Long Wrong side of the bed Poems
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AN INFAMOUS LEGEND
King Henry XIII was indeed quite a boy,
He had no clue how to spell the word coy,
He was consumed by a quest that
A wife bear,
And give birth to a male heir,
He was fat, red headed and
Dressed with flamboyant flair!
Not quite my thing,
For a ruling King!
He wedded his first wife Catherine of Aragon,
Who did not bear a son
And grew to loathe this noble lady
He had done!
Cromwell, Henry’s adviser was used,
And finally abused, he had
To ask parliament to pass a bill,
Which made divorce a common drill.
One morning King Henry got out of
The wrong side of the bed,
And had Cromwell beheaded,
The executioner had trouble
Severing his head!
This Bill made Henry, head
Of the Protestant faith.
The Pope excommunicated King Henry
From Rome,
A disliked King who sat on
England’s throne!
Catherine now belonged in the past,
Enter Anne Boleyn,
Their marriage was short and ill fated
For she was publicly beheaded!
In between marriages and wives,
Henry had affairs,
One wonders how far his seed was spread,
Let’s not split hairs,
Probably he could fill a today’s
Rugby stadium!
With his family jewels downstairs!
Jane Seymour, his third wife was
Was the love of his life,
She gave birth to an heir, a son,
But his beloved wife died,
Henry was sad and perhaps
A single tear dried!
Now Henry had a son,
But needed to still live his life
So he spied wife number four
Who willingly came to knock
On his door.
But Henry divorced Anne of Cleves,
Wow lucky lady!
And so entered wife number five,
Who was brave and plucky,
She had a short married life,
Tried and sentenced for treason,
This was an excuse for a reason
To have Catherine Howard beheaded,
Soon after they were wedded!
Congratulations to Catherine Parr,
For though she was the last,
She outlived the King by far,
And brought to rest his cast,
And lewd past!
In fifteen hundred and forty seven,
King Henry died,
We doubt he went to Heaven,
And was laid to rest next to Jane,
His third wife, and beloved bride.
Perhaps Henry's family jewels should
Have been shredded or beheaded,
And then he be remembered,
As an infamous legend.
I won't wake up to the constant ringing of the doorbell…
I ignore
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, looking like hell,
Once more
It's too hard to recognize your soft voice
In the chaos of my family's music choice
You used to do such dumb things to me
You accused me of being the fool too, I see
Days and weeks pass us by
And I try and I try and I try
To understand your point of view
I am truly confused just like you
Months and years go on by
And I cry and I cry and I cry
Out your name in the darkness
You don't hear my lonely distress
I'm the silence amongst the crowd
I'm the silence that won't speak aloud
But silence speaks too…
I don't want to hear your complaints about me all day and night
Change is a challenging chore
I won't let the sun shine down on me as I sweat a storm with fright
Open up the opportunity door
It's too hard to recognize your soft voice
In the chaos of my family's music choice
You used to do such dumb things to me
You accused me of being the fool too, I see
Days and weeks pass us by
And I try and I try and I try
To understand your point of view
I am truly confused just like you
Months and years go on by
And I cry and I cry and I cry
Out your name in the darkness
You don't hear my lonely distress
I'm the silence amongst the crowd
I'm the silence that won't speak aloud
But silence speaks too…
I silently shower upon me radiant relief
From this squalid grief...this cruel grief…
You should have heard me out in the brink of my unfailing demise
You laugh at me cuz you don't know the truth behind your lies
And I cry and I cry and I cry
Out your name in the darkness
You don't hear my lonely distress
I'm the silence amongst the crowd
I'm the silence that won't speak aloud
And I cry and I cry and I cry
Out your name in the darkness
You don't hear my lonely distress
I'm the silence amongst the crowd
I'm the silence that won't speak aloud
And I try and I try and I try
To understand your point of view
I am truly confused just like you
Know that my silence speaks too...
I had my 65th birthday on Monday.
Here are some things that were clarified for me by friends.
I hope it is a sign from God that I can still learn!
False, "erectile dysfunction" isn't a labor dispute at the
new high rise they are building downtown.
False, a "persistent vegetative state" doesn't send
representatives to the U.S. Congress and the Senate, it
does however describe the U.S. Congress.
False, Dr. Neil Clark Warren doesn't have the answer to
everyone's dating dilemma. He had a wonderful
transvestite, necrophiliac, faith-healer lined up for
me, but I got cold feet...................Imagine.
True, the only media entity getting lower ratings
than me and my poetry on PoetrySoup, is MSNBC.
False, Chevy Chase isn't one of the tracks they visit
on NASCAR's Sprint Cup Series.
False, we don't subscribe to the theory that premarital sex
will make you go blind. At my age, it is called "Pre-
Interment-Sex" and I wear bifocals already, anyway.
True, I was really feeling a little low about turning 65
and all, but then I saw Hillary Rodham Clinton on the
tube. Now, I feel like the King of the World!
True, there will never be a clear winner in the battle of the sexes.
True, if you woke up on the wrong side of the bed
this morning, you still "woke up." Be happy!
True, I will never write any of this opinionated drivel
on PoetrySoup again for fear I get banned. If you
believe that................
Happy April Fools Day Soupers, don't take ya-self too serious
Ever put a wrapper in your mouth and thrown the *sweet in the bin?
Or awoken abruptly, not sure which day you’re in?
Tried to call out a name but shouted someone else’s instead?
Or tried to get through a day out o’ the wrong side of the bed?
Have you ever day dreamed and lost an hour or so?
Gone past a speed camera and forgot to go slow?
Walked into a toilet, meaning the other gender instead,
To walk straight back out with a face beaming red?
Waved at a stranger but it’s not who you thought
Then crossed the road in a bid to abort?
Or walked down the street heading the wrong way
Then gone around the houses than turn ‘round straight away?
Or put on odd socks so when you cross your legs
Where one is blue and one black at the end of your pegs?
Got letters of words the wrong way around, hence
When they came from on your lips they midn’t dake sense?
Walked into a glass panel you just didn’t see
And everyone thinking ‘yeah that could have been me!’
Struggled with a door that refuses to budge,
When you were pulling not pushing, it just needed a nudge?
‘Have you ever’ is a phrase we all recognise
Hence the above will not come as a total surprise!
*sweet in the UK is same as candy.
What’s the kindest thing you can say,
about someone who’s not really nice
Compliment them in an obtuse fashion,
blunt talk wouldn’t be the right approach
Sometimes it’s hard to find
pleasant words
to describe somebody’s foul disposition
Oh, they just got up on the wrong side of the bed
Euphemistically speaking
that phrase was rather well said
Trying not to insult a person’s intellect,
can leave you groping for tasteful words
Sensitivity speaks with a thousand nuances,
each shade made for honesty to be received
He’s a couple cards short of a full deck
Euphemistically speaking,
your verbiage was rather circumspect
Turning vinegar piss into honey-flavored cider,
it takes master linguistic skill ...
even still, it may not always be effective
Some people won’t take criticism,
though given in the most respectful way
Euphemisms are politely stated aphorisms
The customer is always right
Euphemistically speaking,
it was expressed with rather delicate insight
Even when someone is wrong as two left shoes,
wrong as laughing lustily at bad news
Euphemistically speaking,
that’s what a mentally challenged person is prone to do
Have you ever had one of those days
On the wrong side of the bed, bad days
When everything right went wrong
Cause the ding had lost it's dong
Ouch, Mr. Sun came peeking in
Up from bed and banged your shin
Leaky, full toilet overflowed
Damn, you stubbed your other big toe
Times like this: don't you love those days
Hardly anything seems to go your way?
Is little Johnnie turning green
Splat! Is that doggie ice cream?
Gas oven took a dump
Everyone’s oatmeal was in clumps
The kids were late AGAIN for school
Wasn’t that traffic cop a tool?
Oh, you should've just stayed in bed!
Rolled back over and called in dead…
Shoot! An hour late for work
Emptied Starbucks on your shirt
Dare you ask how this could get worse?
Others think you're such a jerk.
Next, the boss comes barging in
Tells you,"Look for work again"
Everything was going wrong
Vacation's gonna be a little long
Even your wife’s rope is at an end
Now she says, "Let's just be friends"
An asteroid fell from the skies
Smashed the beer between the thighs
Kick yourself for getting out of bed
a fun collaboration with the incomparable Tom Quigley
MONDAY
Woke up on the wrong side of the bed,
There's a mind numbing pain at work in my head.
Wash my hair and comb my face,
Something died in my mouth, where's the toothpaste?
Grab a quick bite of breakfast and rush out the door,
Can't find my car keys, they fell on the floor.
Finally find them and start the car,
I'm gonna be late, well that's about par.
Hit every stop light on the way to work,
Look down and notice there's a stain on my shirt.
Forgot to let Spike out, he's crossing his legs,
Have to go back, this morning's the dreggs.
The absolute bottom, the pitts, it's the worst!
What else could happen, it seems that I'm cursed!
Wait a minute, it's Monday, first day of the week,
No wonder this day has begun so bleak.
Come ahead Monday, get it over with now!
I've got bon bons and chocolates and a little brown cow,
To soothe and to comfort my poor shattered nerves,
And to bind and to buffer the slings and the curves;
Do your worst Monday,
Come on, have a fit,
You can't scare me,
I have chocolate!
Judy Ball
(Afterall, chocolate is an emotional band aide)
Have you ever had one of those days
On the wrong side of the bed, bad days
When everything right went wrong
Cause the ding had lost it's dong
Ouch, Mr. Sun came peeking in
Up from bed and banged your shin
Leaky, full toilet overflowed
Damn, you stubbed your other big toe
Times like this: don't you love those days
Hardly anything seems to go your way?
Is little Johnnie turning green
Splat! Is that doggie ice cream?
Gas oven took a dump
Everyone’s oatmeal was in clumps
The kids were late AGAIN for school
Wasn’t that traffic cop a tool?
Oh, you should've just stayed in bed!
Rolled back over and called in dead…
Shoot! An hour late for work
Emptied Starbucks on your shirt
Dare you ask how this could get worse?
Others think you're such a jerk.
Next, the boss comes barging in
Tells you,"Look for work again"
Everything was going wrong
Vacation's gonna be a little long
Even your wife’s rope is at an end
Now she says, "Let's just be friends"
An asteroid fell from the skies
Smashed the beer between the thighs
Kick yourself for getting out of bed
3/24/16
Collaboration with Daniel Turner
Ignorance is bliss said the uneducated Miss
Take the tiger by the tail, and then give a hiss.
A snake in the grass thought outside of the box
You can’t judge a book by its cover, said the ox.
Like a kid in the proverbial candy store
Good things come to those who wait said Moore.
In the nick of time there was a loose cannon swarm.
All together it became the perfect storm.
Cliques are like cans of worm said a tiny newborn.
But like all God’s favorite things, every rose has a thorn.
Grandma said, “The apple does not fall far from a tree.”
She was referring of course, to that arrogant baby, Little Lee.
What goes around comes around, Daddy interjected.
That’s the pot calling the kettle black, Mom said, feeling rejected.
No sense in beating a horse to death, said the uneducated Miss.
The grass is always greener on the other side. She blew them a kiss.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, they told Uncle Hank.
But now he felt dead as a doornail, he was sweet on Miss Lank.
He must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed someone said.
If only walls could talk! Hank lamented. His face was quite red.
Dolphins and unicorns
Butterflies and rainbows
These are underlying
But not all there is to know
While facing trials and sorrow
Taking good with bad I guess
With every thought and feeling
That I’ve chosen to express
Although I see the silver
That outlines the cloudy facts
As human being I must admit
That I’m just built like that
I never could imagine
That this voice would be so hard
In fact it’s not a choice at all
I’m forced to play these cards
I’ll paint the sky with sunshine
While the system I explore
But if the day converts to rain
The storms won’t be ignored
The thunder might be muting
As in silence I release
Not meant to flood the eardrums
But to wet my soul with peace
The wrong side of the bed sometimes
Can sound just like a cockatoo
Permit this broken record or switch off
As I can never do
The place that keeps me sane within
Though sheltered far from evil
Pretentious surface smiles aside
Inside there’s great upheaval
I'd hope to stay on wishful clouds
of love until the end of days
Though realistically I know
Life doesn’t work that way