Long Tories Poems
Long Tories Poems. Below are the most popular long Tories by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Tories poems by poem length and keyword.
I am seeing health specialists over a serious concern,
for a year I've had a sick note which says I can't work,
always paying less benefit than they say I should earn,
and it's now mandatory for me too do a job search
and they'll sanction my benefit, if I don't search I won't earn,
but I'm ill seeing specialists who see a reason to observe
for an entire year Vasculitis has been their word
my blood says I have it but the source is a search
until found they can't treat me and that's why I can't work
paying me less than they state I deserve
and then docking it all because I don't look for work
even though I've a sick note and specialist concern
because Eton doesn't teach what real people learn
Labour just take shots at Tory failure,
they could make a plan that shows me my savour,
and the Lib Dems are who what when where when what who no wa
COME UP WITH A PLAN THAT GOES FORWARD AND BE A PLAYER,
Cameron cut benefits like Boris but before
so you should have a plan as it happens once more
The TORIES want me dead, they don't want me poor,
cutting corners without a clue, as they did once before
We don’t like it when you talk back.
We’re in power, so we’ll have less of that.
Protest because of our lies and fascist policies.
Well, I don’t know if you plebs understand where the power is!
You see if you talk back it means you’re standing up to all our lies and our crap.
If you create a scene by standing up together, well that means that you could eventually control the power!!!
Because we’re Tories and we lie for a living. We just want you to keep on giving. So we’ll screw you hard and tax everything. We’ll make you plebs suffer with this ‘cost of living’
But if you stand up in mass and numbers. We’ll get really scared and hide in our fridges. Because the only thing that can stop the flow is the vehement look in your eyes when you plebs act in crowds. A general action will bring us to our knees because our billionaire backers will lose money.
In 2010 just before the General Election, David Cameron promised,
To eradicate the deficit by 2015 and manoeuvre it out of the red,
But now in 2015 George Osbourne the Chancellor of the Exchequer said,
He’d take until 2020 to make it black and put the whole thing to bed.
The tories are rather behind at “finishing the job”, as a stalwart Brit would,
This was the character alluded to who would nicely fit the role,
Of managing the deficit well, efficiently and with maximum speed,
Such that austerity can be justified when we only spending what we need.
The newspapers are saying that it will take another 10 years,
To clear the deficit such that austerity is not on the table, a possibility;
Labour and the SNP advocate a longer time for financial health,
Which would be much better for economic growth and future wealth.
First, you need to mix the potion.
You must read the instructions very carefully
You don’t want to be summoning up any old witch.
So make sure it’s the October manual.
Especially as we know what happened last year.
How you got October mixed up with November is nobody's business.
But my god, when I saw the fire brigade heading to the House of Parliament, I just thought to myself, what has the idiot done this time.
Now I know what you’re going to say.
What about that little corporal guy you summoned up.
Okay, I take that on board, he looked harmless enough, little pencil moustache set him apart from the usual riff-raff.
How the hell was I to know he wanted to rule the world.
Just goes to show you.
Nearly lost my brewing licence over that.
Then you went for, in your own words, that guy who makes people laugh.
Atila for fun.
Are you dyslexic or what.
The grief that caused
Another warning handed out.
So let's have a look at the screw-ups over the years, see if we can rectify them this year.
This is what you’ve summoned up so far.
Liz Truss
The Tories
The Teletubbies.
That guy who said, I didn’t have sex with that woman, that week.
European Union
Poetry soup Poets
You can see how the coven is not over the moon with this lot.
So, before you summon up anyone this year, I’m going to be looking over your shoulder, make sure you get it right.
Right, the mixture is brewing up fine, looking good.
Okay, begin the summoning up.
Oh, great spirit in the brew, sum us up something new.
Okay, looking good, coming through now.
A big blond dumb looking guy
Right, I like it, do you have a name for him.
Boris you think.
Looks like a Boris, I like it
But the main thing is.
He looks harmless enough...
A Brief Guide to the Tories
As practised in the UK
Grab what you can
Shall be the way
Life at the top
Seems to be a farce
When progress is made
By kissing ****
Brown paper envelopes
From he who affords
Can secure a seat
In the House of Lords.
Cutting benefits
While all the while
Heaping honours
On the Tax Exile
Look after their own
Seems the creed
Charity is there
For those in need.
The country run by
Ex red top hack
In what’s known as
Getting a country back
Turkeys voted for Christmas
Don't assume they always wll
So while we're in power
Get your fingers in the till
Grab what you can
Shall be the way
We’ll take our chances
Come Judgement Day.
Written in the time of the unlamented Boris Johnson, but still relevant
You hear it from your neighbour
And on the street as well
So do yourself a favour
Forget the news they tell
But what may seem most funny
Regardless what you think and do
You can’t fool your money
More than your money can fool you
You can buy more expensive
Work more, rest a bit less
See your hard-earned finances
Cost cheaper than you guessed
You saved more than your mummy
But no matter what you do
You can’t fool your money
More than your money can fool you
Vote Tories or vote Labour
Support the refugees
Or don’t vote anymore
Share none of your hard fees
Go get some milk and honey
But whatever you may do
You can’t fool your money
More than money can fool you
You can pay more of tax
Use less of health support
You can get a full relax
At some pebble beach resort
Book for a week most sunny
A room with a sea view
Checked out, count your money
You’ll see who’s fooling who
Although you know the rules
It goes like you can’t win
More money make more fools
They live under your skin
You know it’s not so funny
You can say that it’s not true
But you can’t fool your money
More than your money can fool you..
Woke up this morning.
Woke out of sleep.
Woke on the radio.
Woke on TV.
Read about fascists.
Read about greed.
Read about people starving.
Read with my eyes, free thoughts in my mind indeed.
Oh, that’s so woke of me!
Woke made a sandwich.
Woke had a cup of tea.
Woke fed the birds.
Woke sent money to charities.
Woke helped an old lady.
Woke gave a tenner to a homeless stranger in need.
Woke wore a face mask when woke went shopping.
Woke heard the tories lying, lying, lying.
Woke went home to a house woke bought and payed for with hard earned money.
Woke made a meal with his woke family.
Woke relaxed with some commonwealth games on TV.
Woke went to bed where woke dreamed of of the end of the fascists ruling me.
Have pity on the Scott’s ruled
By the Brexit voting sassenach
Who don’t seem to understand
We too want out country back.
Arbroath Smokies for breakfast
Porridge seasoned with salt
Kedgeree, Haggis, neaps and tastes
With wee drams of single Malt.
Pints of Heavy Friday nights
The working weeks end
Words of wisdom swapped
With true and blethered friend.
Fish and taties frae the chippie,
Deep fried Mars Bar to follow
Just to round off the night
A sweet delight to swallow.
Then the planning to drive
The Sassenachs from our soil,
Take back all our fish and
What’s left of North Sea oil.
Home Rule For Scotland
Restore our law and Order
Keep those thieving Brits
To their side of the border.
We'll gladly offer asylum
To those few of sound mind
Who want to up sticks and leave
Those heathen Tories far behind.
Let them keep their wee King
They’re always asking God to save
We’ll have the massed pipe bands
Loudly playing Scotland the Brave
Goodbye United Kingdom
Land of thieving Tory
Living on faded memories
Of Passed hope and glory.
Scotland the Brave
Scotland the free
Goodbye puny England
We’re all so well shot of thee
I wish I was a Tory,
It would be another story,
So much simpler not to care
Or have to be aware
Of how other folks must strive
To make a crust to stay alive.
I could keep my privileged indifference
Surrounded by a picket fence
I wouldn't have to own the knowledge
(Whilst enjoying Heston's snail porridge)
That paupers are dying on NHS trolleys
I could just enjoy my hard earnt lolly,
Keeping my guilt edged share portfolio
Guilt free and safe offshore
(Like Rees Mogg, Gove and BoJo) so
That my net worth will appreciate
And HMRC won't be able to deviate
The profits accrued from fracking
To subsidise those who are plainly lacking
Any acumen or entrepreneurship
As a Tory I could safely worship
At the altar blessed by Thatcher, Zuckerberg and
Branson,
As I stack up my king's ransom,
A monument to personal wealth,
Built without any heed to the health
Of the welfare scroungers or the planet
A social conscience? They should ban it!
Let's get on and get the bull done,
Disposable wealth is supposed to be fun,
What's the point in being a Tory
If you're hamstrung by one nation rhetoric?
Yoghurt knitting tree huggers make me really
sick,
'It's for the money, not for you'
Is the motto of my Tory crew,
so go hug a hoody if you will,
My snout is staying firmly in the swill!
We’ve got remainers moaning like little twitches
whining away at democratic wishes,
politicians shone bright in true lies,
selfish gains over public cries.
May Day,
May Day,
May’s way’s a crisis,
everyone’s telling her, “we just don’t like this”,
they don’t like the view envisioned ahead
few submissions of an alternative get read.
There’s the moron Corbyn a political calamity,
many adore him, I’m like “how can it be”,
leading Labour with a Royal Vendetta,
come on you reds you can do better!
This Brexit palaver needs to meet its ends,
remainers keep meeting to protest like bellends,
we’re in it together, we’re all friends,
Brexit's feeding us "offending trends".
It’s clear we need a new political manager,
not Corbyn though, he’s an amateur,
UKIP a broken unit and gone
the Lib Dems live in a state of mong
we all know the Tories have got it wrong,
soon protest parties where they don't belong.
Millions of experts that are not in office
critising like the option's obvious,
whilst behaving in ways mostly pathetic,
these "know it alls" only ever the electorate.
And I can see even the cabinet crappin’ it,
the world's watching Brexit,
we need to start blaggin' it!