar bell of loss
He savours a few mouthfuls of leftover curry
Pinches his skin to decide whether he is still alive
His nostrils fill with indelible whiffs of rotten flesh
Voices in his head compete for a walk on part
From the take away menu distastefully priced
Then he doffs his cap and lets go of the rope …
13th December 2019
WORTHY WEALTH
In my dilemma
I saw no way to keep my Mama
On the wheel of wealth
And to keep my educational growth and health
But in the my furious fear of losing both
My Mama tapped me and said, ‘Akwasi, go to school’.
i am loosing the will to win this fight,
everything i do and nothing goes right,
pains in my legs and in my heart,
everything i do hurts real bad,
chasing a dream of someone i like,
chased her to fast,
that gave her a fright,
why do i do things so wrong,
things i touch does not turn to gold,
my legs are shaking and so is my hands,
no one sees this pain i have,
if only they knew they will understand,
why this fight is taking my hand,
tablets from doctors that never end,
all these meds go to my head,
not thinking straight and shaking hands,
the life i wanted i will never have,
if i had my life over again,
will i still have all these pains,
being so fit when i was young,
look at me now its went so wrong,
all i want is to put in the ground,
hate these pains that come around,
morning and night,
gave up on this fight,
people don,t see whats going on,
they say to me you must be strong,
how can i do that when in so much pain,
wish someone could just take it away,
thinking of some ways to go,
what do i say for story to be told,
why am i still here as don,t seem right,
i gave up on winning this fight,
I don't want to know
Or care about the detail's
The only thing I care about
Is whether or not ?
You are ok and alright ?
Otherwise i won't be able to sleep a wink tonight.
A tale of angels an' saints , heaven an' earth
Above all God's will to end and master my life
Loosing my freedom was yet th' greatest gift
For i before all nature was more beautiful hence
I dived to breathe only a mist of real life , true being
Prayer was the only truth i had left in me
I became a sign to never let go through all times
A lesson of love and sacrifice only for God
April, 05, 2019
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