Long Swatters Poems

I am just finishing my morning meditation when I hear my doorbell ring. It actually sounds more like that buzzing sound you hear if you fry a fat fly on one of those electronic bug...

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OK  Let’s get started, huh?
Well, ladies and gentlemen, on this sad occasion, it is my painful duty to welcome 
You all to the farewell meeting convened in honour of our beloved Uncle Hector. 
We...

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(continued from PART  ONE)


Why I’ve seen him countless times, regurgitate old dog faeces onto fresh bread  
And listened  to his quiet voice exhorting me to do the same. 
This fly was a...

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Poet heads up: No real spiders were used in the making of this poem.

All females sitting on a plane,
with the male pilot at the helm,
were sitting there having a drink
and chatting on their way to
a...

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Most of the time I am thinking about my pets
Pets others have dumped out 
Pets who should probably have therapy but don’t.

One of them is a large pony dog we named Buddy.
He was dumped two...

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I refuse to babysit any more of your litters I told the McCats.
They begged, and pleaded, and complimented me on my flats.
Oh man. I am easy. A parrot who does not ever say “no”.
How far...

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Oh fly my insect friend
I love you above all things
No one ever really understood why
They took your wings off one at a time
It is hard to get about without them
Walking is difficult too 
When they...

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summer's plentiful
houseflies eat cat food, dog poop....
slurp coffee, cough, spit  


These past three summers have been awful for houseflies and blowflies coming inside my home every time a door is opened. I use fly...

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